Friday, 29 November 2013

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had a lovely birthday party that reminded me how awesome my friends are. Unfortunately Mark was away for work, but Allen came, along with some vanilla friends of mine. The best part is that my friends know I'm poly and kinky, and they're still awesome and accepting of my relationship with Allen. It truly was a fantastic night.

Allen made me a birthday cake. And not just any birthday cake- he made me a rather difficult and involved recipe upon being given a vague description of a dessert that I had loved from a fancy restaurant. Apparently the final version took him four hours to make, and that was the third trial run, not counting all the time he put into figuring out how to actually make some of the specialty ingredients. It made me feel really good :)

So obviously it was mostly just a regular party and not a crazy sex filled weekend, although there was some of that! If I'm with a partner I trust, I occasionally like to get really drunk and then have sex. So I had warned my friends in advance that I didn't want a super late night because I wanted to go home and get pissed and fuck. I loved that around midnight my best guy friend (platonic) looked and his watch and reminded me that I wanted to do that! Have I said again how much I love my friends?

And do I ever love drunk sex! Not that the sober stuff isn't pretty damn good... but I love that little extra push to keep me over the edge, to just enjoying the sensuality and experience. It's like it turns off all the stuff that's going on in my head and puts me entirely in the moment. We fucked for two hours... nothing kinky (I don't play when I've been drinking) but just lots of pleasure and moans and sweat and cum and all those lovely things. He licked my pussy until I came so many times that I had to ask him to fuck me before I stopped being able to talk. And then we fucked again and again before I sucked his cock and kissed him with his cum still in my mouth. I know I've said it before, but I love how he can cum again and again! It's like fucking the male equivalent of me :)

We woke up and had to have more sex before he went home, of course! We broke out one of the birthday presents that Mark bought me- a pink silicone Tantus dildo with a vibrating bullet. And damn, it's pretty sizeable! I bought it mostly for me, but with a vague idea to using it in my harness at some point, perhaps. I like pink and I'd been wanting a vibrating dildo because I was curious to see how it felt vibrating on the P spot in a man. But, for this morning, it was for me! I rode his cock while he used the bullet part on my clit, and then I was craving his tongue. It was so intense for him to lick my clit while he fucked me with that big vibrating dildo, I couldn't handle much before I was gasping and cumming hard. It was a lovely morning. I told him that I wanted him to jerk off onto my breasts and then lick the cum off me. It was funny when he commented afterwards that it was bitter. I suppose it tastes different when it's not coming out of my mouth? But it was really hot- I enjoyed it.

Ahh... life is good.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

My Thoughts on Polyamory

Over the past nearly two years of opening our marriage, I've seen a lot of my thoughts and beliefs change. It's funny, because you think you know yourself, but then you realize that perhaps you don't. I would love to hear from my readers for this post- please feel free to share your thoughts on what I've written, or your own beliefs on polyamory or polysexuality.

When I look back at my thoughts and desires when I was a teenager, I can trace back ideas that make me see I was probably open to the idea of polysexuality even then. But the one thing I could never imagine is that I would ever share my heart with more than one person. That aspect of my life was very black and white to me- I was certain that this was the way it was. Maybe a little fun and games, but loving only one man. Back then, anytime I became romantically interested in someone new, I lost interest in whomever I was dating at the time. I believed that I was just wired to be monoamorous.

In fact, my beliefs were so clearly defined in my mind, that I had trouble seeing things from other perspectives. It's a little embarrassing to look back and see how naive I was at the time. I'd hear about someone cheating and simply couldn't fathom it; if you didn't love someone anymore, why not just call it quits and then find someone that you do love? And of course, you couldn't love your partner and then go have an affair with someone else- that just wasn't possible.

I had a few interesting experiences while I was a teenager that made these beliefs more concrete in my mind. While I was dating my first serious boyfriend, I met someone new while on vacation. My relationship had been rocky, and I was instantly attracted to the new guy, in more than just a sexual sense. I did wind up having a fling with him that week, and never regretted it despite cheating on my boyfriend. When I examined the situation in my head, I realized I didn't love that boyfriend anymore, and that's why I didn't feel all that guilty about it. Yes, I know that was a rationalization, but I was 17 years old, and I'll be the first to admit that I didn't always make great decisions!

I met Mark seven months after that boyfriend and I broke up, and he and I also had that instant chemistry together. It's tough to describe, actually- there have been very few people in my life who I felt that they were there for a reason, but every time it's become something very meaningful to me. But, I digress! Mark and I had been dating for about a year, and we were living together at that point, when I found myself in a very similar situation as I did with my first serious BF. I was away from home, where no one knew me, and no one would ever know if I had sex with the smoking hot guy who made it clear he was very attracted to me. And oh, did I want to! My pussy was just dripping and tingles were running through my body while we flirted and casually touched. But I pictured Mark's face... and I made the decision to go back to my room alone. That was what really made me believe that I was in love with Mark, and that he was the right man for me. I didn't want anyone else.

If you've read my early blog posts, you'll know that my thoughts continued to evolve as Mark and I stayed together. I wrote erotica as a hobby, so he knew about all my "hidden" fantasies and desires. When the opportunity arose, to make a long story short, we jumped in, and added polysexuality to our relationship. Now, that was very clearly defined at the beginning; this was to be sex only- casual fun, with no strings attached.

Exploring my sexuality was so much fun! It was really exciting to go and flirt with strange men, knowing that if I wanted to fuck them, that I could. I really enjoyed the game, and it made me more confident, happier, and certainly broadened my sexual repertoire! I thought that this was perfect, that things couldn't possibly get any better than they were right then.

And then, they did. I fell in love with another man. I tried for a long time to deny that it had happened, that it was just amazing sexual chemistry, or new relationship energy, or something like that. But eventually I had to admit it to myself, even if I couldn't say it. And the craziest thing of all was that I noticed myself falling passionately in love with Mark all over again at the same time. Far from losing interest in him, our marriage became the strongest and most loving it had ever been. It was amazing- we had all the passion and desire and romance of a new relationship, but all the comfort and security and trust of an established marriage. That was the most wonderful feeling I've ever experienced, and Mark told me he'd never seen me as happy as I was that summer. I learned that falling in love with someone new didn't have to mean the end of the world; it just meant that I was going to explore my beliefs a little more.

The whole situation really took me by surprise, since I still instinctively rejected that poly label. Aren't people who are poly just not with the right person? It must mean they are selfish or not truly in love, or else they'd be satisfied with what they've already got, right? It's interesting to hold beliefs like that and then find yourself in that situation and see that they don't apply to you!

I was learning that this is also something that is part of me. It was like finding the last piece of a puzzle that I didn't even know I was missing. Having sex with other people is great, and I've really enjoyed exploring the physical aspects of my sexuality. I love experimenting and trying new things and hell, new cock is fun too! But this was meeting a deeper need for me. I always knew that I craved intimate connections with people, and I had some very close friendships, but I didn't realize how much happiness it would bring me to love more than one person. It makes me feel whole. I'm a better wife and a happier person when I'm in more than one romantic relationship. And it's not that Mark doesn't give me what I need, because he does. Our marriage is the rock that shows me that I am always supported and loved and accepted, and I can't help but love him all the more for that. Just like that moment so many years ago, I still don't want to be married to anyone else.

Life is good. I still like to enjoy the occasional new partner, or a FWB where there's no emotional attachment, but I find myself far more satisfied after an encounter with someone I have an emotional attachment with. I'm poly, and while I'm still learning what that means to me, I accept that side of myself. I don't know how I will continue to change on my journey, but I've really been enjoying the places that I've been so far.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Weekends Are Too Short...

I was so excited to be spending the weekend with Allen. It had been a few weeks because of vacation and other stuff, and I had really missed him. There weren't any kinky parties to go to this weekend, but I really enjoy that our relationship has a good bit of the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect as well. Sex is fun... a lot of fun. But there's more to developing a connection and intimacy with someone than just having sex with them. I've been thinking about writing a post about what polyamory means to me, and perhaps I'll do so this week if I have time. Comments are welcome, of course!

I got to his city on Friday, and he was waiting for me when I stepped off the bus. I saw other couples embracing, happy to see each other, and then he was taking me in his arms for a kiss. It makes me so happy just to be able to go out with him like in an ordinary relationship- there's no deception or being kept a secret, we can be open that we care about each other and enjoy spending time together.

It was, as usual, a wonderful weekend. We've been seeing each other for five months now, and it's still getting better. We had a pretty early night on Friday since we were both tired from work, so after we had dinner we went straight to bed. Although not to sleep! Either I was more sensitive than usual, or I'd just forgotten how good he was with his mouth and hands, because every touch was pure ecstasy. Pleasure simply doesn't describe how I feel when we're having sex. I love the sensation of cumming so hard and so many times that I can't think or talk, just feel so good. The orgasms get so intense after awhile that part of my mind is begging for him to stop because I don't think I can handle another, and the other part is wishing for him never to stop. Incredible.

On Saturday, Allen told me that there was a carnival in town, so we decided to go and spend the day there. Neither of us had been to one since we were kids, but we both thought it might make a fun date. Allen always has interesting and creative ideas for us to do together! We had a really nice time. There were cooking shows and stuff like butter sculptures and prizewinning vegetables and livestock. Lots of things to do and see. I enjoyed wandering around with him hand in hand.

But of course, after a day together, we were both eager to get back to his place to rip each other's clothes off! I was a little tired after our busy day, so although I brought a well stocked toybag I decided not to make much use of it this time. I did put my leather cuffs on him and fasten him to the bed while I kept him on the edge and sucked his cock. I love doing that... he had such a powerful orgasm when I finally let him cum. It makes me happy :)

Afterwards, it was my turn. I laid back on the bed and let him bring me to orgasm after orgasm. It was incredible. He knows about my MFM fantasy, so he used a dildo on me while he licked my pussy, and it was so intense. At the time I remember thinking that the real thing can't possibly be any better than this was, but I think it will be. The anticipation is delicious, though! Then we fucked three times. I love how Allen has such a short refractory period- it's so much fun knowing that I can make him cum and he can just keep going without even getting soft! He and I have a joke that we're both designed for sex- and boy, do we have an awesome time together! We fell asleep that night wrapped in each other's arms.

We woke up Sunday morning hungry for each other again, hands exploring while we kissed. We decided to try something new today. I have some fun fantasies for my MFM, and one of them is double penetration. I'd had some bad experiences in the past with anal sex though, so I didn't know if it would ever work for me. I trust Allen, though, and I know that if I changed my mind or decided to stop, it would stop right there. And much to my surprise... I enjoyed it. I had several orgasms with his cock in my ass, while he played with my clit. It didn't hurt at all, since he took his time and really got me warmed up first. I think I'd be open to trying it again.

The afternoon went by quickly, cuddled up in bed watching a movie. We were just getting started again when we took a look at the clock and realized that I had to leave soon to get home. It's always tough to say goodbye... but I can't wait to see him again!

Sunday, 3 November 2013


I forgot to tell you guys I was going on vacation :) Mark and I went to a resort in the Dominican Republic for a couple of weeks and had a really great time. It was so nice to just relax and decompress. We went with family, so we got less private time, but it was really good. And of course, made me look forward to our adults only trip in January!

Mark learned the trick about fingering the anterior fornix while he goes down on me, and boy did that crank me up a few notches! It was the way it's supposed to be; my excitement getting him more worked up. I don't think I'd ever seen him have an erection before while he licked my pussy, and it was awesome. I'm so glad that he was willing to try, and enjoy the trying! We rattled the walls a few times when we could steal some moments alone.

I haven't seen Allen since early October, I don't think I wrote about it but we got together for just one night and went to a low key (vanilla) party with some friends. Because of family obligations and then our trip, we haven't gotten together and communication was limited since I couldn't use my phone while we were on holiday without running up a bill the size of Godzilla. I am really looking forward to seeing him this weekend! Since we'd have had to stay at his house with limited privacy/noisemaking, I went on Priceline and booked us a cheap hotel for the weekend. I can't wait to see him again. And funny... I got the room for $69 a night. Ideas, anyone? ;)