It's really amazing sometimes how a little bit of a perspective change can make so much of a difference in things.
Henry knows me so well. Sometimes I still think I must have been born under a lucky star to have him in my life. So many things had to work out this specific way for us to find one another. And I nearly didn't date him because he wasn't what I was looking for on paper! And he nearly didn't date me since he'd had a bad experience with a married woman before!
Well, the stars aligned and I got to marry this wonderful man. So what do I love about him? Well, I've written a lot about him before, and I don't want to repeat myself, so I'll focus on this one particular thing he does.
What do you do, when you want your partner to do something they aren't particularly interested in, or if there is a behaviour you want them to change? Twenty years ago, I would have said something that would have boiled down to, hope they notice that it matters to you, because if you have to ask them to do it then it doesn't mean anything. Ten years ago I would have said, let them know how much it matters to you because you can't expect them to read your mind and then remind them repeatedly if they don't comply. Five years ago, I would have said to tell them once or twice how much it matters to you, and then do it yourself if need be since it's obviously not a priority to them. Now? I'd probably put more effort into trying to understand why my request is such a problem that they don't want to do it, and evaluating from there but trying to understand their position.
But my sweet husband is already playing this on expert mode.
He loves bondage- the more restrictive, the better. Ideally, he'd love it if I was into the pretty artistic rope bondage as well as just for restraint purposes. He struck out here because while I occasionally enjoy restraints, I not only don't find them intrinsically arousing but I'm not interested in putting in the learning curve to do the intricate ropework.
So, what is he to do? Well, he could just give up on doing that with me. We're both poly and open, so nothing would stop him from seeking out another partner to bottom for rope/restraint with, except for the fact that he's not feeling like putting the energy into a new partner right now and it's much more difficult for a male rope bottom than for a female rope bottom anyway.
He could badger me about fulfilling his kink, and point out that he goes out of his way to say yes to me, and otherwise use scorekeeping and manipulation to try and get me to do it. This would not have a positive outcome for him. Scorekeeping in a relationship is a terrible thing to do and it destroys intimacy. We should do things for our partner that we want to do, not that we feel we have to do; that sucks all the joy out of it.
He could try to negotiate the occasional rope play with me. While he would likely get his desired result occasionally, he knows that it would be a thing I dread and would be doing solely for his benefit. In addition, if I don't put the effort into learning the ropes, so to speak, I wouldn't be at a skill level to do what he wants if it was only occasional.
None of those options really result in him getting what he wants. So what does my wonderful husband do? He goes out and buys all the materials and makes idiot-proof homemade bondage straps that will give him that restricted feel he wants but be easy for me to operate and can be put on in five minutes flat. Suddenly, it's not a bunch of time and effort into a thing that I don't want to learn or care about- it's only a couple of minutes and I can give my sweetie what he wants. Because I do love him and want him to be happy, of course.
Trying to change your partner tends not to work very well. Giving up on your desires also tends not to work very well. But if you can actually come at the problem in such a way as to deal with the reason your partner doesn't want to do the thing and then solve that? Everyone is going to be happy :) I feel loved because he recognized and solved my issue, and proud of his creativity. He gets what he wants. It's a win-win.
So next time your partner doesn't want to do something that bothers you (not necessarily a sex thing- it could be anything), see if you can solve the actual problem rather than trying to change them. I guarantee you'll both be much happier with the outcome.
Sunday 28 July 2019
Tuesday 16 July 2019
Birth Control
Sometimes life just plain isn't sexy. But this is part of my life, so I'm going to talk about it here. You can skip this post and imagine me riding my Motorbunny instead, if you prefer. I'll wait ;)
Despite me generally being rather happy with who I am, some little issues have started to creep in. I don't know if it's me getting older (I'm only 37, after all!) or hormones shifting, or issues with my birth control, or something else altogether. I've noticed that I have started having more difficulty achieving orgasm compared to my adult baseline.
I used to be able to cum from just about anything, quickly. There were always various intensities of orgasm, but it didn't take much to get me off and I loved it. It has been a downward trend over the past 18 months, and it started to get steeper the last six months or so until it became very difficult even for me to get myself off, and I know exactly what I like! I went to see my family doctor, who told me that the amount of time and number of orgasms I was experiencing now was normal. I told her that I'm aware that it's within current range for most women but it definitely was NOT normal for me. So she agreed to send me to a specialist.
When I walked in and saw it was an older male doctor, I was pretty sure he was just going to write me off. But much to my surprise, he actually listened to me. I was a little surprised by the questions he asked me, like did my partner think it was a problem? I told him that they only thought of it as a problem because it is for me. He didn't even bat an eye when I told him I was polyamorous, although he did kind of clarify, did that mean I was only in casual relationships and I told him no- that I'm in two serious relationships.
He ran some tests on me, and we learned that it was not a testosterone issue. Mine is actually still just a little bit elevated (cue the surprise from the peanut gallery). But I don't have any symptoms of conditions that would reflect it, so apparently that's just my normal (again, shock, right?).
He asked me if I was still feeling desire, and I had to think about that. My first thought was, of course I am! I want to have sex all the time. And then I thought about it further. I had noticed that I've been less wet and need to use lube nearly every time unless I'm getting a very thorough pussy licking before PIV, but I figured that was normal over time. I find that I get wetter with Charles than I do with Henry, so I assumed it was just NRE levels. But when I really think about it, I realized that my libido has been mostly mental. When I've been getting aroused, it's by an idea or mental picture, and my body isn't necessarily getting turned on. It's been a weird disconnect to feel that! So I guess he was right and my level of desire has gone down, too.
We tried a sensitivity cream on my clit, but that hasn't had much success. In addition, it's kind of a pain because I can't use it if my partner is licking pussy because ewww. I didn't notice any appreciable difference.
At this point, I wasn't really sure what else there was to do. I considered having my Mirena IUD removed and just getting a tubal ligation, since I'm not planning on any more children. The doctor suggested that my husband get a vasectomy, and I reminded him that unfortunately that would not solve my problem since I can't ask my much younger boyfriend to do that as well. But I do like not really getting periods so unless we were sure it was the Mirena, I didn't want to do that.
Fortunately, a new medication has become available that has been a miracle worker for women with issues similar to mine. My doctor told me to give it a try for two months and see if I was in the 50% who are helped by it.
Wow. I have really missed that feeling of being horny! It's much more intense than just enjoying a mental picture or idea. Now when I'm aroused, I get to feel those lovely tingles in my pussy and wetness soaks into my panties again. I'm still not back to my old level of orgasming- some days are better than others, and some days it's still a struggle to cum, but it's a vast improvement. Charles joked that I'm becoming insatiable, and I laughed and told him that he should have met me a few years ago. Henry loves to see me so high on endorphins that he has to scrape me off the ceiling.
So if any of the women reading this have been having issues with desire, consider asking your doctors for a trial of Addyi. It's definitely made a difference for me and now I find myself wanting to go back on the prowl!
Despite me generally being rather happy with who I am, some little issues have started to creep in. I don't know if it's me getting older (I'm only 37, after all!) or hormones shifting, or issues with my birth control, or something else altogether. I've noticed that I have started having more difficulty achieving orgasm compared to my adult baseline.
I used to be able to cum from just about anything, quickly. There were always various intensities of orgasm, but it didn't take much to get me off and I loved it. It has been a downward trend over the past 18 months, and it started to get steeper the last six months or so until it became very difficult even for me to get myself off, and I know exactly what I like! I went to see my family doctor, who told me that the amount of time and number of orgasms I was experiencing now was normal. I told her that I'm aware that it's within current range for most women but it definitely was NOT normal for me. So she agreed to send me to a specialist.
When I walked in and saw it was an older male doctor, I was pretty sure he was just going to write me off. But much to my surprise, he actually listened to me. I was a little surprised by the questions he asked me, like did my partner think it was a problem? I told him that they only thought of it as a problem because it is for me. He didn't even bat an eye when I told him I was polyamorous, although he did kind of clarify, did that mean I was only in casual relationships and I told him no- that I'm in two serious relationships.
He ran some tests on me, and we learned that it was not a testosterone issue. Mine is actually still just a little bit elevated (cue the surprise from the peanut gallery). But I don't have any symptoms of conditions that would reflect it, so apparently that's just my normal (again, shock, right?).
He asked me if I was still feeling desire, and I had to think about that. My first thought was, of course I am! I want to have sex all the time. And then I thought about it further. I had noticed that I've been less wet and need to use lube nearly every time unless I'm getting a very thorough pussy licking before PIV, but I figured that was normal over time. I find that I get wetter with Charles than I do with Henry, so I assumed it was just NRE levels. But when I really think about it, I realized that my libido has been mostly mental. When I've been getting aroused, it's by an idea or mental picture, and my body isn't necessarily getting turned on. It's been a weird disconnect to feel that! So I guess he was right and my level of desire has gone down, too.
We tried a sensitivity cream on my clit, but that hasn't had much success. In addition, it's kind of a pain because I can't use it if my partner is licking pussy because ewww. I didn't notice any appreciable difference.
At this point, I wasn't really sure what else there was to do. I considered having my Mirena IUD removed and just getting a tubal ligation, since I'm not planning on any more children. The doctor suggested that my husband get a vasectomy, and I reminded him that unfortunately that would not solve my problem since I can't ask my much younger boyfriend to do that as well. But I do like not really getting periods so unless we were sure it was the Mirena, I didn't want to do that.
Fortunately, a new medication has become available that has been a miracle worker for women with issues similar to mine. My doctor told me to give it a try for two months and see if I was in the 50% who are helped by it.
Wow. I have really missed that feeling of being horny! It's much more intense than just enjoying a mental picture or idea. Now when I'm aroused, I get to feel those lovely tingles in my pussy and wetness soaks into my panties again. I'm still not back to my old level of orgasming- some days are better than others, and some days it's still a struggle to cum, but it's a vast improvement. Charles joked that I'm becoming insatiable, and I laughed and told him that he should have met me a few years ago. Henry loves to see me so high on endorphins that he has to scrape me off the ceiling.
So if any of the women reading this have been having issues with desire, consider asking your doctors for a trial of Addyi. It's definitely made a difference for me and now I find myself wanting to go back on the prowl!
Wednesday 10 July 2019
Date Night
Another wonderful date night with Charles. I haven't been writing much about our regular dates because it's become the new normal. But I am just so blissfully happy with my relationships, with a few minor inconveniences. I don't sleep well at Charles' house for a number of reasons, so I hate having to go home when I am tired and cuddly after nice day with him. We tried me sleeping over again on Sunday night but it just didn't work. But I still had a lovely time with him, just badly needed a nap when I got home.
And yesterday was our normal standing date night. In a year, we have missed two; Christmas Day, and once when he was sick. He's gone out of his way to make sure he keeps our plans even when it's difficult because of work. It means a lot to me.
The sex has always been good, but it just keeps getting better. Sunday was nearly four hours of teasing and kink and hot, sweaty orgasms that drenched the bed. I was flying with all the endorphins. It was amazing. I get all giggly when I'm riding that post orgasm wave. Sex is so much more fun (and lasts much longer!) when it's not just about PIV!
Then last night, Charles was pretty exhausted from work so after we had dinner with Henry, we went upstairs and he had a nap while I just cuddled up with a book. I enjoy spooning, whether I'm the big or the little spoon, and this time I was holding him while he slept. When he started to stir, I nibbled his neck just the way he likes it- little nips working up into more intense bites. He was making such lovely sounds! Then he took my hand and slid it down to his rock hard cock and I knew I didn't want to wait too long to have him inside me! I teased him a little longer and stroked his cock until he was begging me to let him cum, but of course I had to taste him first. I love the feel of a hard cock in my mouth, and listening to his panting breath was such a turn on!
Normally I like to have a few orgasms myself before, but I wanted to fuck him while he was feeling that level of urgency so I told him that when he came, he was going to be cleaning up every drop. I love it that Charles shares my body fluids kink! He begged to be allowed to do it, and then started working his cock into my tight pussy. He's so thick and I love the way his cock feels inside me. He managed to hold it off for a while but I kept telling him all the dirty things I wanted to do and soon he filled me up with a groan. And such a good boy, he only took a moment to recover before he slid down my body and started to clean up the mess. I love being licked after I've had sex because I'm oh-so-sensitive and Charles knows what I like by now. He made me orgasm so hard that I had to wave him off after five or six because of the intensity. That always means it's been a good day ;)
I am a very lucky woman!
And yesterday was our normal standing date night. In a year, we have missed two; Christmas Day, and once when he was sick. He's gone out of his way to make sure he keeps our plans even when it's difficult because of work. It means a lot to me.
The sex has always been good, but it just keeps getting better. Sunday was nearly four hours of teasing and kink and hot, sweaty orgasms that drenched the bed. I was flying with all the endorphins. It was amazing. I get all giggly when I'm riding that post orgasm wave. Sex is so much more fun (and lasts much longer!) when it's not just about PIV!
Then last night, Charles was pretty exhausted from work so after we had dinner with Henry, we went upstairs and he had a nap while I just cuddled up with a book. I enjoy spooning, whether I'm the big or the little spoon, and this time I was holding him while he slept. When he started to stir, I nibbled his neck just the way he likes it- little nips working up into more intense bites. He was making such lovely sounds! Then he took my hand and slid it down to his rock hard cock and I knew I didn't want to wait too long to have him inside me! I teased him a little longer and stroked his cock until he was begging me to let him cum, but of course I had to taste him first. I love the feel of a hard cock in my mouth, and listening to his panting breath was such a turn on!
Normally I like to have a few orgasms myself before, but I wanted to fuck him while he was feeling that level of urgency so I told him that when he came, he was going to be cleaning up every drop. I love it that Charles shares my body fluids kink! He begged to be allowed to do it, and then started working his cock into my tight pussy. He's so thick and I love the way his cock feels inside me. He managed to hold it off for a while but I kept telling him all the dirty things I wanted to do and soon he filled me up with a groan. And such a good boy, he only took a moment to recover before he slid down my body and started to clean up the mess. I love being licked after I've had sex because I'm oh-so-sensitive and Charles knows what I like by now. He made me orgasm so hard that I had to wave him off after five or six because of the intensity. That always means it's been a good day ;)
I am a very lucky woman!
Wednesday 3 July 2019
Vacation with Charles
It really was seven amazing days in paradise. I had such a wonderful time with Charles.
Henry drove us to the airport and picked us up, for all you hotwife husbands and cuckolds out there who would enjoy the image. For us, it wasn't anything more than him being helpful and wanting us to have the easiest start to our trip, but I know that a lot of you will enjoy the symbolism of my husband driving me and my boyfriend away for a 7 day romantic vacation.
The resort even decorated the room for our anniversary (and upgraded us to a suite!), which was pretty amazing. And there was a giant full length mirror at the foot of the bed, which was a LOT of fun when I had one hand in his hair pushing his face into my pussy ;) Even better was when he wore the little gift I brought him that I knew he would appreciate- a pair of pink lace panties. He enjoys crossdressing at times. I chose them specifically to be a style that would be comfortable for him but also give that extra sensory boost. And it was so sexy watching his ass in the air while he licked me to orgasm over and over and over.
Just a little note that it's easy to enjoy just a little public groping even in conservative areas, if you're putting sunscreen on your partner ;) I much prefer to have mine applied for me, you know! And of course I love to wear low cut bathing suits in places where it's not legal to be topless...
I remember Charles waking up so hungry for me that he could barely wait before begging to be inside me. It was really nice to feel like he needed me so much that he couldn’t wait and endure the teasing I usually dish out. He told me that he’d been awake for two hours waiting for me to wake up so that we could have sex! And we just had SO much sex, it was awesome. Drunk and sober and every combination in between- I'm sure you'll see how much my counter jumped this past week! It’s always so good to be with him.
We did some kink, too- a wax scene that was fun and an impact scene that went a little awry since the noise from the hall distracted him. It happens, but it was a little disappointing. We did manage to save the end when he brought out one of his favourite prostate toys and we went with that. I had hoped for a better energy but life isn’t perfect. Close enough! I am just so head over heels in love with both my men. Sometimes I really think I have to pinch myself because I am so lucky to have them in my life.
Henry drove us to the airport and picked us up, for all you hotwife husbands and cuckolds out there who would enjoy the image. For us, it wasn't anything more than him being helpful and wanting us to have the easiest start to our trip, but I know that a lot of you will enjoy the symbolism of my husband driving me and my boyfriend away for a 7 day romantic vacation.
The resort even decorated the room for our anniversary (and upgraded us to a suite!), which was pretty amazing. And there was a giant full length mirror at the foot of the bed, which was a LOT of fun when I had one hand in his hair pushing his face into my pussy ;) Even better was when he wore the little gift I brought him that I knew he would appreciate- a pair of pink lace panties. He enjoys crossdressing at times. I chose them specifically to be a style that would be comfortable for him but also give that extra sensory boost. And it was so sexy watching his ass in the air while he licked me to orgasm over and over and over.
Just a little note that it's easy to enjoy just a little public groping even in conservative areas, if you're putting sunscreen on your partner ;) I much prefer to have mine applied for me, you know! And of course I love to wear low cut bathing suits in places where it's not legal to be topless...
I remember Charles waking up so hungry for me that he could barely wait before begging to be inside me. It was really nice to feel like he needed me so much that he couldn’t wait and endure the teasing I usually dish out. He told me that he’d been awake for two hours waiting for me to wake up so that we could have sex! And we just had SO much sex, it was awesome. Drunk and sober and every combination in between- I'm sure you'll see how much my counter jumped this past week! It’s always so good to be with him.
We did some kink, too- a wax scene that was fun and an impact scene that went a little awry since the noise from the hall distracted him. It happens, but it was a little disappointing. We did manage to save the end when he brought out one of his favourite prostate toys and we went with that. I had hoped for a better energy but life isn’t perfect. Close enough! I am just so head over heels in love with both my men. Sometimes I really think I have to pinch myself because I am so lucky to have them in my life.
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