Sunday, 24 February 2019

Shaving My Legs

It's funny, as I read back through my blog it seems that I tend to focus on one partner for a while and then switch off to the other. I don't feel like this is happening in my everyday life, though, but it's interesting to see the swirls and eddies in my posts here.

Basically, my everyday life is with Henry. We talk about our short term and long term goals and plans, we have family time, and we have kink and romantic time together. Sometimes the life stuff crowds out the fun stuff for a while and we recognize that a shift needs to be made, and we reprioritize our couple time. I think that happens in every long term relationship, and it's how you respond to it that matters. Henry and I are building a life together; knowing this gives me a comfort and safety and security that means so much to me. I know that things can change (oh, do I ever!) but I trust that we're going to continue working to be together, rather than working to be individuals.

I feel like I can always be myself with Henry. He loves me even if I haven't shaved my legs, or I'm wearing sweatpants and have greasy hair. He loves me when I'm sick. He even loves me when I'm upset and irritable and overwhelmed, although he might not like me very much in that moment! We always say that we like each other most of the time, and I think that's honest and about as good as it gets. I don't think you can genuinely like someone all of the time.

I was having a conversation with a friend and we talked about how most people feel uncomfortable when they see their partners getting all prettied up for a date with a new person. Maybe they lose weight, or wear makeup, or get some stylish new clothes, or they shave their legs in case they might have sex. So, why don't people do this as often with existing partners? It must mean that they are prioritizing the new shiny, right?

My friend had an interesting take on it that makes a lot of sense. We don't get all fancied up for our long term partners because we trust them to see us without all the shine and still love us and find us attractive. I don't shave my legs every day for Henry anymore, because I know he finds me sexy even if I have stubble. But Charles? I'm not sure that I really want him to see me "below average", as it were. I'm okay at this point having him see regular me and not going the extra mile to look better, but beyond that? I think I'd rather give that some more time! :)

Now, it's not that we never should take the time to look specially attractive for our partners, but that comfort and security, trust and love? I think we underestimate the value of that.

I know I've talked about NRE (new relationship energy) versus ERI (established relationship intimacy), and how there are definitely benefits to both. Charles and I had a really good conversation last night and I'm feeling more comfortable in our relationship. It's been seven months now, and I feel like we're finding our own rhythm a bit. It's different than any other relationship I've had before, but I'm starting to realize that every relationship is, I just didn't think of it that way before.

The NRE is still pretty heady with Charles but it's changed. There's less of the overwhelmingness except when we're together. I still have all the intense romantic feelings and desire, but it's dialed back a little. I think that explains why I am feeling less of the insecurity and anxiety. I know Charles loves me. I know he wants to be in this relationship with me. And I feel more comfortable talking about stuff with him. Those are all good things.

We had a really good date night yesterday. He made me a delicious dinner (even better, it was full of food that Henry is allergic to and so I don't get to eat very often!) and then we went upstairs for cuddles and conversation. It was really good connective conversation, too- we both know where we stand and what we want. And then that lovely flush of kink and sexual energy came over us and we spent the next three hours having sex. We got a little more intense and I had him fist me while he was playing with my clit, and when he begged to cum I had him blast all over my breasts and then lick off every drop. It was so hot! And his neck is all covered with bite marks and I love it. Mine :)

I only wish he had a bigger bed, though! I hate having to get a cab home late at night when I'm naked and cuddled up in his bed with him but I can't imagine sharing a double with someone would be all that comfortable for either of us. I hope I can talk him into a bigger bed at some point so I can sleep at his place!

Wednesday, 20 February 2019

Spillover

Henry and I had a lot of external life stress early on in our relationship, so we lost the NRE early and had to struggle to maintain our connection a little. He had some serious health issues, relocation/job issues, and I had to deal with the end of my first marriage. It definitely ended the honeymoon phase between us.

I'll digress a little. I met Charles in the same month I started dating Henry. Part of me draws parallels and wonders if we hadn't had all the life stuff crop up, would Henry and I have felt the way I'm feeling now with Charles? Henry and I had serious NRE when we started, given the intensity of our BDSM play and the amazing sex we had (and still have!). I read back here in my blog and see that I told him I was falling in love at 6 weeks. Reading that now makes me think I was a little nuts and hopped up on endorphins, but I remember being at his place after an amazing scene and a great fuck and being so high on it that I couldn't think of anything else but him. Whatever it was, it was certainly memorable.

So while we didn't get to drag our NRE out for long, what we have now is even more amazing. We have all the comfort and security and knowledge of each other that you get in an established relationship, plus we get the excitement and desire and happiness from spillover NRE and compersion. Henry loves to see me so happy, and I want to make him as happy as I am. It's a wonderful escalating loop of happiness.

I still have my overall best sex with Henry. I've had better individual encounters, but Henry always knows how to push my buttons and takes direction when I need something a little different. I feel safe and secure talking about any of my fantasies because even if he's not into it, he'll happily listen to me talk about it. He truly is my best friend as well as my lover.

We've been having some amazing sex too. Writing this entry got interrupted by a quickie. Totally worth it, by the way :) 

We often like to have porn on while we fuck, both for background noise and to watch and comment on to each other. The other day we found a video from kink.com that made us both really hot. It was from the sex and submission section and hit a lot of our favourite buttons- D/s sex, impact play, clothespins, predicament bondage. I was dripping wet watching it and telling Henry how much fun it would be if it was him in place of that pretty young girl and how much I wanted to do all those things to him.

My sex drive kicked up so high, as it often does when my power exchange desires get aroused. I jumped on the Motorbunny for a little bit while Henry was lying in bed stroking his cock and enjoying the video and the dirty talk. I had a couple of big orgasms while I was telling him that he would look so hot bent over while I spanked him and then fucked him, and then I decided to join him back in the bed.

He knew just what I wanted and he started to play with my pussy. Henry is a musician, so he really knows what he's doing with his hands. I love feeling him stretching me open and touching all the sensitive places inside my pussy and then stroking my clit. He always makes me feel so good and I was just gushing with wetness. I lost track of time while I was cumming over and over when he slid his cock inside me instead, and fucked me rhythmically while he played with my clit. It was so good! He knows exactly what I like.

I told him that I wanted to fuck him the way the submissive in the video was getting fucked, so when my legs were a little less wobbly, I strapped on his favourite cock- our big thick 11" realistic one, and bent him over the bed and worked it slowly into his tight little hole. Except that he was more open than usual after all the play we'd been doing and it didn't take much effort before I started fucking him hard and he came so fast. I love fucking him and making him feel as good as he makes me feel!

I was still turned on though from the videos, so I asked him to pull out the fucking machine for me while he went to get cleaned up. I turned on the fucking machine and used my Volta vibrator and pounded my pussy while I came over and over and over.  I wanted to orgasm until I couldn't anymore, and it was awesome :)

We were both exhausted afterwards but I think that video is going to make it into our Favourites section!

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Motorbunny Exploits

Funny how I wanted to describe last night as amazing, too, and saw that I used that adjective on the weekend. I guess my life is pretty amazing right now! I am so lucky. I know I've been saying that a lot lately too but sometimes I feel like I need to give myself a pinch, that this is too good to be true.

Charles came over for our standing date night and the three of us had a lovely dinner together. We hung out for a while and socialized; my men are becoming good friends and that's awesome. They've both told me that they think they are a lot alike, which is a good thing. I'm glad they get along so well. I didn't think kitchen table polyamory was for me, but when everyone clicks like this it's pretty wonderful.

After dinner, I was craving something sweet and my wonderful husband Henry said "Give me fifteen minutes." I made some after dinner cocktails for the three of us while Henry baked his famous coconut chocolate chip cookies from scratch. OMG. I need a thesaurus to keep coming up with these superlative adjectives because things are making me so happy that I'm getting repetitive!

The weather was terrible again, so Henry suggested that Charles spend the night again. No complaints from us! We went upstairs and spent the next two hours having the most amazing sex. I brought out the Motorbunny and he turned into such a slut for me! I put on one of the nice thick attachments and hopped on- strictly for demonstrative purposes, right? He stood in front of me and kissed me and played with my nipples while I rode that cock to orgasm over and over and over. I love how the Motorbunny attachments vibrate my ass, too. I am not a fan of anal play- bad experience a long time ago and I have never really been interested in repeating it- but I love being rimmed and having vibrations on the outside of my ass. Makes my orgasms so intense!

Then it was Charles' turn. I told him to bend over the bed and I warmed him up with my gloved fingers. It was so much fun watching him gasp as I slid my fingers in that I almost didn't want to stop fucking him to see him on the Motorbunny! He picked an attachment and impaled himself with a big thick cock. Then I sucked his cock while he was riding it and it was so intense for him! I loved hearing his groans and seeing the look on his face.

When his legs were wobbly, we shut it down and got back into bed, where he dove between my legs and slid his tongue over my wet clit before I had time to take a breath! I came so hard again and again before he finally slid his cock inside me and we orgasmed together. We cuddled and talked late into the night... he had an early morning but we didn't want to stop and go to sleep. It was such a good date.

Then today, I had a lunch date with Henry and we have plans for tonight, and I can't wait!

Monday, 11 February 2019

Valentine's Day

I have never really been one to celebrate Valentine's Day. It's a Hallmark holiday that tells us to appreciate our relationships, buy overpriced cheap candy and flowers, and go out for a crappier than usual dinner. Doesn't seem like the best investment of time or money. I'd rather have my relationship appreciated every day, not just when stores think I should be spending money.

But, I'll happily attend a Valentine's Day BDSM party- now that sounds like fun! Henry and Charles and I all went together and we had a lovely time. I had plans to play with a sexy young girl who very much enjoys the combination of pain and electricity. It was seriously awesome and I had a wonderful time.

I love going to parties with my two handsome men, and walking around with one arm around each of them. It's awesome getting kisses from them on both sides of my face and having two men look at me with those adoring looks on their faces. I am so lucky!

After my scene, we went and snuggled on one of the couches together, and I sprawled across the two of them- my upper body in Charles' lap, and my legs across Henry's. It was so wonderful being with the two men I love like that! Leaning up to kiss Charles while holding Henry's hand, and getting my feet rubbed by Henry while Charles was stroking my arms.

And then Henry decided to get a little familiar. So here we were in a social area with three couches facing each other and a whole room full of people with several play stations going, and he slid his fingers up my skirt while I was kissing Charles. It was electric (pun intended!). Charles told me how sexy it was to hear me gasping. My pussy was already drenched from my play scene earlier and I could feel how wet I was with his fingers drumming on my clit and then thrusting inside me. Henry knows exactly how I like to be touched and it was amazing. It wasn't long before I was orgasming in front of so many people who were enjoying the show! Charles was kissing me and stroking my arms and throat while Henry was making me feel so good. No oral or genital penetration at this party, but toys and fingers were just fine!

I wanted so badly for them both to come home so that I could have their cocks, too, but it was really late and we were all tired and had early mornings. So... rain check? :)

It was a really awesome Valentine's Party with my boys, even if I didn't get to be greedy it was certainly better than dinner and a movie!

Thursday, 7 February 2019

One Man Gangbang

Date nights really are so important. They help keep the fun and the magic alive. After all, why should we be having all the fun with our new partners rather than the established ones? The grass is greener where you water it.

I always loved going out and doing fun and interesting things with Henry, but sometimes the realities of life means that dating takes a backseat. There always seems to be something responsible we need to do, but one of our agreements is that since we are able to carve out dedicated time for new partners, that we need to make that investment in our own relationship.

We won some gift certificates to a casino in a raffle over the holidays, and since we both had free time yesterday we decided to use them. So we spent the day having fun on house money, and we both won a little bit which was nice. We decided to go out for a nice dinner to celebrate, and then we came home for the most incredible sex.

I don't think I've ever had someone fuck me PIV continually for over 40 minutes before! And Henry stayed hard the whole time, kept playing with my clit and kept me so turned on that my pussy was just leaking a river all over his cock and the sheets. I was so wet and open and begging for more and coming over and over and over while he was ramming his cock into me again and again. I was so slippery and wet that he nearly accidentally slid into my ass a few times! While that isn't usually my thing, the porn we were watching was featuring some double penetration in the moment and it sounded so sexy that I was wishing for a second cock.

Then when my pussy finally started to tap out from all the orgasms (I keep wanting to use the word amazing over and over because it was!), I wanted to make Henry feel as good as he was making me feel. I pulled out a fun ridgy masturbation glove we had bought from Aliexpress and lubed it up before sliding the different fingers into his ass so he could enjoy the sensations. He was so aroused and wide open for me! It was incredibly sexy. Afterwards, I strapped on that lovely 11" thick cock that he loves and fucked him silly until he came so hard. We both just collapsed afterwards. But sex should leave you sore and wet and exhausted and sticky, right? :)

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Unexpected Happiness

Charles had an impromptu sleepover last night because of the freezing rain that hit last night. We didn't want to send him back out in that, so Henry suggested that he stay.

He normally doesn't sleep over on weeknights because he has to work so early in the morning, but it is really so nice to have the evening together without keeping an eye on the time. I'm not really used to dating someone without overnights- I used to stay over nearly every time I visited a partner. I like the big blocks of time so we can do everything. Cuddles, kinky play, sex, whatever other activities we enjoy... no pressure on time or someone having to leave tired. It's actually been an adjustment to go back to dating someone without sleepovers. And no complaints, Charles does still make big blocks of time available for me as he can- we usually spend 5-6 hours together each time. I just happen to like it so much better when neither of us has to watch the clock.

While we were cuddling before sleep last night, he told me how relaxed and comfortable and happy he was to be with me. It just melted me. I am so in love. He had to leave super early this morning so he was gone before I was awake, but he sent me a text that he slept so wonderfully and wished we'd had some time together in the morning because he'd woken up filled with desire for me and a raging erection. Yum... I'm sorry I missed out!

The part that tickled my funny bone is that Henry was out for part of the night, and he got home after Charles had fallen asleep and before I was asleep. So I sneaked out of bed and went downstairs to spend some quality time with my husband. Life is very, very good :)

Sunday, 3 February 2019

Connection

This is following a question I read on a message board, where people were asking how to "safeguard" their marriages after opening up.

Personally, I don't think you can ever safeguard your marriage, whether it's open or closed. Even monogamous people cheat and have affairs and fall in love. It could be someone they work with or a stranger they pass on the street- it's not about the act of looking for a new partner that could make lightning strike.

To me, the only way to truly safeguard your marriage is to make it so wonderful that it's a place that both of you want to stay. Are you communicating openly and honestly? Are you fulfilling each other's Love Languages? Having some kind of physical connection that is satisfying to you both? Spending quality time of some sort with each other? I think that's really the best you can do. We're all different, and we need different things. Think of what brought you together and what made you happy, and try to recapture that. Love changes and evolves as relationships do, and intensity waxes and wanes, but if you focus on what made you both happy then I think you have a great shot at making things work regardless of what comes.

What makes you feel connected in a relationship? Please, comment away! I'd love to hear from different points of view.

I was having an interesting conversation with Henry yesterday while we were lying in bed. I told him that sometimes I think that Charles just doesn't "get" me the way that Henry does. And then Henry blew my mind by saying that he didn't know how much he "got" me either back when we first started dating. I know that the NRE between the two of us was extremely intense because we jumped into the BDSM pretty hard and both of us experience Domspace/subspace (from our respective sides of the slash of course). It made our connection almost overwhelming at times.

So I jokingly asked Henry, so when I feel anxious emotionally about my budding relationship, that I should just fuck Charles or play with him? And he was 100% serious when he said yes. He said that it will hopefully carry us through the stage where the anxiety and insecurity is higher and into a more relaxed and comfortable spot. I thought it was hilarious when Henry said that he thinks that he and Charles are a lot alike.

I find myself thinking that my previous aversion to kitchen table poly might have a lot to do with my ex husband Mark. Because now it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world to be hanging out or to go to a party with my two favourite men. I thought it was so wonderful on NYE to get two kisses at midnight, and that I can show affection to both of them at the same time and have them be silly and loving with me together (like when they make a Me sandwich and tickle me like kids used to do in school). I still definitely want my alone time with both of them but it's nice when we can do an activity together too.

Yesterday's date night with Charles was really good. We had dinner and conversation over a nice bottle of wine, and then spent the night alternating between cuddling together in his bed, having great sex, and snuggling back up together again. It was such an amazing night and I'm feeling so in love. He texted me today and told me how wonderful it was to have me next to him in his bed and it just made me smile.

I'm so lucky to have two wonderful men in my life.