Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Happy Halloween!

This weekend was my area's big kinky Halloween party, and it was awesome as usual. We get close to 200 people, wearing costumes, fetishwear, or nothing at all. It's always fun and sometimes I can't even recognize people in their outfits.

I've never done the couples' costumes kind of thing and always thought it would be kind of fun, so Henry and I went with an Egyptian theme; I was a goddess and he was a pharaoh. I still have to outrank him after all, right? :) We got lots of compliments and had a great time. And hey, how often will I get to wear gold lipstick and eyeshadow?

Unfortunately, while Henry was feeling okay enough to go to the party, he wasn't well enough to do any kind of play. I brought a few things in my toy bag because I figured that something might come up- it usually does. And I knew Frank would be coming to the party later and thought he might want to do some play.

It was a lot of fun socializing and seeing all the people in pretty costumes. And listening to the screams from various rooms as naked people had various things done to them by the scary costumed people. I watched one scene that was crazy hot. There's a rule at this party against sexual penetration, but as long as you keep play external, you can have fun. A friend of mine had a woman lying down on a spanking bench and was alternately doing some rough body play- the kinds of punches and kicks that you associate with domestic violence except that she was loving this- and giving her orgasms with a Hitachi Magic Wand. The grunts and moans and sound of hands hitting flesh were awesome to listen to. I also watched a really awesome and edgy fire play scene. While I do some basic fire play and cupping, I don't have the skill level to really put on a show. People really bring out their best stuff for this party and it was fantastic.

Then a friend of mine asked if I was available. I knew he wasn't looking to bottom but I said sure, what's up. He mentioned that he'd been asked if he knew someone good at violet wand play for a newbie and of course I was happy to help. Oh, it was such an awesome time! *Nadine was all nervous but at soon as the sparks touched her skin she relaxed and started to zone out. It was fabulous. I didn't go too hard or on any sensitive bits, but I gave her a good picture of what electrical play is like. She was all gushy and excited and bubbly afterwards, thanking me profusely. It got me into Topspace seeing her get spacey and enjoy it so much :)

Frank showed up not long after and asked me if I wanted to play. Of course! He wanted to do needles but unfortunately by that hour the wait was too long for an appropriate station. I was able to get a little bench though, so we decided to do a little seated electrical play. It was a lot of fun with him as well, in a different way. He looked almost like he was meditating while I worked him over. Henry got invited to participate too which was fun because I haven't seen him Top before. He was just fooling around a little but it was awesome to work him over together.

When we got home, Frank offered to drop off the babysitter, and the door had barely closed when we got naked and went upstairs. I was so wet from all the fun at the party and Henry's lips on mine had me squirming. When his fingers slipped into my pussy I couldn't help but moan. It felt so good with his hand pumping in and out of me, thicker than any cock could be but so amazing. It was so hard to talk, I just didn't want the overwhelming pleasure to stop. I don't know how many orgasms I had before his hand went numb from being squeezed inside my pussy, but I know the bed was soaked and I was high on endorphins when he slipped his cock into my pussy. Even though a cock is smaller than a hand, it still felt so good to have him thrusting inside me! He asked me if I'd like to go for a ride, and I climbed on top of his cock and started sliding my pussy up and down on his shaft. I hear a knock at the bedroom door while I was sitting on his cock and called out we were in here, and Frank walked in, smiling when he saw what we were up to. He sat on the bed and watched while I fucked Henry faster and harder until he cried out and filled my pussy with cum. We cuddled up together all sweaty and Frank said, "Looks like you two were having fun!" It's certainly interesting having a friend who seems to enjoy being the voyeur as much as we enjoy being exhibitionists!

The three of us went downstairs and cuddled up on the couch with a glass of wine. It was a nice relaxing way to end an amazing day.

Sunday, 4 October 2015

MF/M Redux

So if you've been following my blog for a while, you know that last year when I first met Henry, he and I wound up having sex in front of Frank. Which was actually super hot, if an interesting way to meet someone! Frank and I have occasionally played in terms of BDSM, but there hasn't been anything in the way of sexual activity between the two of us. I genuinely like him as a person and a friend, but I don't find myself attracted to him. I'm sure part of it is that he and Henry are very close friends and so I have zero interest in causing drama, so I make him mentally off limits. I suspect he isn't really my type romantically, either.

Frank often comes to hang out with us. He's fun to be around and since he's so new to BDSM, I enjoy teaching him things. He and Henry went out for the evening a couple of nights ago while I relaxed at home. I had just opened up a bottle of wine when they got home, so we all sat down and chatted and enjoyed it. As conversations often do when people are relaxed, it turned to kink and then to sex. I had told Henry earlier that I was in the mood for a lot of orgasms and to make sure he saved some energy for me :)

Somehow the topic turned to fisting. Henry told a story about how he had been with vanilla people and they had come to the topic on their own and had all these horrible misconceptions. I always wonder how people can believe that a fist will stretch out a vagina and make it loose, when women have _babies_ and things go back to the way they were! Pussies are designed to stretch and contract again, which makes all kinds of fun things possible.

But, I digress! So Henry cleared things up for his friends a little bit. I think their heads would have exploded if he'd told them that not only does he like fisting, but he also enjoys being fisted ;) Frank was interested because he's never done any fisting before. Well, I was getting pretty turned on given the topic of conversation, and since it's not like Frank hasn't seen me naked before, I invited him upstairs for a demonstration.

It wasn't long before I was naked and squirming on the bed while Henry played with my clit and fingered my pussy, and Frank watched attentively. My body was craving orgasms and his hand disappeared inside me pretty quickly. I was moaning and squeezing my pillow and completely forgot that anything existed other than the waves of pleasure coursing through me. My pussy grips pretty tightly when I cum, so after a while poor Henry's hand always gets numb and he has to stop. We make jokes that one day I'll break his hand and we'll have a pretty awesome story to tell. I wonder if our BDSM friends would feel sorry for him with a broken hand or admire him for being able to get me to orgasm like that!

Frank apparently isn't really used to insanely multiorgasmic women. He asked me "So what was that, like three?" Henry and I both burst into laughter. We hadn't been counting, but I was well into double digits. I said to him that it's pretty easy to figure out when I'm cumming when you can feel my pussy gripping, and he asked me if that was an invitation. I said sure. Why not? After all, sex with friends can be fun! Frank doesn't know what I like the same way Henry does, but Henry gave him some direction while Frank slid his fingers into my dripping wet cunt. I was moaning and cumming hard again and again and again in short order. I love having my pussy filled up so full but I need clit stimulation too to really cum hard, so I asked Henry to put our Hitachi Magic Wand on my clit. I love how he anticipates my desires because he was already getting it out as I was asking! When he turned it on, I exploded and my pussy clamped down on Frank's hand and I squirted all over the both of them... it was such an amazingly intense orgasm I had to tell them to stop afterwards. But I had a lovely afterglow feeling. And now Frank knows how to tell when I'm cumming!

Then it was Henry's turn. He asked me if I'd play with his ass, and since he'd made me very happy, I wanted to give him pleasure, too. I gloved up and lubed my fingers, and started to corkscrew two of them into his ass while I sucked his cock. He was very turned on from playing with me and then watching Frank fist my pussy, so it wasn't very long before his eyes started rolling back into his head and he filled my mouth with cum. I love the sounds he makes when he's cumming.

I looked over at Frank and smiled. "Do you want something too?" He couldn't answer me yes quickly enough! I had watched him get his cock sucked at the high protocol party and I had been jokingly telling him that I figured I could have done a better job than the birthday girl. Well, from his reaction, I think I win that title :) It was less than five minutes of him moaning while I played with his balls and his cock slid in and out of my lips before he told me he was cumming and filled my mouth. It was fun to see how quickly I could get him off :)

It wasn't a free for all kind of MFM, but damn ,it was a lot of fun! Whether we continue to be friends who fuck occasionally or not, I think we all had a pretty awesome sexy time :)

Thursday, 1 October 2015

A Royal Evening

I had the most amazing night. It's been a few days and I'm still blissed out from all the things! I've been meaning to take Henry to the high protocol party for months, but because it's in another city and seems to be on the most frustrating weekends to coordinate, we'd never made it there. I was so excited when it finally worked out and we were in the car on the way!

Frank came with us. He's been to a few parties but never one with this kind of vibe and he was looking forward to checking it out. We stopped on the way for a really great dinner at a French restaurant (probably my favourite cuisine), which was a nice relaxing start to the evening. When we got to the party, it was time for a quick trip upstairs to change into fetishwear! The theme, unsurprisingly, was Back to School. I decided to channel my mean teacher and wore a white blouse, a black leather underbust corset with buckles, a knee length leather skirt, and black suede peep toe pumps with heavy metal spikes on the back and down the heel. And of course, teacher glasses and my rattan cane to smack any wayward pupils! Henry wore a schoolboy outfit and his collar, and Frank wore a schoolgirl outfit with a plaid skirt- they were both adorable!

When we got to the party, we spent the first little while just hanging out in the social area and chatting. I always enjoy having my boy sitting at my feet :) One of the reasons I enjoy the protocol party so much. And much as I love boots, wearing these pumps made it easy for Henry to caress my feet while I was socializing. Since I have a foot fetish and find that kind of touch erotic, it was a nice slow warm up for the evening. Frank really does remind me of a puppy- he was all over the place exploring everything and seeing what was going on! But they were both having a good time.

After an hour or so, I asked Frank if he was ready to play. He and I had planned to do a scene with play piercing, which had me a little nervous but very excited. Another community member had given me a few workshops on needle play and safety as well as some hands on time, and while I still don't understand my attraction to this sort of thing, I know that I find it incredibly erotic to hurt someone in a fucked up way consensually. Besides, needle art is pretty! Frank being Frank loves to try new things, so he was definitely up for trying it.

We went down to the dungeon and laid him on the table. Sometimes I think the little things are really powerful for getting into headspace. He listened to my gloves snap on, and smelled the alcohol wipes I used to clean his skin, and saw me grinning evilly with a sharp in my hand. Of course, I gave him the safety lecture first and we discussed precautions because blood play is by definition higher risk than other activities. But then it was time for fun!

It was really amazing watching his responses change as his body flooded with endorphins. He took the first needle like a champ, so relaxed I don't know if he even felt it. The second and third ones were a little ouchy, and we were talking and he told me he wasn't feeling spacey at all. It took only one more piercing before he told me that he was feeling floaty, and couldn't believe it when I told him that his perception had changed in less than two minutes! It was a lot of fun, and I learned more about what kinds of pain he enjoys. We had a really good scene.

And, the night wasn't over yet! :) After doing some aftercare with Frank and a little more socializing, Henry and I had our scene. I locked him to the table where Frank had bled for me only hours before. Henry and I were doing my favourite- a violet wand scene. Because of some life stuff, we hadn't played in a long time, and I could see that his tolerance was lower than usual. Which was fine- it took only the slightest zaps to get some beautiful reactions from him :) It was really good and connecting, and just what I needed. His eyes were definitely glassy when I was done with him!

We went back upstairs, and by now people were starting to leave so it was only a small group of us left in the social area with the hostess. We all chatted about the party and different forms of play and just relaxed. One of the house slaves was celebrating her birthday, and she asked permission to offer her "services" to one of my boys. I told her that Henry wasn't available since I had plans for him later, but she could ask Frank if he was interested. And he most definitely was! So the room got treated to a live sex show when *Alison dropped to her knees and took out his cock and began sucking it enthusiastically! She got lots of catcalls and encouragement from the crowd. Frank wasn't able to cum, but he still enjoyed her attentions.

It wasn't too long after that when I realized I had to pee. I started to go to the bathroom, when Alison asked me if I'd enjoy some watersports. Um, YES! I don't get that opportunity very often, and I'll say that I've never had an opportunity to piss on a birthday girl! We went upstairs to the bathtub and I let go all over her. Watersports are so dirty and degrading and when I get consent to do it, it really hits my power trigger. Lots of fun :)

And, I still got to take Henry home and ravish him after the party. It was an awesome, awesome evening and I can't wait to go again.

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Loving the Ladies

I had an awesome date with my sexy girlfriend this weekend :) We went to a casual house party for kinky women, and it was so much fun. There were sixteen of us, all sex and kink positive, and we just hung out and chatted and had drinks and snacks and swam naked in the pool and hot tub. It was a blast and I had a great time and made new friends. There was no sex or play at the party, it was just laid back fun socializing with no men present. And do ever I love hot tubbing! So relaxing.

And then Jennifer and I went back to her place, and I covered her breasts and stomach and thighs with drips of hot coloured wax until she looked like a pointillism painting, before scraping it off sensually with a dull knife. We were both pretty worked up by then, so there were only a few minutes of making out before I told her to lie back on her pillows and I started to lick her pussy. But Jennifer loves penetration, and I had forgotten to bring toys. Who needs a cock when I have hands? Men are always so hung up on the size of their penises, when lots of fun can be had without one at all! Being a good lover is about so much more, which is why I've had partners from 4" to 9", and my favourites have had nothing to do with size. Not to mention the partners who don't have a biological cock at all :)

I started by sliding two fingers into her already dripping wet pussy, and slowly kept adding more while I licked her clit. We took a little break to add some lube, but it wasn't long before her hot pussy devoured my hand and then some! It was like wearing a velvet glove that tightening and relaxing on my hand. She was moaning and fucking herself on me and she wound up taking half my forearm along with my fist! It was one of the hottest things I've ever seen, and she kept cumming and moaning and squirting everywhere. It was a blast :) I was so turned on but I also felt so satiated giving her that much pleasure.

I've really missed her. It was so good to have that date with her to cuddle and reconnect... and to fuck silly.

Sunday, 23 August 2015

Bittersweet Milestones

It's hard to believe that it's been a whole year since Henry and I started dating. Jennifer and I reached the year milestone last month, but we kept it pretty low key. Our relationship is a little different, and while I love her and treasure her place in my life, it doesn't have that level of intensity and need that I have with Henry. But I love the freedom to have relationships be what they are without trying to pigeonhole them.

But, I digress! This post is about my anniversary with Henry. Normally, anniversaries are a big deal to me. I'd have planned a special date and bought a gift and a card and made a big deal out of it. This time? We spent the day out with kiddo doing fun summer things, and then we were both tired in the evening so we just had a quick light supper and relaxed on the couch with a movie. No gifts and nothing really special. I feel kind of badly about that but it was hard in other ways. I mean, when I look back at where I was a year ago, it's so different and hard to process sometimes. And this was my first anniversary with someone other than Mark, in a primary type situation, so it was a little difficult to process. I think I avoided thinking about it and then I wasn't feeling well, so when it came I just wasn't really ready.

And that's okay, too. I don't have to do things the way I always did them, and I found there is a separate pleasure in simplicity sometimes. I wouldn't always want things to be that low key, but this time, it was good just the way it was. I felt that deep connection with him again, while I was wrapped in his arms on the couch, his lips gently brushing kisses down my neck. We didn't do any kinky play that evening since we were both too sleepy, but we did make passionate love, and it was amazing.

And amazing for different reasons. Normally I find sex good when it results in a lot of orgasms, including at least several very intense ones. That gives me a nice rush of endorphins and usually leaves me needing to be scraped off the ceiling afterwards :) But this time, it was much more about the energy between us, which is why I described it as making love and not fucking or sex. While I very much enjoy those things, this was a different experience. We laughed and talked and just enjoyed each other while his cock was inside me, and while there were orgasms, they weren't the focal point of the experience. Until the very end when I could hear his breathing quickening and felt his hips rising up to meet me while I was riding his cock and knew he'd cum soon. Then he reached out to play with my clit and we had an amazing simultaneous orgasm. It isn't something that I've experienced often, but it was amazing. Listening to his moans and gasps while I was crying out with pleasure myself was such a turn on and it really intensified the mood. I felt so connected when we curled up together afterwards for cuddles.

So, it might not have been anything exotic, and in fact it was rather vanilla. But vanilla is a spice too, and it was good. I'm looking forward to seeing where our second year together takes us.

Monday, 10 August 2015

Summer Lovin'

I haven't written much lately because I've been keeping pretty busy this summer. Since the last play party, though, I haven't gotten up to too much that's really exciting. I wanted to take Henry to the high protocol party that I go to occasionally, but scheduling didn't work out.

I'm finding that I'm really missing the BDSM in my life since I haven't been playing much lately, and I'm looking forward to hopefully getting in some playtime soon. I have had dates with Jennifer and Henry lately but they've been pretty vanilla. And while vanilla is still good, I'm missing a little more. I hadn't seen Jennifer in quite some time, so it was wonderful just to have her in my arms again. We kissed and cuddled and did just a little bit of violet wand. She told me how much she missed it, and I loved seeing her all puddle-y and relaxed when I was done with her. I made it all sensual with no pain this time.

Henry and I haven't seen as much of each other lately, and I'm missing our connection. Hopefully that will change soon and I'll have some more fun things to write about!

Monday, 20 July 2015

Play Party

Okay, my life has been pretty awesome the last few days. Holy crap. I need those times to get me through the tough ones.

So on the weekend Henry and I went to a party. We both had plans to play although not with each other. I had two scenes lined up with friends who identify as heavy masochists, and Henry had expressed an interest in playing with a mutual friend of ours who does erotic knifeplay.

Henry is far more of a sensation player than a masochist, and sometimes a girl's just gotta hurt someone. While I know he would accept sadism from me, because he has before and he takes pleasure from mine even if he doesn't enjoy what I'm doing, I've been craving some intensity from someone who wants that from me. So the best solution seemed to be to find a masochist to play with, who would enjoy the pain I needed to dish out. And I got lucky enough to have a very full evening planned! A friend of mine, *Krystal and her boyfriend *Gerald wanted to play with me, and then the slave of the local community leader, *Lauren wanted to as well. That was pretty intimidating!

I hadn't done a two person violet wand scene before, but I had some ideas. I put two chairs back to back, and tied them together at the wrists and then to the chair. I also wrapped some conductive rope around them in interesting places. It was so much fun! I started ramping up, and watching them process those sensations in very different but delightful ways. She giggles and laughs when I'm hurting her, and he kind of flinches and takes it quietly. It was a lot of fun. I completely lost track of time since I was in my happy place; apparently we played for over two hours! It was one of the most fun scenes I've had in a while, especially given that it was with friends and not someone I'm romantically involved with. But being able to let out my inner sadist that much... that was good. I needed that.

Afterwards I got to play with the slave of the local community leader, and that was fun too! I chained her to the table and watching her jerk and pull on the restraints and listening to her yelp was lots of fun too! She was a little more sensitive than usual today so I couldn't bring out all my heavy stuff, but we had a good time. She even asked for more of one of my electrodes :)

And then I came home with Henry, who was all covered in knife scratches (nothing broke skin), and my panties were soaked through. I knew he wanted to cum just as badly. I sucked his cock a little bit, and then climbed onto his cock. I love riding him! It feels so good to make his cock slide all the way out of me and then push back in. When I needed more, I told him that I was undecided if I wanted to allow him to cum, but he could try to convince me. He gave me those puppy dog eyes and I told him that I wanted him to make me very happy and if he did a good enough job, I'd consider letting him orgasm :) I find the carrot works very well at times!

It wasn't long before I was screaming in ecstasy while his fist was pressing against my A spot and the bed was just covered with squirt and sweat and my girl cum. It was awesome; all I could think about was the sensation of his tongue on my clit and his hand moving slowly inside me, and then fucking me harder. I was already so sensitive from all the kink at the party that I was having a harder time than usual coming, but they were way more intense than usual. It was fantastic. Finally, I pushed his hand away before I got too high on endorphins to return the favour. I only used a couple of fingers to massage his prostate this time because he was just as eager as I was to find release, and it wasn't long before his cock was spurting all over my hand. So of course, he had to clean it up before we climbed back into bed for some cuddles. There's nothing better than slowly drifting down from a cloud of endorphins wrapped in a lover's arms.

And on the funny side- after two really heavy days of sexual play, my pussy has been too sore to fuck! The spirit is willing, but the body is saying "for fuck's sake give me a break!"

Thursday, 16 July 2015


You know what? I can say it. My sex life is amazing. My poor rabbit vibrator is starting to gather dust because I'm having great, intimate and connected, but also just plain bedrockingly hot sex in a variety of different expressions and ways. Holy crap.

Henry and I don't always bring our kink to bed, though. Sometimes it's just us having vanilla sex. Well, mostly. I suppose it depends how you define vanilla sex. I suspect we're still doing things that most people don't, but it's consensual and fun, so it's all good by me!

Kiddo is away visiting family this week, so I've been relaxing and enjoying some much needed down time. Yesterday while Henry was having an afternoon nap, I felt that familiar tingle in my nether regions, and found myself on Tumblr looking at my feed. There's always some pretty sexy content there! Henry and I had plans for a romantic dinner, and when he woke up I told him I wasn't sure what the more pressing need was, food or sex! He laughed and told me if I was patient I'd get both. But me, patient? :)

After dinner and a few drinks, we were both pretty buzzed. Which makes me even hornier, if possible! We wound up on Craigslist just looking at all the interesting/funny posts that people make in the Casual Encounters section. We didn't actually message anyone, but it's always a little fun to think that a fantasy might be only a quick message away. Then we decided to go upstairs and watch some porn. Henry is very aural and enjoys the sounds of people fucking and playing, so we often leave it on as background noise. I'll admit the video was pretty hot, though! Lots of fisting and DP and spanking and moaning and fucking. So of course, we got up to our own shenanigans.

Power exchange gets suspended when we're under the influence, although we still might do some light kink like a spanking or whatnot. But Henry doesn't wear his collar when we're drinking or whatnot. It doesn't rule out a lot of things, though! So, we were in bed and we kissed and made out and fucked and he gave me several awesome orgasms with his hands, before I slipped on a glove and gave him a nice fisting. He came in a huge gush all over himself, which was really sexy to see!

I was still horny, but he needed some refractory time, so we decided to go for a walk. It's been a really long time since I've gone for a walk at night, since usually I can't because of kiddo. It was so nice! Crisp, cool night air. Dead silence except for the sounds of nature. Apparently frogs sound a lot like birds!

When we came home, it was time to head back upstairs for round two. My pussy was begging for more sex! Given how high my drive is, when I say I'm going to fuck him into submission, it's pretty accurate. We started fooling around, and then I felt his hands start to caress my body and slowly work their way down to my clit. Usually I'm more sensitive and aroused during a second round of sex, so I was already having pretty powerful orgasms. When I felt his fingers inch into my wet folds, it felt like I couldn't stop cumming, especially when he started to work my A spot. I was squirting and moaning and gripping my pillow so tightly I thought I might rip it in half. Time stopped and all I could focus on was how amazing my body was feeling, and every little movement his hands and lips were making. I don't know how long I was orgasming for, but the bed was soaked and I couldn't talk anymore. I was so high from endorphins that all I could do afterwards was get cuddled and go to sleep.

I still feel amazing today. So happy and satisfied and full of love for Henry. I haven't had sex that amazing in a long, long time and I feel like I really needed it!

Saturday, 11 July 2015


My primary arousal comes from power. It's so interesting to think about. Because I don't mean it like the women out there who want to fuck powerful men. I mean that I crave power over my partner, so sometimes it's the smallest things that are intensely erotic for me. A presenter at a Master/slave conference termed it the "mental cock or mental pussy" and that feels so apt.

Last night, Henry came over while I was surfing Tumblr. It was pretty clear what direction my thoughts were going! He asked me if I'd like to play with my violet wand. I'll admit that always surprises me a little even though it shouldn't because he knows how much I love it. I know that he doesn't enjoy it at the level of intensity that I like to wield it, but that he feels his submission when he's taking it for me.

I chained him naked, spreadeagled to my bed. I briefly considered a hood or a gag, but I enjoy watching the expressions on his face and listening to the sounds he makes, so I left him the way he was. I decided that I wasn't feeling my sadism as much as eroticism and control, so I planned to step back on the intensity a little and give him an experience I knew he would enjoy.

I started off with my vampire gloves, the little pinpricks scratching gently over his skin. He loves that type of sensation and watching him shiver and moan made me smile. When I stepped it up to a set of titanium claws, I ran them gently over his cock and balls. It wasn't long before he had a raging erection. He had asked for violet wand, but I decided to throw in a few other things from his toy bag. A few interesting brushes that he enjoys having run along his skin, and then my new rabbit fur flogger. I trailed the soft falls over his face and along his body before giving him a swing across each thigh. It's impossible to hurt someone with a fur flogger, but I can vary the sensation with the strength of impact.

Then I finally took out the wand. I kept the power very low, to keep the focus on sensation rather than pain. I can vary what my partner is feeling dramatically based on what types of attachments I'm using, and I'm experienced with this toy and I know Henry's reactions well by now. I loved it when I saw his eyes roll back in his head the first time. I know I'm taking him somewhere wonderful.

When I put on my body contact probe, I can use my body parts to conduct sparks. Trailing my fingers down his body and having it feel like it vibrates or buzzes is so sexy. I brushed my lips across his and felt a little jolt. My pussy was dripping down my thighs. Nothing is more erotic than having a helpless, bound man available for my pleasure while I'm using my favourite toy on him.

I worked my way down his body and started to trace my fingers over his balls and cock. He's told me before that he enjoys the sensation of electricity as long as I don't turn it up too high :) and he was getting his wish. When I lowered my tongue to his cock I heard him sigh in pleasure. Electric oral sex is definitely a thing, and it's a lot of fun! I slowed down because I didn't want him to cum yet- I was having too much fun!

I ramped the electricity back down slowly, and then snapped on a latex glove with a smile. Henry really enjoys anal play, and lucky him, I enjoy giving it :) I lubed myself up, and slipped a couple of fingers inside him. He was still bound, so he couldn't stroke his cock, and I could hear how frustrating it was for him! His eyes were rolling back in his head from all the pleasure and he was begging me not to stop. I ran my tongue around the head of his dripping cock to tease him, but didn't give him enough stimulation to orgasm. I added a third finger and he groaned deep in his throat. And then it was time for some fun. I stopped finger fucking his ass and told him that he had a choice. He could ask me to let him swallow his cum, or we could stop.

I could see that words were difficult for him because of the endorphins flooding his body, so I twisted my fingers inside him and said to him, "Please, Princess, I would love to swallow my cum for you." I know he isn't the biggest fan of consuming his own body fluids but it's not a limit, and I wanted it. The next time my fingers rubbed his prostate, he stammered it out and I smiled devilishly. Then I lowered my mouth to his cock and sucked him while my fingers slid in and out of his tight little asshole. It wasn't long before he exploded and I made sure to get every drop in my mouth and hold it until I came up to give him a kiss. He opened his mouth like a good boy, and I told him he was. And then it was time for some chocolate and cuddles so he could come down out of the fog I put him in.

I should note that I don't subscribe to getting consent when one partner is in subspace or high off endorphins, and I wouldn't have done it with anyone but Henry because it's part of our dynamic. It's not cool to get someone to make a decision when they can't think straight and it's definitely taking advantage. But with him? I'm not sorry :) It was just another way for me to exercise my power over him, and I loved it.

He told me he was a puddle, and I loved knowing that I had done that to him. He was too worn out to give me the orgasms I had originally wanted when we started the evening, but I got pretty high off the mental satisfaction. And the sexy dreams I had afterwards. I decided not to masturbate because I figured I'd rather wait for tonight, and I find vibrators desensitize my clit a little for a few days.

I love my sex life and I could never go back to vanilla. When I lay in bed last night thinking, I realized that we could have had ten or fifteen minutes of vanilla sex like most people, I'd have had a few orgasms, and that would be that. Or, we could do what we just did, which was two hours of pretty hot sex, even though I didn't cum. It was still worth it :) And most of the time with him, I do. But the fact that I got him to a point where he couldn't reciprocate was its own kind of sexiness.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015


Henry and I have been getting in a lot of playtime lately, which is fantastic. It keeps drawing me back to the concept of energy. When I was first starting out in the BDSM community, the person explaining to me about scenes was talking about energy transfer. That sounded so New Age-y to me, but I was smart enough not to say anything since I didn't know what I was talking about. And it's good that I kept my mouth shut, because I can't really think of another way to explain what passes between me and my partner when I do BDSM play. It's not just the type of play I do, because I can do a scene with a casual friend and then a very similar scene with Jennifer or Henry, and suddenly the energy that was playful has become sexual or romantic. It's all about my partner and how I'm connecting with them and how we're sharing the sensations that we're experiencing together.

I've noticed lately how much playing with Henry has strengthened our connection. In a very real way, whether I'm hurting him or making him orgasm, locking his collar around his neck or accepting a drink according to our protocol, it feels like saying I love you. It feels like it validates our relationship; that this is who we are and what we want. I really feel like the kink keeps us connected and in touch with each other more than it might in a vanilla relationship, since there's so much trust and communication so that we can explore together. I don't think I've ever been as mentally aroused as when I told him during our "funishment" that I wrote about last post, what I was going to do to him and waited in case he needed to yellow or red out of it. And instead, he just waited patiently for me to do what I wanted to him. He submitted himself to my desires wholly because he trusts me and loves me and wants me to be happy and that was incredible.

I've had Henry wear his collar more often when he is here, and not just when we're playing. It's a noticeably different headspace for both of us. When he sits on the floor at my feet when I'm on the couch with his head on my lap, while we watch a movie together, it just feels so right. Not that I don't like it when he's cuddled up next to me other nights :)

We had a pretty hot scene the other night, although I'm sure it wouldn't qualify for most people's idea of porn. Henry loves restrictive bondage, so I locked his collar and a steel cock ring on him and hooked a pink leather leash to the O ring on his collar. Then I put my leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles, and locked on a spreader bar so he couldn't close his legs. Then, just to make it more fun, I locked the wrist cuffs and leash to the centre of the spreader bar so he was sitting but kind of hunched over and had very little play to move his hands or feet. We did a little sensory play with claws and different textures, and then I thought it was time for some silliness. Henry had baked cookies the other night, so I put a couple on a plate about three feet ahead of him. I laughed until I cried watching him try to figure out how he could get the cookies and then get them to his mouth! And yes, sexual or not, it still turned me on like crazy :) I did reward him afterwards... unhooked the wrist cuffs from the bar and wrapped the leash around my wrist instead. Then I slid in his stainless steel jeweled butt plug and played with his cock until he begged me to let him cum. He's my good boy, so I let him :)

I just ordered a chastity device for him, a CB6000 in stainless steel. I'm not planning on locking him up full time because frankly, I like fucking him, and it's part of how I bond emotionally. But I think it'll be fun for some tease and denial play. Just enough to make him wonder if this might be the time that I won't let him cum :)

Monday, 29 June 2015

Bad Boy

I've never been the kind of Dominant who wants a doormat for a partner. While I expect obedience when I make a decision (within reason), I like a little sass, too, when appropriate. Obviously, I don't want my submissives mouthing off or being bratty when we're at a high protocol party, for example. But at home? Sure. Show me your personality. Let's have some fun. So I find myself drawn to partners who have a little bit of spunk.

Henry most certainly enjoys being cheeky! I don't practice a punishment dynamic, because first of all I believe that play is supposed to be fun, and second of all, I date partners who want to make me happy. If my submissive isn't going to either engage me in a respectful conversation about whatever the issue is, or else choose to comply because that's our arrangement, then it's just not going to work. Willful disobedience is what I would expect from a child, not an adult who is an equal partner in a relationship (albeit with different responsibilities). But, I digress!

Now, I do believe in funishment! That's when the bratty behaviour starts some play that is fun- well, for at least one person. But realistically, play is generally supposed to be fun for both partners or what's the point, really? So Henry has a smart mouth and usually I enjoy the playful banter. Most of the time, I'll give him a light slap across the face or else make dire threats about what will happen if he continues. It's all just part of the game.

Then, yesterday he commented that when I'm being sadistic, I giggle like a fucked up schoolgirl. Now, I found out afterwards that apparently he was trying to be funny, but I decided that one merited a response instead of just play. Ok, and I've been looking for an excuse lately to let my demons out. After all, Henry has said that mine must be personal assistants to the Devil. I took that as quite the compliment! So I decided to let them out to play.

I had recently given Henry a nice big stainless steel butt plug capped with a pink Princess jewel. Stainless steel is lovely for temperature play :) so I stuck it in a glass with a few ice cubes and some cold water so that it would get nice and cold. While we were waiting, I took out my little bottle of cinnamon oil and slipped on a latex glove. I lubed up my fingers, and slid two into his asshole. He's such an ass slut- his cock was already rock hard. Then I pulled out, dripped one single drop of cinnamon oil on my finger, and slid it back into his ass. He told me that it was a burning sensation that sort of moved around and varied in intensity. It wasn't as strong as I thought it would be, but it was interesting to play with!

Then I decided it was time for the real fun. I handed him the cup with the freezing butt plug and told him to put it in his ass, because I wanted to watch. And oh my, the look on his face when he tried to insert it! I couldn't help but laugh. His cock stayed hard the whole time though, so I know I wasn't the only one having a good time, even if he would have preferred to be without pain. While I was giggling, he said he was glad to be making me happy, and he was.

We had originally planned to do urethral sounds as play before we took this little detour into creative sadism, and I know he usually orgasms from it, so I decided to make use of that hard cock of his now. I climbed on top and started to ride him. He made such good noises... Pleasure mixed with the chill of that plug in his ass. I told him to make sure not to cum! He said "but I thought you like it when I cum inside you," playfully, but I just smiled and said not this time.

When I was done enjoying his cock in my pussy, I climbed off and we got him ready for the sounds. It had been a long time since we'd used them! It wasn't long before he asked permission to cum and made a nice little mess. Of course, you know how I like those messes to be cleaned up :)

It was a really good night of playtime. He told me afterwards that he enjoys how we play and I'm glad. I get my sadism, my kink, and my cuddles afterwards. He's such a good boy and I love him.

Monday, 22 June 2015

A Year in a Day

Sometimes life gets crazy, but you know you have awesome friends if when you get together, it's like no time has passed at all. Chris is a dear friend but we haven't seen each other in almost a year, for various reasons. It's times like that I am so glad for technology and the internet, because I don't see how it would be possible to maintain a close friendship without that communication. He and I chat a few times a week and stay up on each other's lives. And of course, it's pretty awesome to have a friend who shares my interest in D/s and knows what kind of porn I like!

Chris finally got a break in his crazy schedule and told me he'd come up to visit. I was so excited since it had been ages, and we spent a few days building up the anticipation. He wore a chastity device so that he couldn't stroke his cock and he told me he had to take a few cold showers in the meantime! It was pretty hot. We worked out what protocol we were going to use when he was here.

He brought up a whole bag of awesome toys. Between the two of us, we had enough stuff to keep us busy for weeks! It's too bad that we didn't get to try everything but that just means we'll have to get together soon again if we can. We definitely had some fun though. I really needed to let my sadist side out. It felt so good afterwards that I didn't even need to have an orgasm.

I had him wait naked on his knees next to my couch after letting himself in, and then kiss my feet when he arrived. I had him show me all the toys he brought, and then we went upstairs and I chained him spreadeagled to my bed. Chris is very experienced at some things, but less so at others. But because we've been friends for so long, there's a lot of trust between us so we tried a few things that were new to him. I did a little electrical play with him, which he liked, and then we did some fire and spanking with fire wands. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe the erotic thrill of fireplay, or explain why I like it so much. I remember when I first heard there was something called fireplay, that I thought, what the fuck? Fire is really really dangerous! Why would anyone actually want to light someone on fire? And then I watched a fire scene and thought it was intensely erotic. Just like with any other kink activity, I think I find myself drawn to the trust and connection between the players, the vulnerability. I feed off that energy transfer; that my partner is all mine in those moments.

By then, his body was incredibly sensitive and he was moaning even when I just scraped my nails along his skin. It was a lot of fun! So I brought out the hot wax, which normally is a mild to light play, but was quite a bit more intense under the circumstances! Of course, I also took out my little creme brulee torch to melt the wax a little hotter and more quickly :) It was so much fun watching him wriggle and moan, and thank me when I hurt him. That sense of power and control is so fulfilling, that even though I love sex, I'd still say it's better than sex.

He grabbed a quick shower since he was covered with the remnants of candle wax after I scraped it off with a knife, and I went downstairs with a few toys and relaxed. He came down and asked permission to worship my feet. That is a huge fetish of mine and it was so good to have him kissing my feet and sucking my toes. Mmm... I really have missed being with someone who enjoys feet and boots as much as I do. It felt so good!

My sadist wasn't done with Chris yet, though. We had already done way more kink stuff than I normally do in one day, but it felt like we were trying to make up for that year we hadn't played! And it was awesome, so we kept going. He had these awesome little clamps called shark clamps, and I put them on his nipples and then ran clothespins all along that sensitive skin under his arms. And just to be nasty, I took some tiny little ones and put them along the shaft of his cock and then a few right on the head of his cock. He was moaning and begging and I just laughed and reminded him that was going to get me to do it more! Then he started yelling yes and asking if that would work. It was so funny :) I didn't make him suffer for too long. I asked if he wanted the pins off and he was such a good boy- answered if that would please me. I took a few off gently, but then got an evil flash in my eyes and pulled them off without releasing the jaws. He groaned and thanked me for removing them- so satisfying!

Then it was time for what we love to do together- boot worship. I attached a humbler to his balls to keep him on his knees, and sat on the couch while he knelt in front of me to lace up my boots. I brought out a pair of shiny black thigh high boots with red laces and buckles. So sexy. He pressed his nose to the leather and just breathed in that new boot smell. When he had the boots fitting my legs like a second skin, I gave him permission to worship. He licked every inch of them and pressed kissed all over the leather, and lay down with my boots on his face and sucked the 6" stiletto heel. I really enjoyed it when I told him to turn around and start humping my boots and then I started talking dirty to him, having him tell me that dogs hump boots and he was just a horny little dog fucking himself on my boot. I slid a dildo into his ass and started playing with it while I stretched out my other leg and slid it down his ass until the heel was pressing against his balls. His cock was hard and straining the whole time and it was so erotic. He begged me for permission to cum and I told him that he could if he jerked off onto my boots and cleaned up his mess. He started rubbing his cock hard and asked for permission when he was right on the edge. I told him to cum for me and he groaned and came all over my boot tops, then knelt down and licked them carefully clean.

I was feeling so good after all that play that I just wanted to relax- I wasn't really interested in anything sexual. There was enough of a high. We cuddled a little on the couch for a while and he helped me clean up the toys we used. We hadn't even come close to doing everything we wanted to do but it was still amazing. We'll have to do it again sometime soon, I hope!

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Building Memories

It's interesting. Sometimes people think that because I'm a Dominant, I have this sort of checklist of what I want out of a relationship. So basically, that my side of a relationship is always the same regardless of who I am with. And to some extent, that's true; I like some things no matter what, and they're part of my hard requirements. It takes time to learn what you want from a partner, and seeing what you don't want is a good way to figure out what you do. So, no matter what kind of relationships I have in the future, I know that I want a partner who is open to power exchange being in the foundation and engaging in BDSM. I know that polyamory, at least on my end, is a necessity. I know that I want someone who I am compatible with on a vanilla level and can just enjoy hanging out with. And I know that I need someone who likes communication just as much as I do, and will be open and honest and vulnerable with me.

And when it all comes down to it, the other stuff isn't as important. So the way that I connect with each partner I've had has been different, even though I remain myself. It's like the relationship is indeed more than the sum of its parts, that we build something together that is just us, and will never be that way with anyone else again. It's rather a romantic notion, but call me a romantic.

I've been thinking about how different the shapes of all my relationships are, and how as long as my core desires are met, that I can find myself wanting and enjoying different things with different people. For example, I went out on a date or two with a guy who enjoyed pet play as a fetish (this is NOT bestiality, for those who haven't heard of it- it's literally pretending to be an animal of some sort). There are a lot of ways that can manifest itself but none of them really appealed to me. I figured it just wasn't my thing. And then one evening Henry was all cuddled up with me and I found myself stroking his cheeks and he tilted his head so I was scratching his hair and I found myself thinking how much like our cat that gesture was, and it turns out that he enjoys the occasional kitten role play. And suddenly I found myself interested enough to enjoy it as a cuddling/bonding activity rather than put off. So while it's not a fetish interest of mine, it is an interest of this me+Henry relationship that we're creating together, and I like that. It's a part of me that is uniquely there for intimacy with him, and it deepens our connection.

There are even things that I thought would be an absolute necessity for me that I'm not missing as much as I thought I would. For example, if you've been reading my blog, you know how much I love having my pussy licked. Yup, I'm one of those stereotypical women who is actually interested in a man who says he'll eat pussy for hours (as long as he actually does it well, according to my likes). It is absolutely my favourite sexual act and I would have said that I didn't think I could be satisfied without it.

Well, go figure- I'm dating a man who isn't the world's biggest fan of any kind of oral sex, giving or receiving. He'll do it if I ask him to, but I know he doesn't enjoy it the way my other partners have. And while it does cross my mind that I miss it occasionally, I still find myself to be well satisfied by our sex life. We have other things that we do together that are fulfilling, and that's okay. My relationship with him isn't like any other one I've had before, and that's what makes it special.

I think this is one of the reasons why poly makes so much sense to me; we're all unique people, and a new relationship can never really replace an old one. Partners don't substitute for one another, so if I find myself missing Jennifer (haven't seen her in a while because life), then spending time with Henry isn't going to help with that. My partners are all amazing people and we have our own special connections.

So while I believe that our core selves stay the same, I think that every relationship we have changes us, that we really do leave behind a piece of our hearts that stays entwined with our past loves and that we will never be the same with anyone else again. That doesn't mean that we can't find love again with someone else, though, taking the lessons we've learned about ourselves, and build something new and beautiful together.

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

New Experiences

I've been pretty tired and stressed lately, so I haven't had as much energy for kinky play. I'm finding myself missing it, wanting to let out all that frustration and pain on a consensual partner. I don't have much control in my life right now, so I'm hungering for it in a way that can give me pleasure. Right about now, I'd love to hurt someone until they call red, and then have them give me so many orgasms that I can't think or talk anymore. That sounds lovely :) But, Henry isn't a heavy masochist, so it'll stay a lovely fantasy for now. I might have to give another play partner a call! After all, if someone would enjoy it as much as I would, why deprive us of the pleasure? :)

Not that things aren't quite satisfying just as they are! I like to fulfill Henry's fantasies. Contrary to popular belief, D/s relationships aren't all about the Dominant. I love Henry and I want him to get what he needs and wants, too. I just do it on my terms :) Henry loves ass play, and I've been enjoying the way it feels to have his ass gripping my fingers or one of my cocks. It's such a sexy feeling! It's tighter than playing with a pussy, but they're both awesome.

I've paid attention to the porn that Henry enjoys. He had told me that he fantasizes about being fisted. He hadn't done it with any of his previous partners and I know it's been on his mind. And it sounded pretty tempting to me, too :)

Fisting is pretty awesome. I love receiving it, for example. But a pussy is designed to stretch much more than an ass is, so it takes a lot of time, patience, communication, and trust. He was SO tight, and feeling every ripple in his muscles was a real turn on. If you try it, use lots of nice thick lube (the thinner stuff isn't as good), wear a glove, and take it really slowly. But when my fist finally slid all the way in... watching his eyes roll back in his head and tell me that he was cumming... It was one of the sexiest experiences of my life. And the intimacy in sharing something that intense was pretty amazing.

Saturday, 30 May 2015

Hotel Room Magic

There's always some kind of aphrodisiac in a hotel room, isn't there? Perhaps it's the novelty. Perhaps it's knowing that thousands of other people have fucked in the same bed. But I don't think I've ever stayed in a hotel room with someone I'm in a relationship with and not had sex. It always feels like something a little extra special. I can certainly understand part of the thrill that people who choose to have affairs must have, walking into a hotel strictly for sex. Actually, I remember a visit with Patrick from a few years ago where we went to a hotel room and he went to get the keys while I was in the car. The desk clerk asked him if he was in town for business or pleasure, and he said pleasure. When I walked in wearing a minidress and high heeled sandals, the clerk gave him a wink- there was no doubt what kind of pleasure we were there for! Damn, now I want to go back to a hotel room!

This past week, Henry and I decided to take a little getaway to a local tourist town and we booked an awesome suite at my favourite hotel. Sometimes you really just need to unwind a little, and we definitely did that!

I asked him before we left to choose four toys from my toy box, and I packed those in my overnight bag. Of course, things are never what they seem and I had a few surprises for him!

First he knelt in front of me so I could lock his collar around his neck. I love wearing the key on a chain around mine- it looks pretty and just helps put me into the headspace for playtime. I fastened my cuffs around his wrists and ankles, and connected the wrist cuffs together with a clip. Then I had him kneel on on ottoman that I pushed to the foot of the bed, with his hands on the bed and his knees on the ottoman, and I attached a spreader bar to his ankle cuffs so that he couldn't close his legs, and then chained his cuffs around the ottoman base. Poor Henry was stuck there until I decided to release him! But his rock hard cock told me exactly how much he hated what I was doing to him.

I laid out the toys that he'd picked and knew were coming; the beautiful light suede flogger, the heavier bullhide flogger, his Njoy, and the Realdoe. But, I kept a few surprises off to the side that he couldn't see! A set of finger claws, a seven wheeled wartenburg wheel, and the coup de grace: a piece of peeled ginger carved into a butt plug. Figging causes a rather intense burning sensation, especially when the person clenches their ass, but it's totally harmless and the effect fades aften you take it out. Of course, it can be fun to try and make your partner clench up! That's what all the sensation toys were for. Listening to his moans and sighs as I traced his body with various implements made my pussy so wet. When I removed the ginger root, I snapped on a latex glove and started to finger his ass with lube. I love the way he feels when he clenches around my fingers! When he was nice and lubed up, I slid the Realdoe inside his ass. I'm always amazed by the size of the toys he can take! And then I started to flog his ass and thighs and back, lightly but rhythmically. I was looking to create sensation more than to create pain. And of course, fucking him with the dildo made him moan and beg for me to play with his hard cock, since he was in cuffs and couldn't stroke himself. It was fun to say no to him :)

It was hard to resist his dangling balls, so I got a mini rubber flogger (very light impact) and started to hit him there while I used my other hand to fuck him with his dildo. Finally, I decided to let him cum so I pulled out the Realdoe and slid the large ball of his nJoy into his ass. This toy gives very intense prostate stimulation and Henry loves that, so I knew it wouldn't be long. I lubed up my hand and started rubbing his cock while I fucked him with the nJoy. I told him he was my dirty little slut, fucking himself back on my hand and the toy and he breathlessly agreed. "Cum for me," I whispered in his ear, and he groaned and shot his cum all over my hand. It was a lot of fun!

But, the evening wasn't over yet. Our room had a fabulous two person Jacuzzi, so we spent the next couple of hours in the tub with lighted candles around us. By the way, putting bubble bath in a Jacuzzi is a lot of fun, as long as you don't go overboard! We relaxed, watched Indiana Jones, and drank mimosas. It was funny; at one point the maharajah talked about having palace slaves, and I grinned over at Henry and said maybe I should have an opening for one. He smiled back and said he thought the position had been filled.

He is my good boy, and a fabulous boyfriend, and I love how our relationship has a great mix of kink and vanilla. I can beat him until he cries and then we can go out for a romantic walk and cuddle in the park. BDSM really isn't all that much like it's portrayed in the media; in my case it's just another facet to a loving relationship where we have different needs, but both people's needs being met are still important. I love him. I hurt him, and I expect him to serve me, but I take care of him, too. Symbiosis is a beautiful thing, and I'm a lucky woman to have him in my life.

Saturday, 16 May 2015

House Party

Henry and I got invited to a house party last night. I've been before and it's very laid back and low key but it's lots of fun. We got to hang out with lots of our friends and do some socializing, as well as get some playtime in.

When he showed up at the door, I couldn't help but smile. He was so sexy! Shiny engineer boots, tight blue jeans, a black tank top, and a hat. He changed his nipple rings to black, too :) I don't normally get all dressed up for house parties, but I wore a pretty sundress and high heeled sandals. Perhaps it's even funnier to look like the girl next door when I'm doing terrible things to people!

It was really nice just to catch up with friends in a fun and relaxed environment. I got to watch an interesting scene where two female submissives were lying together on a bed on their backs with their wrists bound above their heads, their outside leg tied splayed and their inside legs tied together, with a Hitachi magic wand tied on their clits while they were beaten by their Doms. It was a pretty awesome contrast of pleasure and pain and it looked like they were all having a good time!

I got asked to do a couple of fun scenes with friends as well. I'm building a reputation for myself in the community and while I don't usually play without a connection, I don't mind sharing my skills with people who are new. It's still fun, it just doesn't turn me on the same way. But I got to enjoy the contrast when I told Henry to get on the table for his turn and the energy that had suddenly been playful suddenly turned erotic. Sensual touches, my hands sliding over his body causing pleasure and pain. Little sighs and moans. His breath coming shorter while his lips begged for mine. And my panties dripping wet with sex so strongly in the air. It was so good, and I couldn't wait to come home and fuck his brains out!

It's been nine months, but his naked skin on mine still takes my breath away, whether we're cuddling or having sex. I almost can't think straight when the chemistry is that intense between us.

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Service Submission

I thought I'd tackle another topic where I've seen a lot of misunderstanding. What I hear is that many people don't understand why someone would want to give service, or how this is related to sex. And I can understand that; how can it be sexy or arousing to wash someone's dishes or to make dinner? That's where D/s is such a beautiful thing. Acts aren't inherently Dominant or submissive; it's the mindset of the people performing those actions. Service can be a very intimate way to show your partner that you value their happiness and want to make their life easier. And if you get off on pleasing your partner, seeing that smile bloom across their face can give you the emotional satisfaction that you want. After all, who among us hasn't gone to some trouble for a partner, say cooking a special meal or planning down to the details an amazing date, purely for knowing what a wonderful experience you could create for someone you love? Now of course, that doesn't make you submissive. But if you are doing it with a submissive mindset and your Dominant accepts it as such, it can be part of a really intimate connection. For me, it's the mindfulness; it's that we are choosing to do these actions as part of the foundation of the relationship that gives me such a level of mental arousal and happiness. I heard another longtime D/s practitioner talk about the "mental cock" or "mental vagina", how you get aroused mentally without being aroused physically, and that very much describes the feeling I get when I receive service from a partner that I'm in a D/s relationship with.

A few weeks ago, Henry moved to my city. We were both struggling with the long distance and wanting to see each other more, and since he had fewer ties to his area, he decided to make the move. It's been so good to have him around more often. I love seeing him multiple times per week and having our relationship feel more substantial and less of a weekend thing. It's definitely been positive for both of us.

Last time he was over, I had a headache and wasn't feeling that well. I had planned to cook dinner but I told him that I wasn't feeling up to it and that I was going to have a shower. I told him to choose one of the frozen pizzas and make that for dinner instead. When I came back downstairs in my bathrobe to relax on the couch, I found that he had customized the pizza with my favourite vegetables and extra cheese. When it was ready, he brought it out and served it to me. He asked me what I wanted to drink and made sure to keep my glass full. He surprised me with a dessert he'd made, and then cleared all the dishes and washed them naked, which is a fetish of mine. Nothing is sexier than a naked man doing chores :) Afterwards, I lay on the couch and he rubbed my feet with massage oil while we watched a movie. It was an absolutely perfect evening.

Perhaps you can't pinpoint any specific action in there that shows he's my submissive. After all, any of us could do that for a friend or partner. But it was the mindfulness and connection between us that really turned me on. He followed the protocol I like when being served, and made sure to make eye contact with me while I accepted what he was offering. It wasn't like the stereotypical "get me a beer" kind of thing where I wasn't looking and just grabbing the item; we had a moment every time he offered me something. And it was so, so good.

I was feeling a little better afterwards so we went upstairs, and I wanted him to feel as happy as I was. We kissed passionately, and it wasn't long before his cock was in my pussy. I mostly wanted to feel that intense connection with him more than I wanted erotic satisfaction, and I got it. I purred in his ear for him to tell me what he wanted tonight, and that he'd get it. I don't always handle things like that but I felt so good and wanted to make sure he had the same. We have a rule that when I specifically ask for a reply, he can't cop out by saying whatever I want; he does have to tell me. He said he'd like to use the sounds and have me play with his ass. Oh, that I could do! It's always so sexy to slide those long steel rods into his cock, and to watch his eyes roll back in his head. I love the way it feels to have his ass tight around my fingers. It wasn't long before he was having an intense orgasm and then we lay back and cuddled until we fell asleep.

It was a perfect day.

Sunday, 3 May 2015

Role Models

One of the tough issues about living an alternative lifestyle, is that there are no road maps. If you're vanilla and monogamous, while there may be lots of bad role models, at least you have an idea of the way your relationship is supposed to progress. While I think the relationship escalator has issues of its own, since not all relationships have to fit into its order to be satisfying, at least people have a bit of security from it.

When you choose to make your own rules to define your relationship, where do you look for advice? It's all well and good to say that you have to figure out what works for you, and to a very large extent that is true. But it is nice to hear where others have gone wrong and just to see some examples of people who have healthy, long term relationships of the type you're considering. With poly, for example, the first thing you hear when your relationship implodes, is that it must have been poly that did it. Do we hear people saying when a mono marriage breaks up that it was monogamy that is at fault? It's just the default lens through which we look at all relationships. It's one big reason why I am strongly in favour of people joining their local community and making connections if they're poly or kinky, just so they have support from people who understand them, and have the opportunity to see how other people handle their relationships. You don't have to be seeking new partners to join a poly group, or to want to play in public to join a BDSM group. It's just nice to hang around like minded people.

This past week, Henry and I attended a seminar on Dominance and submission as a way of life, and it was really informative. The couple who taught it has been involved in 24/7 D/s for over sixteen years, and they were able to share some of the pitfalls that caught them up, and strategies they have used to keep their relationship healthy and happy as time passes.

I think what a lot of people don't understand is that power exchange can be part of a beautiful, healthy relationship. Just because one person gives the orders and the other obeys and provides service doesn't mean that things are unbalanced; it means that the parties involved have different needs and desires that work in a complementary fashion. The genuine love and affection between the couple as they bantered with each other was really inspiring, and I hope to have a relationship like that one day.

Henry and I are talking about writing a contract. While I did that with John, things will be different this time. Obviously, it's a different relationship, and I don't believe in having cookie cutter templates for a relationship. Different people have different needs. While I have protocols I enjoy, they have to fit. Also, I'll be seeing Henry more regularly in the future, and our relationship is more intense (I hesitate to use the word "serious" because I don't like the connotations and I don't think that just because a relationship isn't standard or on a lifetime track that it has no meaning), so we'll be able to add more detailed rules and rituals. I am looking forward to seeing what we come up with.

After the seminar, we went to a play party and had a blast. We hung out with friends, and then did a sensation play scene together. It was a lot of fun. This particular party isn't sex friendly, but the sexual energy between us was so hot we were all over each other in the audience area. While I kept the presence of mind to remember that we couldn't actually have sex of any kind, I think at times my mind was so clouded by the high of the scene and my desire for him that I forgot where I was or anything at all except the way I was feeling. It was a really awesome night :) I'm a lucky woman.

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Vanilla is a Flavour, Too

Henry and I haven't seen each other since Easter, since we've both had life stuff going on. He texted me yesterday and asked if he could come by and drop off a few things, and for he and Frank to spend the night here since it's a long drive. Sure! I had actually had plans with Jennifer, but she called and asked me if we could reschedule since she wasn't feeling well. So, it worked out, or I'd have had to say no to Henry. Poly and logistics! But unless it's an emergency, I hold to the plans I've made first, unless it would be dramatically unfair to one of my partners. I wouldn't want to be constantly rescheduled on, either. Y'know, it's funny how all the rules we make basically boil back down to respecting ourselves and others. When we do those things, it tends to go well.

They didn't get here until very late last night, but it as so good to see Henry. He was so wiggly and excited to see me, it was rather like having a puppy :) Actually, I jokingly asked him if he was on something because he seemed wired, but he said no, he was just happy to be here. Frank said he'd had a rough couple of days, so he gave me a hug and said he just wanted to go to bed. He's slept in my guest room before so it wasn't a problem.

I haven't really given any more thought to having a MFM with the two of them, anyway. Frank seems to have a lot of relationship stuff on his plate right now and he isn't sure if he's mono or poly, plus he feels like his sexual orientation is fluctuating at the moment. Just seems like it has a lot of potential to open a can of worms, so it's better to keep things platonic for now.

It wasn't long before Henry and I were upstairs naked in bed. We started off with some cuddles because it had been a few weeks and it just felt so good to have our arms around each other, and skin on skin is fantastic with a lover. And then I could feel him pressing his cock against me. I laughed and asked him what if I wasn't horny, and he joked that it would be a cold day in hell if that happened! I wouldn't go quite that far, but yeah, under the circumstances, he was probably pretty accurate :)

We kissed and things heated up and got urgent really quickly. He fucked me sideways and played with my clit until I had several intense orgasms, while I was toying with his nipple rings. Those are so sexy, I really like playing with them even without electricity! Then he asked me if I'd like to go for a ride. Oh, yes, yes I would :) My pussy was making lovely squishy sounds by this point, sliding back and forth over his hard cock. Lots of kisses and tongues and playing with nipples and sounds and body fluids everywhere... it was a good time :)

Sometimes, we don't need all the toys or accoutrements of BDSM. It's awesome and fulfilling and arousing, but vanilla sex can feel connecting and romantic, too. I remember leaning forward and brushing his hair off his face while I was riding his cock, and kissing down his neck and not even nibbling a little bit! And the best part? When we were curled up afterwards getting ready to sleep, he whispered in my ear "I love you, Princess."

Friday, 24 April 2015


Sometimes, poly life gets complicated! Jennifer and I have seen each other, but haven't really had a solid, focused-on-each-other date in ages. Twice she's been here when I was melting down over Mark and just wasn't in the mindset for a playdate or sex. Being the amazing person that she is, she was patient with me. She's also had some work and life stuff going on that made her schedule more complicated so it had definitely been a while! We talk every day by text, but I think we were both starting to feel a little physically disconnected.

Her husband had bought her a few new impact toys, and we both liked the idea of me being the first one to use them on her. She loves light to medium impact play, and she asked me to spank her ass until it was nice and red. Did I want to? Oh hell yes. Jennifer has an amazing ass and I love just about everything to do with it.

Between the two of us, we had quite the collection of impact toys to use. Various floggers, crops, and paddles, made of wood, silicone, and leather. It was fun trying out different implements on her, slowly building up the intensity, until she was actually leaning out her ass into my strokes. That was crazy hot to see.

And of course, it's fun to mix a little pleasure with the pain! I started to play with her pussy with one hand while I spanked with the other, teasing at first, and then trying to get her to orgasm while she was being beaten. She loves penetration, so I slid a dildo inside her and held it in place while I continued to paddle her and it wasn't long before she was squirting all over my spanking bench. So sexy! I gave her quite a few orgasms until I started to get the feeling she was going into subspace, so I started ramping down the intensity before we stopped and I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her she was my good girl and had done well.

She was pretty spacey afterwards, and it was lovely knowing that I was the one who had put her there. We went downstairs and cuddled on the couch so she could come down slowly, had a glass of wine and watched a movie. We were both pretty tired afterwards so we decided just to go to sleep. She was staying over, so we knew we'd have time in the morning!

And so we did. Vanilla is a flavour too, sometimes! I nibbled and kissed my way down her neck and started to play with her amazing breasts. She has a fantastic rack and whenever I take her to a party, she gets comments :) I love showing her off. But that morning, she was all mine. I sucked and twisted her nipples before working my way down to her pussy. It's interesting how both she and I like to be played with very different ways. She loves penetration and with the exception of fisting, I'm all about the clit. Experimenting is fun, though! I brought her to a few more orgasms until she squirted all over my face. So nice to have visible results that you're pleasing your partner!

She begged to return the favour, so I let her lick my clit and finger my pussy until I had a few nice orgasms of my own. I didn't squirt, but sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. Unfortunately, we were interrupted by my cat, who had managed to push the supposedly locked bedroom door open and jumped on the bed waiting for attention. Jennifer yelled at her "We have enough pussy in here already!" and I laughed so hard that it was pretty much over. But it was a damn good way to wake up! We cuddled and kissed before she had to get going home and we both said that we felt much better having gotten that time together. I have such an amazing girlfriend and I'm lucky.

Can't wait to see her again. We have plans for relatively soon, so hopefully that will work out. I think I might want to light her on fire :)

Friday, 10 April 2015

Who Needs 50 Shades?

I was really surprised that given all the hype around 50 Shades, that there have been some reasonably good BDSM movies produced in the past. Henry visited this past weekend for Easter, and we put on a movie called Exit to Eden. If you're curious or into BDSM, I definitely recommend watching it! While it's still a little messed up on gender roles, it definitely gives a more balanced look into BDSM and portrays it as part of a healthy sexuality. That's definitely improvement over the idea that kink is something abusive that needs to be cured, and this came out years ago!

I didn't realize that the movie would be so erotic, but it wasn't long before both of us were breathing a little harder. I wish I was able to visit the island as a guest! Although, logistical and safety issues for the subs, of course... but hey, it's fantasy, right?

I told Henry to pause the movie and I went upstairs to get a few toys. I brought down a vibrating butt plug and handed it to him with some lube and told him to go put it in. When he came back, I attached weighted clamps to his nipple rings, and a Humbler to his balls. Then I told him to get on all fours and I used him as a footstool while I played with my pussy and enjoyed watching the movie, occasionally trailing my nails over his body or toying with the butt plug. I also brought a leather strap downstairs and enjoyed surprising him with a quick crack across his thighs or his ass while I played with his cock. After all, he needed a reminder not to drip all over my carpet!

When he was arching into my hands and making frustrated noises, I decided to be nice. I unlocked the Humbler and took off the nipple clamps, but left the butt plug in his ass and told him to cum on my feet. It wasn't long before he shot all over me. And he knew what I wanted. It took a little coaxing, but he licked up every drop. It was an incredibly hot scene- I didn't even feel the need for an orgasm afterwards, it was so satisfying.

He was here for a while, so we got some other BDSM play in (fire cupping, sounds, and pegging along with a little bondage) but that was my favourite playtime. It was good having him here... we haven't been able to see each other as much lately, but hopefully that will be changing soon.

Thursday, 2 April 2015


It has been a long time since I've seen Adam last. It's kind of funny to realize that he and I have been having sex together off and on for three years now. He was my first local hotwifing partner. We were talking about it today and we both like seeing each other. He likes it because there's no pressure. He knows I'm not looking for anything but a good time with him, and we can just relax and have fun. I like it because he doesn't treat me like a booty call. We might not email much in between visits, but we do chat occasionally and whenever he comes over we spend like half an hour catching up on each other's lives before we finally get down to the fun :) There's a nice mutual respect there and we genuinely like each other which is a good foundation for even something as casual as what we have.

When we took our clothes off, he took his time kissing my neck and my shoulder and getting me all worked up. "You've still got it," he whispered in my ear. It's so nice to hear stuff like that right now. It wasn't long before we were making out, and then I got my mouth on his hard cock. I hadn't given a blowjob in so long... funny how I missed that. Henry isn't the biggest fan of oral sex either way, so while I give him head once in a while it's not a frequent thing. I worry that I'll get rusty! I really love sucking cock and I don't want my skills there to degrade.

It wasn't long before he was moaning and thrusting his hips at my mouth, so I stopped since I knew we both still wanted to fuck afterwards. He told me how much he'd enjoyed that, and I told him that I think I'd had almost as much fun! It was funny that we repeated that conversation in reverse after he licked my pussy. He kissed his way down my body, spending time teasing my nipples, before finally getting to my clit. And this is why Adam is still in my little black book after three years! He made me cum so many times. It's been a long time since I had a really good tonguing, and it felt amazing. I was craving to be filled with hard cock, so he grabbed a condom and we had a nice long fuck before collapsing in a sweaty mess.

We just hung out for a little while longer, chatting about random stuff. He was curious to see my violet wand and said he could understand what people might like about it. He's as vanilla as they come, but there's nothing wrong with that. And he's definitely got some skills. We were chatting about maybe getting together a little more often, but he's quite a ways away and doesn't work around here anymore, so I guess we'll see. It's nice to know I'm worth driving an hour plus each way for, though! ;)

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

High Protocol

I love high protocol parties. It's just so pleasant to relax and know that if I need something, that it will be taken care of. And it's all in a very female positive environment, which is a nice change from the usual party. While it's not that I don't enjoy having male Doms around sometimes, it's just a different atmosphere which I enjoy. There have been some interesting thoughts rolling around in my head lately about gender stereotypes and BDSM orientation that I might have to write about at some point, but basically, I do think that the majority of F/m relationships have a different focus than the M/f majority. There's nothing wrong with anyone negotiating a relationship to involve whatever they want as long as both/all parties agree to it, but it's interesting to see some of the differences.

It was nice to walk in the door and have a submissive hold it open and take my coat and my shoes so I could go change into something more party appropriate. I decided to wear a red and black lace and PVC dress with black fishnet thigh highs and strappy stiletto sandals. Lots of fun. When I sat down, someone came to take my drink order and to offer hors d'oeuvres. It's basically a fancy cocktail party except that the men are wearing coloured tags defining the level of service they are willing to provide.

Erik had invited me to go, and this is one of my favourite parties, so I thought it would be fun. I wanted an opportunity to get to know him better after all. We spent the day hanging out and went for a nice dinner at one of my favourite restaurants before heading to the party. I met some really fantastic other Dommes and it looks like we're going to do some skill sharing which is pretty awesome. I would like to learn more about some of the stuff that she does, and she wants to learn electrical play. Sounds like fun to me!

Erik and I did a brief scene since he had never experienced electrical play before, and it was fun, but more like a lab just to give him a taste of it. I didn't know his body language well enough to read it, and he was inexperienced enough that I couldn't relax and trust him to tell me if I was pushing limits. I checked in frequently and used my number system but it kept me from getting too deeply into the scene.

We went back to his place afterwards and I could tell he was nervous but I was hoping to at least have a little fun. Unfortunately, it appears he also suffers from ED. I like him... but I also found out he smokes and frankly, I don't like the smell of stale smoke floating around. I told him today that I'd had a lovely time and would be happy to keep hanging out, but on a more casual basis. I told him the smoke was bothering me. I just don't think he and I would make a good long term match, and I didn't get that little zing of excitement that I get with Jennifer and Henry. At least he took it well, because he is a nice guy, but just not a good fit for me. Although I loved the little touches of service submission... he opened doors for me and never let my teacup get empty and held my coat for me. Oh well- c'est la vie!

I've been on Tumblr a lot and enjoy the lovely pictures there. Such a great place to find femdom porn :) I saw this photo and it really resonated with me. If I have to start over again, I want a D/s primary relationship. I want to find a man who not only understands my desires but who appreciates them and desires me more for them. So, maybe one day this will be me.

Thursday, 19 March 2015

New Connections

I'll never make jokes again about how you find things when you're not looking for them! I've always said that was odd, because if you're looking for your keys, for example, they aren't likely to pop up while you're washing the dishes. I suppose it's more of a state of mind thing when it comes to dating, because perhaps when you drop expectations and just leave yourself open to hanging out with people and having fun that you might be more likely to make an unexpected connection. I'm not sure it really applies to me in the same way, though, since I'd generally say that I leave myself open to meeting new and interesting people.

Currently, my dating profiles are down, and even my Fetlife profile says I am only looking for friends and events right now. And much to my surprise, I've made two interesting connections lately. Both are submissive men who are looking for long term female led relationships. It actually kind of freaks me out a little bit in one way because I'm not sure I'm ready emotionally to look for a new potential primary partner, but I also recognize that people aren't dolls you can put on a shelf when you don't want to play with them. On the other hand, I have to admit that it gave my self confidence a little bit of a boost that there are men out there who want me, even now. My self esteem has taken a nosedive over the past few months, and I've also gained quite a bit of weight. So to know that people are still interested in getting to know me, that's a good thing no matter what happens.

*Reed and I only had a few conversations before he left for vacation for a couple of weeks, and he hasn't come back yet. So, we'll see if we keep chatting when he comes back. He seems like a nice person and ultimately looking for the type of relationship I want but that isn't my priority right now. I am not going to be focused on getting remarried at this point- I'm not even legally divorced yet! I just want to take care of myself and kiddo and everything else will come along when it does.

I've pretty much decided though that since I'm starting again from ground zero, I'm not interested in a vanilla primary relationship; I want to find a partner for a poly or cuckold style relationship. Some D/s would be lovely too, but I've always felt that when you're seeking a relationship, it's better to know what you need and go from there, rather than have a list that looks like it could describe one person. Even as a Dominant, I've found that all my relationships take different forms. I don't have a cookie cutter list of things I want or the way I expect things to go. While the things I need are constant, the shape of Me+Partner varies depending on what my partner is like and what they need, and I think that is healthy. I want to leave myself open to really connecting to a person, not just forcing them into a little box of requirements.

The other new person I met is *Erik, and he's a pretty intriguing man. We've been chatting just about every day and he's got a great sense of humour. The thing I found really interesting is how sexually inexperienced he is. Generally single men in their thirties have had more than a couple of sex partners and have a bit of experience under their belts; while he's not a virgin, he's not far off. And he isn't asexual and does enjoy sex. It seems like some of it comes from the submissive side and since he hasn't been pursuing Dominant women, to date, it just hasn't gone that way. Jennifer pointed out I can teach him exactly what I like and he'll be a blank slate but it added a layer of anxiety for me to potentially getting physical with him.

Erik seems like a pretty awesome guy though, and we've been enjoying the conversations. We met up for coffee yesterday (OK, so I had a caramel apple cider instead), but he actually brought me a little gift which was so sweet. From our previous conversations he knew what kind of tea I liked, and brought me a bag of looseleaf tea that the store told him was similar but a little different so I could try something new but with the expectation of enjoying it. It was so thoughtful! We had a nice chat and hung out for most of the afternoon before I had to go pick up kiddo. I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

So, I'm still taking things one day at a time and trying to keep going. Henry has some craziness going on right now with his work, so between that and his health I am not sure when we'll see each other again. I got to see him for a couple of hours on Tuesday when a friend of mine wanted to visit his city for the day, but it's never long enough. We had plans for both this weekend and next weekend, but he might have to cancel which is too bad. But, it happens, and I have enough confidence in the stability of our relationship not to feel wibbles, although I miss him.

And I miss sex! That's one thing I'll say about not currently having a partner to live with- I don't get nearly enough of that! I've given some thought about going back and doing the CL thing, but I'm not sure I want to go there right now. I guess I'll wait and see how I feel in a month or so, but I definitely want more orgasms than I've been getting. Masturbation feels good, but it's just not the same as a partner's tongue working my clit while their fingers are massaging my A spot and I'm moaning and squirting all over the bed... sigh. Now my pussy is wet just thinking about it...

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Heart on Fire

Morgan has been dating a new girlfriend lately and they're besotted with each other- it's so adorable to watch. As a result, poly or not, we've dialed things back to platonic friends because the two of them are glued to each other! But, she's been missing some playtime as a sub since her girlfriend is also a sub (Morgan switches), so she asked me if I was interested in doing a few scenes.

Was I? Hell yes! I don't often get the opportunity to play with someone who is a deep as mosochist as Morgan is. Obviously, she still needs buildup to get to those high endorphin levels, but once she gets there... Wow. I can play harder on her than I have on anyone else before and I love that opportunity! I don't reach Topspace with her because it seems that regardless of play intensity, I need an emotional connection for that, but I definitely enjoy myself.

The flower brand that I did on her thigh on Halloween had faded away, and she wanted me to do a heart on her ass, if I was up for it. We had a really fun scene where I got to use some of my more intense implements, and it was great. She's so responsive, and I love watching her move her body to be more receptive to the sensation, or listen to her moans and sighs when I increase the power on my violet wand.

When we finally worked up and I could see she was feeling pretty floaty, so I switched to my branding electrode and got to work. I did a hand sized heart outline on her ass and it was a lot of fun watching her skin redden and swell while she moaned and tried to hold still. An electric brand takes a couple of days to darken and scab over, but I can see the lines I've drawn faintly while I'm still working on it. She loves the sensation- didn't want me to stop! But the more times you trace it, the longer the brand will last, and I wanted this to stay temporary like the last one. I joked to her afterwards though that once it heals enough to play over it, it's going to be a tempting target for spankings!

She was pretty spacey when we were done, but asked me if I was willing to use my urethral sounds on her since she's planning to transition soon and that might change the way it feels. We had talked about it before, so I agreed to try it out. It really surprised me how easily the first sound slid into her cock. She was kidding around about how she's never been harder! We worked our way up to the third sound, and by then she could barely talk so I figured it was time to stop and give her some time to relax.

I love seeing the fog of euphoria when I've played with someone- it definitely means that I got it right! And I always enjoy the opportunity to take out my violet wand and play with someone who I know enjoys it. I haven't gotten to play as much lately because I haven't been in the right mental state for it, but I'm hoping to get more in soon.

Sunday, 8 March 2015

The End of a Decade

It's amazing how quickly time goes by sometimes. And, theoretically, it does make sense that time moves more quickly as you age. After all, one year to a five year old is 20% of his life and one year to a thirty year old is only 3%. I remember as a child waiting and waiting for exciting days to arrive and sometimes it felt like forever. While some things still feel like forever (queues at government offices, anyone?), it feels to me sometimes like I blink and weeks have gone by.

Today would have been my tenth wedding anniversary with Mark. I noticed that I wasn't feeling like myself and I had to constantly try to reframe my thoughts, knowing that I wasn't in a balanced frame of mind and that I was taking everything negatively. Instead, I tried to keep myself busy. When I got home from my weekend away, I decided to clean out MY bedroom, and make it more my own. Things had gotten cluttered and while I admit I'm not all that sure about things like feng shui, certainly living in a giant mess wasn't making me happy. I'm feeling a lot better with things tidied and cleaned, at least. I'd like to do some actual redecorating, but for the moment it's not in the budget. It's fun to think about what changes I'd make, though. The walls are a greenish gray, and I'd like them to be a bit more feminine. Maybe a peach or a cream or a dark rose with white accents. I think a new bedding set would be a nice change, too; what I currently have is all blues and browns and I want a lighter palette. And definitely a set of mirrored closet doors. Did I mention my closet is opposite my bed so I'd get a lovely show when I'm having sex or playing with my pussy?

At any rate, I think I am done writing about my relationship with Mark here. I keep this blog so that I can remember the positive moments in my life, not to rehash the ones that depress me. I'm not finding the writing cathartic. And frankly, my counselor reminds me that I don't have to give him space in my head rent free. I'd rather focus on the things and people that make me happy so I'm going to stick to that.

This weekend didn't go quite as planned, but it was still fun. Sometimes it's interesting to examine how my reactions have changed and I wonder, is it me changing or is it the person I'm with?

I went to Henry's city on Friday afternoon, and we spent the evening out doing one of his hobbies. It was fun. I got to watch him enjoying himself and I had an interesting conversation with a much older gentleman. Then we went for a walk and a late dinner before going back to his house to watch some old sitcoms on Netflix.

Saturday we had a BDSM party that I was looking forward to! Unfortunately Henry still wasn't feeling well enough to play, but at least he was able to go. We had cancelled last weekend since he needed to rest. Even without playing, it was nice to get all dressed up and do my hair and makeup and go socialize with friends. Plus, it was still hot to watch everyone else and listen to all the moans and screams and laughs! I missed playing; I don't think I've gone to a party without playing since the very first one I had been to. I know Henry was disappointed too. But when we got back to his place we more than made up for it. We split a bottle of wine and had some really amazing sex. Lots of gentle, teasing touch to keep us both in the mood while we relaxed and talked and drank the wine. I could smell my pussy dripping while I toyed with his nipple rings. Finally the bottle was gone, and I was getting impatient. It was one of those nights where my body was so sensitive that the lightest touch on my clit had me moaning. Everything felt so amazing... he used his hands and brought me to many very satisfying orgasms while I squirted all over his bed. Whoops, forgot the towels. But I don't think either of us cared. I climbed onto his cock and nearly came again at the feel of that first push inside my pussy. I know I've written about it before, but it's always one of my favourite moments in sex. He played with my nipples while I rode him, and it wasn't long before I could hear his breathing changing and he grabbed my hips and told me he was going to cum. Later that night, being wrapped up securely in his arms and feeling his heart beat next to mine made it easy to drift off to sleep.

Today didn't go quite like we'd planned. We were going to go out and spend some time with his friends, but he got a call early in the morning that he'd have to go in to work. He thought it would only be an hour or so, and told me he'd call me and let me know when he'd be home so we could go have lunch with his friends before I had to leave. I was surprised when the next thing I saw when I looked at the clock and it was 12:30! So, that brings me back to expectations and reactions. I was disappointed, since I knew we wouldn't have time to go see his friends before I had to leave, and normally that would have made me cranky because I could have assumed he got lost in what he was doing and forgot to come back. I texted him and he told me that he got stuck and he'd be back as soon as he could. Which ended up being more than an hour later. But he was so apologetic and disappointed that I couldn't help but tell him that I was disappointed too but it was okay. He said that he wished things didn't come up when I was there, and then he took me out for lunch before I had to leave.

And really, now that I'm thinking about it... it was his attitude that made it easy for me. I was worried that I didn't matter, and even though he couldn't be, he still showed me that I was important and he wanted to be with me. He's really a good guy, and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Now if only we didn't have this darn distance to deal with!

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do when I decide I'm ready to start looking for a primary partner again. And I know that's a problem for the future and I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but it's hard not to sometimes. I like living with a partner. I like sleeping with someone and cooking them a nice meal and having someone to hang out with in the evenings. I'm going to want a serious primary relationship again when my life settles down and my heart heals. I know that right now I'm hurting and vulnerable and I'm not ready to start dating again. But when I meet someone else, it's going to take time away from my relationships with Henry and Jennifer, and they're important to me. It's not going to be like it was with an established live in marriage where Mark got almost every night with me when he was home, so I could take time to go see Henry and Jennifer. I'll have to devote time to establishing that new relationship, and it's got to come from somewhere. I'm not sure I want to loosen my connections with them. I think that no matter what happens, Jennifer and I will always be friends, but I like the whole package :) And Henry is very important to me. I mean, I bet it would be hard even for an established poly person to be coming in and dating someone who has two solid and longer standing secondary relationships. I just have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and not to worry about it for now. Enjoy what I've got, because what I do have is still pretty darn awesome.