Saturday, 25 May 2013

Labels Are So Sticky...

It's funny to watch the way my own thoughts have evolved over the years. As recently as a year ago, I was absolutely positive I had no interest in women in the slightest- in fact, I wasn't even interested in something as casual as an FMF without contact with the other female. I'm coming to learn that things change over time, both my way of thinking and my desires. But then again, a few years ago I think I would have been horrified at some of the things I do now; not perhaps at the thoughts, since I've always been adventuresome sexually at least in my mind, but at the concept of actually taking them beyond fantasy.

Despite how my first comments may have sounded, I am not bisexual. At least to my mind, being bisexual means you are attracted sexually to both sexes. While I can appreciate a beautiful or sexy woman, I don't get that delightful tingling in my pussy or instant fantasizing that I do when I see an attractive man. And I would always prefer to have sex with a man over sex with a woman. So, what exactly am I trying to say?

I am learning that Domination is such an intense turn on for me mentally, that it transcends issues of sexuality. When I think of having a "vanilla" FMF, or back to my experience with Tina and James, and it was punctuated by nervousness and anxiety. It was my first time, and I was worried about pleasing her and pleasing him, but much more so about her since I had no experience with a woman. I know how to handle a man, how to read his body language and sounds and give him what he wants sexually. Since I prefer not to masturbate with my hands (I like toys), I don't really know how to touch a woman and I was embarrassed and it kept me out of really being able to relax and enjoy things.

But when I picture Tina tied spreadeagle to the bed, blindfolded, and awaiting my attention, my confidence comes back. Suddenly all I can think about is all the delightful things I'd like to do to her. I want to tease her, to bring her close to orgasm over and over but not let her cum until I'm ready. I want to sit on her face and feel her tongue lapping at my wet pussy and clit as I cum while denying her own. I want to put nipple clamps on her, flog her, and tease and torment her until she explodes into a hot, wet, quivering mess.

And oh yes, does that ever turn me on.

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Hurts so Good...

Like I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been interested in exploring my Domme side lately. I was very anxious at first that maybe this isn't right for me since I do enjoy being a bottom at times, but I'm learning that different people bring out different elements in my personality. I've realized that I'm more comfortable giving up the reins when I'm in a relationship that's solid and with lots of trust, but not casually. I'm also discovering that while I still crave the connection and chemistry in a submissive, I feel safer exploring my desires since I'm the one in control.

So, I made a profile on a BDSM dating site, and started the sifting. My inbox immediately filled up with responses from a wide variety of men, but nothing that really interested me too much. They all felt so cookie cutter... I'm not sure how else to explain it except that I felt like I was a Fill-in-the-Domme in their fantasy. It wasn't ME they were interested in, if that makes any sense. And like I said, I still want that connection in a relationship. I don't want a casual play partner or just to dominate any man. I think a big element of what I enjoy in a D/s relationship is mental, and that just doesn't work with someone you don't know.

I did find someone that I felt that click with, Joe*, and we've been getting to know each other and doing some exploring. It's annoying that because of his travel schedule and mine, that we haven't been able to meet yet, but we have talked on the phone and spent a lot of time together online. I've had time wasters before who had no intention of meeting, but I don't think he is one. And either way, if he is, I've enjoyed what we've had so far very much!

We just started off casually, chatting, talking about ourselves and desires. We've also done a little roleplay, talking through fantasies, and it's gotten very intense. I didn't really understand Domspace until after one of our conversations, when yes there was a definite similarity to the way I felt in subspace, but different. I don't think that explained it very well! I just felt this intense rush of pleasure and power and it was incredible. I can't wait to experience it when I'm actually in a scene and not just exploring it mentally.

What I've been getting off the most on is watching the changes in his reactions... like he'll tell me that he isn't interested in such and such an activity, but if that activity happens to work its way into one of our roleplays, I'll see that his desire to please me has overtaken his lack of desire to engage in that activity, and that gives me a rush like nobody's business. And it fulfills my need to be wanted for myself, and not just as a role in someone else's fantasy. So far, I am really enjoying this relationship and can't wait to meet him in person to see if the chemistry is as strong then.

Well, that was a long prelude to what I was getting at! I've been very horny lately and really just needed to cum so badly, but I haven't had a lot of private time with Mark lately since my family is visiting for the long weekend. They went to bed early last night though, so I spent my evening reading some lovely FemDom stories on Literotica and getting very worked up. I played with my rabbit vibrator while I waited for Mark to finish up his work and come to bed. I was dripping wet and orgasming so intensely... but I needed to be stuffed with cock. Mark finally came up and I told him I just needed him to take me now and fuck me so hard, and he did. I was so wet I could hear the juicy sounds when he pushed his cock into my tight pussy, and he gave me just what I needed. I'm sore today but it was worth it :)

I can't wait to do some more roleplay with Joe about some of the stories I read last night... or better yet, to try them in person.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Happiness Comes in Threes

Sometimes I notice little things which I find very interesting. Mark would tell you that he isn't submissive, or a cuckold, or anything like that. And I agree, in the strictest sense of the words, he isn't. We are equal partners in our marriage and in our life. Both of us have a strong desire to please the other, and that is part of the glue that holds our relationship together. Mark has told me that one of the most important things in his life is to make me happy, and he does :) I always know how lucky I am to have him in my life.

I've noticed though, that when he knows I am having a date, that his desire to please me skyrockets. He knew that I had arranged to see someone this afternoon, and he woke me up this morning with kisses and cooked and served me lunch. I certainly enjoyed the pampering, since he generally leaves the cooking to me! I wonder if he even realizes that he does it. I'm not going to mention it, but it makes me smile.

There are an awful lot of products on the market for women to figure out when they are ovulating. I firmly believe they are a total waste of money! It's quite easy for me to track my cycle. While I have a voracious sexual appetite, there are a few days every month where I go absolutely crazy in my desire for cock. And this is still with being on birth control- go figure. At any rate, I've been telling Mark that I really needed a good pussy licking, so he told me to go ahead and set up a date.

I posted an ad last night to try and find someone for this afternoon, and got a few good responses so I decided to give one a try. His name is *Michael, and he's a married local guy who tells me he loves to go down on a woman. His emails were interesting and articulate, and I find that to be much more of a turn on than the usual "hey want my cock" type replies.

He came over, and he was a little older than he looked in his pictures, and I suspect he lied about his age. I'm not sure how far because I didn't ask. He was still attractive, though. He kissed me passionately and told me how beautiful I looked before he got to work on my pussy.

Oh, did I ever need it. He made me orgasm a few times but he just wasn't quite giving me what I craved. He used long slow strokes with his tongue and I think I prefer something a little quicker and more intense. Well, at least, I like a good mix at any rate :) This still felt good... but today I just needed it hard and fast. After awhile, I offered to return the favour and sucked his cock until he came in my mouth in a flood :)

After I said goodbye to Michael, I realized that I still wasn't really satisfied. I sent Brian a quick text to see if his schedule was flexible. Well, wasn't it my lucky day? :) He was here fifteen minutes later and he started to give me that intense licking that I craved. He even gave me the closest fulfillment to one of my fantasies; I was on all fours and he was under me, licking my clit, while he fucked me with a vibrator. Oh, that was incredible. I came so hard imagining being fucked while I got licked. When I was a sweaty mess, I offered to return the favour and I sucked his cock until he asked if I'd like to fuck. Oh, yes :)

While Brian was licking me, my husband had sent a text asking when he could come home. After Brian left I sent Mark a text and asked if he'd like to be the third man in my pussy today. I was so wet. He said he would love to fuck me, so I didn't shower and saved my dripping wet pussy for him. Mark got me off a few more times with his hands before he fucked me hard and filled me with his cum.

Oh, I feel like a good slut, though :) How many women fuck three men in one day? And did I ever need it... While I miss my old boyfriend more than anything, sometimes a woman just really needs some raw physical pleasure. And having two men today who were quite happy to lick me as long as I wanted gave me just what I craved.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Second Time Lucky

A few weeks ago, Bobby sent me an email that he would be back in town, and wanted to know if I would like to get together.

Would I? :) Oh, yes! Bobby has certainly been the object of many fantasies since we first met back in January. He had tried to get together with me in February, but I was on vacation. I was glad that schedules worked so that we could see each other again.

One of the things that I like about him is that he makes me feel appreciated and he treats me like a woman, not just a sex partner. I loved it when he texted me when his plane landed and told me that he couldn't wait to see me and asked if tonight worked instead. Then he changed all his plans for the evening to get a hotel room in my city instead of where he's working, so he could come see me :) And he likes to take me out to dinner or for drinks- he doesn't just expect me to fuck him and say goodbye.

I've come to the conclusion that while all relationships are different, I don't really enjoy fucking a man without at least some kind of connection between us. They don't all have to be romantic or passionate or loving, but if we're not friends or at least genuinely interested and like the other person, it just doesn't work, at least on my end. I'm happiest in a boyfriend-type relationship, but that is not something that is easy to find, especially since all I can offer is a poly secondary relationship. I love Mark and he will always be the number one man in my life.

But, I digress! I remembered that Bobby told me he loved stockings, so I decided to dress up for him. On the outside, I was quite modest- I wore a tight long sleeved T shirt over a long flowing black and silver skirt, and high heeled black leather boots. Now, underneath was fun :) I wore a black lace bra with pink lace accents, a black lace garter belt with sheer black stockings, and nothing else. And of course my pussy was freshly lasered and just waiting for his tongue...

He picked me up, as usual coming right to my door to collect me, and opening the car door. A girl does love the little touches :) We went to a local restaurant and just got caught up, and enjoyed each other's company. But it had been too long and we were both dying to get to bed!

When we got to his room, he had a quick shower to wash off the travel, and I was waiting on his bed when he came out. His cock showed me how much he appreciated the effort I had gone to! I knelt in front of him and took his cock in my mouth. I just love giving pleasure to a man... the sounds he makes when he's being pleasured are so much fun :) He stopped me before too long because he didn't want to cum yet, and he told me to lie back on the bed.

I took off my bra, but left on the garter and stockings because he told me I was the hottest thing ever in them. And since I had no panties on, it was easy for him to spread my legs and slide his tongue over my hot, dripping pussy... bringing me to orgasm after orgasm. He is so good with his mouth and hands, and after he got me good and worked up, he turned me over and rimmed me to a few more.

I was craving his cock by then... I sucked him some more before he reached for a condom and had me lie back so he could fuck me. He felt so good inside me. He had told me that he wanted to cum on my face again but he couldn't resist fucking me hard and it wasn't long before he moaned that he was cumming.

That's okay- it leaves us some more fun for next time!