Thursday, 26 December 2013

Back on the Horse

My libido has been down a little the past few weeks. I suppose that's no surprise given my breakup with Allen, but on the plus side I seem to be bouncing back more quickly. I haven't really started looking for a new lover yet, but I have been thinking about the occasional casual hookup from CL. They don't really satisfy the need, but they're good for scratching an itch, and I feel so delightfully dirty and slutty afterwards. I think there's a time and a place for everything!

This time instead of placing a new ad, I decided to go with a known quantity. My "relationship" with Brian is way out of character for me. I know his first name and that he owns his own business which is obviously relatively nearby, because he can come over on short notice. But I don't even know if he's married or single, and I don't think I've ever kissed him. Honestly, I don't really care. I love to have my pussy licked; Brian loves licking pussy. So, it works :) I find myself uninterested in seeing him when I have a lover, because it's almost like using him just like a sex toy. But he is quite good at what he does!

So, I asked him over for a visit. I brought out one of my favourite new toys, a Tantus silicone vibrating dildo. It really plays into my MFM fantasies to have my clit licked while I'm being fucked with a dildo. I cum so hard... It was certainly a pleasurable hour or so :) We didn't have sex- he just gave me what I wanted, thanked me, and left :)

Then Mark texted me to ask if it was safe to come home, so after I said goodbye to Brian I changed the sheets and waited for Mark to come home so I could climb on his cock. He loves it when I'm so wet we can just fuck with no foreplay, although of course he made me orgasm several times.

I love fucking more than one person in a day. So dirty... but so sweet.

Monday, 23 December 2013

A Little Healthy Competition

The title is a bit misleading, because we already know who has won. But on the other hand... Mark knowing that another man can rock my world certainly inspires him to step up his game a bit and I love that! He has become more interested in pussy licking lately, and while it's still not his favourite thing to do, he's gotten much more skilled. I'm really happy and impressed :) Last night we had some bedrockingly awesome sex after he made me orgasm over and over... he was so impatient to slide his cock in my dripping wet, aching pussy that I didn't even get to suck it! Oh well- I'm sure I'll have plenty of other opportunities :)

We also got into the fantasy talk a little bit. He's really started to enjoy a little kink in our sex life. He's not into the power exchange which I really crave... but I can certainly enjoy what I've got! And he's actually meeting some of my needs for service submission, which is awesome (don't tell him I said that, he thinks of it as trying to make me happy and my life easier... so the exact same thing. But he'd hate the name!). I wake up and all the chores are done. So happy!

But I got off topic again! He's been asking me to do some dirty things to him and I love it. He begged me to slap his face, which was really, really hot. Afterwards, though, he said he thinks that was a one time thing LOL! Apparently I have quite the arm. He's also told me he'd love to do some bondage and watersports again, and I find that a real turn on. Playing with my husband can be a lot of fun even if it's missing the submission. What I have is pretty good!

Opening our marriage has really been awesome for our sex life. Not only do we have sex much more frequently, but we're both better sex partners now. I've learned some new tricks, and I've had some used on me that I could teach him. We're both more open minded and willing to explore each other's fantasies. It's been a really, really positive thing for our relationship. That doesn't even mention the better trust and communication we've had to develop to make things work.

So my New Year's resolution for this year... Have sex. Lots of it. With lots of different people, but especially my husband, because I love him so much. And I do love fucking him!

Sunday, 8 December 2013

First Steps

Paula and I have been texting pretty much nonstop since Friday... it's been really hot. And she just turns me on to no end. Her submissiveness is so powerful and it makes me want to do the most awful things to her. It makes it very difficult to behave myself!

So I invited her over tonight, and we knew we were going to have sex. The buildup had been intense already and I had been fantasizing about having her mouth on my pussy all day long. She got here, and I showed her the latest pictures I'd added to my Tumblr while thinking of her. I gently ran my fingers up her spine and along the back of her neck while she watched... her voice cracked a little while she looked at the pictures and told me she liked them. I felt her breathing get more ragged and made her tell me that she was picturing us doing those things. Then I asked her if she'd like to join me upstairs.

We kissed... and I told her I thought she was wearing far too many clothes. She asked me what I wanted and I told her to strip down to her bra and panties. She was wearing pink- I had told her it was my favourite colour. Beautiful. I had put on some blue silk and black lace lingerie, but knew it wouldn't stay on long. I told her I'd been imagining her licking my pussy all day long, and that I wanted her to do it until either she couldn't anymore, or until I asked her to stop. And she did! I really enjoyed her attention. She doesn't have Allen's talent, but I don't imagine very many people do. I did have some nice orgasms, though!

When I asked her to stop, I told her to come up to see me and I kissed the taste of my pussy off her lips. I always enjoy that scent on my partner's face because it makes me think of what they were doing. So hot! I had her lie down beside me, took off her bra, and I pulled a couple of toys out of my toy box. I told her we were going to take it very slowly... I put my wrist cuffs on her, but I didn't lock them, and I clipped them together but didn't attach them to anything. She looked so sexy in them!

Her breasts are so full and gorgeous and her nipples were rock hard. I really enjoyed kissing down her throat and licking them and biting her nipples. I attached clothespins to her nipples before I kissed my way down her body and took off her panties. And then it was time to dive in and enjoy her very wet pussy. I don't have much experience with women- it wasn't very many years ago when I was sure I'd never be interested in fucking a woman. Then I had my FMF and enjoyed that, and lately I suppose I've either been curious or just more open to the idea. So when I found a woman I was attracted to, why not?

I really need more practice, though! I know I'm good with cocks- I've sucked and fucked a lot of those :) But this was my first time really trying to please a woman. I fingered her G spot and she really seemed to enjoy that while I licked her pussy, and I went looking for her A spot as well afterwards. I am not sure that was what it was, but as long as she was reacting the way she did, I think I did okay :) We cuddled afterwards and I stroked her hair and we chatted. I just need to get more practice so that I'm as confident with women as I am with men. But hey, nobody started out perfect, and I'm motivated to improve.

We spent an hour just chatting and hanging out... I didn't try to dominate her, although somehow we both started to get turned on again during our chat. If it wasn't so late, we might have gone back upstairs for another round! She's told me that she wants me to use a crop on her, and I told her perhaps another time. We have more talking to do before we get to that point. But the thought is so damn sexy!

Still not sure where this is going, but it's only been a few days. I'm looking forward to finding out, though.

Saturday, 7 December 2013

I Kissed A Girl (And I Liked It!)

Boy, life moves quickly sometimes! I was rather wondering how long the heartbreak was going to last this time before I was ready to get back into taking chances with my heart again. Apparently, not all that long! I've been really down lately because life has been stressful... and then I met Paula.

I have lately considered myself bisexual. I've been sexual with women, but I generally don't think of them romantically. So I suppose the accurate term for that is heteroflexible. But, perhaps I hadn't met the right woman?

As usual, I considered posting an ad for a casual hookup on Craigslist. I'm not really sure why I always think of that after a breakup, because it really doesn't work. But, I suppose there's nothing wrong with an orgasm or two, so long as my head understands that's all it is and I'm not trying to fill that relationship hole. I did actually post one, but decided not to go through with it.

And then I happened to meet someone that I felt that immediate click with- and go figure, it was a woman. We have a lot in common, vanilla-wise, and she responds so well to the innate dominance in my personality. I was so turned on with her sitting next to me on the couch, blushing and demurely looking down... it pulled out all the aggression and possessiveness that I've had to keep suppressed for so long. I wanted to make her mine. I wanted to beat her until she had tears running down her beautiful face, and then make her cum until she screamed. Deep breaths. One day at a time!

I'm not sure how this will work out or where it will go... but the thought of a collar around her throat turns me on like nobody's business. I know I'm more attracted to men than to women, and I don't know quite how much I am going to miss a cock instead of toys (although I've always said I'd give up penetration in favour of oral if I had to, and I certainly have no shortage of toys!)... but I'm wondering how much the power exchange will make up for that. Because wow, that's intense. I had that lovely first date high last night and all through today. And I know she's very much interested in pursuing something with me. So I guess we'll see where it goes!

Mark, of course, is turned on by this like crazy. Typical man! I told him Paula's a lesbian so she wouldn't be interested in him at all. He still loves the idea of me playing with her or having sex with her. Pervert ;)

Sunday, 1 December 2013

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Well, one of the negative aspects of polyamory is that secondary relationships are often ephemeral; they can be intense and amazing, but fizzle out quickly. But boy the fizzling part can be tough when the good part was so damn good.

Allen visited this weekend and we had a long talk. He told me that he cares about me very much and enjoys spending time with me, but he just doesn't have the time and money to invest in a long distance relationship like we have. He's noticed over the past five months that he doesn't have the time for his family and friends anymore since he's spending most of his downtime with me, and he likes to keep a sense of balance in his life. If I were local, he'd be happy to keep seeing me, but travelling to my city is expensive and time consuming. I can understand that, but it's hard to accept under the circumstances because things were just so good between us. But, just like I learned last time with Patrick, I'm sure another man will come along.

Although whenever I'm right in the pain of a breakup, it makes me question if it's even worth trying again. Because I know that a secondary relationship is not going to be for a lifetime- I'm already married, and happily so. I look for different things in secondary relationships. So this is going to happen again and again. I'm not good at protecting my heart- when I develop trust with someone, I give myself to them as wholly as I can. I want my relationships to be open and honest and fulfilling. And especially adding the D/s component... it adds another level of intensity for me. So leaving myself open to finding what I want means leaving myself open to this pain, and right now that's hard to accept.

Even knowing that Allen and I weren't looking for the same thing- I wanted a more intense D/s relationship possibly ending with a collar- what we had was good enough that I was willing to make tradeoffs. I can understand that he wasn't. But sometimes my heart and my brain don't speak the same language.

I'm not really sure what my plans for the next little while will be, but I don't plan to throw myself back into my search right away. I've actually taken down most of my profiles and I think I'll have a bit of a break. I know one thing I won't do will be to have a lot of casual sex. It didn't work last time and it's not going to work now.

It seems like every time I have a new relationship, I learn more things about myself, and more about my beliefs on relationships in general and what I want. I think I've also learned that I have a core belief that things do happen for a reason, and I just need to do some self examination to see what I need to take away from things this time. Perhaps when the pain recedes a little.

I can't wait for Mark to come home. I need my husband. He's the other half of me and I need to be in his arms.

Friday, 29 November 2013

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had a lovely birthday party that reminded me how awesome my friends are. Unfortunately Mark was away for work, but Allen came, along with some vanilla friends of mine. The best part is that my friends know I'm poly and kinky, and they're still awesome and accepting of my relationship with Allen. It truly was a fantastic night.

Allen made me a birthday cake. And not just any birthday cake- he made me a rather difficult and involved recipe upon being given a vague description of a dessert that I had loved from a fancy restaurant. Apparently the final version took him four hours to make, and that was the third trial run, not counting all the time he put into figuring out how to actually make some of the specialty ingredients. It made me feel really good :)

So obviously it was mostly just a regular party and not a crazy sex filled weekend, although there was some of that! If I'm with a partner I trust, I occasionally like to get really drunk and then have sex. So I had warned my friends in advance that I didn't want a super late night because I wanted to go home and get pissed and fuck. I loved that around midnight my best guy friend (platonic) looked and his watch and reminded me that I wanted to do that! Have I said again how much I love my friends?

And do I ever love drunk sex! Not that the sober stuff isn't pretty damn good... but I love that little extra push to keep me over the edge, to just enjoying the sensuality and experience. It's like it turns off all the stuff that's going on in my head and puts me entirely in the moment. We fucked for two hours... nothing kinky (I don't play when I've been drinking) but just lots of pleasure and moans and sweat and cum and all those lovely things. He licked my pussy until I came so many times that I had to ask him to fuck me before I stopped being able to talk. And then we fucked again and again before I sucked his cock and kissed him with his cum still in my mouth. I know I've said it before, but I love how he can cum again and again! It's like fucking the male equivalent of me :)

We woke up and had to have more sex before he went home, of course! We broke out one of the birthday presents that Mark bought me- a pink silicone Tantus dildo with a vibrating bullet. And damn, it's pretty sizeable! I bought it mostly for me, but with a vague idea to using it in my harness at some point, perhaps. I like pink and I'd been wanting a vibrating dildo because I was curious to see how it felt vibrating on the P spot in a man. But, for this morning, it was for me! I rode his cock while he used the bullet part on my clit, and then I was craving his tongue. It was so intense for him to lick my clit while he fucked me with that big vibrating dildo, I couldn't handle much before I was gasping and cumming hard. It was a lovely morning. I told him that I wanted him to jerk off onto my breasts and then lick the cum off me. It was funny when he commented afterwards that it was bitter. I suppose it tastes different when it's not coming out of my mouth? But it was really hot- I enjoyed it.

Ahh... life is good.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

My Thoughts on Polyamory

Over the past nearly two years of opening our marriage, I've seen a lot of my thoughts and beliefs change. It's funny, because you think you know yourself, but then you realize that perhaps you don't. I would love to hear from my readers for this post- please feel free to share your thoughts on what I've written, or your own beliefs on polyamory or polysexuality.

When I look back at my thoughts and desires when I was a teenager, I can trace back ideas that make me see I was probably open to the idea of polysexuality even then. But the one thing I could never imagine is that I would ever share my heart with more than one person. That aspect of my life was very black and white to me- I was certain that this was the way it was. Maybe a little fun and games, but loving only one man. Back then, anytime I became romantically interested in someone new, I lost interest in whomever I was dating at the time. I believed that I was just wired to be monoamorous.

In fact, my beliefs were so clearly defined in my mind, that I had trouble seeing things from other perspectives. It's a little embarrassing to look back and see how naive I was at the time. I'd hear about someone cheating and simply couldn't fathom it; if you didn't love someone anymore, why not just call it quits and then find someone that you do love? And of course, you couldn't love your partner and then go have an affair with someone else- that just wasn't possible.

I had a few interesting experiences while I was a teenager that made these beliefs more concrete in my mind. While I was dating my first serious boyfriend, I met someone new while on vacation. My relationship had been rocky, and I was instantly attracted to the new guy, in more than just a sexual sense. I did wind up having a fling with him that week, and never regretted it despite cheating on my boyfriend. When I examined the situation in my head, I realized I didn't love that boyfriend anymore, and that's why I didn't feel all that guilty about it. Yes, I know that was a rationalization, but I was 17 years old, and I'll be the first to admit that I didn't always make great decisions!

I met Mark seven months after that boyfriend and I broke up, and he and I also had that instant chemistry together. It's tough to describe, actually- there have been very few people in my life who I felt that they were there for a reason, but every time it's become something very meaningful to me. But, I digress! Mark and I had been dating for about a year, and we were living together at that point, when I found myself in a very similar situation as I did with my first serious BF. I was away from home, where no one knew me, and no one would ever know if I had sex with the smoking hot guy who made it clear he was very attracted to me. And oh, did I want to! My pussy was just dripping and tingles were running through my body while we flirted and casually touched. But I pictured Mark's face... and I made the decision to go back to my room alone. That was what really made me believe that I was in love with Mark, and that he was the right man for me. I didn't want anyone else.

If you've read my early blog posts, you'll know that my thoughts continued to evolve as Mark and I stayed together. I wrote erotica as a hobby, so he knew about all my "hidden" fantasies and desires. When the opportunity arose, to make a long story short, we jumped in, and added polysexuality to our relationship. Now, that was very clearly defined at the beginning; this was to be sex only- casual fun, with no strings attached.

Exploring my sexuality was so much fun! It was really exciting to go and flirt with strange men, knowing that if I wanted to fuck them, that I could. I really enjoyed the game, and it made me more confident, happier, and certainly broadened my sexual repertoire! I thought that this was perfect, that things couldn't possibly get any better than they were right then.

And then, they did. I fell in love with another man. I tried for a long time to deny that it had happened, that it was just amazing sexual chemistry, or new relationship energy, or something like that. But eventually I had to admit it to myself, even if I couldn't say it. And the craziest thing of all was that I noticed myself falling passionately in love with Mark all over again at the same time. Far from losing interest in him, our marriage became the strongest and most loving it had ever been. It was amazing- we had all the passion and desire and romance of a new relationship, but all the comfort and security and trust of an established marriage. That was the most wonderful feeling I've ever experienced, and Mark told me he'd never seen me as happy as I was that summer. I learned that falling in love with someone new didn't have to mean the end of the world; it just meant that I was going to explore my beliefs a little more.

The whole situation really took me by surprise, since I still instinctively rejected that poly label. Aren't people who are poly just not with the right person? It must mean they are selfish or not truly in love, or else they'd be satisfied with what they've already got, right? It's interesting to hold beliefs like that and then find yourself in that situation and see that they don't apply to you!

I was learning that this is also something that is part of me. It was like finding the last piece of a puzzle that I didn't even know I was missing. Having sex with other people is great, and I've really enjoyed exploring the physical aspects of my sexuality. I love experimenting and trying new things and hell, new cock is fun too! But this was meeting a deeper need for me. I always knew that I craved intimate connections with people, and I had some very close friendships, but I didn't realize how much happiness it would bring me to love more than one person. It makes me feel whole. I'm a better wife and a happier person when I'm in more than one romantic relationship. And it's not that Mark doesn't give me what I need, because he does. Our marriage is the rock that shows me that I am always supported and loved and accepted, and I can't help but love him all the more for that. Just like that moment so many years ago, I still don't want to be married to anyone else.

Life is good. I still like to enjoy the occasional new partner, or a FWB where there's no emotional attachment, but I find myself far more satisfied after an encounter with someone I have an emotional attachment with. I'm poly, and while I'm still learning what that means to me, I accept that side of myself. I don't know how I will continue to change on my journey, but I've really been enjoying the places that I've been so far.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Weekends Are Too Short...

I was so excited to be spending the weekend with Allen. It had been a few weeks because of vacation and other stuff, and I had really missed him. There weren't any kinky parties to go to this weekend, but I really enjoy that our relationship has a good bit of the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect as well. Sex is fun... a lot of fun. But there's more to developing a connection and intimacy with someone than just having sex with them. I've been thinking about writing a post about what polyamory means to me, and perhaps I'll do so this week if I have time. Comments are welcome, of course!

I got to his city on Friday, and he was waiting for me when I stepped off the bus. I saw other couples embracing, happy to see each other, and then he was taking me in his arms for a kiss. It makes me so happy just to be able to go out with him like in an ordinary relationship- there's no deception or being kept a secret, we can be open that we care about each other and enjoy spending time together.

It was, as usual, a wonderful weekend. We've been seeing each other for five months now, and it's still getting better. We had a pretty early night on Friday since we were both tired from work, so after we had dinner we went straight to bed. Although not to sleep! Either I was more sensitive than usual, or I'd just forgotten how good he was with his mouth and hands, because every touch was pure ecstasy. Pleasure simply doesn't describe how I feel when we're having sex. I love the sensation of cumming so hard and so many times that I can't think or talk, just feel so good. The orgasms get so intense after awhile that part of my mind is begging for him to stop because I don't think I can handle another, and the other part is wishing for him never to stop. Incredible.

On Saturday, Allen told me that there was a carnival in town, so we decided to go and spend the day there. Neither of us had been to one since we were kids, but we both thought it might make a fun date. Allen always has interesting and creative ideas for us to do together! We had a really nice time. There were cooking shows and stuff like butter sculptures and prizewinning vegetables and livestock. Lots of things to do and see. I enjoyed wandering around with him hand in hand.

But of course, after a day together, we were both eager to get back to his place to rip each other's clothes off! I was a little tired after our busy day, so although I brought a well stocked toybag I decided not to make much use of it this time. I did put my leather cuffs on him and fasten him to the bed while I kept him on the edge and sucked his cock. I love doing that... he had such a powerful orgasm when I finally let him cum. It makes me happy :)

Afterwards, it was my turn. I laid back on the bed and let him bring me to orgasm after orgasm. It was incredible. He knows about my MFM fantasy, so he used a dildo on me while he licked my pussy, and it was so intense. At the time I remember thinking that the real thing can't possibly be any better than this was, but I think it will be. The anticipation is delicious, though! Then we fucked three times. I love how Allen has such a short refractory period- it's so much fun knowing that I can make him cum and he can just keep going without even getting soft! He and I have a joke that we're both designed for sex- and boy, do we have an awesome time together! We fell asleep that night wrapped in each other's arms.

We woke up Sunday morning hungry for each other again, hands exploring while we kissed. We decided to try something new today. I have some fun fantasies for my MFM, and one of them is double penetration. I'd had some bad experiences in the past with anal sex though, so I didn't know if it would ever work for me. I trust Allen, though, and I know that if I changed my mind or decided to stop, it would stop right there. And much to my surprise... I enjoyed it. I had several orgasms with his cock in my ass, while he played with my clit. It didn't hurt at all, since he took his time and really got me warmed up first. I think I'd be open to trying it again.

The afternoon went by quickly, cuddled up in bed watching a movie. We were just getting started again when we took a look at the clock and realized that I had to leave soon to get home. It's always tough to say goodbye... but I can't wait to see him again!

Sunday, 3 November 2013


I forgot to tell you guys I was going on vacation :) Mark and I went to a resort in the Dominican Republic for a couple of weeks and had a really great time. It was so nice to just relax and decompress. We went with family, so we got less private time, but it was really good. And of course, made me look forward to our adults only trip in January!

Mark learned the trick about fingering the anterior fornix while he goes down on me, and boy did that crank me up a few notches! It was the way it's supposed to be; my excitement getting him more worked up. I don't think I'd ever seen him have an erection before while he licked my pussy, and it was awesome. I'm so glad that he was willing to try, and enjoy the trying! We rattled the walls a few times when we could steal some moments alone.

I haven't seen Allen since early October, I don't think I wrote about it but we got together for just one night and went to a low key (vanilla) party with some friends. Because of family obligations and then our trip, we haven't gotten together and communication was limited since I couldn't use my phone while we were on holiday without running up a bill the size of Godzilla. I am really looking forward to seeing him this weekend! Since we'd have had to stay at his house with limited privacy/noisemaking, I went on Priceline and booked us a cheap hotel for the weekend. I can't wait to see him again. And funny... I got the room for $69 a night. Ideas, anyone? ;)

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Happy Times!

Mark is finally home! I am so happy- it had been over three weeks since we'd seen each other, and not much conversation during that time due to his crazy hours. He's still pretty tired but just lying in his arms and kissing him makes me so happy. Mark is by far the best kisser I've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. I am sure that's due in part to us having a lot of experience kissing each other and knowing what we like... but kissing him always gives me the feeling of coming home and being full of love.

I love being in his arms. I love kissing him. I love his cock in my pussy. I love feeling his cum explode in my mouth. I love sitting with him and doing absolutely nothing. I am a very, very lucky woman!

Monday, 30 September 2013

Out of the Blue!

Well, that was a bit of a surprise! I hadn't seen Bobby in quite a long time, since he visits my area for work and because he'd had a death in the family he'd taken a lot of time off work. I got a text from him tonight saying he'd gotten sent to my city on the spur of the moment, and was wondering if I'd like to get together. Ummm... YES, yes I would!

I really enjoy Bobby's company as a person. He's a really awesome guy, intelligent and interesting to talk to, and we have a good connection which helps with smoking chemistry in the bedroom. By the time we got there, both of us were turned on and wearing far too many clothes! I sucked his cock for a little while, but he stopped me before he came so that he could pay some attention to me. He's very talented with his tongue and fingers, and I had several deliciously intense orgasms. He said he was hoping for a blowjob tonight, and I was happy to oblige.

The nicest part about seeing Bobby is that I still like him after we have sex, too. He doesn't just fuck and run; he stays and cuddles and we talk. He gave me a lovely massage afterwards and I feel so contented and relaxed right now. It's always nice to see him; I think this is what FWB should be like!

Ahhh... life is good!

Sunday, 29 September 2013

More Happy Times

I've seen Allen the past two weeks, and things are still pretty damn awesome between us. He was sick last weekend, so we didn't do the kink scene that we had planned at the Domme party, beyond having him sit at my feet and stroke my legs and shoes, while we sat around chatting with other kinky friends. Which is still pretty damn hot and had me so wet that I wanted to just push his head between my legs and have him lick me right there. I was wearing a black corset and a PVC skirt, fishnet thigh high stockings, and a garter belt with no panties, and 5" strappy stiletto sandals. The funny thing was, Allen didn't want to kiss me since he had a sore throat and he was worried about getting me sick, so for the hours before the party we didn't kiss at all. I was frustrated as hell, and finally at the party I vented that I didn't give a fuck if he was sick, I wanted to kiss him! He showed me that he was equally as hungry for me as I was for him; that kiss was so passionate and intense that we came together like magnets and didn't let each other go.

This weekend was his birthday, so I bought tickets to the theatre. It was awesome to get dressed to the nines and go out for a lovely evening with him. I love it that we can just go out like a normal boyfriend and girlfriend and enjoy each other's company. Being polyamorous is really wonderful and satisfies my emotional needs as well as my physical ones.

It's funny, I don't normal like to cuddle when I'm actually sleeping with someone. I love cuddles after sex and pretty much anytime, but when we're going to sleep I generally prefer to sleep not touching my partner. So far, though, I'm finding that I really do enjoy sleeping wrapped in his arms. It just feels so happy and right.

Actually, another interesting thing came up this weekend that I'm still considering. Normally, I'm not a big fan of the taste of cum. I love getting it, so I accept the taste as a side effect and just ignore it because I'm glad to be able to get him to produce it. Allen's has always been the same for me; salty and mildly unpleasant. This weekend, I was surprised to notice that the taste of his semen was, if not actually pleasant, at least decidedly neutral. He told me that he hadn't changed his diet or anything like that, so I assume it's on my end. Have I become accustomed to the taste of his cum? That seems a little unusual, although I have certainly swallowed a lot of it! Or is it perhaps some kind of chemical reaction? I know I love his scent and find myself extremely sexually attracted to him, so perhaps it's biology kicking in? Either way, it's not like I needed incentive to suck his cock more often... but it's a nice perk!

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Absolutely Perfect

This weekend was perfect, from beginning to end. Just so awesome that I'm still coming down off the high of awesomely good feelings.

Mark is still out of town, so I made childcare arrangements and invited Allen to spend the weekend with me. He got here on Friday night, and it was just so nice to see him and be with him again. It's been nearly three months and I still get wet when we kiss or touch... my body craves his. We made a beeline for the bedroom and had sex before falling asleep cuddled in each others' arms.

One of the things I enjoy about my relationship with Allen is that we go out on dates, too- we don't just get together and fuck. So after some nice morning sex (pussy licking is the best way to wake up in the morning!) we went to the local farmer's market and wandered around for a while. It was a gorgeous day and it was really great just to be out and enjoying each other's company.

When we came home, he gave me a manicure (God I love submissive men!) and while it was his first time, he actually didn't do that bad a job. Not salon quality of course, but it was intimate and I enjoyed the effort he put into it. Allen loves to cook, so I knew he was planning to make me dinner. He remembered that I had commented once that I love honey garlic chicken, so guess what he made? :) It was delicious.

He really went out of his way to pamper me. After dinner we relaxed on the couch and he gave me a foot and leg massage while we watched a comedy show on TV, before I couldn't handle any more and had to take him upstairs to play. We did a scene with hot wax... I love how he looks with pink and purple wax drippings all over him. And the lovely moans and grunts he makes while I'm hurting him... God I get wet. He tells me that he loves listening to the changes in my breathing because he can hear how aroused I am by what we're doing. Of course, that led to a shower together to get the bits of wax off... that was fun!

Our sex is already pretty awesome, but after a kink scene we're always both so hot that it is bedrockingly incredible. I remember thinking last night how amazing it was. I was so sensitive in a good way and just kept orgasming over and over on his fingers and tongue... holy crap. I felt so good. If sex was always that good, I'd want to have lots more but I'm not sure my body could handle being used that hard!

When I woke up this morning, Allen had made me French toast. Happy sigh. I was hoping he felt half as good as he'd been making me feel, because this weekend has been the epitome of perfection. I couldn't ask for anything more. So of course, I had to suck his cock and return the favour. I love how he can just stay hard after cumming so that even after an orgasm, we can still have more fun! We went upstairs and did a little kinky play- I tied up his cock and balls and attached clothespins to his nuts while I was sucking his cock. I know every time his cock pulsed it was pulling on the pins... so much fun to hear his moaning! I told him he wasn't going to get to cum this time and I knew he was feeling frustrated, but all along I intended for him to :) He warned me when he was getting close and was delighted when I told him to go for it.

I have wooden railings with bars along the stairwell in my house, and I saw a sexy picture on Tumblr that gave me an idea. So, I told Allen to sit down and cuffed his hands to the railing, and then leaned back against it so he could lick my pussy. It wasn't all that comfortable, but just the idea of having him chained to my staircase so that I could use him as he liked was such a massive turn on! But, I unhooked him so we could adjourn to bed!

Gentlemen, if you don't know what the anterior fornix is, trust me when I tell you that you need to find out. No one has ever touched me like that, and it causes the most intense and long orgasms I've ever had in my life, especially in conjunction with clit licking. He went down on me for so long that he absolutely wrung me out- I was very close to the point where I'd be nonverbal just from sensory overload. It was so incredible. I was cumming so long and hard... Absolutely mindblowing. Then he turned me over and rimmed me while he played with my pussy, and I kept having orgasm after orgasm. We had sex twice more after that, although the first time was more intense fucking, and the second felt a lot more close and intimate. I love missionary with a man that I care about... so much skin to skin and touching and kissing and biting. Sigh.

I know it's only been three months... but I could fall in love with Allen. It just doesn't get much better than this. I can't wait to see him again this weekend!

Monday, 2 September 2013

Lots of Kinky Times

I spent this past weekend with Allen, and had a wonderful time. Now if only the heat breaks! His air conditioner isn't working, and it's rather unpleasant to have hot, sweaty, messy sex when the room is ridiculously hot. We actually wound up going to a hotel on Saturday night because the heat at his house left us not getting much sleep- and not for fun reasons! Thank goodness the summer is nearly over.

He wondered how typical our garbage was- for one night, there were six condoms in the trash can! But, we had a LOT of fun. He is a very, very talented pussy licker and I very much enjoy his attention! I had a lot of intense and noisy orgasms. Wonder if the neighbours heard us?

Although perhaps I should be wondering if they overheard us during our kinky play! I tend to be the noisy one when we are having sex, but since he's the bottom, he's the one being noisy during our scenes. I attached clothespins to his cock and balls, and then teased him for ten minutes. Every time his cock jerked, it pulled the skin tighter and the pins hurt a little more. And of course, I took the last ones off first so that the last pin was rather intense when it came off! Oh, it was lots of fun! He really enjoyed it as well.

In the morning, we did some cock and ball bondage and violet wand play. I had bought special rope that conducts electricity, so it was really fun to spark the rope and know it was travelling all over his cock and balls. I also then used a special setting so that I could electrify my body and then use my fingers (or tongue, or lips) to shoot sparks on him. Lots of fun! He made such delightful moans while I touched his balls and licked his cock! I was dripping wet afterwards, so of course we had some hot sex!

After that, he was still horny (I love how he stays hard after cumming; he can have six or seven orgasms in a session before he starts to go soft!) so we decided to do another scene. I cuffed his hands and bent him over the bed kneeling on an ottoman, and spanked him until his ass turned a lovely shade of red, before I brought out my leather paddle. By the time we worked up to the wooden spoon he was swearing at me. It was a lot of fun! And then another round of quick and dirty sex afterwards before we had to check out.

It really was a lovely weekend. We went back to his house and watched a couple of movies on Netflix, just cuddled up and enjoying each other's company. I sucked and played with his cock casually... when it's there, I nearly always enjoy touching it! I did bring him to orgasm eventually, but enjoyed the teasing and play.

I'm not sure if I'll see him again before the next party in his city, but I am looking forward to it when I do!

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

New Experiences

Well, life has been interesting again! Mark came home on Saturday and we've been having a lovely week together. Our child is still visiting inlaws so it's almost like we're having an at home honeymoon. Sleeping in late, just spending quality time together... and lots of sex! After all, we have a month to catch up on, and he leaves again soon.

Then, yesterday Mark had to visit a customer in Allen's city, so I decided to go along. Allen and I had a lovely evening together while Mark was working. We went out for dinner, spent some time talking, and of course, some very hot sex. I always enjoy his tongue on my clit and his fingers inside of me! But, we only had a few hours so it was just more of an opportunity to connect again. I had really missed him.

But of course, having H in the same city opened up an interesting opportunity. I was nervous about it... but I know to ever get my MFM, there has to be a comfort level. So, Allen walked me back and met Mark. And it was surprisingly okay. They didn't become best buddies, but they chatted politely and there didn't seem to be awkwardness. I even kissed Allen goodnight and grabbed his ass :) But wow... if things continue to go well, perhaps for by my birthday I will have Allen licking cum out of my pussy. Having a creampie licked out of me is very high on my bucket list, along with having my clit licked while I'm being fucked.

God I'm horny. And hopeful!

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Keeping Myself Busy!

Mark is camping with our daughter, and I've had the house to myself for the past few days. Unfortunately Allen wasn't available, and so I found myself thinking about getting up to some trouble. Guess it's just who I am!

I made a dinner date in the evening which was really disappointing. He seemed like a nice guy, so I decided to bring him home afterwards. I wish I hadn't bothered- I knew as soon as he kissed me that it was going to be a waste of time. If a man is a lousy kisser, he isn't going to be any good in the sack. But I figured he was here, he had a nice thick cock, I was horny, so why not give him a chance? But he was as useless as I thought he'd be. I am extremely multiorgasmic, especially from oral, but this guy couldn't get me off even once. So I sucked him for a little while and then asked him about a condom so we could fuck. Would you believe he didn't bring any? I didn't have any Magnums and he wasn't fitting into the ones I had in my nightstand, so I wound up just giving him a blowjob. The whole encounter lasted maybe fifteen minutes? Sigh.

After that, I really needed someone useful! I hadn't seen Adam in a while so I texted him last night and he said he'd come by on his lunch hour today. Ahhh :) He's not as good as Allen, but he gave me some very satisfying orgasms before we had a sweaty, noisy fuck. I'm feeling better now! And, it was nice to see him. He was one of my first sex partners as a hotwife; we've been seeing each other off and on for 18 months now. I genuinely like him as a person, but there's no emotional connection. It's just a nice, drama free fuck with a pretty talented guy. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Mark will be back on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it. We have a lot of time to make up for! I told him that I want to fuck him on the weekend like crazy... and then I plan to suck his cock like crazy all next week. I am really looking forward to making him as happy as I've been feeling lately.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Good Times!

Life has been pretty damn good lately. Lots of fun things!

Allen and I went to a party on Friday night and it was a lot of fun. I had planned on an electrical play scene, but I hadn't gotten much sleep and was pretty tired, so I decided to call it off. I don't want to risk his safety if I can't be fully present to play. We did have a nice time, though; socialized with friends, and had a bit of fun. I really enjoyed it when he sat on the floor next to me and rubbed my feet and shoes. If I haven't written about it, I have a pretty intense foot fetish! Allen has long hair that I love to play with, so it was low key but very pleasurable. And of course... rubbing my feet and legs got me pretty turned on, so we decided to use one of the available beds and have some hot, noisy sex. I kept my high heels on, and the back is covered in metal spikes, so it was pleasant listening to his groans when I had my legs wrapped around him while he licked my pussy. I joked that someone might think he was enjoying himself! His cock was hard as a rock. I just love that he can cum over and over without getting soft... it was good times. We both find it amusing that a quickie for us is 30-45 minutes!

Mark was stopping in between trips on Sunday, so he was dirty texting me in the afternoon. I was so excited when he requested that I pack the toy bag! We knew we only had one night before he headed out again and we hadn't seen each other in a month so he told me he wanted to make it count. I was so excited! He asked me to tie him up and fuck him with my strap on. OMG hot! I face fucked him with it before I slid it into his ass and just seeing him like that turned me on so much. Seeing him kneeling in front of me on the bed so submissively... I was dripping wet. He told me he never wants to be my sub, but there are times he enjoys being used like that. And do I ever love to use him! God I love my husband so much.

And then today, I had a "date" with someone from Craigslist (SD for sugar daddy). No matter what you're looking for, there is someone on CL who'd be interested in doing it with you. Pretty awesome! I needed some new fetishwear for parties, and that stuff is really expensive and not in the budget right now. So, I posted an ad that I'd like to be taken shopping, at the man's expense, and I'd be happy to model whatever he'd like to buy me. He could touch, but there would be no sexual contact between us. And, I got a lot of responses to that ad! Most of them I discarded, but I found a couple to be really interesting. So, I met one today at the mall, and we went shopping. He bought me some new lacy panties that I picked out, and in exchange I gave him the pair I was wearing. Then we went to a sex shop and I tried on lots of new sexy outfits for parties. He bought me a dress, as well as a skirt and top combination in PVC. I feel really awesome in the new clothes and can't wait to wear them out! He wanted nothing from me except to watch the delight on my face as I tried on outfits, and to touch them on me when I was dressed (he never saw me naked, even).

Things are just so good lately... I am happy. I'm hoping they continue to go well with the men in my life. I'm finally starting to heal from the damage that was done to my heart over the past year, but I've let myself get vulnerable again. Oh well... life is better lived with no regrets, and sometimes gambles pay off.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Happy Awesomeness

I'm still really enjoying fun times with Allen. We've had two weekends together since my last post, both involving lots of kink and lots of really hot sex. The first weekend, as soon as he got here I kissed him roughly and passionately, and demanded he take off my panties and lick my pussy right in my front hallway. I really enjoy that position, with the man on his knees in front of me. Very, very hot. Then I took him upstairs and used my pink leather restraints to tie him to my bed, and proceeded to spend the next two hours edging him. It was lovely! I told him it wasn't going to end until he begged, and he finally did... so satisfying.

We went to a party that weekend as well, which I really enjoyed. We didn't do a formal scene, but as far as I'm concerned, it was nearly as hot. I was wearing thigh high black leather 4" platform boots, and put my legs in his lap and he rubbed my through my boots and over my fishnet stockings on my thighs. I was close to orgasm just from that. I knew that I was always sexually aroused by sexy shoes and boots, and having men put on my shoes and the like, but I didn't realize how intense my fetish could be. I really, really enjoyed that.

This past weekend, we went to a duct tape party. It sounded so silly I really wanted to go! It wound up being expensive since my outfit took four rolls of duct tape, but I had fun! I made myself a turquoise and purple leopard print corset top, and wore it with my fishnets and a black miniskirt. We did a wax scene, and it was so smoking hot we pretty much rushed back to his house to fuck afterwards. I covered him all over with pink and purple wax and his moans and twitches were so delightful. Then when I was scraping off the wax, we discovered that the knife I was using was ticklish, and it devolved into an impromptu tickle scene that made me laugh so hard I cried. It was so much fun... it really gave me an intense rush of pleasure to have him at my mercy like that. He begged me to stop, but of course, stop is not a safe word and he knows it :)

Life can be so much fun sometimes. Our sexual chemistry is incredible, especially given his stamina and desire to lick pussy, and my insane multiple orgasms and desire to be licked :) I'm really enjoying the kinky play, too. I'm not sure it will go any farther than this, but even if it doesn't, it's still pretty damn good.

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Holy Fucking Crap!

Okay, well I had a really, really fucking awesome weekend. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I went to spend the weekend with Allen (we live in different cities but only an hour apart, however logistics dictate that it's easier to spend a couple of days together than just one) and we had an incredible time.

We went to two kink parties on the weekend, and had fun at both of them. I didn't realize I was as much of an exhibitionist as I apparently am, but kinky stuff really makes me hot so what can I say? :) We played with a violet wand at one party and that was a lot of fun. I was so wet by the time we were done... and Allen reminded me that this was a sex friendly party! So we went into one of the rooms off to the side with a bed. There was no door. I don't think anyone actually stopped in to watch, but they had to walk past to go to the bathroom so I bet we got peeked at, at least. I do know we were overheard which kind of turns me on, much to my surprise. Allen licked my pussy and rimmed my ass very well and I had several very noisy orgasms. But, I'm the Domme and I was happy so if they didn't want to listen, well, they could have gone elsewhere!

The next day we went to another sex friendly party, but there actually wasn't a place to have sex. Kind of odd- I guess we could have kicked people off the couch? Maybe next time! We did a wax play scene at this party and I really enjoyed it and so did Allen. It was fun watching him gasp and wiggle, although he couldn't move too far bound in 60ft of rope!

The sex has been just amazing, though. I thought I'd already been getting very good sex, but holy crap have I been lucky lately with finding men who are incredible in bed. And one of the fun parts of playing with a submissive man who loves licking pussy is that I can just lie back and enjoy his mouth and fingers for as long as I want to; I don't have to worry about returning the favour if I don't want to (although I nearly always do unless I'm having fun torturing him!), and I don't have to consider that I'm taking advantage of him. I can just focus on my pleasure and the mindblowing orgasms that result!

I had to scrape myself off the ceiling, I was flying so high after the sex on both Saturday and Sunday. I am extremely multiorgasmic, but usually I hit a point where I get too sensitive and need to stop. On Sunday, we literally soaked his bed so much from my pussy squirting everywhere that he had to not only wash his sheets but the mattress pad too! I didn't want to stop... so we just kept going and going until I had a massive orgasm that just kept going and didn't stop- the longest and most intense one I've ever had. It was awesome.

Suffice it to say, I am really, really looking forward to seeing Allen again!

Monday, 15 July 2013

Further Explorations

Some of you may have noticed the potentially interesting change in my partner counter for 2013. Since I don't consider myself actively bisexual, I doubt it will ever get too high, but certainly in the context of kink I find women a lot of fun!

Last week I had a lovely BDSM scene with both Skyler and *Lisa, a friend of mine from the local kink community. There was no "actual" sex, which I suppose raises the question of how to determine what is sex? It can't just be penetration, or a lot of rewarding girl/girl encounters wouldn't be sex. At any rate, I decided that what happened that night was sexual, so as far as I was concerned, there was sex :)

It was my first time Dominating two submissives at once, and I think that the scene went really well. Both subs told me they enjoyed it and wanted more, which was good for my ego, certainly! And I was absolutely dripping wet while we played. I didn't allow myself an orgasm because I wanted to ensure I maintained control over both of them and didn't want to be too distracted and leave either one of them at loose ends. I did, however, play with my pussy after I gagged Lisa with my panties and duct tape, and have Skyler and (later, after I ungagged her) Lisa lick my pussy juice off my fingers. Hot :)

I am really looking forward to this weekend when I see Allen again. We're supposed to go to two play parties and hopefully fuck a lot at his place as well. We're texting a lot, but I'm finding that I feel like I need some more in person to build the connection.

Mark and I also did a lot of talking, again. We wanted to make sure we were both comfortable where things were going. He'd always been a little uncomfortable with my relationship with Patrick, because quite frankly I handled it very badly. I hadn't been looking for a poly relationship and had no experience with them, so I didn't know what to do with one when I realized how much I needed it. So he is happy that I am wrapping up the ends of this one. But I wanted to go over with him how to handle things in the future. I told him that I can't promise that it's not going to happen again, and that realistically, I do feel open to the concept of falling in love again. We had a really good chat that I think left both of us feeling better. I want to make sure that he always knows, regardless of anything else, that he is my absolute priority and that I love him more than anything. And he does.

Friday, 12 July 2013

When One Door Closes...

I do have a few things I want to catch up on, but I also wanted to share some somewhat related news that has me very happy right now.

I've met someone new :) I'm not sure yet where it's going but I know that the little ache that has been in my heart for a long time seems to have been going away. That was part of what made me able to write that last entry, I suppose. I've known for a long time that my relationship with Patrick was over, but my own insecurity made it hard for me to let go. I think that being open to new possibilities right now made me able to reaffirm to myself that I am sexy and desirable and interesting to new people.

I had decided to be getting out more in the kink community, since I want to meet new people and enjoy hanging around with like minded individuals. And frankly, watching scenes is incredibly hot and thinking that I could learn this stuff is even better! So, I casually took a look at the list of people who attended a specific play party in a neighbouring city and glanced through their profiles, and one jumped out at me. It was very well written and clearly by someone who cares about expressing himself well and who is intelligent- both things that turn me on. We started a dialogue, met for a date, and hit it off. He identifies as a submissive and is also polyamorous, both characteristics that appeal to me. So, it's still new yet and we are learning about each other, but it's going well and I am looking forward to getting to know him.

We are clearly sexually compatible, since we had a weekend together at my house when Mark was out of town and my family was babysitting. I haven't met too many men who can keep up with me, and *Allen is definitely one of them! He also loves to lick pussy, and he is damn good at it too. Happy sighs :)

But yes, I think one of the reasons the aches didn't go away when I tried to fill the empty space in my life was because I was trying to fill a "relationship" need with casual sex, and that just doesn't work. Much as I enjoy casual sex, it's so much more when you're with someone you connect with and genuinely enjoy as a person. So far, that seems to be pretty great! I can't wait to see him again.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013


I haven't shared much of a more personal nature here, but I woke up last night in the middle of the night and had an introspective moment. Odd that they seem to hit at random times like that! But, I feel like I am finally ready to put some of my thoughts into words and this feels like an appropriate venue.

I am polyamorous, not just polysexual like I had originally thought when we started in this lifestyle. I had always believed that I was monogamous by nature, and even if other people enjoyed different types of relationships that it must mean that they had something missing in their primary relationship. In the past, when I became interested in someone new, I always lost interest in my current partner at the same time, so I had always wondered why people cheated. Why couldn't they have the respect to end things with their current partner first? When I look back and think of how black and white my thought process was then, I'm a little disappointed in myself. But, we were all young and started somewhere, so instead I will choose to focus on how I am willing to learn and grow and adapt.

When Mark and I had been in the lifestyle for about six months, I met Patrick. Back then we had rules about the types of connections that we were comfortable having, and I knew nearly immediately that this was going to become something that would go off the rails. I am not sure I believe in love at first sight, but I do believe that sometimes you will recognize someone that you have intense chemistry with immediately. I also believe that some people are meant to be in our lives- we just have to figure out their purpose. Patrick was both of those to me.

I will confess that regardless of our rules, I decided to meet Patrick. I had those feelings prior to our first meeting and told myself that it was just lust and the excitement of someone new and nothing more. The conversation and physical desire between us was intoxicating, and the first meeting was mindblowing. We spent a lot of time in contact online, and saw each other as often as we could, given that we had a long distance relationship. The sex continued to be amazing, and he introduced me gently to the world of kink, which had always fascinated me but I'd been too scared to explore my desire. This showed me that "real, normal" people did kinky stuff and piqued my interest.

It was only a few months later that we realized that we had fallen in love with each other. I knew I had strong feelings for him, but I had continued to tell myself it was just the excitement of a new relationship with a compatible person. It had been getting harder and harder to convince myself of that as time went by, though. When we had that conversation, though, it was an amazing moment. Nothing really tops hearing someone you love telling you that they love you, for the very first time.

At that point I knew that Mark and I really needed to sit down and talk. He generally had preferred not to hear details of my encounters, especially with people I was seeing on an ongoing basis. He told me that he truly knew what was going on but he didn't want to think about it. The conversation we had was difficult, because he didn't understand this need of mine, and neither did I. We both agreed that our marriage had gotten stronger over the past few months. He told me that opening our relationship was the best decision that we'd made, short of having our son. We were both happy and madly in love with each other. We agreed that we felt like we were falling in love all over again, but with the wonderful feeling of being in a secure, established marriage. This was clearly something that had bonded us, not driven us apart.

So, we worked on things and made some adjustments to our relationship structure to allow for more flexibility in my relationships, rather than just limiting them to casual hookups. Patrick and I continued to see each other, although not as often as we would have liked. Then things all went to hell. Without going into detail, basically God or Fate or whoever took a giant crap on his life and he got crazy busy. Since he lives three hours away, that made it difficult for us to see each other and cut back on our time online as well. He kept telling me that he hoped things would change soon, and that he was doing his best to make time to see me, but months started to slip by and nothing changed. And I cried at night but wasn't ready to let go and move on.

It's been ten months since I've seen Patrick, and I finally feel like I am ready to let go. We still haven't had the chance to speak in person, which is something that I really need to close this chapter in my life, but at least I am finally ready to organize my thoughts now. Hopefully at some point we'll be able to sit down together and talk the way I need to, but I accept that is entirely outside my control and that may never happen. This was a terrible way to end a relationship, but again, that wasn't fully in my control either and I need to accept that, too.

For the longest time, those nights when I cried, I kept asking myself, why? Patrick and I shared the belief that we had been meant to meet and be a part of each other's lives. We had a very intense connection and passionate and deep love. How could it have been meant to be so brief when Mark tells me he had never seen me as happy as I was that summer? It's only now that the pain and loss is starting to recede that I have the perspective to really think about what I learned and how the relationship helped my growth and development as a person. Did it hurt? Fuck yes- but it helped to make me who I am today and has opened me to so much more.

I don't know that I would ever have gotten the courage to start exploring my kinky fantasies, especially with respect to power exchange, if I hadn't met Patrick. Right now learning to be a Domme is something that I am really enjoying, and I have met some wonderful people and feel like I am really becoming part of the BDSM community. That is an incredibly valuable gift that I received from my relationship. And, I learned that I am in fact polyamorous; that I am happier when I am in multiple loving relationships and this is something that is part of who I am.

I also realize how many mistakes I made in my first poly relationship. I was infatuated with Patrick, so I was willing to compromise my needs to suit the situation since I knew that I couldn't have him any other way and I thought that I should take what I could get rather than just scrap the relationship. I was willing to accept less contact, both verbally and physically, than I know that I need. I allowed him to keep me a secret from his BDSM submissive, even though I made him aware it bothered me. I didn't put my foot down and insist on the transparency that I believe is right. I was willing to accept his excuses about how busy he has gotten and give him a pass on not being able to see me. While yes, I understand that life sometimes throws us curveballs- we make time for the things that matter to us. Clearly, I should have understood that meant I didn't matter to him enough for him to make some time for me.

And from all that, I have learned how I want things to be in the future. I am no longer willing to compromise myself in such a severe way for another person. I have a wonderful and loving husband- I don't need to sell myself short on a secondary relationship. I can wait for someone who meets my needs and wants what I want and have to give, because he is out there. I don't know if it was low self esteem before or if I worried that I just wouldn't find anyone that I clicked with quite so intensely, but I think I continued to hold on long after it was rational because of those worries. I remembered how happy I was and was afraid to walk away. But I see now that even if his availability went back to the way it used to be, that the relationship would no longer meet my needs and I am no longer willing to compromise when it affects my happiness so much.

I hope that one day I will be able to look back and cherish the wonderful memories I have of my relationship with Patrick and all that I learned from him without the pain. But, for now, at least I can say that I know what I want and that I was lucky to have an experience that has helped me grow.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

More Intimate than I Thought

So while I of course still consider myself a hotwife, I've been enjoying more exploration into kink and BDSM lately. I plan to continue sharing my thoughts in that area here as well as I suspect my feelings and desires will continue to develop and change. They certainly have in the past! I like that this blog is a place for me to record my erotic journey in life. It's certainly been a lot of fun lately!

On Sunday I went to my first play party. And, that's exactly what it sounds like. The local kink group rented a nightclub for a fetishwear friendly space where we could not only chat, but enjoy some kinky fun. Sexual contact wasn't allowed (no oral, genital, or anal intercourse, rather- since most kink really is sexual whether it is or not), which seems a little odd to me since kink makes me crave sex, but rules are rules.

I was really looking forward to getting dressed up for the party. First of all, I just plain love dressing up, whether it's lingerie, formalwear, or fetwear. And when do I have a chance to go out in public in an outfit oozing sexuality? I decided to wear a black leather biker style corset, a black tight miniskirt, fishnet pantyhose, and thigh high 4" black boots. Getting to the party was also going to be a problem since I didn't have a ride, so I decided to call a taxi. I figured I probably should cover up a bit for the street though! My trench coat only comes to just above my knees though, so the taxi driver's eyes popped a bit when I got in the car and he saw the boots and fishnets. I suppose it was an interesting scene since my husband was waving goodbye to me on the porch! It was fun :)

The party was really interesting. Everyone was so friendly. And while it was a little odd at first chatting with people who ranged from street clothes to naked, I found the atmosphere to be really friendly, caring, and relaxing. I attended a couple of demonstrations on implement use, and that was pretty neat. I met some fun people. I was really glad that I went, because it gave me ideas and encouraged me to get out more in the local community. I'm hoping to attend more parties in the future.

And, the most fun part was that I could see the male submissives circling ;) I loved the attention. I got a very nice and respectful message from *Skyler, telling me that he felt himself drawn to my Dominant aura. He wasn't the type that I found myself immediately attracted to, but I found myself really wanted to try some of the things that I read about. I figured that, just like sex, I don't have to love everyone I play with. So, we chatted a bit about likes and dislikes, and I invited him over on Thursday for some fun.

Skyler is a little sissy boy who likes to be a service submissive. Perfect for my needs since I was trying to have the house clean for when Mark returned from a trip. I dressed him in a French maid costume and gave him a list of chores while I did my workout DVD and ignored him. When I was finished exercising, I took off my sweaty panties and duct taped them in his mouth and told him to get back to work. I enjoyed watching him fold my husband's underwear, especially ;) When he finished his chores, I laid out three impact toys, a crop, paddle, and flogger on my bed, and told him to choose one for his reward. I made him count off ten strokes with the paddle he chose, and then told him he could get dressed.

So, that was my first scene, and I really enjoyed it. That was the most intense workout I've had in a long time. I noticed I must have been working harder because certain moves I normally have trouble with, I was able to do. Adrenaline really helps! But I paid for it on Friday because I could barely move!

I made some mistakes though. I guess I can't be perfect right out of the gate. We ran out of time so I didn't have as much for aftercare as I should have, and to discuss things with him. I didn't establish a protocol for when the scene began. I needed to give clearer orders. I talked to a more experienced Dominant and she told me that it's fine to make mistakes as long as I learn from them. And of course, the welfare of my play partner is primary, which is why I felt so guilty about the limited aftercare time. I need to make that a priority, not an option.

I was so excited about my recent kink experiences though, that I went out and bought some new gear. I picked up quite a few things, including a strap on harness and dildo. When Mark came home I showed him all my new stuff. I jokingly reminded him that during a conversation in bed once he had told me that if I had a cock, he'd let me fuck him up the ass. I laughed and said that now I did indeed have a cock. He immediately told me that yes, he would let me use it! I got so wet when he told me that. We went to bed and I took out a bottle of Astroglide and a number of smaller butt plugs and anal toys. I figured he probably wouldn't be able to take my strap on tonight (it's 6" and only a little thinner than a regular cock) but he wanted to so badly. He told me he loved the intimacy of me taking his anal virginity. I remember thinking at the time it was just HOT and wasn't thinking about the intimacy at all. In hindsight, guess we really did stereotypically switch roles, didn't we?

I worked the first plug into his ass and he took it quite easily. We left it there while I stroked and sucked his cock. We took it out, and I tried the second plug. It took a bit more work, but it fit. This time when we took it out, I slid two fingers into his ass. Maybe it sounds weird, but it felt incredible to be inside him. I'd never really done any of this type of play before, and feeling the inside of his ass gripping my fingers was unbelievably sexy. I see why people enjoy fisting. I fingered his prostate and watching his cock dripping cum. It was one of the hottest things I'd ever seen. I took my fingers out of his ass and licked up the cum. Then I took the largest plug and slowly started to work it into his ass. For a virgin ass, I couldn't believe how easily he was taking them! He couldn't get it all the way in, but he asked me if it was wider than my strap on, and when I said yes, he told me to go for it.

I felt an intense rush as I leaned over him on the bed and watched my big black cock disappear into his asshole. We took it slowly but eventually I was able to slide the whole thing in and started to fuck him. I was wishing I had bought a Feeldoe so that I could enjoy the physical sensations too, but the mental by itself was incredible. Then he slipped a hand behind him and started to play with my clit while I fucked him and I had an intense orgasm when he barely touched me. I was so flushed and aroused. I asked him to bend over the bed so I could try that and really enjoyed that position too. I don't normally care about positions so this was another interesting first.

My pussy was dripping wet and ready to be fucked, so I took off my harness and he asked me to bend over the bed because he wanted to fuck me in the exact same position that I had fucked him in. My pussy juices were leaking down my legs and it wasn't long before we both exploded. We cuddled in bed and I just felt this intense intimacy settle on us. I wasn't really expecting things to change between us, but they did. I felt so close to him and he told me it was really special to him to do that with me. He doesn't normally have an interest in anal play in general, but he wanted to do it with me. And I love him so much for wanting to share that with me.

We made love one more time that night and drifted off to sleep cuddled up together. What a perfect night.

Sunday, 2 June 2013

Happy Surprises

Mark has been on the road for the past week, and has been very distracted with a project for the last month or so and we haven't really connected. I've missed him very much but knew I had to ride it out until things slowed down a little.

Last night he came home and was very passionate and excited to see me. I had also gotten some body paint done on my arm and he thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. Now he is pushing for me to get a tattoo :)

But the sex... it was incredible. He was so excited and all over me. He's never really been all that kinky, and I was so surprised at the things coming out of his mouth! Last night he begged me to pee in his mouth... and I did. Wow. It was the first time we had experimented with watersports and I was so nervous I couldn't help but giggle. That must have spoiled the mood a little, but when I was done, the dominance it brought out in me was so intense that I had an orgasm with only a gentle touch. I think it will be easier to be mentally there the next time, when I'm not feeling anxious about it. The best part was, he actually got hard while I was peeing in his mouth! He didn't swallow it, but he told me me if I want him to next time, he will.

Then we went to bed. I didn't have my toy box with me because we were visiting family, but fortunately we were sleeping in the basement so no one could hear us ;) I "tied" his arms to the bed (or rather, told him they were tied and not to move), and rode his cock hard while we talked about all kinds of kinky fantasies. He wanted me to tell him all about my plans for my new little pet Joe and expressed interest in being part of it. That was so incredibly hot... my pussy was dripping wet. Mark told me he loves having a dirty kinky slut for a wife :)

When Mark was ready to cum, I climbed off and I sucked every last drop of cum out of his cock, and then kissed him and dripped it into his mouth and he swallowed it. I guess he's a little less vanilla than we both thought, especially after a couple of drinks! Wow.

I still love vanilla sex, but did that ever turn the heat up a few degrees...

Saturday, 25 May 2013

Labels Are So Sticky...

It's funny to watch the way my own thoughts have evolved over the years. As recently as a year ago, I was absolutely positive I had no interest in women in the slightest- in fact, I wasn't even interested in something as casual as an FMF without contact with the other female. I'm coming to learn that things change over time, both my way of thinking and my desires. But then again, a few years ago I think I would have been horrified at some of the things I do now; not perhaps at the thoughts, since I've always been adventuresome sexually at least in my mind, but at the concept of actually taking them beyond fantasy.

Despite how my first comments may have sounded, I am not bisexual. At least to my mind, being bisexual means you are attracted sexually to both sexes. While I can appreciate a beautiful or sexy woman, I don't get that delightful tingling in my pussy or instant fantasizing that I do when I see an attractive man. And I would always prefer to have sex with a man over sex with a woman. So, what exactly am I trying to say?

I am learning that Domination is such an intense turn on for me mentally, that it transcends issues of sexuality. When I think of having a "vanilla" FMF, or back to my experience with Tina and James, and it was punctuated by nervousness and anxiety. It was my first time, and I was worried about pleasing her and pleasing him, but much more so about her since I had no experience with a woman. I know how to handle a man, how to read his body language and sounds and give him what he wants sexually. Since I prefer not to masturbate with my hands (I like toys), I don't really know how to touch a woman and I was embarrassed and it kept me out of really being able to relax and enjoy things.

But when I picture Tina tied spreadeagle to the bed, blindfolded, and awaiting my attention, my confidence comes back. Suddenly all I can think about is all the delightful things I'd like to do to her. I want to tease her, to bring her close to orgasm over and over but not let her cum until I'm ready. I want to sit on her face and feel her tongue lapping at my wet pussy and clit as I cum while denying her own. I want to put nipple clamps on her, flog her, and tease and torment her until she explodes into a hot, wet, quivering mess.

And oh yes, does that ever turn me on.

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Hurts so Good...

Like I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been interested in exploring my Domme side lately. I was very anxious at first that maybe this isn't right for me since I do enjoy being a bottom at times, but I'm learning that different people bring out different elements in my personality. I've realized that I'm more comfortable giving up the reins when I'm in a relationship that's solid and with lots of trust, but not casually. I'm also discovering that while I still crave the connection and chemistry in a submissive, I feel safer exploring my desires since I'm the one in control.

So, I made a profile on a BDSM dating site, and started the sifting. My inbox immediately filled up with responses from a wide variety of men, but nothing that really interested me too much. They all felt so cookie cutter... I'm not sure how else to explain it except that I felt like I was a Fill-in-the-Domme in their fantasy. It wasn't ME they were interested in, if that makes any sense. And like I said, I still want that connection in a relationship. I don't want a casual play partner or just to dominate any man. I think a big element of what I enjoy in a D/s relationship is mental, and that just doesn't work with someone you don't know.

I did find someone that I felt that click with, Joe*, and we've been getting to know each other and doing some exploring. It's annoying that because of his travel schedule and mine, that we haven't been able to meet yet, but we have talked on the phone and spent a lot of time together online. I've had time wasters before who had no intention of meeting, but I don't think he is one. And either way, if he is, I've enjoyed what we've had so far very much!

We just started off casually, chatting, talking about ourselves and desires. We've also done a little roleplay, talking through fantasies, and it's gotten very intense. I didn't really understand Domspace until after one of our conversations, when yes there was a definite similarity to the way I felt in subspace, but different. I don't think that explained it very well! I just felt this intense rush of pleasure and power and it was incredible. I can't wait to experience it when I'm actually in a scene and not just exploring it mentally.

What I've been getting off the most on is watching the changes in his reactions... like he'll tell me that he isn't interested in such and such an activity, but if that activity happens to work its way into one of our roleplays, I'll see that his desire to please me has overtaken his lack of desire to engage in that activity, and that gives me a rush like nobody's business. And it fulfills my need to be wanted for myself, and not just as a role in someone else's fantasy. So far, I am really enjoying this relationship and can't wait to meet him in person to see if the chemistry is as strong then.

Well, that was a long prelude to what I was getting at! I've been very horny lately and really just needed to cum so badly, but I haven't had a lot of private time with Mark lately since my family is visiting for the long weekend. They went to bed early last night though, so I spent my evening reading some lovely FemDom stories on Literotica and getting very worked up. I played with my rabbit vibrator while I waited for Mark to finish up his work and come to bed. I was dripping wet and orgasming so intensely... but I needed to be stuffed with cock. Mark finally came up and I told him I just needed him to take me now and fuck me so hard, and he did. I was so wet I could hear the juicy sounds when he pushed his cock into my tight pussy, and he gave me just what I needed. I'm sore today but it was worth it :)

I can't wait to do some more roleplay with Joe about some of the stories I read last night... or better yet, to try them in person.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Happiness Comes in Threes

Sometimes I notice little things which I find very interesting. Mark would tell you that he isn't submissive, or a cuckold, or anything like that. And I agree, in the strictest sense of the words, he isn't. We are equal partners in our marriage and in our life. Both of us have a strong desire to please the other, and that is part of the glue that holds our relationship together. Mark has told me that one of the most important things in his life is to make me happy, and he does :) I always know how lucky I am to have him in my life.

I've noticed though, that when he knows I am having a date, that his desire to please me skyrockets. He knew that I had arranged to see someone this afternoon, and he woke me up this morning with kisses and cooked and served me lunch. I certainly enjoyed the pampering, since he generally leaves the cooking to me! I wonder if he even realizes that he does it. I'm not going to mention it, but it makes me smile.

There are an awful lot of products on the market for women to figure out when they are ovulating. I firmly believe they are a total waste of money! It's quite easy for me to track my cycle. While I have a voracious sexual appetite, there are a few days every month where I go absolutely crazy in my desire for cock. And this is still with being on birth control- go figure. At any rate, I've been telling Mark that I really needed a good pussy licking, so he told me to go ahead and set up a date.

I posted an ad last night to try and find someone for this afternoon, and got a few good responses so I decided to give one a try. His name is *Michael, and he's a married local guy who tells me he loves to go down on a woman. His emails were interesting and articulate, and I find that to be much more of a turn on than the usual "hey want my cock" type replies.

He came over, and he was a little older than he looked in his pictures, and I suspect he lied about his age. I'm not sure how far because I didn't ask. He was still attractive, though. He kissed me passionately and told me how beautiful I looked before he got to work on my pussy.

Oh, did I ever need it. He made me orgasm a few times but he just wasn't quite giving me what I craved. He used long slow strokes with his tongue and I think I prefer something a little quicker and more intense. Well, at least, I like a good mix at any rate :) This still felt good... but today I just needed it hard and fast. After awhile, I offered to return the favour and sucked his cock until he came in my mouth in a flood :)

After I said goodbye to Michael, I realized that I still wasn't really satisfied. I sent Brian a quick text to see if his schedule was flexible. Well, wasn't it my lucky day? :) He was here fifteen minutes later and he started to give me that intense licking that I craved. He even gave me the closest fulfillment to one of my fantasies; I was on all fours and he was under me, licking my clit, while he fucked me with a vibrator. Oh, that was incredible. I came so hard imagining being fucked while I got licked. When I was a sweaty mess, I offered to return the favour and I sucked his cock until he asked if I'd like to fuck. Oh, yes :)

While Brian was licking me, my husband had sent a text asking when he could come home. After Brian left I sent Mark a text and asked if he'd like to be the third man in my pussy today. I was so wet. He said he would love to fuck me, so I didn't shower and saved my dripping wet pussy for him. Mark got me off a few more times with his hands before he fucked me hard and filled me with his cum.

Oh, I feel like a good slut, though :) How many women fuck three men in one day? And did I ever need it... While I miss my old boyfriend more than anything, sometimes a woman just really needs some raw physical pleasure. And having two men today who were quite happy to lick me as long as I wanted gave me just what I craved.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Second Time Lucky

A few weeks ago, Bobby sent me an email that he would be back in town, and wanted to know if I would like to get together.

Would I? :) Oh, yes! Bobby has certainly been the object of many fantasies since we first met back in January. He had tried to get together with me in February, but I was on vacation. I was glad that schedules worked so that we could see each other again.

One of the things that I like about him is that he makes me feel appreciated and he treats me like a woman, not just a sex partner. I loved it when he texted me when his plane landed and told me that he couldn't wait to see me and asked if tonight worked instead. Then he changed all his plans for the evening to get a hotel room in my city instead of where he's working, so he could come see me :) And he likes to take me out to dinner or for drinks- he doesn't just expect me to fuck him and say goodbye.

I've come to the conclusion that while all relationships are different, I don't really enjoy fucking a man without at least some kind of connection between us. They don't all have to be romantic or passionate or loving, but if we're not friends or at least genuinely interested and like the other person, it just doesn't work, at least on my end. I'm happiest in a boyfriend-type relationship, but that is not something that is easy to find, especially since all I can offer is a poly secondary relationship. I love Mark and he will always be the number one man in my life.

But, I digress! I remembered that Bobby told me he loved stockings, so I decided to dress up for him. On the outside, I was quite modest- I wore a tight long sleeved T shirt over a long flowing black and silver skirt, and high heeled black leather boots. Now, underneath was fun :) I wore a black lace bra with pink lace accents, a black lace garter belt with sheer black stockings, and nothing else. And of course my pussy was freshly lasered and just waiting for his tongue...

He picked me up, as usual coming right to my door to collect me, and opening the car door. A girl does love the little touches :) We went to a local restaurant and just got caught up, and enjoyed each other's company. But it had been too long and we were both dying to get to bed!

When we got to his room, he had a quick shower to wash off the travel, and I was waiting on his bed when he came out. His cock showed me how much he appreciated the effort I had gone to! I knelt in front of him and took his cock in my mouth. I just love giving pleasure to a man... the sounds he makes when he's being pleasured are so much fun :) He stopped me before too long because he didn't want to cum yet, and he told me to lie back on the bed.

I took off my bra, but left on the garter and stockings because he told me I was the hottest thing ever in them. And since I had no panties on, it was easy for him to spread my legs and slide his tongue over my hot, dripping pussy... bringing me to orgasm after orgasm. He is so good with his mouth and hands, and after he got me good and worked up, he turned me over and rimmed me to a few more.

I was craving his cock by then... I sucked him some more before he reached for a condom and had me lie back so he could fuck me. He felt so good inside me. He had told me that he wanted to cum on my face again but he couldn't resist fucking me hard and it wasn't long before he moaned that he was cumming.

That's okay- it leaves us some more fun for next time!

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Still Here...

I haven't gone anywhere, just haven't had as much of a sex drive lately. I've played with one of my regulars and I'll write about it when I get around to it, but the desire really hasn't been there. It ebbs and flows at times so I'm not worried. After all, the men will still be there when I'm interested again :)

I guess I've been pretty introspective lately. I dumped quite a few guys because I decided they just weren't what I was looking for. And again, there's no shortage of prospective male suitors ;) But I guess it's just interesting. On paper, Jason was absolutely perfect for me. Tall, good looking, attentive, thoughtful, and not bad in bed. But after I wrote that last entry it just started bothering me more and more. Whatever it was, something was off. I just politely told him that I was taking a break for a while and wished him all the best. He was very decent about it. He really was a good guy- I just didn't want to date him.

Interesting story, too. One of my regulars, a guy I've been seeing for over a year, emailed me and let me know his girlfriend got caught cheating on him and he was very upset about it. He said he didn't like that it was more than sex, too- apparently they hung out and were friends. I asked him if it was physical only like our relationship would he be bothered, and he said yes he still would, and he knew he was being hypocritical. They had a family counseling session today and hopefully it went well. I suggested that he consider talking to her about an open relationship; after all, they love each other and they're happy together, but obviously both of them want a little action on the side. He is not so sure he's okay with that either. It's not really any of my business but he and I have enough of a "relationship" that we talk to each other about stuff, even if it's quite casual.

It used to bother me that I was seeing a married guy, because I don't really like the thought of being the other woman. I don't want to cause any issues in someone's relationship. My husband reminded me that other people's relationships really aren't any of my business. After all, if a guy wants to cheat, he's going to whether it's with me or with someone else. And frankly, I'm pretty low risk as far as affairs go. I have no interest in leaving Mark or trying to steal someone else's man. I guess I've gone back and forth on it. I used to prefer married guys because they were no drama- they just wanted to have fun and then go back to their real lives. Lately I've been happier with single guys. But, a woman has the prerogative to change her mind as often as she wants :)

I also realized that while I miss kink a lot, I'm missing it in a way that means I am going to have difficulty getting it! I think part of my longing for it is just that I miss the man who introduced it to me. I'm not really sure how much I want to talk about it here, but he and I had a very intense relationship for almost a year before it ended for reasons beyond our control. I like my kink in a relationship with trust, intensity, and passion; and it's not easy to get those things since most male Doms just want a "play partner" type relationship. I don't want that. So, I decided to put my submissive desires on the back burner and learn how to Domme! :) So far it's been interesting, I guess we'll see where it goes.

Monday, 18 March 2013

A nice way to wake up...

People who know me know that I am NOT a morning person. Not in the slightest. I miss the days where I could stay up all night and sleep all day, but unfortunately having children has made that more than a little inconvenient :)

Jason has an erratic work schedule that is going to make timing to see each other a little awkward, but he definitely seems to be committed to finding a way to making it work! He dropped by this morning to spend an hour with me before his shift. I told him he was crazy since it involved a whole hour extra of driving, but he said I was worth it :) And go figure- I was kind of expecting that for a man to drop by for an hour that he'd want to have a quickie. I even had some lingerie on although nothing ridiculously exciting- just a pair of blue silk and black lace pants and a matching camisole. Nope. Instead we did go to bed and just cuddled and kissed and touched for an hour. I asked him if he had wanted anything more and he said he was just enjoying this. He said he'll leave me wanting more LOL. It was nice thinking that he wanted to enjoy my company and not just get a quick fuck. And I love cuddling, so it was a great morning.

He also showed up with a carton of my favourite ice cream! I was so surprised at how thoughtful that was. We'd just been chatting to get to know each other and I told him that I loved mint chocolate chip. It was very sweet (bad pun, yes I know!). I really love to be spoiled, and I don't just mean by getting things. I think it's more of an attitude than anything else.

I'll be honest, I don't have that intense desire and attraction for him that I've had with partners in the past, but he's a handsome man and he's treating me very well. I'm still really enjoying his company. I wonder if that's what I'm missing, since I'm cutting a few guys loose? I really do miss that electric bolt of attraction and desire for a man, wanting him so badly that I have to rip his clothes off and beg him to fuck me now... Sigh.

Sunday, 17 March 2013

I love days like this...

I'm still trying to figure out where I am going with this blog. Do I just keep writing about my dates and titillating my readers (hopefully)? I'm undecided yet how personal I will let it go with my thoughts and feelings. I'm thinking that I might slow down with the ultra casual sex and meeting new guys. I started going through my cell contacts and seeing how many men there I had fucked at least once and was still at least tentatively seeing and that got a little overwhelming! While it's fun to be a little slutty, I don't think it's really who I am. I joked with my husband that I've been averaging one new guy a week but I don't think I'm going to keep it up. I like to have a connection with the men I have sex with and it's just not the same otherwise. Sex is fun, but sex with someone you genuinely like and enjoy spending time with is much better. I'm sure that won't stop me from being tempted once in a while, though! :)

I've been busy lately and haven't had a lot of time to write, but I've still been getting into trouble! I haven't done it for a while, but I always thought it was a real turn on to fuck two different men in one day, neither of whom are my husband. One day I'll manage to get three and fuck him too, but he hasn't been home the days where I had the opportunity. Oh well- something else for my bucket list!

So on Thursday last week, I had two dates planned- one with Andrew in the evening, and one with *Jason in the morning. I'm really starting to enjoy Andrew- he's a genuinely good guy and he's fun to experiment with. I enjoy his company and just hanging out with him. So he came over in the evening and we watched a movie, which was interrupted by a loud and wet round of sex partway through :) We tried a few new things from my toy box and really enjoyed each other. I think I'm corrupting him ;)

I had met Jason for lunch the week before. He's in an open marriage as well and I'm his first experience dating since he got married. He seemed to be much more shy in person than he did online which surprised me a little, but it was refreshing. We had a nice lunch date so I was interested in seeing him again. This time he brought over a pizza from my favourite local pizza place and we just hung out for a while at my house. It was interesting just enjoying the sexual tension... I could tell so many times that he wanted to kiss me or touch me but wasn't sure that it was okay, so I had fun flirting and teasing.

What was really nice was by the time we got to bed, we still took it slowly. I haven't been with a man for a while that was content just kissing me and caressing me in a mostly nonsexual manner. I like sex as much as the next person (okay, way more than the next person!) but it was really nice to take our time and just enjoy each other's bodies. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

I'm really enjoying having two local guys that are giving me the attention I want (both text daily) and available on a fairly regular basis. It's a refreshing change from the guys who flake or aren't who they say they are. Perhaps I just got lucky? Either way, I think I'll keep these ones for a while :)

Monday, 11 March 2013


I wonder what it is inside me that has made me miss kink so much. I saw someone's avatar on another website that had a big sign on it that said "Stop- do not call 911! Consensual BDSM going on!" and it made me wonder; what is it about that kind of treatment that turns me on? I'm not a masochist, although I enjoy spankings and am willing to experiment further. I don't enjoy pain for the sake of pain. I have a healthy self esteem and self respect; so why do I enjoy giving up control? I'm not really sure, but it doesn't particularly bother me, either. As long as everyone is consenting to and enjoying the activities, there's no need to overanalyze.

I've been craving bondage lately. I really miss being tied and held captive to a man's desire for me, knowing that he can do whatever he wishes with me. I think a big part of me gets off on the trust, too; knowing that whatever comes will be pleasurable for both of us. Unfortunately, while sex is easy to come by, trust is less so!

I recently put up an ad on a BDSM dating site in the hopes that I could find someone to experiment with. I'm always a little leery because in the kink community, people always recommend playing at a party first. Well, that doesn't necessarily work for me since I enjoy my kink in the context of sex, and some play parties are not sex friendly. While I know that some people enjoy kink for its own sake, I'm not really one of them. If I get turned on, then I want to fuck :) So parties don't really work, but it's always a little nerve wracking doing one on one.

I've been chatting with *Benjamin for a few days, and was very interested in meeting him. I love tall men, and I love feeling small next to them. I'm not particularly tiny at 5'4, but I certainly look that way next to a man who stands 6'6! I enjoyed teasing him and sending him some sexy pictures of me in lingerie until he told me that he couldn't resist and had to come meet me in person.

I was nervous- I haven't explored this side of my personality for months, and never really got too much into it in the past, either. But I've still always felt drawn to it even though I'm not sure how well it would work.

I loved the way that he handled me so easily... I wore heels and still felt little. We had some fabulously hot, sweaty sex, and I certainly enjoyed his oral talents! I'm still not sure where my comfort level is, but I did have fun, so I guess we'll see how things go.