Thursday, 26 December 2013

Back on the Horse

My libido has been down a little the past few weeks. I suppose that's no surprise given my breakup with Allen, but on the plus side I seem to be bouncing back more quickly. I haven't really started looking for a new lover yet, but I have been thinking about the occasional casual hookup from CL. They don't really satisfy the need, but they're good for scratching an itch, and I feel so delightfully dirty and slutty afterwards. I think there's a time and a place for everything!

This time instead of placing a new ad, I decided to go with a known quantity. My "relationship" with Brian is way out of character for me. I know his first name and that he owns his own business which is obviously relatively nearby, because he can come over on short notice. But I don't even know if he's married or single, and I don't think I've ever kissed him. Honestly, I don't really care. I love to have my pussy licked; Brian loves licking pussy. So, it works :) I find myself uninterested in seeing him when I have a lover, because it's almost like using him just like a sex toy. But he is quite good at what he does!

So, I asked him over for a visit. I brought out one of my favourite new toys, a Tantus silicone vibrating dildo. It really plays into my MFM fantasies to have my clit licked while I'm being fucked with a dildo. I cum so hard... It was certainly a pleasurable hour or so :) We didn't have sex- he just gave me what I wanted, thanked me, and left :)

Then Mark texted me to ask if it was safe to come home, so after I said goodbye to Brian I changed the sheets and waited for Mark to come home so I could climb on his cock. He loves it when I'm so wet we can just fuck with no foreplay, although of course he made me orgasm several times.

I love fucking more than one person in a day. So dirty... but so sweet.

Monday, 23 December 2013

A Little Healthy Competition

The title is a bit misleading, because we already know who has won. But on the other hand... Mark knowing that another man can rock my world certainly inspires him to step up his game a bit and I love that! He has become more interested in pussy licking lately, and while it's still not his favourite thing to do, he's gotten much more skilled. I'm really happy and impressed :) Last night we had some bedrockingly awesome sex after he made me orgasm over and over... he was so impatient to slide his cock in my dripping wet, aching pussy that I didn't even get to suck it! Oh well- I'm sure I'll have plenty of other opportunities :)

We also got into the fantasy talk a little bit. He's really started to enjoy a little kink in our sex life. He's not into the power exchange which I really crave... but I can certainly enjoy what I've got! And he's actually meeting some of my needs for service submission, which is awesome (don't tell him I said that, he thinks of it as trying to make me happy and my life easier... so the exact same thing. But he'd hate the name!). I wake up and all the chores are done. So happy!

But I got off topic again! He's been asking me to do some dirty things to him and I love it. He begged me to slap his face, which was really, really hot. Afterwards, though, he said he thinks that was a one time thing LOL! Apparently I have quite the arm. He's also told me he'd love to do some bondage and watersports again, and I find that a real turn on. Playing with my husband can be a lot of fun even if it's missing the submission. What I have is pretty good!

Opening our marriage has really been awesome for our sex life. Not only do we have sex much more frequently, but we're both better sex partners now. I've learned some new tricks, and I've had some used on me that I could teach him. We're both more open minded and willing to explore each other's fantasies. It's been a really, really positive thing for our relationship. That doesn't even mention the better trust and communication we've had to develop to make things work.

So my New Year's resolution for this year... Have sex. Lots of it. With lots of different people, but especially my husband, because I love him so much. And I do love fucking him!

Sunday, 8 December 2013

First Steps

Paula and I have been texting pretty much nonstop since Friday... it's been really hot. And she just turns me on to no end. Her submissiveness is so powerful and it makes me want to do the most awful things to her. It makes it very difficult to behave myself!

So I invited her over tonight, and we knew we were going to have sex. The buildup had been intense already and I had been fantasizing about having her mouth on my pussy all day long. She got here, and I showed her the latest pictures I'd added to my Tumblr while thinking of her. I gently ran my fingers up her spine and along the back of her neck while she watched... her voice cracked a little while she looked at the pictures and told me she liked them. I felt her breathing get more ragged and made her tell me that she was picturing us doing those things. Then I asked her if she'd like to join me upstairs.

We kissed... and I told her I thought she was wearing far too many clothes. She asked me what I wanted and I told her to strip down to her bra and panties. She was wearing pink- I had told her it was my favourite colour. Beautiful. I had put on some blue silk and black lace lingerie, but knew it wouldn't stay on long. I told her I'd been imagining her licking my pussy all day long, and that I wanted her to do it until either she couldn't anymore, or until I asked her to stop. And she did! I really enjoyed her attention. She doesn't have Allen's talent, but I don't imagine very many people do. I did have some nice orgasms, though!

When I asked her to stop, I told her to come up to see me and I kissed the taste of my pussy off her lips. I always enjoy that scent on my partner's face because it makes me think of what they were doing. So hot! I had her lie down beside me, took off her bra, and I pulled a couple of toys out of my toy box. I told her we were going to take it very slowly... I put my wrist cuffs on her, but I didn't lock them, and I clipped them together but didn't attach them to anything. She looked so sexy in them!

Her breasts are so full and gorgeous and her nipples were rock hard. I really enjoyed kissing down her throat and licking them and biting her nipples. I attached clothespins to her nipples before I kissed my way down her body and took off her panties. And then it was time to dive in and enjoy her very wet pussy. I don't have much experience with women- it wasn't very many years ago when I was sure I'd never be interested in fucking a woman. Then I had my FMF and enjoyed that, and lately I suppose I've either been curious or just more open to the idea. So when I found a woman I was attracted to, why not?

I really need more practice, though! I know I'm good with cocks- I've sucked and fucked a lot of those :) But this was my first time really trying to please a woman. I fingered her G spot and she really seemed to enjoy that while I licked her pussy, and I went looking for her A spot as well afterwards. I am not sure that was what it was, but as long as she was reacting the way she did, I think I did okay :) We cuddled afterwards and I stroked her hair and we chatted. I just need to get more practice so that I'm as confident with women as I am with men. But hey, nobody started out perfect, and I'm motivated to improve.

We spent an hour just chatting and hanging out... I didn't try to dominate her, although somehow we both started to get turned on again during our chat. If it wasn't so late, we might have gone back upstairs for another round! She's told me that she wants me to use a crop on her, and I told her perhaps another time. We have more talking to do before we get to that point. But the thought is so damn sexy!

Still not sure where this is going, but it's only been a few days. I'm looking forward to finding out, though.

Saturday, 7 December 2013

I Kissed A Girl (And I Liked It!)

Boy, life moves quickly sometimes! I was rather wondering how long the heartbreak was going to last this time before I was ready to get back into taking chances with my heart again. Apparently, not all that long! I've been really down lately because life has been stressful... and then I met Paula.

I have lately considered myself bisexual. I've been sexual with women, but I generally don't think of them romantically. So I suppose the accurate term for that is heteroflexible. But, perhaps I hadn't met the right woman?

As usual, I considered posting an ad for a casual hookup on Craigslist. I'm not really sure why I always think of that after a breakup, because it really doesn't work. But, I suppose there's nothing wrong with an orgasm or two, so long as my head understands that's all it is and I'm not trying to fill that relationship hole. I did actually post one, but decided not to go through with it.

And then I happened to meet someone that I felt that immediate click with- and go figure, it was a woman. We have a lot in common, vanilla-wise, and she responds so well to the innate dominance in my personality. I was so turned on with her sitting next to me on the couch, blushing and demurely looking down... it pulled out all the aggression and possessiveness that I've had to keep suppressed for so long. I wanted to make her mine. I wanted to beat her until she had tears running down her beautiful face, and then make her cum until she screamed. Deep breaths. One day at a time!

I'm not sure how this will work out or where it will go... but the thought of a collar around her throat turns me on like nobody's business. I know I'm more attracted to men than to women, and I don't know quite how much I am going to miss a cock instead of toys (although I've always said I'd give up penetration in favour of oral if I had to, and I certainly have no shortage of toys!)... but I'm wondering how much the power exchange will make up for that. Because wow, that's intense. I had that lovely first date high last night and all through today. And I know she's very much interested in pursuing something with me. So I guess we'll see where it goes!

Mark, of course, is turned on by this like crazy. Typical man! I told him Paula's a lesbian so she wouldn't be interested in him at all. He still loves the idea of me playing with her or having sex with her. Pervert ;)

Sunday, 1 December 2013

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Well, one of the negative aspects of polyamory is that secondary relationships are often ephemeral; they can be intense and amazing, but fizzle out quickly. But boy the fizzling part can be tough when the good part was so damn good.

Allen visited this weekend and we had a long talk. He told me that he cares about me very much and enjoys spending time with me, but he just doesn't have the time and money to invest in a long distance relationship like we have. He's noticed over the past five months that he doesn't have the time for his family and friends anymore since he's spending most of his downtime with me, and he likes to keep a sense of balance in his life. If I were local, he'd be happy to keep seeing me, but travelling to my city is expensive and time consuming. I can understand that, but it's hard to accept under the circumstances because things were just so good between us. But, just like I learned last time with Patrick, I'm sure another man will come along.

Although whenever I'm right in the pain of a breakup, it makes me question if it's even worth trying again. Because I know that a secondary relationship is not going to be for a lifetime- I'm already married, and happily so. I look for different things in secondary relationships. So this is going to happen again and again. I'm not good at protecting my heart- when I develop trust with someone, I give myself to them as wholly as I can. I want my relationships to be open and honest and fulfilling. And especially adding the D/s component... it adds another level of intensity for me. So leaving myself open to finding what I want means leaving myself open to this pain, and right now that's hard to accept.

Even knowing that Allen and I weren't looking for the same thing- I wanted a more intense D/s relationship possibly ending with a collar- what we had was good enough that I was willing to make tradeoffs. I can understand that he wasn't. But sometimes my heart and my brain don't speak the same language.

I'm not really sure what my plans for the next little while will be, but I don't plan to throw myself back into my search right away. I've actually taken down most of my profiles and I think I'll have a bit of a break. I know one thing I won't do will be to have a lot of casual sex. It didn't work last time and it's not going to work now.

It seems like every time I have a new relationship, I learn more things about myself, and more about my beliefs on relationships in general and what I want. I think I've also learned that I have a core belief that things do happen for a reason, and I just need to do some self examination to see what I need to take away from things this time. Perhaps when the pain recedes a little.

I can't wait for Mark to come home. I need my husband. He's the other half of me and I need to be in his arms.