tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35894229754612377342024-03-07T07:49:38.536-08:00Adventures of a Happy HotwifeThe Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.comBlogger250125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-18407243235095533062023-03-02T16:22:00.000-08:002023-03-02T16:22:05.429-08:00People's Hearts are Not Toys<p> I didn't realize that it's been so long since I posted last, but then again, a happy life sometimes doesn't have a lot of excitement to share. That doesn't mean it can't have its moments, though! :)</p><p>I'm still with both Henry and Charles, and things are going well. This summer will be my ninth year together with Henry and my fifth with Charles. Living together is still smooth sailing, which surprised me a little at how easy it's been. It's nice when we can all get along!</p><p>Last summer, Henry decided to start looking for a new partner, with my encouragement. After all, variety is always fun! He met a very nice woman who had only recently started to identify as poly after a decade of swinging/hotwifing/cuckolding with her husband. She said that she was looking for a relationship that was more than just sex, and the two of them clicked really well both in and out of bed.</p><p>They dated for six months, and had lots of fun dates. Henry met her husband a few times when he was over at their house, she came out for his birthday celebration, they stayed up late chatting with each other... sounds like things were going really well, right?</p><p>Until the shoe dropped. Her husband decided to veto Henry because he was uncomfortable that their relationship was more than just sex.</p>She never mentioned anything to Henry about her husband having issues with their relationship or anything like that. They hadn't even said ILY- they were just having fun and going out on dates that were more than just sex. <div><br /></div><div>It's not okay to string someone along and then veto them out of the blue like this. Henry was crushed, because of course he has some kind of feelings for her.
I understand why people have vetos; but that doesn't mean I think they're ethical ways to treat people. And I hate that when people don't do their own emotional management that they're not the ones who get hurt- someone else is collateral damage. </div><div><br /></div><div>So here is my thought for the day while I watch Henry in pain; remember that the people with whom we have relationships (sexual or otherwise), are human beings with their own feelings, wants, and needs. They are not toys to be used in a marital relationship and then discarded. They aren't disposable because someone is feeling insecure.
If you aren't adult enough to work on your own feelings of jealousy and insecurity, any kind of open relationship is a bad idea.</div>The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-83688522460374188662021-11-23T10:19:00.002-08:002021-11-24T11:51:42.633-08:00Happy Polyamory Day!I haven't been writing as much lately, because sometimes I think that happy relationships are less interesting. Things are well here, and I get to experience one of the greatest joys I've ever had- loving and being loved by two wonderful men who support me in my endeavours and care about my happiness. And of course, being able to make love with each of them... that's pretty heady stuff, too. We are genuinely happy together- all three of us. I make sure to check in with both of them at different times, so that I know they are getting their needs met and as many of their wants as I can. And we've built our own little family together that all works together for the common good. I always say I don't know how long things will last like this... I truly believe that Henry and I are forever. Charles is ten years younger than I am, and still sorting himself out. One day he may choose to leave- most relationships are not forever. But that day is not today, and I will enjoy every moment that we have in the meantime. Seven years and counting with Henry, three years and counting with Charles. Certainly out of NRE and enjoying established relationships!<br><br>
I have a morning poly funny to share with you all. So generally Henry keeps an earlier schedule and Charles keeps a later one because he often works until late night. I'm somewhere in between. We have all been sleeping in our own bedrooms lately since everyone actually sleeps better alone. In the morning when I wake up, I text Henry and if he's home/available, he comes upstairs for morning snuggles. When I'm going to bed at night, if I'm not already spending time with Charles (since Henry is asleep by then), he comes and we have our own silly little nighttime routine where he tucks me into bed.<br><br>
So with that preamble, both my loves were home on a recent Saturday morning. I slept in very late because this week has been just exhausting. I texted Henry for my morning cuddles and we were just snuggled up and chatting for a while. Charles woke up and saw my bedroom door was open and he came in to get a hug as well. He stuck around for a moment to chat and he was also still snuggled up and Henry started giggling and said "Hey, I get Morning Susie!" and everyone cracked up.<br><br>
That's not him being passive aggressive, either. He said he was glad that we can all be friendly enough that he can make jokes like that without anyone taking it too seriously. And we all got a laugh out of it.<br><br>
Today is Polyamory Day. It reminds me that this is one of the last closets that might be necessary. Polyamory is not a protected ground from legal discrimination, which I think is appalling. I can understand them not wanting to revisit marriage legislation by allowing polyamorous marriages- I think that could get exceedingly complicated. But no one should ever have to worry about losing their job based on relationship status between consenting adults. That has absolutely zero to do with someone's employment.<br><br>
Even when the rest of my life is full of struggles, my relationships bring me so much love and happiness. I work hard every day to make sure they both feel as much love and support and fulfillment as I do.<br><br>
I am lucky that this isn't something we really have to hide, because it's not fair to the person who gets treated as a "friend" or "roommate". They deserve so much better, and shouldn't be forced to be in that closet. This is something that poly people in a "primary" couple convince themselves or a partner is necessary, and it causes so much damage. Love should not be a dirty little secret. Love should not be marginalized under couples' privilege.<br><br>
Fairness and equality are two different things. People can be treated fairly and not have "equal" anything. What matters is getting their needs met, and as many of their wants as possible. People have differing needs, after all. As long as one relationship isn't artificially prioritized over the other, people can be treated fairly.<br><br>
It's funny how when I was talking to someone considering nonmonogamy about polyamory, that I said the real turning point for me was when I made that shift from focusing on how polyamory would affect me and my existing relationship, to focusing on how to make everything fit well in life so that everyone involved was getting what they needed, and finding that balance. It's very easy to say that you want to be in more than one relationship or have more than one sex partner but what does that really mean? How do the logistics work? Do you live alone and visit partners? Do you live with one and visit another? Are you "out" or is one partner subjected to feeling like an affair even if they are not? If you have a cohabitating relationship with one partner, how do you sort out time and money for other relationships? Do you have "kitchen table" polyamory where everyone can get along or do you prefer parallel where the partners know and consent to the others' existence but prefer not to socialize? Don't even get me started on the toxicity of DADT. All these things can really have a profound effect between belief and action, and how well things actually work in practice.<br><br>
I've been so lucky to find these two amazing men who love me and accept me for who I am. Our society is so conditioned to be monoamorous that the idea of polyamory really is scary! The idea that your partner could find someone else they think is "better" (polyamory is AND not OR). The idea that you can build in rules to be safe (rules don't stop people from cheating in monogamy let alone polyamory- rules just set up a mechanism of failure). The idea that you "own" all of your partner's free time (even in monogamy, making time together intentional gives it value).<br><br>
At times, I've felt like I was walking off a cliff into the unknown. I have been lucky enough to discover that with these two people supporting me, I can fly.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-67974939697878285982021-05-16T17:26:00.001-07:002021-05-16T17:27:14.387-07:00Time Slips On ByI didn't realize it has been two months since I updated this! Not a lot has happened, but I guess that's true of most of the QuaranTimes. We're all just kind of stuck waiting right now... hoping that things will get better soon.<p>
The update on Mickey is that I let things trail off. I liked chatting with him, but I was getting the distinct impression that he wanted more from me than I was interested in giving. Just a tip, when you're just starting to build a connection with someone and they're having fun getting to know you, maybe you shouldn't start using them constantly for emotional support for the other issues in your life. Up to and including messaging them in the middle of the night to see if they're up because you had a bad day. Wow. I mean, relationships are supposed to involve support and give and take... but there needs to be some kind of a relationship first! I'm disappointed because I was having fun, but better to know now that he wasn't going to be a fit then to put more time and energy into things.<p>
I have plenty of places to put my time and energy already! My wedding anniversary with Henry is coming up. Obviously we still can't do much but we're planning to have a date night at home, just the two of us. Something low key but just focusing on being together. I'm looking forward to having that time with him! <p>
In other exciting news that involves time and energy... Charles has moved in with us, on an ongoing basis. He gave up his old place and we moved all his stuff here. It's been interesting figuring out how to blend our furniture so that everyone is happy. And of course he has his own room that he can decorate however he likes since that's just his space.<p>
The transition has been going pretty smoothly. I mean, he has been living here for the past most of a year anyway, what with the pandemic, and everyone has been getting along. He and Henry are friends, and Kiddo enjoys having an extra adult around to hang out with or play games. Everyone has their own room so that we all have personal space, which is really important, and everyone knows their household responsibilities.<p>
It's been really good having him here. It's nice that even on days where he is busy or tired, that we can still grab a few moments of cuddles or conversation, or at least see each other around the dinner table. Charles is generally a very busy man, so even once covid is over, if he hadn't stayed we would probably only see each other 2 nights a week, and neither of us wanted that when this feels comfortable and is currently working for all of us. If that changes, we'll revisit it. I'm so lucky that the boys are both so easygoing and that they like each other as friends. I'm the high strung one of the three of us!<p>
This wasn't just for convenience, though... we talked about this, and it was a conscious choice to create further entwinement for us. We didn't want to just fall into being together because covid. We wanted to build more "us". It's been interesting, because I never thought that I would have two serious relationships. This certainly isn't something that I sought out. I'm very happy with Henry, and he is absolutely my life partner. Charles and I haven't committed to anything like that yet, and who knows what the future will hold? But for now, we're choosing us, and that's good enough for me.<p>
While everything else is stressful right now because of the pandemic, at least my life is full of love. The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-37527831434571636282021-03-14T15:59:00.003-07:002021-03-14T15:59:52.254-07:00A Year in the Ivory Tower<p> Today was a year since we started our isolation, which is a pretty crazy thought. I remember all the fear and uncertainty, and those are still present but buried a bit more under the weight of emotional exhaustion over time. </p><p>It's been a hard year. On the other hand, I think it's drawn us closer together. Henry and I realized we haven't fought even once, all this time. I mean, it's not like we fight much anyway because that's not the way we are- I believe we have worked out much better patterns to sort out disagreements. But zero fights in a year is pretty awesome. </p><div><br /></div><div>This was a tumultuous year with Charles, with him going back and forth about what he wanted and needed, and now he's been living with us for 7 months. He's still playing with the idea of staying longer term but we haven't made a decision yet. We're open to the idea but right now isn't the time for long-term planning. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm very much in love with both of my wonderful men, and they're both very much in love with me. The world may be falling apart, but my love life is pretty amazing. Having two people love me like this... words can't even describe how incredible it is. And it's starting to have that feeling of stability. This summer will be seven years with Henry and three years with Charles. It's finally feeling like we have our footing a bit and that this really is a Thing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've had another little flirtation as well, despite the fact that covid precautions means that I won't be meeting anyone in person until we're both vaccinated. I don't normally respond to people who flirt with me in the Poly discussion groups, but this one got my attention. </div><div><br />I'm a member of some poly groups on Facebook and while I'm not super active there right now, things do come across my feed because I try to give advice when I can. Some relationships really are dumpster fire!. People not communicating, people making terrible unilateral decisions, people violating consent... sigh. It makes me feel sad for the people who stay in them for whatever reason. </div><div><br /></div><div>At any rate, sometimes people just post funny things. Someone posted a picture of a line from an old dating handbook that says "You may fascinate a woman by giving her cheese." Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE cheese. One of my favourite date nights with Henry is to get a bottle of prosecco and a nice cheese and charcuterie board. So I commented on the post, "please give me cheese!" And someone replied to my comment "... is a good boy and will do what he's told." umph.. be still my heart! I asked if I knew this guy and he said no. I figured maybe he had heard of me through Fetlife or one of the kink groups, but apparently not. Just made a lucky guess in a way that I found very appealing. I showed Henry and Charles and laughed, and Henry said I should send the guy a message because he was obviously flirting with me. Well, it sure did get my attention so why not? No harm in sending a few messages. </div><div><br /></div><div>So we've been chatting for a week or so and he's an interesting guy. Long term poly, so at least I can avoid all the newbie crap, and has a good sense of humour. It may not go anywhere but hey even a nice idle conversation is good times. And of course I can make the joke that my husband is the best wingman ever! I'm calling the new guy Mickey, because cheese, and because I feel like being silly today. He confessed today that's hes got a crush on me. I'm not entirely surprised, given that he's been messaging me every day and we've been bantering a little bit. I enjoy chatting with him but who knows what kind of chemistry we will have in person. He did ask me a while back where I was in terms of polysaturation and I explained that I probably did not have the time or emotional spoons for a serious romantic relationship, but that I was open to whatever the connection dictated given those constraints. I don't have interest in trying to have a third serious partner, but I'd be okay with anything from friends, to friends with benefits, to casual dating if we click in that direction. We haven't even met in person though so I have no plans whatsoever. We'll see what happens when we're both vaccinated and past the waiting period. <br><br>I have to admit though that it's nice being pursued. Normally I'm the pursuer and I do like it that way, but he's not doing it in that ridiculous "alpha male" nonsense kind of way with all the condescension and other nonsense- he's just learning about me and building a connection and occasionally one of us throws in a flirt. I like that. It's respectful and playful and fun without being pushy. And frankly, I could always use a little bit of fun.So it's been a weird year... it feels like we've just been sitting here and waiting. And waiting. I miss so many things and people right now. But at least I have my loves close, and an idle flirtation to while away my time. I have good days and bad days, so I try to enjoy every moment that I can. I'll try to write more if I have the emotional energy for it. There have been lots of good times with my boys. I do miss dating women, but eh- people are not Pokemon. When things settle down, who knows what the world will be like?</3></div>The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-69950857490146888162021-02-12T09:31:00.000-08:002021-02-12T09:31:06.053-08:00Missing the Fun<p> So like I said, there just hasn't been all that much energy for kink and fun. While I've still been wanting sex, everyone's drive is down, and there's just less time for fun so it has tended to be more on the vanilla side. Henry and I still use sex toys, but the BDSM toys haven't come out in a long time now. We're all missing it.</p><p>When Charles found out how far short he was in the 2020 stats, he made a joke about quality over quantity but then said he'd see what he could do. I reminded him that my sessions with Henry were both quality AND quantity and he laughed.</p><p>I was squeezing in an afternoon nap yesterday, and while I was lazily waking up I sent Charles a text since I hadn't seen him yet. He came in for some cuddles and we chatted a bit while I was still a bit groggy. He told me that when he saw my bedroom door closed he had been hoping that Henry and I were having some sexy times instead. He said that he got all caught up in fantasizing what we were doing- both my boys enjoy hearing about my sexy stories. Also, Charles said that he had been wearing his chastity device for a couple of days and that was getting him all worked up. </p><p>We don't have a dynamic around chastity play; it's just something fun to do once in a while. Henry also has a device. I don't enjoy chastity play as part of long term denial- just as something to bring passion up to fever pitch and maybe prolong some fun times.</p><p>So here Charles was in my bed, fully dressed, while I was naked and sleepy from my nap, and I could feel his cage against my leg. He asked if we could have a date night later and I told him of course we could. But I guess he couldn't quite wait until later and he gently parted my thighs and started slowly tracing circles around my clit with his tongue. I hadn't been particularly horny, but this was a lovely way to wake up... slowly building arousal. He slid two fingers into my pussy while he kept sucking and licking my clit and it wasn't long before I was starting to grind my cunt on his face and moaning in pleasure. When he came up for air the expression on his face was just perfect- he looked like he was drunk on me, and his face was just covered with my pussy juices. He told me afterwards he felt drunk on me, just wanting to make me feel so good. It was a lovely moment.</p><p>But now I really needed to cum... I thrust my hips a little more insistently and he added another finger to my tight cunt and started fucking me harder while he licked and sucked my clit. When he added a fourth and started to rub my A spot I couldn't bite back that loud gasp of intensity when I came all over his face in a hot wet rush. It was such a lovely wake up!</p><p>He was leaking through his cage... but that had to wait for later when we'd have more time in the evening.</p><p>He was waiting for me in my bedroom at the time I gave him, in the pretty pink lace panties I bought him, with shaved legs, and a lovely black lace garter belt and stockings. He looks so pretty for me when he takes the time to get dressed up! And he turned red and blushed when I told him so, but he said that he loves getting pretty for me.</p><p>I couldn't help but to bend him over the bed and give his ass a firm smack or two, and run my nails over the very sensitive skin on display, especially that sweet spot where the thigh meets the ass. So much fun! Like a good boy he had his remote controlled vibrator in already as well, so when I spanked him it felt like the vibrator was fucking him already. And of course his cage was still firmly locked on and I love to tease...</p><p>I slid out of my bathrobe and climbed onto the bed and spread my legs wide so that he could see my pussy lips already starting to shine wet with arousal. I told him to show me how badly he needed to cum... and that if he was a good boy, I'd let him. <br /><br />My obedient boy dove right in like my pussy was the most delicious treat he'd ever had- and in the moment it might have been. His eyes were already starting to glaze over from the heady cocktail of subspace and desire and all the buildup of the day. Charles really does zone out hard- it was one of the reasons I was so careful playing with him early on in our relationship, because he does go to a place where he is less likely to be responsive, and taking care of him is my primary concern. But now that we know each other well, we can both relax and enjoy our times together when all he can think about is being with me and enjoying the moment, and trust that I will take care of him.</p><p>His tongue on my clit felt amazing... but he knows how I like to be touched. And since I promised him a reward I couldn't make things too easy for him, right? So I started to buzz that vibrator in his ass and watched him try to catch his breath! He is so good for me though, he did his best to focus on my dripping wet cunt while I did my best to distract him from it. But I enjoyed the show so much that I knew it wasn't going to be long and when he started working his fingers inside my pussy it felt so good... I started bucking my hips up towards his mouth and when he hit the perfect spot I grabbed his hair and held his face down while I exploded all over him with a loud moan.</p><p>So now a reward for my good little boy toy. I unlocked his cage and he started to stiffen immediately. His panties were already soaked from the precum that had been dripping from his poor cock that hadn't been able to get hard before. I told him to take it all off, and take out the vibrator and go wash his hands. While he was in the other room, I put on my strap on harness and one of my favourite dildos- a reasonable size but with lots of fun ridges. I lubed it up and lay back down on the bed with my cock in the air. When Charles returned, I told him I wanted him to put on a show for me.</p><p>And what a show it was! He slowly lowered himself onto my cock, one inch at a time, with delightful little groans of shame and pleasure. I told him what a good little whore he was, and he said "Yes- I'm your whore." And so he is. I love that he wants to explore that line of erotic embarrassment with me. The mental aspects of BDSM are my ultimate turnon.</p><p>When my cock was firmly seated in his tight little ass, he started to ride me, his silky stockings rubbing against my thighs while he moved up and down on my pink cock. I told him what a dirty slut he was, fucking himself for my amusement. His cock was so hard and still leaking. I reached over to the lube bottle and started to stroke his cock while he was bouncing on mine. I don't think either of us realized how close he was to cumming since he told me afterwards he didn't have time to tell me- but he let out a loud gasp and sprayed cum all over my breasts and my face and in my hair and on the headboard!</p><p>Maybe not so sexy but I just burst out laughing in the moment because of the surprise! I don't have a particular aversion to getting messy like that but I hadn't been expecting it. I'm sure I was a lovely mess like in the porn cumshots because that was definitely a few days all saved up! We went for a shower afterwards to get cleaned up together and it was a nice way to wind down from a very sexy day. Lots of kisses and intimacy and loving before we went back and changed the bed for some cuddles. It was a really lovely day.</p>The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-89228463847817832662021-01-27T12:39:00.001-08:002021-01-27T12:44:15.194-08:002020 by the Numbers<p> So this post is a little late coming this year- probably like all of us! Well at least me! I started 2020 with the idea of setting a sex goal of MORE than things were in 2019. I wanted to go to clubs with Henry and maybe pick up some casual fun. I wanted to see Charles more and have more sex with him too.</p><p>It was nice to have some year over year data from <a href="https://apps.apple.com/app/id1425878129"><b>xTracker</b></a>! Last year I posted <a href="https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/2020/01/sex-in-numbers.html">my 2019 stats</a>, 133 times a year. The nice thing about this app is that you can track by partner or by month. Heck, you can even see how many times you gave a blowjob or had anal sex, if you want! I don't use all its functionality but I do like that you can put in if you use toys or whatnot, so I can include BDSM sessions and see how long it's been since I've done that, too. I would definitely recommend using this app if you want to have some fun keeping track of your sex life!<br /><br />So this has been two full years where I've only had two sex partners. I do find that I'm missing the novelty, but that's not really a thing that can happen during Covid, and probably a while afterwards before I'm comfortable with the idea.</p><p>I've participated in several research studies about sex and love during Covid, and some of them have been releasing interim results. If you're curious, you can check out <a href="https://loveinthetimeofcovid.me/">Love in the Time of Covid</a>, which is an international longitudinal study tracking how Covid has affected people's love lives over time, or the <a href="https://www.sexlab.ca/">Sexual Health Research Lab</a>, which is focusing primarily on sex rather than love. I've participated in both and they are taking different takes on things but I think the research is valuable. </p><p>Keeping my own statistics has been a lot of fun though, even though I know I haven't been having nearly as much sex as I'd like to. I know I am lucky to have both my lovers close by so I'm even able to have sex and romance with them both, but there's a little something about a global pandemic which isn't much of an aphrodisiac! We've found that we're tired earlier and that just tends to mean less sex. <br /><br />So, who do you think I had more sex with this year? I'm curious what y'all would think. Charles had a bit of a handicap since we were social distancing between April and August before he moved in, but the stress this year has taken a major toll on Henry so we've been having a lot less sex than usual. </p><p>I had sex 101 times total in 2020. I wonder how that compares to the national average. Prepandemic, I saw that the number of sexual encounters per year has been on a downward slope, and I am betting the pandemic didn't help that much. I know some people have wanted to have more sex, but unless you have no kids, it's not as easy to carve out energy and sexy time. And for the singles? Well, it's tough to meet and mingle with new people during a public health criss and lockdown. I'm not all that surprised to see such a decrease in my numbers. I would like to have more sex this year but we'll have to see how it goes.</p><p>So, who do you think? I actually just asked Henry before I looked at the tracker, and even he didn't know. Final results- Henry 60, Charles 41. I guess those several months of social distancing gave Henry a bit of an advantage after all!<br /><br />I do have a couple of sexy stories to share but I've been a bit worn down lately after nearly a year in isolation. I'll try to get to those when I can. In the meantime, if you'd like to send your favourite sex blogger a little something to cheer me up, I'd love it if you had a look at my <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/hz/wishlist/ls/3PCG96C5OZFJX?&sort=default">Amazon wishlist</a>. These are things that I'd really love to have to help with the isolation but aren't in my budget right now. I promise to get back to writing as much as my mental health allows- I miss my readers! <3</p>The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-34883561808018800562020-11-05T12:17:00.002-08:002020-11-05T12:22:07.629-08:00Brief Update<p> Wow, I do not like this new interface! It's definitely distracting and I miss the old Blogger. I had been considering moving my blog to its own site before COVID-19 hit but it's just not been a priority since then. But I don't want to lose this blog- it's my life and my memories.</p><p>I appreciate the comments and messages I've been getting. We are all okay but still under a great deal of stress. We've been mostly in isolation since March 13, and that's a little crazy-making for anyone. But given Henry's health conditions, surviving this pandemic is the most important thing for us to pay attention to.</p><p>A lot has happened over the past eight months. Hard to believe it's been so long! Time has been really squishy. It feels like it's been this way forever, but also that days can last forever. It hasn't been great, to say the least. I've been journaling in my private diary just because otherwise I won't remember things, but I haven't felt like writing much here because my life hasn't been all that sexy and glamourous lol. I mean, how can it be when we're in isolation, right? We are exhausted most of the time from pandemic stress and since we haven't had a night off from Kiddo in 8 months, we haven't been able to have lots of privacy for fun times. I miss BDSM. We can't really engage in that sort of thing. Normally we would (with a locked bedroom door) when Kiddo is asleep but we are tired by the end of the day so no energy for that sort of thing, sadly.</p><p>The spring and summer were really tough on my relationship with Charles. He came to stay with us during the early stages of lockdown, but as things eased up he had to go back to work. And he works with the public, so that was a level of risk that simply wasn't safe for Henry. </p><p>So for the summer, we only saw each other socially distanced, and that was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in a relationship. Desperately wanting hugs and physical connection, having him be right there, and not being able to get closer than 2m. </p><p>It just wasn't working for me. Physical intimacy is one of my primary love languages. Not just sex, but that's a big part of it, too. I can enjoy casual sex and sport fucking without romance, but I can't maintain a romantic relationship without sex and cuddles and physical intimacy. It causes me more pain than happiness.</p><p>So Henry and I had a long conversation, and tried to figure out how we could mitigate some of the risks so that Charles and I could be together in person. The biggest stumbling block was his work, and the fact that he lives with housemates. Way too many potential vectors of infection to be controlled. We came up with a few workable solutions and then sat down with Charles to go over the possibilities.</p><p>The last thing I wanted was to break up with Charles because he's become so very important to me. But my mental health has been suffering with the isolation and anxiety throughout the pandemic, so I didn't think I could handle not seeing Charles and still trying to maintain a connection. </p><p>We have a spare room, so we suggested that Charles move in with us for the duration of the pandemic, as long as he was willing to distance socially from his other connections and wear an N95 mask at work instead of a cloth mask. That's a big ask though, and I knew it. It meant that he couldn't share a bubble with anyone else because it was too risky for Henry. So no more hanging out with his housemates and friends over a beer unless they were outside and socially distanced. No visiting anyone indoors unless he was wearing his N95 mask. And moving into a house with a kid when he doesn't have any of his own? That's quite a change, too.</p><p>He needed some time to think about it, and I can't blame him for that. COVID-19 has been so destructive on so many aspects of our lives. I didn't want it to take my boyfriend, too. But that is a lot of changes for him to make just to see me!</p><p>He decided to try. He told me that I was worth it, that our relationship was worth it. So he moved in with us in August on a temporary basis.</p><p>It hasn't always been easy. The room we have is pretty small and he hasn't moved all his things over since it's just temporary, so he's mostly using our furniture and there's still some junk in the closet. Getting used to Kiddo has been issues too, since he's home all the time as well because of distance learning. </p><p>But it's been going surprisingly well! Kiddo loves having him here- one more adult to chat with and play games with. Henry and Charles have become friends, so they enjoy each other's company. There's one more adult to share chores and get things done, and you'd be surprised how much that helps! I was joking with some of my mono friends that I don't know why more people don't want a third adult in the house because it makes life so much easier!</p><p>And of course, it's much much better for me. The days where I can basically bounce back and forth between Charles and Henry are pretty wonderful. I get twice as many hugs and cuddles, more date nights, and lots of intimate connection. Plus sex! I have a much higher sex drive than either of them but having both of them helps a lot :)</p><p>While life has been pretty stressful, there are moments where I do feel unbelievably lucky in context. They both look at me with that same look in their eyes, the one that says I love you without words needed. They both show me that I matter to them- look what they have both given up for my happiness. They both go out of their way to make me happy and I really need that. When I see how some people have a hard time finding even one reasonable partner and I have two wonderful ones, it's hard to believe that I deserve it. Charles and I have been dating now for nearly 2 1/2 years, and he's a very big part of my life.</p><p>Balancing time hasn't been too much of an issue. Charles has online social connections with his friends about every other day, so I spend those evenings with Henry. We generally all eat meals together when everyone is home, so it's starting to feel like family. Not yet... but good enough. Both Henry and Charles are under pandemic stress too, but they say that I'm meeting their needs. After all, everyone needs some alone time too. We spend some time hanging out all together and some one on one time- every relationship needs its own space, too.</p><p>But life really comes down to the little moments, though. Henry and I have always had morning cuddles. Henry is an early riser, and I will sleep as late as I can. So when I wake up in the morning, I text him and he comes upstairs for snuggles. Some mornings if Charles isn't at work early, he comes in too and I get double cuddles which is pretty fantastic. Or the days where Charles takes Kiddo for a walk so that Henry and I can get a few brief moments of alone time during the day. Or getting two goodnight hugs. My life may have a lot of anxiety and stress at the moment, but it's also full of love and that's pretty amazing.</p>The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-43669685958283111782020-03-20T11:01:00.001-07:002020-03-20T11:01:08.893-07:00COVID-19So much as I hate to write about serious stuff here, but the world has become a pretty serious place in the last few weeks. We went from business as usual just a few short months ago, to reading about a virus that was on the other side of the world, to reading about the odd case spreading here, to thinking it was going to be contained and no big deal, and suddenly it's a pandemic and we're all in lockdown. My head is still reeling from all the changes and chaos, and I'm having a tough time with it.<br />
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So far, none of my people are sick. Henry and I are laid off and at home full time, which brings concerns of its own but at least we're not out in the general public. Charles came over for a couple of days, and it was so good to see him. It just felt so much less isolating, which I can't really explain. Henry was here with me so I wasn't alone or lonely, but it still felt isolating because I guess he lives here too so it just feels that way?<br />
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But it was good for a few brief moments to forget that the world is going crazy and that everything is crashing outside my house. I had sex with Henry before Charles came over, and it was so much fun to tease Charles that even though I'd had a shower, that the cunt he was licking had had another man's cock in it only a couple of hours before. He nearly orgasmed when I told him to lick harder and try to find every last drop of Henry's cum. Charles enjoys a lot of the same kinks that cuckolds are into, and I enjoy playing with those with him. Doesn't matter that he's my boyfriend, not my husband. And Henry surely isn't my bull either! I don't play that way. We just have fun whatever way works for us.<br />
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And then lots of love and cuddles afterward. I really needed that with Charles since my anxiety is sky high right now. I needed to be with him for that reassurance that we will get through this together. He left in the evening after a lovely second round of sex, and we had a shower together before he had to go. Henry let me know that he would also be happy to enjoy my charms as well, so for two days in a row, I had two different cocks in the same day. I have to admit that I always enjoy feeling slutty like that!<br />
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So my sex life hasn't come to an end, at least. I don't know what will happen during the continued spread of the virus, but we have some tentative plans and we'll go from there. I just hope that we all stay safe and healthy and able to pay our bills, since who knows how long this crisis will last.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-83925455954198479732020-02-27T14:29:00.001-08:002020-02-27T15:04:34.507-08:00Golden Nights and Silver DaysI had to (almost) reuse this title since I remember it was one of the nights when I was falling passionately in love with Charles, and I've been recapturing that feeling lately. He's been having his life go crazy the past couple of months, but he's making a real point of investing in our relationship, and that makes me feel so loved and valued.<br />
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We've increased the amount of time we're seeing each other, and have spent more time chatting on the phone and texting, too. It's definitely making me feel more connected and happier. This week, we will spend three days together including two overnights, which is pretty awesome. </div>
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I'm still glowing from yesterday, though. He came over after work, and Henry made delicious dinner for everyone- steak with garden salad and parmesan noodles on the side. Like I've said before, it's pretty fantastic just being open about my loves. According to my Facebook memories, we came out to Kiddo as poly over a year ago, so this is just a normal part of our lives now. I'm glad everyone gets along so well. Then the four of us played some board games after dinner until it was Kiddo's bedtime.</div>
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Henry is a sweetie, and he excused himself so that we could have some privacy for our date night. I like that we can hang out together, but every relationship deserves its own space, after all. Charles and I decided it was bedtime as well, and went upstairs.</div>
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Most of the time, we enjoy having very long sex sessions. I don't know what the real average is for people- I hope that the ones I see posted (something like 11 minutes?) are skewed because I just can't imagine that being a normal amount of time to have sex. Maybe my readers want to chime in? But, I digress! </div>
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Yesterday I just found myself feeling much more urgent. We'd had a nice long round of sex the night before, and both of us were feeling pretty satisfied with that, but then some very intense lust came over me and I just had to have him, right then. So instead of having him lick my pussy, I just climbed right on his cock and started riding him while I was nibbling down his neck the way he likes. I was still very tight since we jumped right into PIV, but feeling him sliding inch by inch into my already wet pussy, opening me up slowly, was such a turn on. Every little thrust was making us both gasp and moan because it felt so good. I enjoy his cock so much!</div>
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But I really, really needed to cum and I knew that wasn't going to happen just from riding his cock, so he suggested that I move up and sit on his face. Mmm... I know he loves that- he gets the best access to me! And I could lean back and play with his cock while his tongue was flicking against my clit... so much fun and pleasure. But that urgency was overtaking us and he begged me to let him fuck me. I wanted very much to be filled so that sounded just perfect to me! I was so wet and open and needing him inside me. I don't cum easily from fucking, but he still felt so good. Of course though, I still needed to cum... so I made him promise to lick up every last drop he left in my cunt. I love the feeling of a tongue licking me clean when I'm oh so sensitive and that finally got me over the edge too with a truly massive orgasm that left me with a bad case of the giggles. You know it's been a good fuck when you can't stop giggling afterwards from the rush of endorphins!</div>
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Then we went out to hang out in the hot tub. It was such a beautiful evening. We sat out there for four hours in the gently falling snow just chatting and enjoying each other's company. I am head over heels in love and reminding myself to count my blessings with the two wonderful men in my life.<br />
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And last night, I gave him a key to my home. I've never done that with a partner before other than my ex-husband and Henry. I told Charles that he was always welcome here and I wanted him to know that. I don't know if he realizes what a big deal it was to me, because my home is my castle, but it meant a lot.</div>
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It was so lovely waking up with Charles this morning since neither of us had to work early, so we slept in late and then just spent the morning in bed together hanging out and cuddling and waking up slowly. There isn't much better than morning cuddles with someone you love.</div>
The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-79589836911329393752020-02-26T10:54:00.000-08:002020-02-26T10:54:00.300-08:00Sexy DetailsSo I know I've been feeling very philosophical lately, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to continue sharing naughty details here, too! We can be smart and sexy at the same time, after all!<br />
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Charles and I have been doing two date nights back to back the past month or so, and I've really been enjoying it. We both still have work etc during the day, but it's nice having some of that continuity together.<br />
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I had recently given him a toy that I would highly recommend if you're looking for something new in your toy box. Check out the <a href="https://www.bvibe.com/snug-plug.html?136_322&92_64">BVibe Plug</a>, which comes in several sizes.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-P9v2ddTr-3Rk0AaV5SRCz0HNz1gK6499kzATSa_FLw0x4jxSwRu63MS9kAD4iLFCJHjI0QCEgMBea_MwrqNNxRPmIVVQJgEe83-Srryr_PF1IPPiaG3727ej8eJeYh1eko2uG8lySNY6/s1600/b-vibe-weighted-butt-plugs-comparison_1_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="990" data-original-width="990" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-P9v2ddTr-3Rk0AaV5SRCz0HNz1gK6499kzATSa_FLw0x4jxSwRu63MS9kAD4iLFCJHjI0QCEgMBea_MwrqNNxRPmIVVQJgEe83-Srryr_PF1IPPiaG3727ej8eJeYh1eko2uG8lySNY6/s320/b-vibe-weighted-butt-plugs-comparison_1_5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The lovely bit about it is that if it's inside your ass and you're moving, those little weighted balls will rock back and forth and make you feel like you're getting fucked. So imagine fucking your partner and feeling like you are in the middle of a sex sandwich :) It can be a LOT of fun, especially if you like dirty talk during sex.<br />
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Henry also loves these, although of course, slut that he is, he prefers the larger size plugs. Charles still needs some working up, which can also be fun! I was playing with his ass last night and watching him squirm while he got all nice and relaxed and open, and we could slide in the plug. I bought him the 3, which will definitely give you that nice stretched feeling!<br />
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And he got time to get used to it while he had his face buried in my cunt and I was telling him how hot it would be if there was a real cock inside his ass, fucking him forwards into my pussy and how he'd just be the sex toy for us to use. Oh, he liked that very much- his cock was rock hard the whole time that he was making me moan.<br />
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I wanted him inside me so badly though and couldn't wait much longer. Charles is very talented orally and most of the time I enjoy making use of those talents until he can't breathe anymore, but this time I told him I wanted him to fuck me NOW. I wasn't disappointed! Not only did he feel so good inside me- I just love the way his cock fits in me as though it was made for my puss- but I got to hear all those lovely moans and gasps as with every stroke of his cock inside me, his ass was getting fucked. He held out as long as he could but pleasure can only be prolonged so far :)<br />
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Definitely a toy that I think should be in your toy box, if you enjoy anal play!The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-70648615851119156822020-02-21T14:57:00.004-08:002020-02-21T14:57:55.775-08:00The Illusion of SafetyI hear all the time that people think that polyamory or open relationships are so risky. That you must be a very secure person to want to participate in this relationship style. After all, what happens if your partner meets someone who is "higher value" and falls in love or lust?<br />
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First of all, I think this concept of value is so destructive to people. We all have our own intrinsic value, and other people's behaviour or treatment doesn't change that about us. We are valuable for being ourselves, and there is no one else in the world that is better at being you than you. Don't forget that! People might find partners who are better fits for them personally, but that has nothing to do with your personal value, or the value of the other person- it's just about compatibility.<br />
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When you look at it critically, monogamy seems to be the riskier choice! Why do I say that? After all, when you're monogamous, you have your partner "locked down", right? They're not dating or having sex with anyone else. But is that really how humans work? So many people cheat, and they weren't practicing ethical nonmonogamy- they're just cheating. You don't have to have an agreement to be open for your partner to have someone else catch their eye (although hopefully they will at least have the decency to talk to you about it before they violate your relationship agreements).<br />
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In polyamorous or sexually open relationships, we practice "And not Or", which means that our partners can have us, plus other people if they want to. There's no choosing, maybe this person is a better fit so that they need to break up with us. They can have both of us, as long as everyone knows and consents. So while it may feel scary, there really is less risk of "replacement". When our partner chooses to be with us, it's because they feel that we bring value to their life. They can enjoy being with us for who we are. We don't have to be the best at everything and that's okay- who we are is good enough.<br />
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So why do people feel like monogamy is safer? Because it gives them that illusion of control. They feel that they "own" their partner's time, resources, and sexuality. How many people have the default that if time isn't explicitly booked out, that it's assumed they will be spending it with their spouse? There seems to be a very strong flavour of codependency in a lot of the societal constructs about monogamy. We talk about two halves of a whole, or think of ourselves as a couple rather than two individuals who are in a relationship together (which leads to other issues when couples begin exploring ethical nonmonogamy and then see themselves as a couple plus one, rather than separate relationships. Hello, <a href="https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/">unicorn hunters</a>!)<br />
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Ultimately, there are lots of ways to do monogamy in a healthy manner. There are many people out there who simply don't want to have multiple partners either for sex or relationships, and it's just as valid a choice as polyamory. It would be nice for polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy to be seen as valid options, too!<br />
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So when people open up their existing relationships, they feel a lot of uncertainty and insecurity, and so it makes sense that they think rules will solve that and make them feel safer. But again, it's only the illusion of safety, and most of the things people try to use as safeguards have the opposite effect and push their partners away. Rules don't actually solve anything- they just make it easier to point a finger when your partner does something "wrong". I know I've written about the difference between rules and boundaries, but it definitely bears restatement- rules are ways to control other people's behaviour. Boundaries are about yourself. Controlling someone else's behaviour will never actually make you safer. Instead, it will give you the illusion of safety while eating away at the foundation of your relationship. No one likes being treated like a child rather than an equal partner.<br />
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There is no real way to have a relationship and assume it's safe and secure. While all of us crave that security, it never will be more than an illusion, no matter what relationship style you pick. If you want to keep your relationship healthy and happy, then make sure you're investing time and emotional energy into it. Make sure you're appreciating your partner. Don't take your partner or your relationship for granted, and assume that you can backburner them while your priorities are elsewhere. If you want a relationship to last, make it a priority. The grass is greenest where you water it.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-55659230170430235642020-02-18T09:43:00.001-08:002020-02-18T09:46:01.203-08:00Happy Valentine's Day!I've had a really lovely weekend with Henry. We don't normally celebrate Valentine's Day, but it fell on a Friday and since that's our relatively newly designated date night (well, last six months or so anyway), we decided to do something just a tad bit more special. Unfortunately, Henry's chronic health problems were flaring up, so instead of having all our special plans on one day, we spread them out over the whole weekend. Which actually might have been fortunate, except that I'd never want to call a partner's discomfort fortunate! <br><br>
On Friday, we made delicious appetizers and had some family time with Kiddo watching his favourite show, and then watched Chasing Amy. Man, that movie has aged badly and I spent a bunch of time yelling at the TV. But I tend to do that anyway; it's like sports for me :P <br><br>
Saturday, we took it easy. Spent family time with Kiddo and then I made a yummy fish chowder from a meal box. Like I've said before, I really enjoy those meal boxes. I find it's yet another way to make dinner an activity and a way to connect, rather than just being food. There are so many ways to make food social. <br><br>
Sunday, we decided to eat the rest of the treats we had bought, so we made smoked salmon toasts, a shrimp ring, empanadas, and pumpernickel bread with spinach dip. It was delicious. Then we had dessert in bed- white chocolate raspberry cake and a bottle of very nice champagne. This weekend has been horrible for the diet but so worth it! Quality time is so important (and no it doesn't have to be food but I don't mind that we do it sometimes). I know we get so much functional time with nesting partners, but I want to make sure we get lots of special time too. <br><br>
It's actually funny, Charles was saying the other day that we get the good times and the bad times but very little of the in-between times in our relationship, and he's right. Whereas my marriage gets a lot of the in between times. No real easy way to make that trade, though! I suggested that we do more just hanging out in each other's space in a low key sort of way, and I guess we'll see how that goes.<br><br>
I miss Charles since I haven't seen him since last Wednesday, but looking forward to spending at least part of the next two days with him given that he still has work. <br><br>
So nothing earthshattering has been going on- I'm not a fan of huge fancy gifts or extravagant gestures for events like Valentine's Day- but I have been enjoying the content reflection and love with my favourite people.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-51180671509694716992020-02-05T13:21:00.002-08:002020-02-05T13:21:09.932-08:00Sex as BarometerI think that in normal, healthy relationships, that sex can be such a reliable indicator of how things are going. When sexual frequency slows down, it often means that something is going on- whether it's life stress, a partner feeling disconnected, health issues, or something else. Generally, it's a sign that you need to pay attention to whatever is going on so you can refocus on your relationship.<br />
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There are lots of times in our lives when things are stressful or busy. It's so easy to think that your relationship can take a back seat for a little while when you attend to what needs doing. But when someone is a priority to you, you need to show them that. You need to make that effort to stay connected, even when there is life stress. That's how people grow together instead of apart.<br />
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Henry and I both know that we feel better when we're having lots of sex. We are happier, more relaxed, and we feel closer to each other. And yet sometimes when things are going on, we let it slide, even knowing that. We've been making more of a point that when this happens, that we schedule sex in since it gives us both a boost. It sounds unsexy, but it's so worth it if it means we start getting out of whatever rut we're in!<br />
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Of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't pay attention to whatever was causing the rut. Sometimes there isn't anything to be done about it, like when there's health issues. But at least acknowledging the issue can be very helpful sometimes. And if there is something you need to talk about? You both will be in a better mindframe after some bedrocking sex!<br />
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I have to admit this is why I simply cannot understand cuckold type relationships where the hotwife and cuckold no longer have sex at all. I enjoy chastity play as much as the next Domme, but when I'm done my teasing, I want that device off so I can enjoy my partner's cock! And I never want to lose that intimate connection and bonding when I have sex with someone I love. Sport fucking is just fine, but it misses that wonderful connection and intimacy when you have sex in a relationship.<br />
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The past couple of days have been so wonderful and I am feeling much more energized and happy again. Yesterday, Charles came over for date night and we made a <a href="https://www.chefsplate.com/?r=3pc-C0LHEM3">meal box</a> together. I really enjoy that as a bonding activity, it's fun to cook something new and different together. Then we went to bed and had some really intimate conversation. Relationships will all hit their own level, like I said in my last post, and while I enjoy sex with Charles, that's not all I want from him. I want that level of trust and connection and emotional intimacy. We've been dating for over a year and a half now, and he means so much to me. And then we had amazing sex :) It's so nice to get it in one package! After this long, it's still hard letting go of him at night so that we can go to sleep (I hate cuddling when I'm trying to sleep!). He had to leave early in the morning for work, but told me he'd come back again tonight.<br />
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Henry happened to be home this afternoon, so we decided to build in a little block of time for us! Nooners can be fun, just to shake things up a bit (although that means a lot of sheet changing between partners!). We put on some great porn, and I started off by kissing and touching Henry all over, but not near his cock. He was already so excitable, since he had cleaned out his ass and was wearing one of his favourite plugs. Just feeling my breath over his balls while I was kissing his inner thighs had his cock begging for my attention. But sometimes it's fun to keep him waiting! When he couldn't stand it any longer, I took him all the way in my mouth and played alternately with his nipples and balls while I was sucking his cock. I love listening to his moans and feeling him squirm in pleasure. He didn't want to cum just yet though, so when he got close, it was my turn.<br />
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My pussy was already dripping and was so senstive today. I've been having some issues orgasming, as I've mentioned before, but today, it was like it used to be. I came so many times with his hand in my cunt and his fingers on my clit... so good. And then we fucked every which way and I was cumming so hard that his cock was just covered in my pussy juices. When we collapsed in a sweaty, messy heap, we were both exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, and didn't want to let go of each other.<br />
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Sex is good. Love is better. Loving sex? That's the best, by far. I love my men, and they love me.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-61729925413924881502020-02-04T11:36:00.001-08:002020-02-04T11:36:24.291-08:00Why Be Poly?I haven't written much this year because I really haven't been feeling well. Chronic health problems, unfortunately, aren't all that sexy.<br />
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Henry has been feeling pretty run down, too, so we haven't had a lot of quality time beyond cuddling up in the evening with a (non-pornographic!) movie. I'm looking forward to this weekend, when Kiddo won't be here and we can have some quality time together with no responsibilities!<br />
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Looking forward to tonight, too- Charles is staying over tonight and tomorrow. It's midweek, so it's not like we can play hooky and relax, but it's nice spending the evenings with him and snuggling up at night. And hopefully a little bit more than that, if we're not both too tired!<br />
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Someone posed an interesting question today, and I thought I would write about it. I've already written why be married, so how about why be poly? This person was coming at it from the angle that open and poly relationships are primarily for sexual variety only, which I think is a fairly common perspective. People "understand" swinging, even if the idea doesn't appeal to them on a personal level. But the idea of your romantic partner wanting to share love and dates etc with someone else? I can see that being confusing and scary for a lot of people. For that matter, it was scary for me at first, too!<br />
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Society conditions us to believe in The One. A soulmate. Your other half. And if your spouse doesn't fulfill all of your romantic needs, that means that something is wrong with your relationship, doesn't it?<br />
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But it really doesn't have to mean that. So why am I poly (and open)? Well yes, sexual variety certainly is a thing for me, if that's not obvious. Sex is different with every single partner, and I like experiencing all those differences. Even if we do exactly the same acts, there's different chemistry and energy, and it's always unique. Also, given that I have such a high sex drive, my partners tend to like that there is someone else to tag in, to take care of my needs!<br />
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That doesn't really hit the core of why I prefer to be poly, though. At the end of the day, I find that I have had the most richly rewarding experiences seeing the world through someone else's eyes. When you connect with someone intimately enough to learn about them, and what excites them (get your mind out of the gutter just briefly!), and get perhaps a totally different view on something. People are so interesting, and finding out what lights them up makes me happy, too. It gives me a new perspective, and then I can take that back and maybe learn something about myself, too.<br />
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Since I've been poly, I've been able to leave myself open to some pretty fantastic experiences. I've dated people that I would never have dated if I was on the Relationship Escalator, because they weren't who I was looking for as a life partner. And if I had done that? I would have denied myself some connections that are so intensely meaningful to me. For that matter, I might not even have dated Henry, and look where that turned out!<br />
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Taking the pressure off relationships by allowing each connection to find its own depth, and not insisting that everyone you date has to be a possible long term partner, means that you can have those colourful relationships without worrying where things are going but instead simply enjoying them for what they are.<br />
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I feel so lucky that I've had so many wonderful people in my life. Even when the romantic part petered out in two of my previous relationships, we are still very close friends because we built that connection. Letting the relationship find its own level meant that we can still enjoy each other without worrying about labels.<br />
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So ultimately, I'm poly because I want to be able to connect deeply and intimately with many people, in a variety of different ways, without artificial constraints. If that leads to kink or sex, then awesome. If not, it can still be pretty fantastic. And I'm okay with that either way. I'm not incomplete if I only have one partner. I am not unsatisfied with one partner, or alone for that matter. I just want to be open to whatever possibilities there are out there to experience, because for me, the most meaningful part of life is exploring the depths of the human heart.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-43976886890938341272020-01-03T16:33:00.003-08:002020-01-03T16:33:58.210-08:00Finding LoveIt's amazing how much word selection can skew our perspectives. I guess it's why marketing people get paid the big bucks to help make us think that we need to buy things!<br />
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We always hear people talk about "finding love". When you think about it logically, it doesn't really make any sense, does it? Love is not hiding under a rock somewhere. Love is not the coins you find behind couch cushions or a lost puppy that has wandered away.<br />
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Thinking about it as "finding" love takes away our agency. It means that we are less likely to put the effort in when the chips are down because we think that love should be there all on its own, like magic. It means we think love is something that passively happens to us, and if we just keep waiting that it will appear on its own.<br />
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Love doesn't just happen. Infatuation happens. Lust happens. But not love; love has to be built by the people involved.<br />
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Love is an emotion, but it's also an action. The feelings of love and being in love will drift in and out like the tides. Sometimes they will be stronger, sometimes they will recede.<br />
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People say that love shouldn't be hard work, and in a lot of ways, they are right. If you are constantly struggling in your relationship, and it brings you more tears than happiness, then it's probably not the right relationship for you. But if you think that love doesn't take work at all, then you're going to wind up walking away from relationships that could be wonderful. It's finding that balance that matters.<br />
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So what do I mean when I talk about building love? Find a partner who is willing to build it with you. Someone who listens to you when you talk about your hopes and dreams, your wants and needs. Someone who shares back with you to develop that emotional intimacy. A partner who shows you that you are a priority, not an option. Someone who is there meeting you halfway to work as a team together.<br />
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I've shared this comic before, but I still feel that it captures the difference between NRE and love. Love is so much more than just an emotion- it's a choice that you make every day.</div>
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Lately, I've just found myself so overwhelmed with feelings of love for Henry. I feel so lucky yo have him in my life, and I feel like I appreciate him a little bit more every single day. Not only is he a wonderful father, but he's a fabulous partner in life, my best friend, and pretty awesome in the sack, too. Every day, he chooses to build love with me. And every day, I tell him that sharing this journey with him is the best decision I've ever made.</div>
The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-41254785124269331232020-01-01T21:00:00.000-08:002020-01-02T11:46:19.695-08:00Happy New Year!The past couple of days has been another overflow of poly happiness :)<br />
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Charles and Henry both had to work New Year's Eve, so I got stuff ready for our annual house party. It's super low key but we always have a massive spread of cheese and charcuterie, and people are invited to drop in whenever. It's a splurge but it's only once a year.<br />
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Charles got there fairly early on, but Henry didn't get home until nearly ten. Still lots of time to relax with our friends and enjoy the food though.
We watched the ball drop, and I got two kisses at midnight :)<br />
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Henry was really tired though and he went to bed not long after that. We had already planned that I would be spending the night with Charles, anyway. He had been a very good boy and worked so hard to make sure I was happy. He knows how much I enjoy receiving service and he made it a point to take care of my every need at the party and do the cleanup while I was still chatting so that I could go right upstairs when I wanted without lifting a finger.<br />
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Then we had to christen 2020 of course! I don't think we got to sleep before 3am. Henry was my last sexual encounter of 2019- we had a quickie (for us- it was about 45 minutes) before he had to go in to work. And then Charles was my first of 2020- pretty amazing drunk sex with lots of orgasms and kisses and snuggles afterwards as we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.<br />
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Today was just perfect though in terms of kitchen table poly. We slept in, and then Henry made gourmet omelettes like he does every January 1 with the leftover fancy cheese and meat. Then we all went out and hung out in the hot tub for an hour or so. Nothing too exciting- just hanging out like regular people. At one point Charles was holding my hand and Henry was rubbing my feet, but it was all just relaxing and affectionate. When we went back inside, Henry had some things to do so Charles and I had a shower and then decided to go spend some more quality time in the bedroom ;)
It's been a pretty amazing day and an awesome start to the new year.<br />
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Here's to an awesome 2020 with the men I love.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-41958121953753697592019-12-31T11:26:00.000-08:002020-01-07T11:48:04.482-08:00Sex in NumbersWell, it's been an interesting year, plotting my sex life in numbers. I have really enjoyed using <a href="https://apps.apple.com/app/id1425878129">xTracker</a>, since it keeps a lot of meaningful stats. I do wish that it had a separate function for both giving and receiving oral sex though, so I just track blowjobs as handjobs lol since I don't really do that to completion. It's been very interesting going over the raw statistics! I look forward to comparing this coming year's data. I can track sexual encounters by partner (and can pick more than 1!), store pics, and keep track of everything from number of orgasms to what activities we did in what positions to where my partner ejaculates. Definitely an app I'd recommend for hotwife couples!<br />
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At the beginning of the year, I had said that I wanted to have sex on average 4 times per week. Well, everyone told me that target was a bit too ambitious for reality, and I suppose it was. It looks like I am going to finish the year at 133 times, or just over 2.5 times per week. I think there is still a lot of room for improvement!<br />
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I've still only had the same two sex partners this year, which I find sort of interesting. I don't consider myself a polyfidelitous sort of person, because I like leaving myself available for opportunities. I've had a few so far but they just didn't seem appealing enough. Life's been busy, my two men are both wonderful in the sack, and nothing has caught my attention hard enough to make me want to change it up. I'm sure it'll happen in the future, especially if I meet another woman I'm attracted to. I do miss playing with women!<br />
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I read an <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/">interesting article</a> about how sex and sexuality is changing in recent times- even over the last twenty years. Apparently the amount of sex people having is on the decline, and the average person had sex 62 times a year in the 1990s, and the most recent measurement had declined to 54 times by 2014. I guess even this year of mine where I had less was still more than double average! But then again, I do have a very high sex drive ;) I wish they had tracked duration, as well. I suspect that my average encounter is far longer than the societal average (although then I suppose we'd have to specify what they are counting as sex?). One company has it marked pretty low:<br />
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I do think it's sad to read that people are struggling to build the kinds of connections that will let them develop intimacy. It's certainly made me consider what kinds of things I want to teach Kiddo so that he can learn to build healthy relationships when he matures. Being able to make intimate connections is so important to emotional health and happiness.<br />
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I'm so lucky to have Charles and Henry in my life. I agree that the best sex comes with partners who have been around enough to learn what you like. Having encounters with new people is fun, but nothing beats a lover touching you exactly the way you like to be touched.<br />
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Looking forward to 2020 and lots of sex and happiness!The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-84630311949453344062019-12-26T11:55:00.000-08:002019-12-26T11:55:02.966-08:00Merry Poly Christmas!It truly has been a wonderful holiday season.<br />
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And I'll drop yet another plug for living life authentically; when you are open about who you are, not only do you not feel ashamed of your choices but you can make the choices that give you the most happiness without worrying about what other people think.<br />
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So instead of wishing and wanting, I had exactly who I wanted over for the holidays. Henry and I host Christmas, as always. We invited my family over. His family is never around for Christmas since they are snowbirds, but they were here for Thanksgiving, which apparently I didn't remember to write about. Sometimes just living life keeps me busy :)<br />
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Anyway, so my parents came, as well as a few friends we invited, and then me, Henry, Kiddo, and Charles. My parents had met Charles at Thanksgiving, and although they don't understand poly, they like to see me happy and they were still polite. My mom was a little embarrassing at Christmas with stories about me but we were all enjoying the wine and food and company, so I can live with that. I got to enjoy the holiday with my nearest and dearest without any drama and it felt so good.<br />
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We have our dinner on Christmas Eve, so once Kiddo went to bed, everyone cleared out and we stuffed the stockings and put all the presents under the Christmas tree. Charles was staying over to be part of our festivities on Christmas morning which means a lot to me. We don't mind hosting lots of people for Christmas dinner on the 24th but we generally keep Christmas morning to be just our family. I don't think of Charles as family yet, we've only been dating for 18 months, but he is important to me, so I wanted to have him here this year to celebrate with us.<br />
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So once all the preparations were made, we were all pretty tired and the boys collapsed onto either end of the couch. I lay down with them, with my upper body lying across Henry and my legs and bare feet in Charles' lap. If we weren't all so tired this could have gone fun places, since I was wearing a sundress (yup, in December!) and no panties. But we were tired, so instead it just wound up being cuddly and loving and wonderful. Henry was still rubbing my neck and upper chest and Charles was stroking my feet and legs but I was just exhausted from all the holiday stress so I just enjoyed being close to both of them. And we all just hung out and talked about normal stuff, nothing sexual or relationshippy or anything like that. I love that my boys can get along with each other and they are actually friends!<br />
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Since it had come up before, we planned in advance who I would be sleeping with. One of life's poly problems is that I can only be in one place at a time, and I don't like sleeping in a bed with three people since I like having a lot of space to move around and hate being touched at night. In our first year together, it made sense that whenever Charles was here, that I slept with him. After all, Henry gets by far the majority of my nights. But since this has become an ongoing thing, it doesn't feel right that Henry never gets any of the special occasions, and I wanted to make sure that he was happy and feeling good too. So we agreed for this year that Charles got my birthday party weekend and New Year's Eve, and Henry got my actual birthday and Christmas. So I joked that I was reverse cuckolding Charles as we tucked him into the guest room while I went to bed in my bedroom with Henry!<br />
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Christmas morning was pretty fantastic, too, although I was very tired again. Henry made our traditional Christmas breakfast, which is snowman pancakes decorated with chocolate chips, and double smoked bacon scarves. My parents had returned to open gifts in the morning, and it was nice being with everyone for our low key celebration. They don't know Charles well but made sure there was a gift for him under the tree as well. Being authentic can be so rewarding!<br />
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Once the gifts were open and the wrapping paper was thrown out, Charles came over to give me a Christmas hug, and since Henry was within arm's length I reached out to him too. I wound up in the centre of a giant squishy hug from the two of them and got my Christmas kiss from Henry and then leaned over and got my Christmas kiss from Charles, too. That was a pretty awesome feeling!<br />
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And when we had a little privacy, Charles gave me my last Christmas gift- the key to his new chastity device. I think we are going to have some fun with that! I know it's not typical hotwifing since it seems I do a lot of the cuckolding type activities with my boyfriend, but labels are sticky and no fun- we do what works for us all!<br />
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So the holidays have been pretty wonderful, and I've even gotten some good quality time with Henry in, too. Asking for a friend... how many sex sessions would you count four hours of amazing, bedrocking sex as, and why? (if you base it on male ejaculations, you're fired from commenting here again!) I did count it as one but it's fun to think about. I'll have some interesting comments on statistics for the end of the year.<br />
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Happy holidays, everyone!The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-7034777726204715362019-12-18T15:32:00.004-08:002019-12-18T15:32:58.448-08:00More Thoughts on CommunicationThere have been some interesting topics of conversation on the various forums that I haunt lately, and so I thought I'd share some of my thoughts here as well. I was asked how Henry and I communicate.<br />
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Looking back, my communication with my ex husband Mark was a disaster. We did so many things wrong. Unfortunately, I think that may be a more common thing when you meet as young as we did- we were only 17 years old when we started dating. We developed some really unhealthy patterns and were unable to figure out how to break them. Between that and life sending us in different directions (which had absolutely zero to do with hotwifing), our marriage was not going to last.<br />
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Henry and I communicate very well- in fact, it's one of our strong suits. We had to work at it because our communication patterns are so different. I used to be the kind of person who got very worked up when we argued. It would be more important for me to be right than to keep the peace. I definitely did a lot of things wrong before when I was learning how to communicate effectively.<br />
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I got lucky with Henry, because he is so good at de-escalation and focusing on the issue. We were able to find ways to work out issues by always using the team approach. Even when we are angry, we remember that our partner is hurting too and that ultimately, we want to work things out for the best of both of us. We are not enemies.<br />
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So, we have a few strategies. The first we got from the book <i>Living M/s</i> (an excellent book even if you don't have a D/s relationship), and it's called Porch Time. Basically, it doesn't have to be a porch, but it's a quiet place where either partner can ask to go right away to talk or vent with no recriminations. There is no defending oneself during porch time- it is always always always a safe space to vent and to listen to your partner. When both partners are calm, that's when productive discussion of an issue can happen.<br />
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We also specifically request consent before discussing a topic that could be emotional or involved. We never ambush each other or suddenly drop a topic. We say, I have an issue we need to discuss. Is now a good time? And the other person if they aren't feeling up to it will say, now isn't a good time, I am tired/distracted/whatever, can we do this on X date? And then we can discuss it when we're both mentally able to be present and proactive. It's not fair to dump a heavy issue on your partner when they can't devote time to it- either to you or to them because the odds of actually solving the problem reduce exponentially.<br />
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There is a big difference between that and walking away from an angry/upset partner. I recognize that there seem to be two camps of people; ones who get worked up during a fight and ones who need to retreat/calm down. The problem is that if you don't pay specific issue to that problem it can significantly worsen the marital bond. It was one of the worst problems I had with my ex-husband Mark. I'd get upset and he would literally walk away from me and tell me we could talk when I calmed down. That is one of the worst ways to dismiss someone's emotions out of hand and invalidate them as a human being. It's totally okay to disagree with someone's thoughts. The difference is in how you handle that. If you love and care for someone, then you can support them through difficult feelings even if you don't agree with them. Validation is the most important part of listening, and validation doesn't mean agreement. It just means you are hearing someone and care for them.<br />
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Feelings are never wrong. They're just the equivalent of emotional weather and they will pass. Actions based on feelings can be wrong. Thoughts can be wrong. Feelings are just feelings. What's important to remember is that you're a team and that you want to solve problems as a team. Your partner is not your enemy, even if they're doing something you think is wrong. You just have to figure the best way to solve things for the team.
Always always always person first. Remember that this is someone you love who is upset or hurting. Person and feelings, then solving the problem.<br />
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For that matter, solving the problem might just be listening. It's always good to ask your partner what their desired outcome is. Maybe they literally just want you to listen. Maybe they have a solution in mind already that will need to be discussed. But trying to solve when someone just wants to be heard is just as bad as tuning out. It's also pretty arrogant, too. Think about it- someone is obviously been thinking about an issue enough to get upset about it, they've probably been thinking about options. If you think you can just waltz in after 5 minutes and solve it for them, you're seriously implying that they aren't smart enough to work out their own solution and that's both rude and arrogant. Immediately presenting someone with a solution is generally a poorly received option unless they're asking you for one.<br />
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So remember- First make sure both partners are ready and willing to participate in a loaded conversation. Then, respect the person, listen to their feelings, ask what they want from you, then go to potential solutions. I suspect that your next argument will go much more smoothly if both partners use these techniques.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-5925574045094042922019-12-02T16:27:00.001-08:002019-12-02T16:27:19.000-08:00What Makes Relationships Work?I've been doing a lot of reading lately on Emotional Intelligence and various marriage advice books as I find it is really interesting to learn from all the different perspectives. And on that note, I do spend time reading on many relationship forums, from ones designed for newly engaged couples or honeymooners, to Fetlife, to forums on various forms of consensual or nonconsensual nonmonogamy. It's very interesting seeing the wide variety of ways that people manage their relationships, how they express their wants and needs, and even what their wants and needs actually are. I think that regardless of whether or not the concepts that I see fit into what I want in my relationships, there is always something to be learned from other perspectives, even if it's only so that we stop and think about our response and reexamine why we feel the way that we do.<br />
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If you're curious, the books I've been reading lately are <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055338371X"><i>Emotional Intelligence</i> by Daniel Goleman</a>, which I think is really a fabulous in-depth look at how our brains process emotion and how we can change our emotional responses. I've also been reading <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122"><i>How to Be an Adult in Relationships</i> by David Richo</a>, which I found slightly less useful as it comes at things from a very Eastern perspective and that doesn't really resonate with me. However, I found the concepts useful and worth discussing, it was just more effort to parse the material and take what worked for me and leave the rest. The third book I've been reading is <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797"><i>Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i> by John Gottman</a>, which I found intriguing as it opened by basically refuting standard practice in marriage counseling and shifting perspective to a new take on things. I'd also highly recommend <a href="https://www.polyamorytoolkit.com/"><i>The Polyamory Toolkit</i> by Dan & Dawn Williams</a>, who are great authors and they share a variety of perspectives about personal growth and emotional management that you may find useful whether your relationship is poly or not.<br />
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I like learning about new things, and I love playing with ideas, if you haven't learned that about me yet. While I'd like to think that I'm very emotionally literate and have become more so over the years since I believe that consensual nonmonogamy requires an additional level of communication in relationships. I also believe that there is always more to learn and the biggest mistake you can make is thinking that you know it all. Especially when it comes to people- we are all so different, and learning about the different perspectives people have helps me widen my frame of reference.<br />
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What sparked all this internal processing was that Charles and Henry both have very different communication styles and different ways of relating. Henry and I are very much in sync, and Charles and I are still learning each other. Sometimes it feels like we are speaking different languages! Fortunately, I think it helps that I do try to spend time drilling down and figuring out what the actual issues are that bother me, and I think I am better than average at expressing those things. I suspect that makes it easier for us to work through issues as we learn to communicate in ways that are more easily heard by our partner.<br />
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I always tell people that communication is so important, but I wonder sometimes if they and their partner both have similar ideas as to what the other person wants from them when they communicate something. Personally, when I express a feeling to my partner, I am not looking for a quick fix. In fact, I find it pretty arrogant when someone thinks they can solve my issue right off the bat, as though I don't have perspective on my own situation. Generally, what I'm looking for is validation- you don't have to agree with my thoughts or feelings, but a simple mirroring back that shows me that you've heard and understood what I've said is absolutely priceless. It says to me that even if the topic doesn't matter, that I matter to the listener.<br />
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Not everyone processes things the way Henry and I do. In one of those books I mentioned above, one of the featured couples dealt with frustration by him turning on ESPN or she would go shopping. I honestly can't understand how they can be happy together if they don't actually work out their issues, but what is important in this context is that they are both happy with how they manage issues- neither one of them is secretly (or not-so-secretly) frustrated and bitter about the lack of active resolution. So while I would be miserably unhappy in that type of arrangement, they found a way to make it work for them. This is one of the reasons why I continue to trumpet that the lack of universality is one of the best features in relationships- there is no right or wrong as long as there is informed consent. People should structure their relationships to suit the people involved and not worry about what's "normal".<br />
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So it's been interesting when Charles and I have been dealing with issues in how we communicate. His way of managing things isn't wrong; it's just different from what I am used to, and he isn't used to doing things the way that I do. I'm really glad that we have the tools to build on this because our relationship is pretty amazing and he makes me so happy- I don't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater! But communication is very important to me, so if we couldn't find a positive way to resolve things, it would likely have ended our relationship.<br />
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I also don't think he's used to dealing with someone who is as passionate as I am, in general. I joke that I live my life with the dial set to eleven; I feel my feelings in a magnified sort of way, which is beyond wonderful when things are going well and rather rough when they are not. I generally manage my emotions fairly well, and I have to admit that sharing my NRE with him has been pretty wonderful too.<br />
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So how do we handle this? We both read the books, and we're putting emphasis on remembering that our partner speaks our language with a slight foreign accent. So when we need a certain kind of response, we mention that before we get into the thought or feeling we want to share. If I'm upset about something, I ask him to restate back what I've said so that I can be sure he understands me, and then I share the thought or feeling. If he needs something from me, I recognize that he may not be able to share it right away and that I will hold space for him to find his words. Together, we can take this as an opportunity to deepen our connection simply by prioritizing it.<br />
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Poor guy has been sick this week and my life has been beyond busy with family and work stuff, so we haven't seen each other or talked beyond a few texts in the last week. I am hoping to see him for our regular date night tomorrow but it'll depend on how he's feeling- I don't really want to get sick either, let alone Henry or Kiddo. I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon, though.<br />
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I haven't gotten as much quality time with Henry either since there's been so much going on. He's got a giant work project on deadline plus he's getting snipped on Friday so that's taking up a lot of his time and energy! Isn't real life fun? Who would have thought that with two lovely men in my life that I'd still be missing sex and cuddles right now?The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-61538954054367279172019-11-18T13:20:00.003-08:002019-11-18T13:20:57.317-08:00Birthday #1This weekend just went by way too quickly!<br />
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Friday was a wonderful date night with Henry. We enjoyed getting a little buzzy and then spent the next four hours having amazing sex. It's so good when we build in that intentional space for us to really connect with each other. The grass is greener where it's watered, right? We were still a little tired Saturday morning, but no rest for the wicked as it was my birthday party!<br />
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My actual birthday isn't till next week, but schedule worked best for today. If anyone would like to send me a little something-something as a birthday present, my <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/18HDC4RTBUWUD/ref=cm_sw_su_w">Amazon wishlist</a> has some new items on it, and I really appreciate you thinking of me!<br />
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My birthday party was laid back and fun, just an open house kind of thing with some friends, good food, drinks, music, and hot tubbing. Charles slept over after the party. I know I had written previously about being worried about Henry missing out on special occasions, but we felt that we were able to strike a good balance since he got that very busy Friday night, and he asked for NYE this year, which is more than reasonable. I am still not really sure where that leaves Charles but we will figure something out, since he's planning to spend the holiday with us anyway, assuming nothing drastically bad happens.
We usually have a pretty low key party, but it's always nice to have both my partners there with all my friends and everything is just normal. My neighbours dropped by as well, which is always. The woman knows that we're open/poly even though she doesn't get it- she finds it really weird. Which I find weird since they cheat on each other all the time! (her partner actually has a child the same age as their three-year-old with his sort of ex-wife that he never legally divorced). But the idea of it being open and ethical, and Henry and Charles being friends, doesn't make sense to her. It takes all kinds... but I just can't support cheating as an acceptable option when they are perfectly aware they could negotiate something they would both be happier with.<br />
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I wound up getting less sleep than I wanted, but that's a thing that happens. My birthday cake was delicious and I had a lovely time with my friends.<br />
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Charles likes certain kinds of embarrassment, so I enjoyed watching him flush a little bit when my friends who stayed over were arguing over breakfast the next morning, and I announced that Charles had already had his. Henry is entirely unflappable so it's nice to have a partner who does enjoy that tinge of erotic shame. And my friends don't mind playing along, so this doesn't qualify as tapping the tank- we don't play those sorts of games in front of nonconsenting people.<br />
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Henry and I agreed not to do gifts this year but to find some sort of experience we'd like to do and put money towards that instead. We haven't figured one out yet, but I'm sure we'll come up with something.<br />
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We're considering going to a swingers' weekend event in February, but those sorts of things get expensive. I think it would be fun to go to something like that, though. I just wish that the swing community was less heteronormative and couple-centric. I saw that their icebreaker is "couples speed dating". So there's an automatic presumption that everyone is there as a heterosexual couple, even though it's marketed as an event open to the poly and queer communities. They're saying couples and single women only, so I guess I couldn't bring both Charles and Henry if I wanted to. Neither of them is single, but under the event definitions, I can only be in a couple with one of them. I'm not impressed, but you can't change norms in one day.<br />
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It's been a pretty awesome weekend, it just went by too quickly! But I guess the good days do that.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-87814751383885525562019-11-05T12:58:00.000-08:002019-11-05T12:58:15.775-08:00Ethics & Growth in NonmonogamySo it's funny- I heard an expression once that said, first year forming, second year storming, third year norming. It's starting to make a lot of sense. I hadn't thought about it in past relationships but it might be so. At least for those that are looking at becoming long term things and not casual.<br />
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Charles and I have been spending more time lately doing relationship processing. I think it's more difficult in a nontraditional relationship because of the lack of relationship escalator. Think about it- when you're in a monogamous relationship, as you become more committed, there are societal steps that people tend to follow to escalate their commitment to each other. You "become exclusive", or move in together, or get married. What do you do when you want your relationship to be at that next level, so to speak, but don't have those societal trappings? It's interesting examining our attachment to these social constructs; is "just" a boyfriend meaning something less in terms of commitment? What is it that makes us feel more or less connected and secure in a relationship? I know this is getting into philosophy, but I find it very interesting and have been thinking about it quite a bit.<br />
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In the meantime, Charles and I have spent more time talking about how we're feeling about our relationship, our wants and needs, and learning each other at a more intimate level. We've been doing the dating thing all along, so it's not like this is a change, but the passage of time is allowing up to open up to each other further just like it would in a mono relationship. And sometimes that's going to mean that you butt heads a little. Charles and I definitely have different ways of processing emotional issues, and learning the best way to relate to each other is going to be a bit of a curve. But, we're both working at it and invested in making this work, so I am optimistic that we will continue to build our relationship while we navigate those speedbumps.<br />
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I also know he's been very badly used in the past by people who have claimed to be poly, or even people who swing and look for casual partners, unicorn hunters. I didn't realize the damage was quite as profound as it was. This is likely why I find myself reacting more intensely to comments that don't match with my personal ethics- because I see the carnage it can cause. Some of the stories he's told me? He's always had to be the one looking out for himself because no one else has put his wellbeing in a primary role- they've only taken care of themselves. He's always felt like he can't ask for what he needs, out of fear of upsetting the applecart with his partner and metamour. He's always had to worry about how his metamour (partner's partner) feels because they could pull the plug at any time.<br />
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Just THINK of how hard it would be to live like that. If what you really wanted was a romantic relationship and you said that, but you never had an equal say in how your relationship was run. That someone else could pull the rug out from under you at any time. That's what I think is so cruel in general about people who think spousal veto is a good idea. It forgets the humanity of the other person involved and literally treats them as disposable (let alone the damage that you do to your own relationship). So In a lot of ways, Charles tells me he hasn't had a relationship where he could feel comfortable just being himself and not feeling like he has to be on guard to protect himself, and he hasn't really been able to let that guard down because it's so firmly hardwired at this point. But he's been very clear that Henry and I have never treated him in this way, and he doesn't feel like he is treated as a secondary, or that he is disposable in any way. It takes a while to undo that programming, don't we all know. I'm sure all of us have some automatic responses that aren't the healthiest.<br />
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I remember when I was going through that heartbreak that I didn't write much about, when Patrick and I split up, how horrible it felt to feel disposable. I didn't share all the details because I was hurting, and because my ex-husband Mark was saying things that were what he felt was helpful but instead was the opposite. Mark told me that I didn't have any right to express wants and needs, because I was just the side piece. I should take what I got, enjoy the sex, and be happy with it. I shouldn't have any expectations of Patrick beyond what he wanted to give. You know what that made me feel like? Used kleenex. It's okay for people to have incompatible wants and needs- there's nothing wrong with that. But no one should ever feel like they have zero agency in their relationship. I knew that wasn't healthy for me, and although it took me a long time to process it, I eventually ended that relationship because I knew that it wasn't going to work for me. And I now had an appreciation for ways NOT to treat people.<br />
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I don't believe there is or should be universality in how relationships are run. I've said that many, many times. But I do think there are always some core things that need to be in place for a relationship to be healthy, and they include informed consent and individual agency. No one should feel like they have no option to ask for what they want in a relationship.<br />
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So getting back to the here and now... Charles and I have some growing pains to do, where I've been expecting clear communication from him, and he's been having trouble giving that because of his baggage. It's not going to be an easy solve for either of us- I'll have to be patient with him, and he's going to have to put in the work to deal with some of that baggage. But at the end of the day, he's worth it to me. Our relationship is worth it to me. And Henry is supporting me through the turbulence, because he loves me and wants me to be happy. I've been a little on the emotionally drained side lately but I've been making sure to pour some of my energy into my marriage with Henry because he needs and deserves that. Never neglect one partner because of issues with another, and don't drop all the processing onto the other partner either. Henry has a reasonable idea of what's going on, but beyond the minimum, I'm not using him as my place to vent. I have friends for that. It's not fair to dump all the stress from one side of a V onto the other. I like letting the good parts spill over, but it's my job as the hinge to make sure that the more difficult parts don't spill over. It's not fair or reasonable to do. Henry has let me know if I need anything, to ask. He's a wonderful husband, and last night I rocked his world to show him how much I appreciate him :)<br />
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Tonight is date night with Charles, and hopefully we can spend some more time relaxing and focusing on each other and less of the processing. Working on things is good, but if you spend too much time working on things, you lose sight of why you're together and why you enjoy each other. And I do love and enjoy him very much.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-72582090421132387722019-11-04T15:12:00.001-08:002019-11-04T15:12:04.682-08:00Fisting videoHenry and I have been having some awesome times lately! One of the many, many, many things I enjoy about our marriage is the total comfort and openness we have with each other sexually. I never have to worry about asking him about an interest of mine, because even if he's not into it, it will always be safe to bring it up.<br />
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And of course, he does the same, and I appreciate that he's willing to share his adventurous side with me as well! The other day, he sent me this <a href="https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5bed9a187db24">Anal Fisting Video </a> and asked me if we could try it sometime. Henry, if you haven't been following me for too long, loves anal play. It's his favourite way to have an orgasm, by far. I love making him happy and feeling good, so as long as I'm not too tired, I'm generally up for trying something new that interests him.<br />
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If it's not your cup of tea, that video is a demonstration of a two-handed nonsimultaneous anal stretching technique. Normally I like having one hand free when I play with his ass, so I can stroke his cock or whatever else needs done with a clean hand, but we can try new things! <br />
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So, we set him up on our massage table on a wedge pillow with his ass in the air, and some good porn on the TV for him to enjoy while I slowly started working gloved fingers into him, alternating hands, and twisting and sliding inside him to open him up.<br />
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If you enjoy anal play, the techniques in this video really do work! Henry opened up relatively quickly, and we made it almost to a full hand before it started to get uncomfortable. I think it took about an hour of play before he was feeling all stretched out and needing to cum badly!<br />
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Experimentation is a lot of fun, especially with someone you love and trust. I will never understand the people who feel they can't express themselves sexually with their long time partners but instead can do it casually. The people that I want to truly see me and know me, are the ones that I love. The ones I trust to experiment with are the people I know have my back, and who also have my pleasure and happiness in mind. Sure, one night stands are fun, but they'll never be as exciting and sexually charged as fucking someone I can be totally free with.The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-62955209583813312932019-10-26T19:49:00.000-07:002019-10-26T19:49:11.060-07:00MemoriesI've been reading back over my blog and my personal journals, and it's been interesting watching my journey over the past decade. I'm glad that I do keep writing, because sometimes I read a note I've written and I don't remember that specific event occurring. My long term memory isn't great in general, and when things in the past become painful I think it's often even more difficult to remember all the details.<br />
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But there are so many little moments that I don't want to forget. The first time I met Henry, after us spending weeks chatting and Skyping online, where our first kiss threw sparks- literally! The amazing rush of endorphins I felt after the first play party we attended, where I was so drunk on our scene that I couldn't think of anyone else but him. The mix of love and anxiety and pride and desire when I offered him his collar for the first time, and we buckled it on. Henry loves me so much, and shows me that every single day. I try so hard to give him the same in return. The last thing I want is for our marriage to develop complacency. We have our scheduled date nights, and we still just enjoy hanging out together at other times anyway. I not only love him, but I genuinely like him- most of the time ;) We joke that that's as good as it gets, right? You can't like anyone all of the time!<br />
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And I remember the look on his face as I walked down the aisle and said my vows to him. I remember him alternating between joking and serious. And I remember laughing as he slipped me some tongue in front of all our family and friends!<br />
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Sometimes he drives me nuts, but I look at the people around me and how things could be, and I am so grateful to have Henry in my life. He is an amazing person in general, husband, and parent, and I feel lucky every single day. I know that the one constant in life is that everything changes, but no matter what happens in the future, I never want to forget the love and intimacy and connection that I have with Henry.<br />
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And Charles... it's been nearly 16 months now, and I still get wet when we kiss. He loves being oral just as much as I do, and our kisses are amazing together. I can feel how he feels at the moment, just like that song by Cher. I love how the passion or intensity or love or just raw burning need can come through as clearly as if he was naming it to me.<br />
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I still get those heady kicks of NRE at times when we're lying in each others' arms at night. I saw one of my Facebook statuses from over a year ago when I wrote "<a href="https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/2018/10/this-cat-has-claws.html">Golden days and silver nights</a>," and remember that I was writing about Charles but didn't want to say publicly what I was so happy about, but that I wanted to remember it.<br />
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No matter what happens in my life... I've had love. Not all of it has lasted, and I guess that's pretty par for the course. But I'm the kind of woman who feels things just a little bigger than other people; higher highs and lower lows. And even the loves which ended have taught me something. And they have given me those wonderful moments I never want to forget.<br />
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Hmm. Reading this over sounds almost melancholy, like I think something is wrong or a bad thing is going to happen. I hope not. I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life- my love is magnified. And I've never had a second relationship quite like the one I'm having now with Charles. I've never had quite this much love, ever, and sometimes it gets overwhelming in a good way!<br />
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Here's to many more years of golden days and silver nights with my two wonderful men. Hope you'll raise a glass with me!The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3589422975461237734.post-33681600467945617992019-10-07T13:10:00.000-07:002019-10-07T13:10:34.067-07:00My Naughty MasseurWell, that was one for the highlight reel. OMG.<br />
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I've noticed lately that my sex drive is back in a big way. I don't know if the Addyi is kicking in harder, I don't know if it's ovulation (which usually makes me crazy but not for this long), or if it's just a hormonal fluctuation, but I've been experiencing desire on the level of teenage boy. It's been a lot of fun. I'm not normally much of a masturbator since I prefer having a partner, but I've found myself getting out of bed at night to get off the past few days- it's been that intense. Once again, I'm sure it won't last too long... but I am going to enjoy every single moment of it!<br />
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Last night Charles came over, and me being me- the first thing I asked him was how tired he was, because I had needs :) Fortunately, he said he thought that he would be up to the task!<br />
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I had a specific fantasy in mind that I wanted to enjoy, and Charles was happy to provide service. I do so love men who are eager to please! I told him that I wanted to enjoy a version on "naughty masseur". I wanted him to make me feel all relaxed and then start to get me all hot and bothered, excruciatingly slowly. And oh was he ever up to the task- for the next three hours!<br />
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He gave me a wonderful massage and I was feeling so relaxed... and then as things progressed, a little less relaxed. His fingers started to slip a little bit but never quite too far- just enough to make me want more. My pussy was leaking down my legs and the slightest brush against my labia made me moan. I don't know quite how long he spent getting me all worked up but it was that perfect blend of pleasure and frustration. When he started to rub his cock against my dripping cunt through his pretty pink panties, I couldn't believe how intense that felt just for outercourse! He still hadn't licked or touched inside my pussy yet and I was going crazy, I was so hot and wet and open. He told me I could have his cock when I asked for it and I told him NOW and I think I came the first time as soon as his cock eased all the way inside me. I don't think I've ever experienced that much pleasure just from having a cock inside me. It was so intense and amazing and intimate and out of this world. I could see he was trying to hold back his orgasm to give me the most pleasure, but then he told me that he was planning to clean up his mess afterwards and that set off another orgasm for me and I pulled him over the edge too.<br />
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And such a good boy... he did lick up every drop. My pussy was still so sensitive and when he slid fingers inside me I actually became nonverbal it was so intense. I was making lots of sounds but speaking and thinking just weren't possible- I was so in the moment. And I came and came and came and made a lovely big mess everywhere- thank goodness we'd planned ahead and put down a towel and a waterproof sheet. We were both so sweaty and exhausted that it was a while before we could get up and have a shower. My legs were total jello.<br />
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I didn't want to let go of him last night when we were cuddling. He gave me exactly what I wanted and I know how hard that is on your hands, to give me a massage and then all that buildup. And he (sadly) doesn't have a foot fetish but he knows that I do, so he made a point of spending lots of time massaging my feet, and kissing them and sucking my toes because he knew how much I'd enjoy it. So yeah... that was one hell of a night.<br />
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Remember what I was saying about my sex drive coming back? I woke up at 6am, horny as hell. So much for being sated lol... I just wanted him more. But poor guy had a busy day at work so I didn't wake him up. I told Henry that he's getting tapped in tonight, though. I need more...The Happy Hotwifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815568140509851243noreply@blogger.com4