Golden Nights and Silver Days

I had to (almost) reuse this title since I remember it was one of the nights when I was falling passionately in love with Charles, and I've been recapturing that feeling lately. He's been having his life go crazy the past couple of months, but he's making a real point of investing in our relationship, and that makes me feel so loved and valued.

We've increased the amount of time we're seeing each other, and have spent more time chatting on the phone and texting, too. It's definitely making me feel more connected and happier. This week, we will spend three days together including two overnights, which is pretty awesome. 

I'm still glowing from yesterday, though. He came over after work, and Henry made delicious dinner for everyone- steak with garden salad and parmesan noodles on the side. Like I've said before, it's pretty fantastic just being open about my loves. According to my Facebook memories, we came out to Kiddo as poly over a year ago, so this is just a normal part of our lives now. I'm glad everyone gets along so well. Then the four of us played some board games after dinner until it was Kiddo's bedtime.

Henry is a sweetie, and he excused himself so that we could have some privacy for our date night. I like that we can hang out together, but every relationship deserves its own space, after all. Charles and I decided it was bedtime as well, and went upstairs.

Most of the time, we enjoy having very long sex sessions. I don't know what the real average is for people- I hope that the ones I see posted (something like 11 minutes?) are skewed because I just can't imagine that being a normal amount of time to have sex. Maybe my readers want to chime in? But, I digress! 

Yesterday I just found myself feeling much more urgent. We'd had a nice long round of sex the night before, and both of us were feeling pretty satisfied with that, but then some very intense lust came over me and I just had to have him, right then. So instead of having him lick my pussy, I just climbed right on his cock and started riding him while I was nibbling down his neck the way he likes. I was still very tight since we jumped right into PIV, but feeling him sliding inch by inch into my already wet pussy, opening me up slowly, was such a turn on. Every little thrust was making us both gasp and moan because it felt so good. I enjoy his cock so much!

But I really, really needed to cum and I knew that wasn't going to happen just from riding his cock, so he suggested that I move up and sit on his face. Mmm... I know he loves that- he gets the best access to me! And I could lean back and play with his cock while his tongue was flicking against my clit... so much fun and pleasure. But that urgency was overtaking us and he begged me to let him fuck me. I wanted very much to be filled so that sounded just perfect to me! I was so wet and open and needing him inside me. I don't cum easily from fucking, but he still felt so good. Of course though, I still needed to cum... so I made him promise to lick up every last drop he left in my cunt. I love the feeling of a tongue licking me clean when I'm oh so sensitive and that finally got me over the edge too with a truly massive orgasm that left me with a bad case of the giggles. You know it's been a good fuck when you can't stop giggling afterwards from the rush of endorphins!

Then we went out to hang out in the hot tub. It was such a beautiful evening. We sat out there for four hours in the gently falling snow just chatting and enjoying each other's company. I am head over heels in love and reminding myself to count my blessings with the two wonderful men in my life.

And last night, I gave him a key to my home. I've never done that with a partner before other than my ex-husband and Henry. I told Charles that he was always welcome here and I wanted him to know that. I don't know if he realizes what a big deal it was to me, because my home is my castle, but it meant a lot.

It was so lovely waking up with Charles this morning since neither of us had to work early, so we slept in late and then just spent the morning in bed together hanging out and cuddling and waking up slowly. There isn't much better than morning cuddles with someone you love.

Sexy Details

So I know I've been feeling very philosophical lately, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to continue sharing naughty details here, too! We can be smart and sexy at the same time, after all!

Charles and I have been doing two date nights back to back the past month or so, and I've really been enjoying it. We both still have work etc during the day, but it's nice having some of that continuity together.

I had recently given him a toy that I would highly recommend if you're looking for something new in your toy box. Check out the BVibe Plug, which comes in several sizes.

The lovely bit about it is that if it's inside your ass and you're moving, those little weighted balls will rock back and forth and make you feel like you're getting fucked. So imagine fucking your partner and feeling like you are in the middle of a sex sandwich :)   It can be a LOT of fun, especially if you like dirty talk during sex.

Henry also loves these, although of course, slut that he is, he prefers the larger size plugs. Charles still needs some working up, which can also be fun! I was playing with his ass last night and watching him squirm while he got all nice and relaxed and open, and we could slide in the plug. I bought him the 3, which will definitely give you that nice stretched feeling!

And he got time to get used to it while he had his face buried in my cunt and I was telling him how hot it would be if there was a real cock inside his ass, fucking him forwards into my pussy and how he'd just be the sex toy for us to use. Oh, he liked that very much- his cock was rock hard the whole time that he was making me moan.

I wanted him inside me so badly though and couldn't wait much longer. Charles is very talented orally and most of the time I enjoy making use of those talents until he can't breathe anymore, but this time I told him I wanted him to fuck me NOW. I wasn't disappointed! Not only did he feel so good inside me- I just love the way his cock fits in me as though it was made for my puss- but I got to hear all those lovely moans and gasps as with every stroke of his cock inside me, his ass was getting fucked. He held out as long as he could but pleasure can only be prolonged so far :)

Definitely a toy that I think should be in your toy box, if you enjoy anal play!

The Illusion of Safety

I hear all the time that people think that polyamory or open relationships are so risky. That you must be a very secure person to want to participate in this relationship style. After all, what happens if your partner meets someone who is "higher value" and falls in love or lust?

First of all, I think this concept of value is so destructive to people. We all have our own intrinsic value, and other people's behaviour or treatment doesn't change that about us. We are valuable for being ourselves, and there is no one else in the world that is better at being you than you. Don't forget that! People might find partners who are better fits for them personally, but that has nothing to do with your personal value, or the value of the other person- it's just about compatibility.

When you look at it critically, monogamy seems to be the riskier choice! Why do I say that? After all, when you're monogamous, you have your partner "locked down", right? They're not dating or having sex with anyone else. But is that really how humans work? So many people cheat, and they weren't practicing ethical nonmonogamy- they're just cheating. You don't have to have an agreement to be open for your partner to have someone else catch their eye (although hopefully they will at least have the decency to talk to you about it before they violate your relationship agreements).

In polyamorous or sexually open relationships, we practice "And not Or", which means that our partners can have us, plus other people if they want to. There's no choosing, maybe this person is a better fit so that they need to break up with us. They can have both of us, as long as everyone knows and consents. So while it may feel scary, there really is less risk of "replacement". When our partner chooses to be with us, it's because they feel that we bring value to their life. They can enjoy being with us for who we are. We don't have to be the best at everything and that's okay- who we are is good enough.

So why do people feel like monogamy is safer? Because it gives them that illusion of control. They feel that they "own" their partner's time, resources, and sexuality. How many people have the default that if time isn't explicitly booked out, that it's assumed they will be spending it with their spouse? There seems to be a very strong flavour of codependency in a lot of the societal constructs about monogamy. We talk about two halves of a whole, or think of ourselves as a couple rather than two individuals who are in a relationship together (which leads to other issues when couples begin exploring ethical nonmonogamy and then see themselves as a couple plus one, rather than separate relationships. Hello, unicorn hunters!)

Ultimately, there are lots of ways to do monogamy in a healthy manner. There are many people out there who simply don't want to have multiple partners either for sex or relationships, and it's just as valid a choice as polyamory. It would be nice for polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy to be seen as valid options, too!

So when people open up their existing relationships, they feel a lot of uncertainty and insecurity, and so it makes sense that they think rules will solve that and make them feel safer. But again, it's only the illusion of safety, and most of the things people try to use as safeguards have the opposite effect and push their partners away. Rules don't actually solve anything- they just make it easier to point a finger when your partner does something "wrong". I know I've written about the difference between rules and boundaries, but it definitely bears restatement- rules are ways to control other people's behaviour. Boundaries are about yourself. Controlling someone else's behaviour will never actually make you safer. Instead, it will give you the illusion of safety while eating away at the foundation of your relationship. No one likes being treated like a child rather than an equal partner.

There is no real way to have a relationship and assume it's safe and secure. While all of us crave that security, it never will be more than an illusion, no matter what relationship style you pick. If you want to keep your relationship healthy and happy, then make sure you're investing time and emotional energy into it. Make sure you're appreciating your partner. Don't take your partner or your relationship for granted, and assume that you can backburner them while your priorities are elsewhere. If you want a relationship to last, make it a priority. The grass is greenest where you water it.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had a really lovely weekend with Henry. We don't normally celebrate Valentine's Day, but it fell on a Friday and since that's our relatively newly designated date night (well, last six months or so anyway), we decided to do something just a tad bit more special. Unfortunately, Henry's chronic health problems were flaring up, so instead of having all our special plans on one day, we spread them out over the whole weekend. Which actually might have been fortunate, except that I'd never want to call a partner's discomfort fortunate!

On Friday, we made delicious appetizers and had some family time with Kiddo watching his favourite show, and then watched Chasing Amy. Man, that movie has aged badly and I spent a bunch of time yelling at the TV. But I tend to do that anyway; it's like sports for me :P

Saturday, we took it easy. Spent family time with Kiddo and then I made a yummy fish chowder from a meal box. Like I've said before, I really enjoy those meal boxes. I find it's yet another way to make dinner an activity and a way to connect, rather than just being food. There are so many ways to make food social.

Sunday, we decided to eat the rest of the treats we had bought, so we made smoked salmon toasts, a shrimp ring, empanadas, and pumpernickel bread with spinach dip. It was delicious. Then we had dessert in bed- white chocolate raspberry cake and a bottle of very nice champagne. This weekend has been horrible for the diet but so worth it! Quality time is so important (and no it doesn't have to be food but I don't mind that we do it sometimes). I know we get so much functional time with nesting partners, but I want to make sure we get lots of special time too.

It's actually funny, Charles was saying the other day that we get the good times and the bad times but very little of the in-between times in our relationship, and he's right. Whereas my marriage gets a lot of the in between times. No real easy way to make that trade, though! I suggested that we do more just hanging out in each other's space in a low key sort of way, and I guess we'll see how that goes.

I miss Charles since I haven't seen him since last Wednesday, but looking forward to spending at least part of the next two days with him given that he still has work.

So nothing earthshattering has been going on- I'm not a fan of huge fancy gifts or extravagant gestures for events like Valentine's Day- but I have been enjoying the content reflection and love with my favourite people.

Sex as Barometer

I think that in normal, healthy relationships, that sex can be such a reliable indicator of how things are going. When sexual frequency slows down, it often means that something is going on- whether it's life stress, a partner feeling disconnected, health issues, or something else. Generally, it's a sign that you need to pay attention to whatever is going on so you can refocus on your relationship.

There are lots of times in our lives when things are stressful or busy. It's so easy to think that your relationship can take a back seat for a little while when you attend to what needs doing. But when someone is a priority to you, you need to show them that. You need to make that effort to stay connected, even when there is life stress. That's how people grow together instead of apart.

Henry and I both know that we feel better when we're having lots of sex. We are happier, more relaxed, and we feel closer to each other. And yet sometimes when things are going on, we let it slide, even knowing that. We've been making more of a point that when this happens, that we schedule sex in since it gives us both a boost. It sounds unsexy, but it's so worth it if it means we start getting out of whatever rut we're in!

Of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't pay attention to whatever was causing the rut. Sometimes there isn't anything to be done about it, like when there's health issues. But at least acknowledging the issue can be very helpful sometimes. And if there is something you need to talk about? You both will be in a better mindframe after some bedrocking sex!

I have to admit this is why I simply cannot understand cuckold type relationships where the hotwife and cuckold no longer have sex at all. I enjoy chastity play as much as the next Domme, but when I'm done my teasing, I want that device off so I can enjoy my partner's cock! And I never want to lose that intimate connection and bonding when I have sex with someone I love. Sport fucking is just fine, but it misses that wonderful connection and intimacy when you have sex in a relationship.

The past couple of days have been so wonderful and I am feeling much more energized and happy again. Yesterday, Charles came over for date night and we made a meal box together. I really enjoy that as a bonding activity, it's fun to cook something new and different together. Then we went to bed and had some really intimate conversation. Relationships will all hit their own level, like I said in my last post, and while I enjoy sex with Charles, that's not all I want from him. I want that level of trust and connection and emotional intimacy. We've been dating for over a year and a half now, and he means so much to me. And then we had amazing sex :)  It's so nice to get it in one package! After this long, it's still hard letting go of him at night so that we can go to sleep (I hate cuddling when I'm trying to sleep!). He had to leave early in the morning for work, but told me he'd come back again tonight.

Henry happened to be home this afternoon, so we decided to build in a little block of time for us! Nooners can be fun, just to shake things up a bit (although that means a lot of sheet changing between partners!). We put on some great porn, and I started off by kissing and touching Henry all over, but not near his cock. He was already so excitable, since he had cleaned out his ass and was wearing one of his favourite plugs. Just feeling my breath over his balls while I was kissing his inner thighs had his cock begging for my attention. But sometimes it's fun to keep him waiting! When he couldn't stand it any longer, I took him all the way in my mouth and played alternately with his nipples and balls while I was sucking his cock. I love listening to his moans and feeling him squirm in pleasure. He didn't want to cum just yet though, so when he got close, it was my turn.

My pussy was already dripping and was so senstive today. I've been having some issues orgasming, as I've mentioned before, but today, it was like it used to be. I came so many times with his hand in my cunt and his fingers on my clit... so good. And then we fucked every which way and I was cumming so hard that his cock was just covered in my pussy juices. When we collapsed in a sweaty, messy heap, we were both exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, and didn't want to let go of each other.

Sex is good. Love is better. Loving sex? That's the best, by far. I love my men, and they love me.

Why Be Poly?

I haven't written much this year because I really haven't been feeling well. Chronic health problems, unfortunately, aren't all that sexy.

Henry has been feeling pretty run down, too, so we haven't had a lot of quality time beyond cuddling up in the evening with a (non-pornographic!) movie. I'm looking forward to this weekend, when Kiddo won't be here and we can have some quality time together with no responsibilities!

Looking forward to tonight, too- Charles is staying over tonight and tomorrow. It's midweek, so it's not like we can play hooky and relax, but it's nice spending the evenings with him and snuggling up at night. And hopefully a little bit more than that, if we're not both too tired!

Someone posed an interesting question today, and I thought I would write about it. I've already written why be married, so how about why be poly? This person was coming at it from the angle that open and poly relationships are primarily for sexual variety only, which I think is a fairly common perspective. People "understand" swinging, even if the idea doesn't appeal to them on a personal level. But the idea of your romantic partner wanting to share love and dates etc with someone else? I can see that being confusing and scary for a lot of people. For that matter, it was scary for me at first, too!

Society conditions us to believe in The One. A soulmate. Your other half. And if your spouse doesn't fulfill all of your romantic needs, that means that something is wrong with your relationship, doesn't it?

But it really doesn't have to mean that. So why am I poly (and open)? Well yes, sexual variety certainly is a thing for me, if that's not obvious. Sex is different with every single partner, and I like experiencing all those differences. Even if we do exactly the same acts, there's different chemistry and energy, and it's always unique. Also, given that I have such a high sex drive, my partners tend to like that there is someone else to tag in, to take care of my needs!

That doesn't really hit the core of why I prefer to be poly, though. At the end of the day, I find that I have had the most richly rewarding experiences seeing the world through someone else's eyes. When you connect with someone intimately enough to learn about them, and what excites them (get your mind out of the gutter just briefly!), and get perhaps a totally different view on something. People are so interesting, and finding out what lights them up makes me happy, too. It gives me a new perspective, and then I can take that back and maybe learn something about myself, too.

Since I've been poly, I've been able to leave myself open to some pretty fantastic experiences. I've dated people that I would never have dated if I was on the Relationship Escalator, because they weren't who I was looking for as a life partner. And if I had done that? I would have denied myself some connections that are so intensely meaningful to me. For that matter, I might not even have dated Henry, and look where that turned out!

Taking the pressure off relationships by allowing each connection to find its own depth, and not insisting that everyone you date has to be a possible long term partner, means that you can have those colourful relationships without worrying where things are going but instead simply enjoying them for what they are.

I feel so lucky that I've had so many wonderful people in my life. Even when the romantic part petered out in two of my previous relationships, we are still very close friends because we built that connection. Letting the relationship find its own level meant that we can still enjoy each other without worrying about labels.

So ultimately, I'm poly because I want to be able to connect deeply and intimately with many people, in a variety of different ways, without artificial constraints. If that leads to kink or sex, then awesome. If not, it can still be pretty fantastic. And I'm okay with that either way. I'm not incomplete if I only have one partner. I am not unsatisfied with one partner, or alone for that matter. I just want to be open to whatever possibilities there are out there to experience, because for me, the most meaningful part of life is exploring the depths of the human heart.