Sunday, 31 July 2016

Needs & Wants

We all have lists of what is important to us in a relationship. What's on yours? The one that surprises me is how low many people rank sexual compatibility. I mean, especially if you're monogamous, you're pledging to spend the rest of your life having sex with only this person. Are you going to be content with that? I think that while certainly a lot of other factors are very important, having similar drives and sexual desires is equally important. Which, not to get off topic, is why I think that people who believe no sex before marriage are absolutely insane, because then it becomes a total lottery if you have the same interests. You may not even know yourself!

I think that sex is a need, and that it's critical in a healthy relationship (unless of course, you're in an asexual relationship that everyone is happy with). Cops say that most domestic violence is about love or money, and that makes sense that those are things people would fight about.

It surprises me at times exactly how important sex is to me, but it really is. It's part of how I connect to my partners, and build intimacy. It helps me destress in a way that masturbation doesn't. And the post sex cuddles are amazing. Of course, I'm quite capable of and I enjoy casual sex, but it won't take away the need I have to connect sexually with my primary partner.

Henry has been sick for a while, so we haven't had as much sex as I'd like. As my readers know, I generally have a pretty high sex drive, to say the least! And I happened to be ovulating this weekend (yes I'm on birth control, but I still keep track of my cycle), so I was pretty crazy horny. Watching porn, reading erotica, and chatting with some people on CL (ask me about that later!). My pussy was just dripping even though no one had touched me yet :) Henry noticed and he said he might be up to helping me out with my problem, and much to my delight, he was! We put on some porn and added our own sounds to the ones on the TV :) Nothing too long or intense since he was still pretty tired, but enough that I squirted all over him and the bed (thank goodness for plastic mattress protectors, ladies!).

The point of this post though was just to describe the amazing change in my mood after we had sex. I felt so happy and at peace. Not stressed. Just relaxed and lovey and cuddly and so much better. I really did need that sex- it wasn't just something I wanted. I'm really lucky to have a partner who understands that. It made me feel so close to Henry and that was good. Of course, now I want to jump his bones again today! ;)

Our second anniversary is coming up, and I've already ordered his present. I'm looking forward to writing about it here- I think you all will enjoy it and rush out to buy one for yourselves! Stay tuned...

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Plain But Filling

Sometimes I think sex is like food. We like to have the exotic dishes and interesting flavours (well, if you don't, I certainly do!) but sometimes we just need some comfort food.

Last night wasn't anything too exciting. No whips and chains or the like, no other people. My drive for BDSM has been a little low lately with all the stress in my life, but I am sure that it will come back. Twisted bastards like me need a little (or a lot) of that in our lives. Last night we just put on some awesome orgy clips from Pornhub and lay in bed together watching and commenting and talking about our desires and fantasies before having some really good and passionate sex. My pussy was so wet and open for his fingers while he played with my clit and I was aching to be filled. I squirted like crazy all over him and it felt SO good! When he finally slipped his cock slowly inside me, teasingly, I clenched my pussy around him so that he couldn't escape so easily ;)

It was really good, and I love the feeling of cum dripping out of my pussy. For some reason, bareback sex when we both cum together leaves me feeling so relaxed and connected and satisfied. It's more than if we just play and have orgasms without him ending in my pussy (which happens more often than not because of our individual preferences; it's easier for us both to cum in activities other than PIV sex). I just find sex like that to be really connective and we do it more for that than for anything else.

So last night wasn't noteworthy, but it was just what we needed. I don't usually write about my "ordinary" sex life, but just so you know, it's there :) I'm still sneaking looks at him today with a smile on my lips and looking forward to doing it again.

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

What is Love?

Funny how sometimes when I write here I find myself posting some delightfully erotic stories, and sometimes I find myself musing a little. This one was partly inspired by a comment a friend of mine posted on a board, and it resonated, so I decided to take a shot at it. Feel free to share your own thoughts, if you like!

So how do we define love? Either there are a whole bunch of different kinds, or there are different degrees, or else it's a really broad term. Do we love our children the same way we love a partner? I'm assuming most people would say no, but when you strip it all away, is it just another version of the same feeling?

I remember when I first started learning about my polyamorous orientation that I categorized some love as "real" and some as "not real". At the time, it made sense; it was my way of categorizing between relationships that had longevity and those that were just fun. But now it makes me wonder- does that mean that the requirement of real love is overcoming obstacles? Does it mean that a passionate but brief relationship that flames out isn't love? Does it mean that someone we share fun times but not problems with isn't love?

For me, I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's all love, in so many different ways. I have loved some of my secondary partners dearly, even though I would never want to build a life with them. We haven't conquered any specific adversities, nor have I had the mundane drudgery of daily life. I don't think that should be a requirement for love because that means that people who choose to live on their own but still be partnered (which is a growing percentage of relationships, surprisingly) and hence avoid most of that boring stuff don't experience true love. I think that as long as you know the person so that you love them and not an image of them you have created in your own mind, that it's real. So, as nonspecific as a definition it is, I've decided that I believe that if it feels like love to you (and it's past the lovely brain chemicals phase of NRE!), then it is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Enjoy your love, whether it's for a day or a lifetime, a friend or a spouse.

A few nights ago, I got to revisit some passionate intensity of love and desire with Henry. We've been together for almost two years now, and while that isn't really very long as relationships go, we've felt some changes in our feelings and how we relate to each other, things that are normal. Less of the fiery passion and more of the companionate love. I wanted to try and describe the feeling so that when I need the memory, I can come back and remember the way I felt in that moment.

It was so similar to how I feel during NRE. My mind is normally going with several trains of thought at once, but when we were holding each other, my brain was quiet and I was in a haze of contentment and only thinking of him and how right it felt to be with him. I felt so full of love, and so loved. I was relaxed and not worried about my problems and completely present in the moment. I think that was the critical part, actually. In so much of my life, I'm thinking about other things or focusing on what needs to be done or examining how I feel, rather than simply feeling. It was good to lose myself for a little while and know that he was feeling the same way about me. It's good to feel loved like that and not just as a functional partner.

It was about as perfect as it gets. And we need that, sometimes. Henry and I have had a lot going on in our lives and haven't felt that perfect connection in a while, and it helped bring us closer together. Sometimes, we have to forget the functional and enjoy the little moments that keep us happy and in love.

Friday, 1 July 2016


I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I really do love the trust and freedom that go along with a poly relationship. I would say that I was/am wired to be jealous. I don't like to share. But when it really gets down to brass tacks for me, I know that if I start to feel jealous it's because my needs aren't being met. When I'm comfortable and trusting and happy in my relationship. it gives me the emotional self regulation to see that my partner enjoying times with others doesn't damage our relationship, and that my own experiences with other partners don't take anything away, either.

Yesterday I went over to John's house and hung out with him and his family. They've always been so welcoming to me, even after John and I broke up. There was never really any rancor about our breakup, either. We just realized that a romantic relationship wasn't going to work at that point in our lives. I still care about him deeply and we're close friends; we're just not dating anymore. Honestly, I wish all of my breakups could end this way but sometimes there's just too much damage. I can enjoy it when it's like this, though!

We spent the evening playing board games and hanging out with John's brother in law and his girlfriend, and then a nice relaxing hot tub. I really love their hot tub :) John invited me to spend the night since it was after 3am. I wasn't too sure since I hadn't planned on it and didn't bring anything with me, but I said I'd stay for a while at least.

It was really good to be with him again. Different but familiar all at once. I missed his kisses and his arms around me, and it didn't hurt how he kept telling me how hot and sexy I am and how much he loves my body. Since I've gained a few pounds I've been a little self conscious about my appearance and it was so good to feel attractive and be desired. We kissed and cuddled and enjoyed some BDSM together. I always love watching him go from his sassy self to a puddle when I trigger that core of submission inside him. It turns me on like nothing else to see a partner react to me like that.

It's just funny how relationships evolve. I was still learning about myself as a Domme (I consider that I still am, although now I know much more about who I am and what I want), and I was more hesitant playing with John when we were together because I was exploring my own limits and desires, and I didn't want to go further than my technical skill level. Now? Things would have been different. I don't plan to get back into a relationship with John, but we can still have fun together sometimes :) I still love him, although now I think it's a different kind of love. Either way, I'm glad that I can still have him in my life. I doubt many monogamous partners would be thrilled that we often text each other late at night and still have a special connection.

By the time we were done playing it was 6am and I decided to go home instead of sleeping there, since the rest of the household would be awake soon and I'm a light sleeper. Much as I love cuddles, the only partner I've enjoyed sleeping cuddled up with so far is Henry. He's still away at his camping festival having some fun of his own, and I'm not sure when he'll be back. I miss him and I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon.