Monday, 21 July 2014

Getting to Know Me... Intimately

So, I was recently asked about my masturbatory habits, and decided that I'd share them with you all here. So as you know from my writing, I'm a very sexual person. I like to fuck and I love to cum over and over. I think about sex a lot of the time, and certainly when I'm ovulating all I want to do is orgasm. I have noticed if I don't get laid for a few days, I get cranky.

It's funny, but in the 2 1/2 years since Mark and I opened our marriage, my frequency of masturbation has significantly decreased. I've found that a toy just isn't as satisfying as a real partner. I'd rather wait and have sex with someone, than have a few mechanical orgasms because a lot of times I just find it frustrating. When I'm with a partner, I get off easily and often. I had one ex boyfriend count me at 100 orgasms in an overnight visit before he stopped counting, and that's not unusual for me with a partner who knows what s/he is doing and wants to give me pleasure. When I'm using a vibrator, it often takes me a half hour or so to get worked up enough to have an orgasm, even if I was turned on before I got started. I'll have 20-30 good orgasms over the next couple of hours (that's right, if I have less than an hour, I don't even bother) but around then it starts to get difficult to cum again and I just get annoyed. I never have these problems with a person! But a few orgasms just isn't enough for me; all they do is create the desire for more...

I also find that I can't masturbate within a few days before seeing a partner. It's not that I need the buildup- I have no shortage of orgasms :) It's that my clit gets numb after a few hours with a vibrator, and it takes a few days to resensitize, which is again not something that happens no matter how often I've cum with a partner.

Rabbit style vibrators are my favourite- I really enjoy getting penetrated as well as my clit stimulated at the same time. Plays into my fantasy of getting fucked and licked at the same time, I'm sure. This is my very favourite sex toy. I've tried a few different rabbits, but the "ears" are all different lengths and some just don't touch me the way I need to orgasm. My pussy also clenches very tightly when I'm cumming, so I have a tendency to break my toys. Which is pretty sexy to think about, but it's hard on my pocketbook! I've tried other vibrator styles, including the famed Hitachi Magic Wand, but none do it for me like the rabbit does. And dildos just aren't my thing at all unless someone is licking me while I'm being fucked with it. I have never actually used my hands to cum, ever. I just prefer using a toy. Or a jacuzzi... that was where I first learned to pleasure myself.

While I enjoy porn, I prefer to watch it with a partner as part of foreplay. When I'm on my own, my go-tos are reading erotic BDSM or fetish stories on Literotica, or checking out photos on Tumblr. I think I prefer it because I can use my imagination. You know what they say about the mind being the most powerful sex organ!

I would definitely give up masturbating if I had a convenient partner around every day to lick my pussy until I can't talk anymore (and yes, that does happen... but it takes longer than most people's jaws and tongues can handle!), but until that happens, sometimes a girl's just gotta have an orgasm or fifty. Tonight I've been playing with my pussy for three hours and I just squirted all over the bed. I love the smell of hot, wet pussy. Now, if only I had someone here to clean up this mess...

Sunday, 20 July 2014


So, a few interesting things have happened over the past week. I had my first date with Jennifer, and it went pretty well. We certainly enjoy each other's company! We went for a walk and got some frozen yogurt and chatted about life and relationships and BDSM. I know though that she's more heteroflexible than bisexual, so I am not sure if this is going the route of a new friend or a new lover. Either way will be good since I enjoy her company, but I'll be a little let down of course if she's not up for anything more.

Honestly though, life has been a total bust lately and I'm feeling pretty down. It seems like everything that can go wrong has been, and I'm pretty mentally and emotionally drained. Mark and I haven't been seeing each other much because of his work, so when we have spent time together it's basically had to be functional and focusing on life stuff that needed attention, and less on quality time. We had a fantastic fuck on Monday and some snuggles afterwards which felt really good, but we need some more time to connect.

I was supposed to go to a house party on Friday, where the hosts were also planning to sell off a good chunk of their costumes and BDSM gear cheaply since they aren't seeing much use anymore. Unfortunately both the babysitter and the backup that I lined up had to cancel, so I struck out. It was disappointing- that party is more of a social gathering for me than a play party, since there's less playspace there, but I still enjoy hanging out and watching others there.

Then yesterday was a female Dominant party that I had really been looking forward to. Chris and I had planned on three scenes and it was going to be so much fun. First, I was going to put him in a Humbler, and he has a lovely serving tray gag (his isn't quite like that- no hood and the tray is a bit larger), so I was going to use him as a footstool/table combination while I socialized with my friends. Then we were going to do some heavy electrical play with my violet wand and cupping set, and after that we were going to do some boot worship. We joked that we had to leave that for last because otherwise we get so into what we're doing that we never get to anything else! Either way, I haven't had the opportunity to play hard in a while so I was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, he had to cancel, which was pretty disappointing.

John was still planning to go as a house slave though, so I figured we still might get to do something light even if he wasn't feeling up for something more intense. Well, the morning of the party he texted me and told me that he wasn't feeling well, so he was out. Another disappointment. So I figured I probably wouldn't get to play at all, but at least I'd go and have a good time. I always enjoy socializing with friends, and a close (platonic female) friend of mine was also working the party so I figured we'd get to hang out for a while, which we don't often get to do. She had asked me back in January if I wanted to play and I said yes, but we'd never found ourselves at the same parties, or if we were, she wound up playing with her new Dom who she started seeing in February.

So, Jennifer had expressed an interest in seeing me play (I had invited her to the party as my guest, but not as my sub since it was only our second date), and since things weren't shaping up like that, I figured I'd ask my friend if she wanted to do a scene here. Her Dom is married to the party organizer so he was working as a house sub himself, and he wouldn't be allowed to play with her at the party since it's femDom anyway. My friend said yes, I'd just have to clear it with her Dom. He and I have never really seen eye to eye, but I value manners so I do my best to be polite. Apparently he has some form of Asperger's and doesn't handle social situations well, but I don't really know the details. At any rate, to make a long story short, he was quite rude to me and it really ruined my night. On top of everything else, I got a nasty text from my friend who blamed me for the problems. I am wondering if we were even at the same party since our perceptions of the event are so different! I know this is just drama but I try really hard to avoid stuff like this in my life because it's so unpleasant. I'm pretty down because the way this played out is into friendship ending territory.

So, it's been a pretty crappy week. I could use some hugs and maybe a few orgasms LOL.

Saturday, 12 July 2014

On Bisexuality

I'm not sure if I ever wrote about this here, actually, but I was chatting with a female friend of mine about how my search was going and mentioned that it seems like my bisexuality comes in waves- either that, or it seems like I meet all men or all women but never a balanced group!

Lately, it seems like all the appealing prospects I'm talking to are women. There's one in particular I am very much enjoying... she texted me a sexy picture of her high heels on her way out for a date with her husband, and they were very hot shoes indeed! I also got a great message today from a pretty girl in a city about an hour away. Where are all the local people? Or when is someone going to buy me a car? ;)

I just looked back in my blog and saw that I'd written about the experience, but hadn't classified it as bisexual at the time. Up until about eighteen months ago, I would have insisted I was straight as an arrow. It seems like as days go by though, I am more and more comfortable with women as part of my sexual identity. I always used to swear that I'd never even have a FMF because I didn't like sharing and I wasn't sexually aroused by women. Then I was chatting with a friend I met in the BDSM community, and he and his wife both identify as submissive. I found him attractive, but he told me their agreement was that they only fuck people together. So, I decided to be open minded and give it a try. Sex is fun, there would be no pressure, so why not?

And while I was on top of her, playing with her nipples and kissing her passionately, I realized that what really attracts me to people is submissiveness much more so than genitalia. She was mine to play with how I liked, that particular time, and I loved that. It made me wet. Having her lick my pussy felt just as good as a man's tongue. So why was I letting labels limit myself?

At that point, I knew I was up for playing with women, but I still wasn't so sure about having a romantic relationship with one. That was a fairly recent development for me, but the longer I explored the idea of having a D/s relationship with a woman, the more it made me realize that I'd have the same emotional attachments there that I would with a male submissive. Dominance is emotional to me, with the right connection. There has to be, given the intensity and the trust and the getting to know someone so deeply; it's not something I want to do casually, nor do I think I really could.

So that's when I realized that yes, I really am bisexual now. While I still very much enjoy and have a lot more experience with cock, there's a lot of delightful things that can be done to a pussy!

What I find interesting is that I've noticed I look for and expect different things depending on if I'm dating a male submissive or a female one. I want to turn that over in my head and think about it, because I'm curious about it. I tend to expect a male submissive to serve me; I want him to hold my coat and lick my shoes and carry my bags. With a female submissive, I feel like I want to take care of her, if that makes sense. I still want to hurt her and dress her up like a sexy little fucktoy, but at the same time I want to cuddle her and treat her like she's special to me.

Gotta think about that one!

Monday, 7 July 2014

On the Market

Well, unfortunately it seems like it's back to the drawing board. John is having some personal stuff cropping up in his life, so we decided to take a break from the BDSM for a while although we're still seeing each other occasionally. It can be a bit consuming at times :) So while I understand his situation, it's leaving a bit of a void for me. I'm already missing the D/s in my life. It's something that I need to have to fully express myself, so I'm back searching for a new submissive. I've been chatting with a few people on various dating and fetish sites but haven't yet found quite what I'm looking for. Patience, though! One thing I have learned from this lifestyle is that someone new always comes along. And in the meantime, I can still have a lot of fun!

I certainly am getting no shortage of offers to play! The local munch was a few days ago, and apparently word had gotten around about my electrical scene from the last party :) So I was approached by quite a few people who were interested in bottoming for me. I think it'll be a lot of fun! Not quite the same as getting my power needs met, but I really love electrical play so it'll still give me a chance to have a good time and show off my new toys.

Lately, I've been having some fun and sexy chats, though! There's a cute girl on OKC I've been talking to and we've had great chemistry together, but she lives 40 minutes away and has a pretty full calendar so I'm not sure how that'll work out. In the meantime, I'm enjoying it though. And there's this cute blogger I've been flirting with... you know who you are ;) Too bad she lives so far away, because I've been having some lovely and twisted fantasies about her.

Gotta keep myself busy until the right person walks by. Honestly, I think it's so much harder to find a kinky match than a vanilla one. I'm looking for a submissive for a romantic relationship, so we have to have all the vanilla compatibility I'd need in a secondary relationship (similar hobbies/interests etc), then s/he has to be submissive, then s/he has to be open to polyamory, then s/he has to share enough similar fetishes for things to work, and desire for the same level of intensity together. It's not all that easy to find! But oh, it's worth the wait when it works :)