Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Still Here...

I haven't gone anywhere, just haven't had as much of a sex drive lately. I've played with one of my regulars and I'll write about it when I get around to it, but the desire really hasn't been there. It ebbs and flows at times so I'm not worried. After all, the men will still be there when I'm interested again :)

I guess I've been pretty introspective lately. I dumped quite a few guys because I decided they just weren't what I was looking for. And again, there's no shortage of prospective male suitors ;) But I guess it's just interesting. On paper, Jason was absolutely perfect for me. Tall, good looking, attentive, thoughtful, and not bad in bed. But after I wrote that last entry it just started bothering me more and more. Whatever it was, something was off. I just politely told him that I was taking a break for a while and wished him all the best. He was very decent about it. He really was a good guy- I just didn't want to date him.

Interesting story, too. One of my regulars, a guy I've been seeing for over a year, emailed me and let me know his girlfriend got caught cheating on him and he was very upset about it. He said he didn't like that it was more than sex, too- apparently they hung out and were friends. I asked him if it was physical only like our relationship would he be bothered, and he said yes he still would, and he knew he was being hypocritical. They had a family counseling session today and hopefully it went well. I suggested that he consider talking to her about an open relationship; after all, they love each other and they're happy together, but obviously both of them want a little action on the side. He is not so sure he's okay with that either. It's not really any of my business but he and I have enough of a "relationship" that we talk to each other about stuff, even if it's quite casual.

It used to bother me that I was seeing a married guy, because I don't really like the thought of being the other woman. I don't want to cause any issues in someone's relationship. My husband reminded me that other people's relationships really aren't any of my business. After all, if a guy wants to cheat, he's going to whether it's with me or with someone else. And frankly, I'm pretty low risk as far as affairs go. I have no interest in leaving Mark or trying to steal someone else's man. I guess I've gone back and forth on it. I used to prefer married guys because they were no drama- they just wanted to have fun and then go back to their real lives. Lately I've been happier with single guys. But, a woman has the prerogative to change her mind as often as she wants :)

I also realized that while I miss kink a lot, I'm missing it in a way that means I am going to have difficulty getting it! I think part of my longing for it is just that I miss the man who introduced it to me. I'm not really sure how much I want to talk about it here, but he and I had a very intense relationship for almost a year before it ended for reasons beyond our control. I like my kink in a relationship with trust, intensity, and passion; and it's not easy to get those things since most male Doms just want a "play partner" type relationship. I don't want that. So, I decided to put my submissive desires on the back burner and learn how to Domme! :) So far it's been interesting, I guess we'll see where it goes.