Thursday, 8 December 2016

Tis the Season

So, I haven't written much lately because life has been crazy, and that means that sex and kink have taken a bit of a backseat. Henry and I haven't been going to parties, nor have we been having wild and crazy sex with anyone but each other. Not that there's anything wrong with that :) He and I actually just sat down and recommitted to our D/s relationship because we've been finding that we both miss it. It's not just play; it's part of who we are. I miss connecting on that level. A few months ago, the pendant I gave him as a sign of our D/s relationship broke. He never took it off so it took some heavy wear- we had to replace the chain twice! But this time it was unrepairable. Given our new commitment, I ordered him this for Christmas:

Can't wait to give it to him!

I've noticed (and we've discussed) that over the past year or so, Henry and I have been mostly emotionally monogamous. We have had our flings and sexual friends, separately and together, but neither of us has had any interest in dating someone else. Part of that I think is because our relationship is relatively new, part of it because things have been tumultuous, and part of it simply because we haven't met anyone we're interested in dating. Personally, I've been carrying so much baggage that I don't want to burden a new person with it. But the door is still open- we don't have a closed relationship and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

In the meantime, I've been indulging a crush on a friend of mine, *George, who recently popped back into my life. We met and became friends in the local BDSM community, and then he dropped off the page for a few years. We just reconnected again, and I've been enjoying the energy and interplay between us. No need for it to go anywhere specifically, but fantasies are fun!

I'm also finding that NRE isn't necessarily related to romantic relationships. I notice myself having similar responses when I make a new connection that excites me regardless of the form that connection takes. I have gotten similar effects from a new friendship as well. Brain chemicals can be good times LOL!

So, we're still here and chugging along... if you'll excuse me I'm back to daydreaming about the sexy times Henry and I had last night... and thinking about what we'll do tonight!

Monday, 12 September 2016

Definitions

It's always interesting when people use labels, and then have different definitions for that same label. It can certainly cause some communication issues! I think labels provide a good starting point, but if you don't know what that definition means to that person it still doesn't give you all that much information. Certainly I've run into this a few times- people calling themselves "submissive" when what they really mean is "wanting someone to do the stuff that they fantasize about to them", when my definition is "someone who wants to please their partner and follow their lead". That's a pretty wide gap there!

I seem to have run into another one, but it led to a very interesting night. I had wanted to hook up with Rob again, since I enjoyed his magic tongue so much, but Donna was coming over for a visit. I had told her all about him since we have pretty open discussions about our sex lives. She's got a boyfriend now (the guy I hooked her up with!), but she still enjoys hearing my stories. She and I have become pretty close. Ah, but alas for being straight and monogamous!

Anyway, I mentioned to her that Rob had asked if I would use my urethral sounds on him next time he came by, and I said sure. I haven't used them in a while and it's always fun to pop someone's cherry with a new activity. Donna said she had never seen sounding being done, so I said if she wanted to that I'd be happy to teach her. Rob was texting me and suggesting he come by, so we took him up on it. She had also asked me about how to find a man's prostate and I said we could do that too if she wanted.

Ah, but the definitions! I know she does BDSM play with other people but she's sexually monogamous. It's interesting to see how she defined this, because I sure think that inserting metal rods into a man's cock while masturbating him and sliding your finger into his ass is sexual, but we all do things differently. Wonder if that means there's still a chance for a threesome with her? Just kidding!

It was fun to watch them and direct, though. I had to stay close and supervise since this is medical play and pretty edgy. Rob certainly enjoyed the attentions of two beautiful women while he was getting his prostate stroked from two angles! Donna had never been inside a partner before, and she said it was a pretty cool sensation even through the latex glove. It wasn't long before Rob was cumming all over himself.

I was kind of curious to see if she was going to enjoy his mouth, too. After all, we called him her science experiment while she was learning to sound, so maybe that would be, too? But she did decide to head out. Poor Rob didn't get to bury his face in two wet cunts, but I can last long enough and have more orgasms than two average women I think :) It was a good night.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Still A Slut at Heart

Well, you can take the slut out of the girl... oh wait, no you can't- whatever way you want to interpret that! :)

Henry's been away for a little while, and I've found myself needing some satiation! It's funny, apparently with a hormonal IUD it's supposed to entirely suppress ovulation, but I'm positive that mine does not. I track my cycle and for 3-4 days a month I notice that I go a little crazier than usual. That's when I start watching more extreme porn or thinking about fantasies that might be a bit more outside my usual comfort zone. At any rate, it is a bad time for me to be left without a partner to satisfy me!

I wound up back on Craigslist, and this time I decided to pull the trigger on finding someone and not just fool around. Surprisingly, I got a number of really good quality responses, which isn't always the case. I employ pretty good screening mechanisms to weed out the wankers who just want to get their dicks wet and will lie about anything to get there. So far it hasn't been perfect, but I definitely get the guys who like giving pleasure as opposed to the ones who just want their own. That doesn't necessarily mean they will be talented, but I've found there is definitely some correlation. After all, people who like what they're doing have a more vested interest in doing it well :)

So I was narrowing it down, which was actually more difficult than usual. I picked a guy in his late 40s because I've found that age sometimes (but not always) correlates with skill, so I was playing the odds. But I had another guy, *Rob, who interested me, and I told him to save my email address. When I told him I was saving him for another day because I had someone on the way, he told me that if I wasn't perfectly satisfied after the first guy, to send him a text and he'd come over. Part of me has never gotten over the delight of being a dirty slut, and the idea of having two complete strangers come over and lick my pussy sounded lovely, so I told him he'd probably hear from me- after all, I'm difficult to tap out!

So guy #1 came over... I had made it very clear in my ad that I was looking for someone to come over, lick and finger my pussy until I was done, and then leave. No reciprocation, no awkward small talk. Just a human fuck toy :) I brought him to my bedroom, turned on the porn (I enjoy watching and listening to porn while I'm having sex, a lot of the time), and took off my dress. It felt like seconds before he had his face buried in my wet cunt and it was SO good. I love Henry and he's a fantastic lover, but he's much more comfortable using his hands than his tongue and I found myself really missing the sensation. This guy was certainly above average, but couldn't quite get together the rhythm of working his fingers and tongue at the same time. I certainly enjoyed using him, especially listening to his dirty talk as he watched me cum, and listening to him say he was going to go jack off in his car thinking about me :)

But... I felt like I could use some more orgasms, so I texted for Rob to come over. I'm giving him a nickname since I think he'll be getting an encore! He was very good, both with his fingers and his tongue, and I squirted all over him a few times. I really, really needed that. I even offered to give him a blowjob afterwards since I was feeling so satiated- I'm very talented with my mouth, too ;)

I fucked two complete strangers in one night, back to back (at least for my definition of fucking; cocks aren't required!), and felt pretty awesome afterwards. It's nice to be slutty sometimes :)

Saturday, 20 August 2016

Bad Dragon

It's really amazing where the time goes. Henry and I have been dating for two years now, and I told him that at times it feels like much longer but at times I wonder how it's been so long. We've developed our own rhythm in the relationship and it's been different. I've learned that you just can't compare relationships, though; I was a different person too at the other point, so it's not fair to do so. With time being linear, nothing is ever a truly equal comparison. Most of the time though, I am happy with what we have, and that is what matters. We lost our NRE early because of all the upheaval in my life, but the place that it has come to still has a lot of that spark as well as companionate love and smoking hot sex. I could see myself staying here for a while :)

So, the hunt was on to find a suitable anniversary gift for Henry. We'd been looking at some really cool sex toys lately, and I thought that might be a gift for both of us ;)

Henry loves toys with lots of ridges and ribs, so I started looking at the specialty dildos at Bad Dragon. They have some really neat shapes and they all come with their own backstory, if you enjoy that kind of fantasy. Plus, you can customize your toy any way you want! While I like Tantus' silicone dildos, for example, I always felt that they were a little too hard for comfortable use. At Bad Dragon you can get your toy in anything from very soft if you want a packer, to firm if you want to feel every ridge. You can also have a suction cup or a cum tube installed. I admit that I thought the cum tube was a little weird until I realized it would be very useful for getting the lube all the way inside your ass or pussy, where it's probably needed the most. I didn't get this feature but I might consider it in the future. And you can even pick your own colouring, either a solid colour or a marbling of two colours you like or one colour fading to another. While I don't really care what colour a toy is when it's inside me, I do think that some of their toys are really gorgeous looking.

So I decided to pick out a ridgy toy for Henry. I wound up choosing the Apollo, in light blue, very firm (since Henry likes to feel all the ridges).

Isn't it pretty?

I also figured I'd get a toy for me, since sometimes I wear out Henry's hand while he's fisting me quite before I'm done having orgasms, and so I thought a nice big thick dildo would be perfect for that. So I ordered a Stan in Frankenpour (you can let them choose some random colouring and I thought that was cool).

Now the other cool option is that they come in a variety of sizes from mini to XL. They even have little size charts on their website that give you the stats for the length, circumference of various points, etc. Now the problem is that I don't really have a great head for numbers, and I have no idea how big my usual toys are- or Sam's fist for that matter. This was probably something I should have asked Henry about before buying the toys but I wanted to surprise him.

I ordered both toys in large. I figured that large on that scale should be suitable given how I like being fisted and he loves big toys and has even taken my hand once. Now, I didn't realize how many people love large specialty toys, so I may have made a teensy bit of a mistake. Or rather I should say a colossal mistake! When I opened the package, the Stan toy was larger than my forearm! It was absolutely huge. The Apollo was a bit smaller but not too much. Whoops!

I did decide to give them to Henry, and when he saw them he laughed when he saw what I'd done and said it was worth the money just to see it. We made all kinds of jokes about what we could use the Stan for- like taking it to the swinger's club and next time we run into a mouthy guy, pull it out and say that I like to fuck men with it ;)

We decided to give Apollo a try, though. Henry loved the ribbing on it, even though all he could really use was the head. We tried it on me (don't forget to wash it between uses!) and I couldn't get it past the knot either, but I loved the really full sensation in my pussy. This one is definitely going to be in our useful toy box!

I wound up selling the Stan to someone else, and we have already ordered a couple more toys in much more reasonable sizes that might actually fit inside us :) We ordered a Flint in small, firm, for Henry, another Stan for me but in small, and a basilisk sheath. I thought that was pretty cool- it's like a cover that goes over a cock but leaves the head exposed so that the man can still have sensation, but the woman gets a thicker and ridgier cock to enjoy. I'm definitely looking forward to trying it out, and I will write about our experiences when I get it. I think we're going to enjoy this site! Oh, and before you ask, I paid for my order, and Bad Dragon didn't ask me to write about the toys- I just wanted to share my experiences with you.

Saturday, 6 August 2016

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Ok, so I like the Everly Brothers. Sue me :)

I find it interesting that when I was younger I read about women who had orgasms in their sleep and kind of scoffed at it. I mean, I know it happens to men, but I didn't ever have anything like that happen to me, nor did I know any women who would admit to it whether they experienced it or not. Now that I'm in my thirties, though, I find to my delight that it is something that does happen every once in a while.

So what's it like for a man? Do you remember the dream in the morning, or do you just wake up wet and sticky? I've had lots of sexy dreams in my life, but none like what I've been experiencing the last year or so until recently. More so than the details of the dream, I remember overwhelming pleasure that pulses through my whole vagina. It's intense and incredible and I wake up feeling good but also hungry for more. I'm actually unsure if they're better than what I get when I'm awake, if I was mentally present and relaxed and ready for it. And I have some pretty amazing orgasms when I'm awake, that's for sure!

The other thing I find interesting is that while my primary way to orgasm is via my clit, and secondarily via my A spot (if you haven't read about the anterior fornix, get your ass over to Google and learn how to deliver a new level of pleasure to your female partners. Just wait until they're all warmed up and ready before you go for it!). But these sleepgasms are vaginal, as far as I can tell, since that's where the pleasure radiates from so intensely. It's exceptionally rare for me to have a vaginal orgasm during sex. I can pretty much count the number of orgasms I've had during PIV sex, unless I happen to be fucking a man with a cock that curves upwards in just the right way. So it makes me curious why this happens the way it does. I'm certainly happy to have the opportunity to experience these, though! Generally they happen when I am craving sex- the female equivalent of deadly sperm buildup? :) But they're relatively infrequent, even if I haven't been having sex for a while.

Last night Henry and I were cuddled up in bed and I mentioned the lovely sleepgasms I had the night before. I couldn't recall much of what was happening, but the vivid memory of the pleasure I experienced was still burned in my head. It wasn't long before Henry's fingers were slipping into my pussy and giving me something fresh to think about! He has never given me vaginal orgasms like these, but I can't complain about the times he makes me cum until I can't speak and squirt all over the bed! I climbed on his cock and he played with my clit until I was having orgasm after orgasm clenched around his cock before he filled me with cum. We snuggled together afterwards, full of contentment. I've always said I'm not as much for PIV sex, but there is something to be said for the connection it can build with someone you love. That, and orgasms!

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

More Musings on Sex

I find it really interesting that I have been mostly thinking of myself as "monogamous" for the last year or so, despite having a few other sexual partners. Most of the time, Henry and I have been together for those experiences and so I feel like they've more been about us doing things together, which for some odd reason classifies in my head as monogamous. Even with the few partners I have had on my own there hasn't been anything romantic. They all have been pretty much friends with benefits, which is still awesome and connected, but not in a polyamorous sense. Which at this point in time, is perfectly fine with me. I'm still dealing with a lot of stress in my life and I am not sure I have the energy to devote to an additional romantic relationship. I suspect that is partly why my relationship with Jennifer morphed more into a friendship- I wasn't holding up my end the way I think is important. I'm perfectly happy with more sex though!

My natural sex drive is much higher than Henry's, as a general rule. In addition to that, when his health conditions flare up, there are often larger blocks of time where we can't have sex at all. And yeah, I have lots of vibrators and sex toys, but nothing really is quite as satisfying as a good round of sex. I've never been able to make myself squirt solo, for example, since I find that a large portion of that is in my head in addition to playing with the right spot. And I do crave the cuddles and kisses and sensual touch in addition to the orgasms. Masturbation is fine when I need mechanical release, but it's just not the same. I normally find that I'll masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, with little breaks in between to find a new piece of erotica or a porn video. For the first half hour or so, I usually can't orgasm at all- and if you've fucked me, you know that when I'm turned on I can orgasm easily within minutes. Then for an hour or so, I have some, and they're generally pretty good, but it feels like something is missing, so I keep going. Then I start to desensitize from the vibrator and start losing the ability to cum this way, and I get frustrated. So you can see how a masturbatory session isn't all that thrilling to me! I much prefer to use my toys with a partner.

So lately, I've been finding that I really do want to have more sex while understanding that Henry really can't up his frequency at times. I am finding myself remarkably hesitant to do so, though. Partly I think it's because we aren't married; we've been together for two years, but there isn't the depth and commitment that there is in a marriage. Which makes absolutely no sense since my marriage to Mark didn't stop things from ending, and Henry wholeheartedly encourages me to take new partners when I feel the desire to.

Part of it is also the reminder that no matter how much sex I have outside my relationship with Henry, that it will never replace sex with Henry. You can't use intimacy with one person as a crutch for a lack with another. And so I'm a little pensive about seeking another regular partner because I know it won't make me desire Henry any less. It might make me a little happier if it's good, connected sex though, and so I'm still seriously considering it.

In the meantime, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone(s) to join us in bed once Henry was feeling up to it. I like having threesomes and groups with him- it still fuels the intimacy between us. And frankly, it is hot watching him fuck someone! My own personal sex show ;)

But, I digress! So I got the usual garbage replies, and then one from a married couple in the BDSM community, who it turns out we sort of know on sight but don't really know. We've been chatting with them and so far are hitting it off, so we'll see how it goes! I think we could have a lot of fun with these guys if we all feel chemistry. And if not- there'll be someone else :)

Sunday, 31 July 2016

Needs & Wants

We all have lists of what is important to us in a relationship. What's on yours? The one that surprises me is how low many people rank sexual compatibility. I mean, especially if you're monogamous, you're pledging to spend the rest of your life having sex with only this person. Are you going to be content with that? I think that while certainly a lot of other factors are very important, having similar drives and sexual desires is equally important. Which, not to get off topic, is why I think that people who believe no sex before marriage are absolutely insane, because then it becomes a total lottery if you have the same interests. You may not even know yourself!

I think that sex is a need, and that it's critical in a healthy relationship (unless of course, you're in an asexual relationship that everyone is happy with). Cops say that most domestic violence is about love or money, and that makes sense that those are things people would fight about.

It surprises me at times exactly how important sex is to me, but it really is. It's part of how I connect to my partners, and build intimacy. It helps me destress in a way that masturbation doesn't. And the post sex cuddles are amazing. Of course, I'm quite capable of and I enjoy casual sex, but it won't take away the need I have to connect sexually with my primary partner.

Henry has been sick for a while, so we haven't had as much sex as I'd like. As my readers know, I generally have a pretty high sex drive, to say the least! And I happened to be ovulating this weekend (yes I'm on birth control, but I still keep track of my cycle), so I was pretty crazy horny. Watching porn, reading erotica, and chatting with some people on CL (ask me about that later!). My pussy was just dripping even though no one had touched me yet :) Henry noticed and he said he might be up to helping me out with my problem, and much to my delight, he was! We put on some porn and added our own sounds to the ones on the TV :) Nothing too long or intense since he was still pretty tired, but enough that I squirted all over him and the bed (thank goodness for plastic mattress protectors, ladies!).

The point of this post though was just to describe the amazing change in my mood after we had sex. I felt so happy and at peace. Not stressed. Just relaxed and lovey and cuddly and so much better. I really did need that sex- it wasn't just something I wanted. I'm really lucky to have a partner who understands that. It made me feel so close to Henry and that was good. Of course, now I want to jump his bones again today! ;)

Our second anniversary is coming up, and I've already ordered his present. I'm looking forward to writing about it here- I think you all will enjoy it and rush out to buy one for yourselves! Stay tuned...

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Plain But Filling

Sometimes I think sex is like food. We like to have the exotic dishes and interesting flavours (well, if you don't, I certainly do!) but sometimes we just need some comfort food.

Last night wasn't anything too exciting. No whips and chains or the like, no other people. My drive for BDSM has been a little low lately with all the stress in my life, but I am sure that it will come back. Twisted bastards like me need a little (or a lot) of that in our lives. Last night we just put on some awesome orgy clips from Pornhub and lay in bed together watching and commenting and talking about our desires and fantasies before having some really good and passionate sex. My pussy was so wet and open for his fingers while he played with my clit and I was aching to be filled. I squirted like crazy all over him and it felt SO good! When he finally slipped his cock slowly inside me, teasingly, I clenched my pussy around him so that he couldn't escape so easily ;)

It was really good, and I love the feeling of cum dripping out of my pussy. For some reason, bareback sex when we both cum together leaves me feeling so relaxed and connected and satisfied. It's more than if we just play and have orgasms without him ending in my pussy (which happens more often than not because of our individual preferences; it's easier for us both to cum in activities other than PIV sex). I just find sex like that to be really connective and we do it more for that than for anything else.

So last night wasn't noteworthy, but it was just what we needed. I don't usually write about my "ordinary" sex life, but just so you know, it's there :) I'm still sneaking looks at him today with a smile on my lips and looking forward to doing it again.

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

What is Love?

Funny how sometimes when I write here I find myself posting some delightfully erotic stories, and sometimes I find myself musing a little. This one was partly inspired by a comment a friend of mine posted on a board, and it resonated, so I decided to take a shot at it. Feel free to share your own thoughts, if you like!

So how do we define love? Either there are a whole bunch of different kinds, or there are different degrees, or else it's a really broad term. Do we love our children the same way we love a partner? I'm assuming most people would say no, but when you strip it all away, is it just another version of the same feeling?

I remember when I first started learning about my polyamorous orientation that I categorized some love as "real" and some as "not real". At the time, it made sense; it was my way of categorizing between relationships that had longevity and those that were just fun. But now it makes me wonder- does that mean that the requirement of real love is overcoming obstacles? Does it mean that a passionate but brief relationship that flames out isn't love? Does it mean that someone we share fun times but not problems with isn't love?

For me, I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's all love, in so many different ways. I have loved some of my secondary partners dearly, even though I would never want to build a life with them. We haven't conquered any specific adversities, nor have I had the mundane drudgery of daily life. I don't think that should be a requirement for love because that means that people who choose to live on their own but still be partnered (which is a growing percentage of relationships, surprisingly) and hence avoid most of that boring stuff don't experience true love. I think that as long as you know the person so that you love them and not an image of them you have created in your own mind, that it's real. So, as nonspecific as a definition it is, I've decided that I believe that if it feels like love to you (and it's past the lovely brain chemicals phase of NRE!), then it is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Enjoy your love, whether it's for a day or a lifetime, a friend or a spouse.

A few nights ago, I got to revisit some passionate intensity of love and desire with Henry. We've been together for almost two years now, and while that isn't really very long as relationships go, we've felt some changes in our feelings and how we relate to each other, things that are normal. Less of the fiery passion and more of the companionate love. I wanted to try and describe the feeling so that when I need the memory, I can come back and remember the way I felt in that moment.

It was so similar to how I feel during NRE. My mind is normally going with several trains of thought at once, but when we were holding each other, my brain was quiet and I was in a haze of contentment and only thinking of him and how right it felt to be with him. I felt so full of love, and so loved. I was relaxed and not worried about my problems and completely present in the moment. I think that was the critical part, actually. In so much of my life, I'm thinking about other things or focusing on what needs to be done or examining how I feel, rather than simply feeling. It was good to lose myself for a little while and know that he was feeling the same way about me. It's good to feel loved like that and not just as a functional partner.

It was about as perfect as it gets. And we need that, sometimes. Henry and I have had a lot going on in our lives and haven't felt that perfect connection in a while, and it helped bring us closer together. Sometimes, we have to forget the functional and enjoy the little moments that keep us happy and in love.

Friday, 1 July 2016

Reconnections

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I really do love the trust and freedom that go along with a poly relationship. I would say that I was/am wired to be jealous. I don't like to share. But when it really gets down to brass tacks for me, I know that if I start to feel jealous it's because my needs aren't being met. When I'm comfortable and trusting and happy in my relationship. it gives me the emotional self regulation to see that my partner enjoying times with others doesn't damage our relationship, and that my own experiences with other partners don't take anything away, either.

Yesterday I went over to John's house and hung out with him and his family. They've always been so welcoming to me, even after John and I broke up. There was never really any rancor about our breakup, either. We just realized that a romantic relationship wasn't going to work at that point in our lives. I still care about him deeply and we're close friends; we're just not dating anymore. Honestly, I wish all of my breakups could end this way but sometimes there's just too much damage. I can enjoy it when it's like this, though!

We spent the evening playing board games and hanging out with John's brother in law and his girlfriend, and then a nice relaxing hot tub. I really love their hot tub :) John invited me to spend the night since it was after 3am. I wasn't too sure since I hadn't planned on it and didn't bring anything with me, but I said I'd stay for a while at least.

It was really good to be with him again. Different but familiar all at once. I missed his kisses and his arms around me, and it didn't hurt how he kept telling me how hot and sexy I am and how much he loves my body. Since I've gained a few pounds I've been a little self conscious about my appearance and it was so good to feel attractive and be desired. We kissed and cuddled and enjoyed some BDSM together. I always love watching him go from his sassy self to a puddle when I trigger that core of submission inside him. It turns me on like nothing else to see a partner react to me like that.

It's just funny how relationships evolve. I was still learning about myself as a Domme (I consider that I still am, although now I know much more about who I am and what I want), and I was more hesitant playing with John when we were together because I was exploring my own limits and desires, and I didn't want to go further than my technical skill level. Now? Things would have been different. I don't plan to get back into a relationship with John, but we can still have fun together sometimes :) I still love him, although now I think it's a different kind of love. Either way, I'm glad that I can still have him in my life. I doubt many monogamous partners would be thrilled that we often text each other late at night and still have a special connection.

By the time we were done playing it was 6am and I decided to go home instead of sleeping there, since the rest of the household would be awake soon and I'm a light sleeper. Much as I love cuddles, the only partner I've enjoyed sleeping cuddled up with so far is Henry. He's still away at his camping festival having some fun of his own, and I'm not sure when he'll be back. I miss him and I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon.

Friday, 10 June 2016

The Spectrum of Sexuality

At times I find it really interesting to pause for a moment on my journey and look back at where I've been and compare it to who I am now. People aren't meant to be static; we evolve. And this is coming from a woman who absolutely loathes change and craves stability! But I'm not the same person I was five years ago, or even three years ago, and it's interesting to see all the changes.

When I attended my first play party, I watched a play piercing scene. I couldn't fathom why anyone would want to do that or how they could derive sexual pleasure from it. Now? I have a tidy stockpile of needles in various sizes in my room, and I enjoy every chance I get to use them on someone. My fantasies kinkwise have certainly gotten edgier- I am more open to trying things and less likely to rule them out. I have certainly learned that you can never say never because you never know! :)

At the same time, I haven't found that I need to do more to enjoy it. It hasn't gotten less sexy to run a violet wand down someone's body for the first time, or even for the hundredth. I still get the same charge- pun intended! I just find that my sexual repertoire has gotten broader; that we communicate more about what we're in the mood for and our menu to satisfy those cravings has expanded. Perhaps one night we'll have vanilla sex with me on top, and another night I'll chain him to the bed and use sounds on his cock while I fuck his ass and make him beg for mercy :)

Even a few years ago, I remember being entirely resistant to playing with women. I'd say that I could appreciate feminine beauty but I didn't find myself attracted to it. I remember Patrick had other partners and he was interested in having a FMF with us, but I refused because I didn't want to interact with her. I proclaimed myself to be a zero on the Kinsey scale.

And then I had my first experience with a couple, which was a little strange at first but I decided to go with it, and I did enjoy myself. It didn't matter whose tongue was in my pussy, it felt just as good! And so it went from there until I found myself dating Jennifer. Our relationship has petered out at this point just because of distance and other commitments, and I've noticed that I find myself missing having a woman to play with and be around. Jennifer and I still talk, and I would consider her a good friend but less of a close one, if that makes sense. So while I miss having a pussy to play with, I also miss the romantic connection with a woman, because I do find it different than that with a man. It's interesting; I would say that if I had a choice right now between dating a man and dating a woman, I'd choose the woman.

We're at the halfway mark in 2016, and I've had an equal number of male and female lovers. I've never had that happen before. I wouldn't be surprised if I finish with more female lovers this year. Interesting, isn't it? I certainly enjoy sharing women with Henry! He'd also enjoy male partners though.

Not that I still don't like men very much! Also, I consider myself much more talented with a cock than with a pussy simply from sheer experience. I'd stack myself against most people for cocksucking, but I don't have that confidence with a pussy. That doesn't stop me from wanting to do it, though! Sadly, having the same bits doesn't naturally confer any additional skill; I think it's just good old fashioned practice.

So, who knows where I'll be in five years? Hopefully, whatever I evolve to, I'll be happy and having fun with various partners, hopefully having some loving and playful relationships and new experiences. For now, I think I'll continue having fun and enjoy the journey.

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Swingers Clubs: How Not to Do It

Henry and I haven't been going out as much, but things are all fine here. We've just been tired and busy with life. Now that summer is coming, we're hoping to be getting out a bit more. We did have a lovely date night last weekend where we went to the lake and had a wine and cheese picnic. Seems like that is one of "our" things and I really enjoy it. Good food, a nice bottle of wine, and good conversation, even if we get a little tipsy. Wine and cheese always feels so decadent to me and I love that.

But, we have been having a little fun! Last night Henry and I went to a swinger's club. Not our usual scene, but it seems like lately neither of us is really looking for another relationship but we're both certainly open to casual play or sex with friends. Different things suit better at different points in our lives, right?

We were there in the afternoon teaching a workshop, since it seems like there are some issues when swingers try to cross over and join us BDSM'ers, and neither group is being malicious but there are definitely hard feelings on both sides when things go wrong. I discussed this a little previously but the idea that swingers might think it's okay to casually touch someone or pick up one of their toys would go over like a lead balloon at a BDSM party. Their terminology is also different from ours (and I see that here as well when people use the terms Dom or sub, they don't mean what I assume those terms to mean).

On the plus side, I think it's great to get to teach them about kink and a little about our community because experimenting is so much fun and if we can help with it, we'd like to. It's just good to make sure that no one's toes get stepped on in the process!

I had been emailing with a couple off Craigslist who told us they were completely brand new at anything; married for 23 years and never with any other partners. So we suggested dinner and chatting, and they could come to the club as our guests and participate to whatever their level of comfort was. They seemed like nice enough people. After dinner, we all went back to the club and chatted in the bar. I'm a little bit of an introvert when it comes to joining new groups of people who all know each other, so it was kind of nice to have people to hang out with, and it also helped that people recognized me from the workshop earlier and wanted to try out the toys I had demonstrated :)

So we invited one of the women who asked, *Jess, to come downstairs with us and we'd give her a little taste of it. Funny how negotiations at a swing club are so different though! She said to me, OK, I'll be the sub and I'll do what you guys say. Fun as that sounds, I just can't do that without knowing more about what she wants and what she doesn't like, so I had to draw her out a bit. But it wasn't long before the five of us were piled into a curtained off corner (since our new friends wanted to watch), and Henry and I turned on the violet wand and started working her over. We started off slowly and sensually and soon she was squirming delightfully. I was playing with her breasts and kissing her while Henry played with her pussy. We traded positions afterwards since I wanted to lick her pussy and she loved the sensation of tiny electric shocks on her clit! It wasn't long before she had a few awesome squirting orgasms and we were all sweaty and having a lot of fun :) Then she asked if she could watch Henry play with me, and I said of course! She nibbled on my neck while she reached around and unzipped my dress, and played with my nipples. I was already dripping wet when Henry slid his fingers into me, and it wasn't long before I was squirting all over the place, too. So much fun. I'm loud, so we attracted some voyeurs which I happen to enjoy as well.

Henry didn't want to cum so early in the evening, so I just sucked his cock for a little while and then stopped short, since we still had a few more hours at the club. And while squirting is fun, sitting in the puddles produced by two squirty girls isn't a lot of fun!

We got cleaned up and went back upstairs to the bar area and partway through we got stopped by a young black guy. I couldn't believe it when he completely ignored me and then said to Henry that he liked what he'd seen and if it was okay with him, he'd like to fuck me. I was standing right there and he was talking about me like I wasn't. Even aside from our D/s dynamic which he couldn't have known since Henry wasn't collared, I was offended just as a human being. I am not just a fuck doll and I don't like to be treated like one. Henry told me later he was floored, but he just replied that it was up to me. I told the guy that I didn't appreciate his assumptions, and he didn't seem to get it so I just walked away. Henry said he heard the guy say to himself "Looks like I blew that," and he totally did. He'd at least have had a shot at getting some action if he'd handled things differently. Gentlemen- if you want to fuck someone, at least take the time to talk to him/her! There was actually a different black guy later in the evening who tried to put his arm around me and ask for my number as we were leaving and I politely said no thank you. If someone wants to sit and chat with me and build up some chemistry, I like sex- I might be interested. But don't make me feel like meat.

We rehydrated a little in the bar, and the newbie couple we were with suggested they might like to try the violet wand as well. So we went downstairs after our break and found a private-ish corner to play in (she didn't really like the idea of being watched). I gave her the wand so the two of them could play around with it a little. They kept their clothes on so it was just sensory/sensual, but it was still fun to watch them break out of their shell and do a little exploring.

It was almost time for the club to close, sadly, and Henry and I were both a teensy bit disappointed since we thought we'd have time for a second round with someone else, but sex with each other is never a consolation prize! The newbies stayed to watch while I gloved up and played with Henry's prostate and sucked him to an orgasm so awesome he pulled a muscle. He said it was worth it :)

And of course, sexy time being a lovely kickstart to our libidos, we woke up this morning and had some nice sensual sex. Pussy, the breakfast of champions.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Jealousy (Or Lack Thereof)

There are so many good moments in poly. It's not that there aren't challenging days... but the ones that really make me feel good are so worth it.

I think it's rare in general to stay friends with ex partners, let alone close friends. It's one of the things that I love and appreciate about Henry- when John and I are texting way late at night, it doesn't bother him or make him insecure. How many vanilla men would be okay with their partners having frequent late night conversations with their exes? For that matter, we still go over and hot tub nude with John sometimes- how many exes would be okay with their old partners coming over to hang out with new ones? And yet we can all be friends and it's all okay. I still care for John very much, maybe even love him in a non romantic way, but I have no interest in dating him anymore. The best part though? Even if I did want to date him again, everything would still be okay :) It's wonderful that we can all treat each other with respect and enjoy our connections for what they are. It really does make me happy.

John's family in particular is such an amazing example of polyamory. His sister invited Henry and I over for a party, and she does throw awesome parties! But the poly web that was there was just so supportive and amazing that I could only hope one day to have as many people care for me as they do. John's sister had all four of her partners there- her husband and two boyfriends and one play partner, and they had partners of their own there, including her husband's girlfriend of several years who might be moving in with them. No conflicts, no jealousy... just a lot of love. While I wouldn't want to structure my relationships exactly the way that they do, I really admire that they have found a way to make it work and be happy, and that's what matters. There's so much potential once people realize it's okay to get off the relationship escalator and structure your relationships with whatever boundaries work for you and your partner(s).

We've been having some happy poly moments ourselves. While our friend Donna is, as I mentioned, sadly straight and mono, we're both very close to her. Henry and I had a conversation in bed about how nice it was that we could actually talk about our feelings. He told me that he wants to fuck her, and I laughed and said I did too. The other day when she came over for dinner, we were all drinking and Henry offered her some cuddles. He is such a cuddle slut and I know that she's been out of relationships for a long time- she just melted in his arms. I was next to them rubbing her legs and we all just chatted about sex and relationships and family and whatever else, and it was all okay. Henry and I were joking about how many bad places that could have gone, like I could have been passive aggressive and tried to scare her off from being his/our friend, or I could assume that him cuddling her meant he didn't love me, or so many places where we could have handled the situation badly. Instead, we ended up growing our close bond with a special friend and we still went upstairs and fucked afterwards :)

The best part is that Donna has been asking questions about polyamory. I don't think she is interested in dating multiple people, but at least now she gets more of what it is about to us. She and I had a discussion afterwards where she admitted that her first reaction in a situation would be selfish, and she really admired that mine was for her and for Henry enjoying their cuddles. It helped me to do some more self examination about what makes me feel jealous and why, so that I could explain it to her.

I was not jealous when she and Henry were cuddled up, although I have felt a little uncomfortable in the past (not with her- that was their first time. Other times with him cuddling people). Henry still laughs when he compares it to mainstream culture, how I'm quite happy watching him play or fuck someone else, and might even be turned on by it, but I feel a little jealous when they cuddle up. To me, cuddling is more intimate than sex. So, I got to break down why I was NOT jealous this time and the best way I could explain it was because I know Donna. I care about her and her needs and wants, and I trust her. I know she is not going to try and run off into the sunset with Henry. I felt compersion for them getting some good cuddle time in. They also both kept me included in the conversation so I didn't feel left out, which helped a lot.

I know that jealousy is a response, and not an emotion, so I try to break it down when I feel that way to figure out what the real problem is. I know that I get jealous when my own needs aren't being met, or if I feel insecure in my relationship with my partner. I can also add that I will be more likely to feel jealous when I don't know my partner's partner, so they are a faceless entity that I know nothing about and therefore can't trust or feel safe with. I have asked Henry that when he does start dating as long as his partner is okay with it that I would like to get to know them- hopefully they will be okay with that because I suspect it will be easier for us all.

I don't know when either of us is really going to start looking for new relationships. I am sure it will happen at some point but I'm not looking. My life is still a bit of a mess so I'm much happier bringing home the occasional third or fourth body to share our bed for the night, or going off for a casual fling myself :) But who knows what the future holds?

Sunday, 24 April 2016

Oh What A Night!

For some reason that song keeps playing in my head. Although I suspect when you get to the end of this post, you'll understand why!

Last night Henry and I went to one of my favourite BDSM parties. There's always lots of interesting people to talk to and sexy scenes to watch. It doesn't hurt that the house submissives are so available for anything I could happen to need, even if that need is just for a cute bottom to spank (with consent of course)!

We brought a friend of ours, *Donna, to come with us. She's a super awesome person- cute and funny and just an overall lovely person that we are happy to have in our lives. Sadly for both of us, she's not only straight but mono, which rules her out for both of us. We all still make jokes sometimes but having her as a friend is much more important to us than the occasional romp in the hay. It's too bad we can't have both, but eh- see, there are some straight and monogamous kinksters out there! They just happen to be in the minority, which makes it tough for them when they are seeking relationships.

She was really enjoying herself at the party, too. While she is a switch who prefers mostly to Top and bottom, not to engage in D/s, we got a peek of her inner Domme last night! She was really enjoying giving directions to the submissives and ensuring they were followed. I was even taken aback when she chastised one for not following the dress code! While she was absolutely in the right, I couldn't believe that it was her first time to the party and she sent him home to change. I was kind of proud of her :)

We spent the evening mingling and watching some pretty hot scenes! And who did we run into but Erik, the guy I went out with once and wasn't compatible with but still think he is a pretty nice guy. And who else seemed to think he was a pretty nice guy but Donna :) They were all cozied up on the couch, so as the party went on I interrupted them and sent him off on an errand so that I could check with her. She told me that she did want to go home with him but she doesn't normally do stuff like that so she was a little nervous and didn't want to say anything. It had been a while since her last relationship and she hadn't tried casual before so this was all new. I told her I'd take care of it! I went over to Erik and told him to take her home and show her a really awesome time, and to make sure that he brings her back to our city today. He messaged me today and told me I was a great wingwoman LOL and I told him that's fine as long as he treats her well. She and I have chatted and she did in fact have a great time, so I am really happy for them whether it goes somewhere or not. After all, one night stands have their place, right?

Speaking of one night stands... although I kind of hope this one won't be :) I was chatting with this sexy blonde woman, *Mary, and found out that she was a switch and not a Domme, and that she certainly enjoyed bottoming for electricity. It was super hot to have her spreadeagled in front of me on a piece of bondage furniture with Henry holding one of her legs and a house slave holding the other while I fucked her with an electric dildo and licked her clit! And, after some flirting and a little bit of play, somehow we found ourselves with an extra passenger in the car on our way home! I have joked to friends that we brought home a walking souvenir from the party.

It was an amazing night. We did a little more electricity once we had her at my house, and then it degenerated into a lovely mess of lips and fingers and tongues and cock and pussy. Since she was our guest, Henry and I decided to make her feel welcome :) He started to play with her pussy while I nibbled her neck and sucked on her nipples. She has small breasts but they are so sensitive and lots of fun to play with! Listening to the sounds she made while Henry's fingers were pushing in and out of her wet pussy was pretty awesome. Then she rolled on top of me and started to play with my breasts while Henry continued to finger fuck her. I couldn't help but feel my hips moving because my pussy was so hot and wet and currently being ignored!

Not that I wasn't having a wonderful time. I was playing with Henry's nipple rings while he was still continuing to play with her clit and she was moaning into my breasts... it was such an awesome jumble of lust. It's been a while since I've had any group sex and I really missed it. When she finally came in a hot wet rush, she moved away from Henry and rubbed herself down my body until she was between my legs. That first lick of her tongue across my clit felt SOOO good! It wasn't long before I was moaning and clenching my pillow in my hand. I asked her to finger me while she licked my clit, and Henry showed her exactly how I like it. Mary had never fisted anyone before and she had lovely small hands, so we gave her a glove and Henry was working my clit while her hand was sliding in and out of my pussy and they were each playing with one of my nipples and I was in absolute sensory overload and it was incredible. I had so many amazing orgasms! By this point the sun was well over the horizon because we'd been partying all night so much as I wanted to continue, I tapped out and enjoyed a few minutes of post orgasmic bliss while Mary went to wash her hands.

And then of course, it was Henry's turn! I asked if he'd like some ass play and he said yes, so I grabbed the lube and the gloves and sat at the foot of the bed. I was going to suggest that Mary suck his cock but Henry commented that he would like to fuck her and I figured there was probably room for both of us around there so I told her to go and ride his cock after he had a condom on, while I played with his prostate. It was a little rough on my arm, but did I ever have an awesome view! And it was pretty hot to guide his cock into her pussy with one hand while my other was in his ass. It wasn't long before they both had noisy and happy orgasms. After a little bit of cleanup, we all collapsed into a sweaty heap and fell asleep. We were so tired none of us noticed that the lights were still on and it was full daylight outside.

It was so much fun that everyone got their turn with two other people doing their best to give them an awesome experience. No worries about who couldn't play with who or discomforts- we all had a great time. Henry made us all breakfast in the morning before she went home, and though we didn't have time to go for another round, hopefully it will happen again soon! Henry and I have already had sex twice more since then, so it's given our libido a bit of a spark!

Monday, 11 April 2016

Swingers Clubs

Well, last night was certainly interesting! I went to a swinger's club on a BDSM theme night to do demonstrations and teach people a little on how to use various BDSM toys, and that part was a lot of fun. And it's not like I haven't been to swingers' clubs before, but generally I go on a night where it's a BDSM party so perhaps it attracts a different crowd than swingers who are there to learn and get a little taste test (pun intended!). Boy, these people were handsy without asking permission! It really surprised me that I had people hugging me and grabbing my breasts and stroking my ass without even a by your leave LOL. I'll admit it was a very sexy and charged atmosphere but I was pretty taken aback.

It was awesome to have the live porn shows going on while I was presenting, though. At one point I had an oral sex daisy chain going on while I had them all wired up with electricity. That was super hot to watch! And listen to all the moans of orgasming people. Henry thinks that the sounds of sex are almost more arousing than the sight, and I certainly enjoy both. Watching the all female orgy pile was really hot, too.

I really enjoyed all the breasts that I got to play with, consensually of course! Lots of fun when I'm doing demos on beautiful ladies. I also gave out a few kisses so people could experience that with electricity, and got propositioned for a blowjob LOL. I might have gone for it but I didn't have anyone else there to do the demos while I was occupied. Perhaps next time ;) Henry and I are thinking of going together and having some fun. We've both been missing some group sex- after all, what could be better than multiple hands and mouths and naughty bits to play with?

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Startled

Would you believe that after all this time, that I can still be surprised by the dating/sexual culture out there? Sometimes I think I am unshockable, but apparently not!

I apparently no longer know what life is like in the vanilla world. Perhaps I'm glad that I live on the dark side now! So last week, our Xbox 360 finally gave up the ghost, and kiddo was heartbroken. I found one listed near to us online, so we walked over to pick it up. Much to our surprise, the seller was the dad of a child in kiddo's classroom. The kids chatted briefly and I suggested to the dad (*Pierce) that they might like to have a playdate sometime. Kiddo is always thrilled to have kids over or to go to their homes.

So we get home, and I have a message from Pierce saying to let him know if there are any problems with the Xbox because it hasn't been played for a while but should be fine. I tell him we've already got it up and running and kiddo is glued to it. He says that he thinks the playdate would be a great idea, since he has four kids and it's good for them to get some time when they aren't all a big group, and I say sure. When he tells me that he has his child every other week because of divorce, I commiserate and say that my ex spouse has moved to another country and kiddo lives with me full time.

I don't know- was that not something I was supposed to do? Apparently mentioning my marital status was taken as an invitation, because he immediately asked me if I was dating. Thank goodness for online messages because I was flummoxed and had absolutely nothing to say! I mean, how do I answer that? I hadn't really planned on being "out" as poly outside of the BDSM community, and this guy has a child in kiddo's class, so that's a little close for comfort. On the other hand, I don't really know many of the parents in the area and I do enjoy first dates- maybe I'm crazy. I asked Henry what I should say and he said to go for it if I liked. So I told Pierce that I have a boyfriend but I'm in an open relationship- I thought that was the easiest way to explain things. I still don't know if he has quite the right impression, but I guess we'll see since we have a date next week.

I still feel kind of funny about all this. I am not really looking for a relationship right now, but I'm not averse to say, a casual FWB type thing. I at least made it clear that I'm not open to a monogamous relationship, so I don't think we're going out under false pretenses. Which kind of makes me wonder why he still wants the date, but maybe he's hoping to get laid LOL.

What is making me feel weird is that first off, he doesn't even know me. We chatted for less than five minutes while I was picking up the Xbox. Is it normal for vanilla people to ask someone out on that basis? I don't really get attracted to people that I don't know- looks is only one ingredient in my cocktail of attraction. I'm not sure I want to go out with someone who is going solely off looks either- that makes me feel like a commodity and not a person.

I'm also kind of feeling funny about going out on dates at this point in my relationship with Henry. Yes, we're poly, and yes we've discussed other partners, both sexual and romantic, but neither of us has been actively dating outside of our relationship with the exception of me with Jennifer, who was existing before I met Henry (that relationship has morphed into more of a friendship than anything romantic, but she's still a very important person to me. It's more of a change than a breakup). I'm not feeling like I am at a point to actively be seeking new relationships; I want to stay focused on Henry. Honestly, I'd love another fuck buddy or two because I've been feeling almost mono by default lately, but the fact that I feel slightly uncomfortable looking makes me think that I am not ready yet. If something comes up when I'm playing at a BDSM party, I'm OK with that. I am less OK with actively seeking a new partner. I know I'd have feelings to deal with if he was pursuing a new relationship, too (although I would deal with them). Sex, though- sex is just sex :) It's fun. I think things will be different when (if?) we've been together longer, but for now, this is how I am feeling.

But, I'm still going out on Thursday because why not. I don't think Pierce will get lucky on the first date, but I guess you never know!

Friday, 25 March 2016

Writer's Block

It's funny- there have been so many lovely experiences over the last few months that I had planned to write about and share here, but I just haven't felt like writing. Everything is fine here and I've been enjoying myself. I will definitely try to get to a few writeups, even if it's just the Cliff Notes. Are people still reading despite my sporadic posts?

I had one special moment recently that I'll share. Henry and I finally sat down and talked about things and formally negotiated a D/s contract. Our relationship has always been rooted in BDSM and I have been the Domme, but we hadn't formalized what areas I have authority over and he hadn't formally submitted to me. We had agreed that the collar I gave him before was a training collar, and now, it's something more. He's mine, and I couldn't be happier with that.

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Best.Date.Ever!

I haven't written in a while, but unfortunately, my life is not always kinky and sexy and exciting. Sometimes it's mundane. I'm still a daughter and a mother and numerous other roles in my life which need attention, even when what I'd really like to do is go and get naked.

Yesterday was just amazing, though! I was worried if I didn't sit down and write about it, I wouldn't remember every delicious detail. Kiddo was visiting family, and Henry offered to take me on a weekend trip. It's been a while since we've had a romantic date together, which is kind of a thing that happens. We've been dating for 18 months now, so things aren't fresh or new or exciting anymore, but they still don't have that inherent security and promise of a long term relationship. It's a place I haven't been in a long time so I'm not really used to it. I still am enjoying my time with Henry, though- especially when we get to cut loose and have some fun!

So we hopped in the car and somehow managed to avoid crazy weekend traffic on our way. Stopped off to meet friends for dinner at a pub. I hadn't seen Chris in a while, and Henry had only met him briefly before. It was fun just to hang out for a little while. We even tried to keep the conversation mostly public appropriate, although there are a few moments where I wondered if anyone was listening to us! Chris and I tried to schedule a playdate but looks like our lives are busy in exactly the wrong ways for a little while. Hopefully in a few months we can get together again.

Then Henry whisked me off to the theatre. I hadn't been in so long! Not only are tickets generally out of my price range, there's also figuring out babysitting and transportation, so life gets complicated :) The show was fantastic!

And the best part was, much to our surprise, two of the actors in the performance were actually celebrities from a somewhat-known TV series! We had no idea they were in this city, let alone in the performance that we were attending. I asked an usher if it was possible to meet the actors after the show, and he told me yes and even showed me where I could wait! Deliriously happy and excited. The actors were so personable! Henry and I got a photo of us with them, as well as autographs. I haven't met any famous people in a really long time, so it was really a thrill for me.

After the show, we went out for dessert. Maybe it's silly, but it's always felt a little decadent to me to go out to a restaurant just for dessert. So of course, I love it! Henry got a huge banana split and I got a slice of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake- delicious!

I was imagining heading back and having some wild and crazy sex followed by snuggles, but I got a text from John asking if we wanted to go hot tubbing. Heck yes! It was so relaxing to hang out on a winter's night in the blissfully hot water with John and Henry and some other friends. We were in there long enough to boil ourselves, but it was great. The perfect end to an amazing day.

Yeah, I was too tired for sex when we got home. Saved that for this morning :) An awesome day of lounging around and making love just like we used to when we first started dating. I've missed it.