Friday, 30 May 2014


I texted Brian on the weekend to see if he'd have any time this week. My libido has been sky high lately and I haven't really had the time or circumstances to get laid! My poor rabbit vibrator has been getting a hell of a workout, but it's never as good as having a real partner. Brian and I may not really have an emotional connection, but he's very skilled with his tongue and fingers.

So he came over and we made out for a while before he went between my legs and started licking my pussy like it was the most delicious thing in the world. He told me he's a pleaser- he loves to listen to the sounds his partners make, and no one has ever called me quiet! We had to keep it to a quickie today since he had a meeting afterwards, but I am feeling much more relaxed after having some pretty good orgasms.

He makes some pretty good noises himself when I suck his cock. I love listening to a man who is close to the edge, and all the little sounds that tell you when you're doing something he really likes. And then, of course, a mouthful of hot cum :) I'm not the world's biggest fan of the taste, but I enjoy making a man cum so it doesn't bother me. I swallow every drop :)

It was a pretty good lunch break... we both definitely got a treat! I'd still much rather fuck someone that I have good chemistry with, or at least more of a FWB type relationship, but when I just need to cum, technical skill will do me just fine.

Saturday, 24 May 2014


So, I know it's a little silly but I'm kind of excited right now. To recap my previous posts, I met Greg at a party in March, and we ran into each other again at the party this past weekend and he gave me a lovely footrub. And the level of deference! What can I say? Submissiveness really, really turns me on. He offered to carry my toy bag to the dungeon, and after he gave me the massage he thanked me for allowing him to serve me. SO good.

The funny thing is, Chris mentioned he'd planned to introduce me and Greg. I've fucked Chris before. Wonder what he's told Greg? I'm kind of curious!

At any rate, since the party, we've been chatting nearly every evening for a few hours, and very little of it sexual or kinky (well, until last night anyway!). Just getting to know each other. It's a really good sign when we don't run out of things to say. He even fixed a problem I was having with my computer! I joked to Mark that I found a useful guy.

Being kinky, I find, makes communication much easier. Instead of beating around the bush and flirting and wondering what the other person was thinking, we talked right out about if this was potentially going somewhere, and I said I was definitely interested in sex and we'd see where it would go from there. Then we got to have the fun sex talk :) I like it much better to be able to tell a man what I like sexually- makes it much easier for him, and I'm much more likely to actually get what I want! But aside from that I'm just genuinely enjoying getting to know him. I'm not sure how compatible we are in terms of fetishes, but enough to have a little fun at least. He's not into much pain at all, and he has some interests that I find unusual, but I'm willing to be open minded and give it a try. And either way, he's very respectful and I like him. And go figure- he's a 91% match on OKC. He lives in another city, but at least he drives!

I've got some thinking to do, though. Certainly, if I start seeing Greg I won't have room in my life for any more relationships. Normally I cap out at one "real" relationship plus fuck buddies, so this is a bit of a stretch for me. I'm wondering if I even have time to spend a weekend or two with Greg a month- he works during the day, and it's kind of a long drive just to come up for an evening. I want to make sure I have time with Mark, too. I have no plans to stop seeing John, either- he and I have something pretty good going. So I know I'm overthinking for now since I haven't even fucked Greg yet or played with him, but it's on my mind. I know that both time and emotional energy are finite. The good news is though, after our discussion, I know we're on the same page. Communication is a lovely thing.

There's another party in Greg's city in a couple of weeks and he's invited me to go with him and stay at his place, and then he'll drive me home the next day. If I don't have any plans with Mark, I'm going to go. Might as well see where this goes. I'm feeling a little bit of NRE already :) He makes me laugh and the level of respect and attention he gives me is intensely erotic for me. And it really is flattering- as soon as he sees me online I get a message. I like that :) Getting to know new people is so exciting.

Poly is awesome. I love getting to know so many different, fantastic people.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

A Boot-iful Weekend, Part II

I hadn't expected to be able to go out on Sunday night, but at the last minute a couple of pieces clicked into place. John had to go home for work, my babysitter kept kiddo until Monday afternoon, and a friend offered me a ride to a BDSM party at a swinger's club in a different city. Did I want to go? Oh yes! :) Me, pass up a chance to get dressed up in fetishwear and enjoy the ambiance? No chance!

So I got dressed in a little black PVC miniskirt with buckles and a black PVC bustier with lace cutouts above the back and belly. Very sexy and curvy. Bare legs, and metallic blue nails. And of course, my lovely new boots. Sorry to the person who asked before but I totally forgot to get my picture taken! I stayed barefoot for the first hour or so at the party though!

When I realized I'd be able to go, I texted Chris, since the party was in his city and I knew he'd been thinking of going. He said yes, he'd love to play, he'd just be a little late since he had plans with friends in the early evening. He asked if I'd wait to put on my boots until he got there. I said... maybe :) If you've read back to my last scene with Chris, you'll see why I rejected all offers to help me with them until he got there!

A friend of mine who is new to the scene offered to drive, and it was going to be her first play party so I know she was a little nervous. She really had a good time though. There was certainly lots of fun scenes to watch! Not to mention all the couples and more up on the third floor fucking.

I happened to arrive at the same time as a friend of Chris' (let's call him Greg) who recognized me from the party in March. I didn't remember him but I am terrible with faces! When he told me he was a friend of Chris, I assumed he was good people, and it was pretty easy to pick out that he was a sub. I love when a sub is service oriented, and I knew I was going to enjoy his company when he offered to carry my toy bag to the dungeon. When we got there we traded Fetlife names and I took a quick peek at his fetish list. Oooh... he likes feet and massages... how delightful! In short order I was sitting on a couch making happy noises while he massaged my feet. Very relaxing while we got to know each other better. He seems to be a very nice guy- so polite and respectful, thanked me afterwards for allowing him to rub my feet. I'm looking forward to getting to know him a bit better.

Chris got there a little later on. He told me he had double booked the weekend, but when he heard I was coming to town he tried really hard to adjust his plans so we could get together. Living in different cities and neither of us driving, plus his crazy work schedule means that us getting together at a party is a pretty awesome thing! And since we have similar fetishes that not a lot of people share, it's something we both want to enjoy while we can.

The same room we were in last time was available, so we went upstairs and got busy :) My friend asked if she could watch and I told her of course! He knelt in front of me and gently slid my feet into the boots, one at a time, and made sure to take his time lacing them up so they fit my legs perfectly. It's always so sexy feeling his hands sliding up my calves and watching him focus so intently on doing a good job for me. When my boots were on, I told him to start at the bottom and work his way up. It was so hot when we looked into each other's eyes while I watched him lick the sole of my boot and suck on the stiletto heel, and flower kisses all around my toes and the base of the boot. When he started kissing my thigh just above where the boot met my leg, I could feel my pussy dripping onto my skirt. Chris and I have such amazing energy together and I always find a boot worship scene to be intensely erotic. I could see he was enjoying it as much as I was, since his hard cock was clearly straining through his boxers. I noticed we had a few spectators watching through the doorway. After he had licked and kissed all over every inch of my boots, I told him to lie down on his back. I enjoyed having one boot on him while he kissed and licked the other, and I watched the bliss on his face when I dug the stiletto heel into him. I thought it was so hot when I was stroking his cock with the sole of one boot and had the other one resting on his throat with just a little pressure. When things were starting to draw to an end, I asked him if he'd like to cum for me. His cock certainly seemed happy at the idea. He said yes, and I watched him stroke his cock over my shiny black boots before he covered them in cum. And then of course he cleaned them off carefully with his tongue. Such a fabulous time!

We talked about doing another scene that night with hot wax (I got a new toy I wanted to try out with it) but it was already getting late and the party was winding down, so we decided to save it for another time rather than possibly get interrupted. Even more fun things to look forward to with Chris! I wish he didn't live so far away or I'd definitely be interested in pursuing something a bit more serious than a casual play partner, but for now, what we share together is pretty awesome. Whenever the two of us start chatting online we both get pretty worked up. Good times :)

So it was a really fabulous weekend... Life is pretty darn good right now.

Monday, 19 May 2014

A Boot-iful Weekend

I was so excited for this weekend. Mark is out of town, kiddo went to stay at my mother's house, and I had 2 1/2 days all to myself! I'm sure the parents out there will all understand my excitement! And not only that, I knew I'd finally get to have some alone time with John with no one else home so we could play as hard as we wanted. And oh, we wanted!

I had been waiting for so long to do a scene I had planned with him. I know it won't be to a lot of people's tastes, but I know John's likes, dislikes, and limits, and I knew he'd enjoy it as much as I did. When he came over, I locked my pink collar around his throat. He looked so sexy in it. I have a very special pink chrome heart lock and he is the first man I've ever locked it on, so it had significance to me. I couldn't stop playing with it all weekend. But, I digress!

Some people will be bothered by the kind of play we did, so if you're one of them, I suggest skipping the rest of this post because I would like to share it. It's so hard for me to explain what BDSM does for me. I spent a long time wrestling with my self identity because I see myself as a nice and caring person, and then at the same time, I get sexually aroused from hurting people and controlling them. I talked with a newbie about her first play experience, and her observations helped clear things up for me. She told me that what she liked the most about watching was seeing the connection and genuine caring and affection between the partners. Yes, there were some very sadistic torture scenes at the party she saw. But she also saw the aftercare; the cuddles and gentle words and even love between the partners. And that really rings true for me. I have no desire to hurt or control people that I don't genuinely care about at least as friends, and they have to want to be hurt or controlled for me to get off on it. So keep that in mind when you read about how John and I played this weekend.

We went to my room and I lay down naked on my bed and completely ignored John while he worshipped my body from head to toes. I was "busy" playing games on my iPad and trying not to make noises to let John know how good he was making me feel. Kisses and massaging and gentle touches all over my body. It was fantastic. Then I ordered him to clean my bathroom. I enjoy service submission as part of a D/s relationship because it shows me that my partner is really committed to making my life easier and not just trying to get his fantasies fulfilled. There's more to it than that; it makes me feel loved and valued and cared for.

When he came out and asked me to inspect his work, I told him to lie down on the floor, where I pissed on him and told him that he missed a spot and that I was disgusted that he could not complete a simple task like cleaning a bathroom. I spat on his face and told him to clean it again and clean himself up because he was filthy. He whimpered and moaned but I could see that look come over his face where he's slipping into subspace. His eyes go out of focus and he gets this dreamy look on his face and I can see he's so into what we're doing. It's in that moment where my control is absolute and that's what really turns me on the most.

After he had a quick shower and finished cleaning up, I put leather cuffs around his wrists and ankles and tied him to the bed. It's a steel frame and the cuffs were padlocked, so he wasn't going anywhere until I was ready to let him out! I also put a locking stainless steel cock ring on him- it was very sexy to see his cock and balls encircled by it. So of course I had to make him more visually appealing by adding ten clothespins to his balls. With the skin pulled taut by the cock ring, they had more intensity than usual! I brought out my violet wand and tried various electrodes, probes, and metal toys on him while he wiggled and moaned. Being the reaction junkie that I am, watching him beg and plead for me to remove the nipple clamps was intensely erotic. But the words "red" and "yellow" never crossed his lips, so I could sit back and be the cruel Domme enjoying his suffering.

I sat on his face and had him lick me to a few satisfying orgasms, and then put a double ended penis gag into his mouth, so he could suck on a cock while I rode the cock on the other end, grinding it into his face. It was so intense that I orgasmed almost immediately. Good times :) I was ready for cuddles and aftercare when we were done, but he begged me to put on my strap on so he could suck it. I got an awesome new harness from Aslan Leather, so I didn't need much encouragement to put it on with my Realdoe. I motioned for him to get on his knees in front of me and told him to worship my cock. It was so sexy, and I wished I could feel everything he was doing but watching it was pretty great too. Slapping his face with my cock and rubbing his saliva all over himself... the only thing better would be if I could actually produce cum :) It was a lot of fun.

Then of course, we were both tired and snuggled up together. I told him that I love him and he cuddled up close. I might hurt him and degrade him and humiliate him, but he knows that's just a game for our mutual pleasure, and that he's safe with me and that I care about him. You know, just as an aside... people insult "beta" males (don't get me started on how much I hate the terms alpha and beta!) and call them wimpy and other derogatory names. But I wonder if they consider how much strength it takes for a man to admit his private thoughts and fantasies? Going against typical societal expectations isn't easy.

I was going to write about the BDSM party I attended on Sunday as well but this post is running long, so check back in a day or two for the rest. I'll leave the title as a teaser ;)

Tuesday, 13 May 2014


Mark has been gone for quite some time now. Normally he's not on the road this long and it is starting to wear on me a bit. He will be delayed and now won't be home until June 2nd. A woman gets lonely for her husband after so long! It'll be seven weeks apart when all is said and done, but we'll get through it like we have before. Thank goodness for unlimited phone and data and texting!

And, he bought me a fabulous gift to help pass the time! He knew I really wanted some new BDSM gear, so he told me to go ahead and order it. It's some pretty exciting stuff, and on the pricey side. I can't wait to try it out :) I'll write more about it when I get it.

John had the day off work today, so I left my door unlocked this morning and he came upstairs and woke me up. It was really nice to wake up to cuddles and then some passionate kisses. I hadn't seen him since last week, so getting some time together was really, really good. I missed him :)

I am so looking forward to the weekend. I have a babysitter for kiddo, and I am going to get in some intense BDSM play. I really miss that, too :) John doesn't know what he's in for... *evil grin*

Sunday, 4 May 2014

Time Flies

I can't believe I haven't really written in two weeks! Life does get in the way and I've been tired and just not feeling much like writing. I have still been seeing John- in fact, we spent the whole weekend together last week :) I always really enjoy nice long overnights with a lover. It's so nice to just do whatever we want and have no responsibilities or worries about when to get up.

I had such wonderful plans for scenes with John both on Friday, and then on Saturday with Brian. But I got some really stressful news about a friend late Friday afternoon and it really took me out of my headspace and I wasn't in any condition to play. I'm sure John must have been disappointed because we haven't had the time/space to play hard lately. I have a rule that I don't do intense play when kiddo is home even after bedtime because I won't necessarily hear if the door opens, and that isn't something I want seen (Note to self, buy bedroom door locks, although that doesn't solve the potential noise problem). I mean, when I play with Mark I don't really worry as much, although I suppose it would be nearly as scarring for a kid to see, depending on what we're doing. But I really don't want him to see me like that with a lover.

At any rate, we didn't play. But instead of acting disappointed, John held me when I was feeling down and needed it, and showed me how much he cares about me. Lots of touching and cuddling and holding hands. We also went out on a nice vanilla date for dinner and a movie, and since I don't get to do that very often I really enjoyed it. It was really an intimate weekend that deepened our connection, because it showed me that what we have together is more than just BDSM.

I do really miss the play, though, since we haven't had an opportunity to play hard since that female Dominance high protocol party in March. He has a few vacation days coming up this month so hopefully we'll figure something out soon. After all, I went to a local sex shop warehouse sale a couple of days ago and picked up some fun new toys! A thrusting rabbit vibrator for me (I love them, but given how hard I work them they don't last long), some fetishwear, a lovely rubber paddle that has a nice bite to it, and a locking stainless steel cock ring. I'm hoping it's conductive so that it can add to my fun with my violet wand.

Speaking of which, I really really want some new violet wand toys. I love electrical play, and I think it might become one of my favourite kinky activities. There's so many possibilities. Do you like impact play? Then do electrical impact play :) Do you like fire play? There's electrical fire play (which sounds awesome and I have no idea how to do it. Time to research!). How about pegging? Yup, you can do that with an electrified dildo. I just think it can add a little more spice to just about whatever you want to do. Too bad those toys are so freaking expensive. I think I might need a part time job just so I can buy some new toys! And shoes, can't forget shoes! :)

Three weeks and counting until Mark gets home...

Saturday, 3 May 2014

What Makes A Marriage?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I am a member of a few different message boards with different philosophies and personalities, and I enjoy them all for various reasons. Coincidentally, comments on two of the boards at once got me thinking in this direction, and when I read a book that brought tears to my eyes, I realized that this was something that I really wanted to write about, because it has meaning to me.

I am a hotwife, and I'm poly, and a lot of other things that most people don't picture in a marriage. You, my readers, mostly see that side of me because it's what I write about here. There are a few entries about Mark, but you don't ever really hear about the days where he does an unpleasant chore for me so I won't have to, or when we watch movies cuddled up on the couch, or when he brings me flowers for no reason at all except that he loves me.

I asked on three different boards what people thought that the components of a good marriage were, and got a lot of interesting answers. On a fairly conservative message board for newlyweds, I heard love and respect, religion, honesty, fidelity. I also posted on a board for people who are having affairs. Many of them have been married for twenty or more years and some have had affairs for nearly that long, so I wanted to hear their perspective as well. I heard compatibility, independence, sex, and fun. I got answers that resonated best with me on the hotwifing board, which I think makes a lot of sense. Commitment to partner's happiness, to shared goals and values, communication, trust, acceptance of faults.

Tonight I was reading a book that included parts about the thoughts of a man in his nineties as he lay on his deathbed, thinking about his relationship with his wife that spanned over seventy five years. I have to be honest that it made me cry. The way he thought about her wasn't romance and flowers, it was just about being together, the way a right hand fits with the left. It really resonated with me.

So, what does marriage mean to me? Physical attractiveness comes and goes, money isn't always there, and people can change over the years. The person you married isn't going to stay static, and hopefully no one would want their partner to stagnate. Life is a journey, and to me marriage is about being with the person whose hand you want to hold while you find your way. It's not just about chemistry, or fabulous sex, or a great job, or whatever factors initially attract you to someone. It's about what's there keeping you together during the hard times, and about a shared commitment to a life together.

Who will look at you when you wake up with bedhead and morning breath and still think you're beautiful even while they tease you about it? Who will take care of you when you're sick, raise a family with you, and support you in growing as a person? Who wants you to succeed because your happiness is important to them? We dress ourselves up for lovers to look our best, but wear baggy yoga pants and skip the makeup at home because we don't have to (although it's definitely a good idea sometimes!). Our partners have seen us at our very worst, and still want to be with us.

To me, that's what really matters. I identify as poly, so I do have other relationships that are important to me, but I know going in that they all have a shelf life, hard as that is to think about. NRE is amazing; I love the feelings when sparks fly, the headiness of kissing a new person, the intense passion that just isn't sustainable long term. And every time I date someone new, I feel those good feelings inside again for Mark. For accepting me the way I am, and for giving me what I need to be happy, even if that means it comes from someone else.

We've certainly had our share of issues over the past thirteen years together. I'm not perfect and neither is he, but I'll challenge any married person out there to deny that they've had moments they wish they could take back or words they could unsay. But what we have together means so much to me- we're a great team, good co-parents, and we've got each other's back (not to mention the great sex we still have together!). Because underneath it all, even if being married isn't glamorous (how much fun can it possibly be to pick up your partner's dirty socks or argue over whose turn it is to put out the trash, or going over finances or kid problems), it's what is real to me. And at the end of the day, there's no one's hand I'd rather be holding than Mark's. When we got married, I had his wedding ring engraved to say "Forever and always, partners in life" and it still means as much to me, if not more, than it did the day I slipped it on his finger.