Friday 27 September 2019
Monday 23 September 2019
Connection & Communication
Over the past month or so, things had gotten a little complicated with Charles. He'd had some chronic health stuff flare up, and so we hadn't gotten to see each other much over the last month or so. He still stopped by on date night but didn't stay long and I could see he was the worse for wear.
Simultaneously things picked up at work for him, and our communication slowed as well. I wasn't too happy about that, and the next time I saw him, we had a conversation about it. Certainly, of all people, I get chronic health issues flaring, but I don't find that it makes me want to stop talking to people where apparently he tends to withdraw when he isn't feeling well. But it wasn't something we had discussed so I only saw the outcome, right?
So basically we had to sit down and just do a temperature check on our relationship. I told him that if he was happier without all the messy stuff/emotional investment, that I'd be okay with that, but he just needed to clarify for me. I said I'd be OK being FWB if he just wanted to hang out once a week and hang out a little and fuck, but I would need to adjust my expectations. I didn't mean to hurt him by that- I was just trying to make it easy for him if I'm too high maintenance for him. I know that I'm never going to be the "cool girlfriend" lol; that's not who I am. But he got pretty upset because he said that felt like I could just blow off my feelings like it was nothing. I told him that's not what I meant at all. Just that I couldn't keep my heart out if that wasn't what this is. He and I have different communication styles so we definitely have to work at this harder to make sure we understand each other!
He told me that when we started dating, he hadn't been looking for anything serious. He had been single for a while and just wanted to have some fun times together. That doesn't mean NSA for him but more of a casual type relationship. But he told me that I wound up being a much more potent cocktail than he expected and that he fell in love with me and he doesn't want to lose that. It was a tough night together, but I think it was a positive thing that we were able to have a good conversation without histrionics on either side, and talk about our wants, needs, and expectations. That night after we talked, we went to bed and just cuddled together and didn't want to let go.
Since then, he's made a real point of being more intentional and prioritizing our connection, too- not just when we're together. He's called me just to chat, and at least checked in by text daily. Plus he shifted things around so we could have our second date night on the weekend which we hadn't had in weeks. And then he went out of his way to make sure we had a wonderful night then. He came over and we made dinner together, and ate with Henry and Kiddo and played board games as a group before Henry went out with friends. Then we went upstairs and he gave me a wonderful massage (yup, both my boys cook AND have at least a little massage training!), and I was just melting. We went to bed and he pulled out all the stops to give me as much pleasure as possible. He buried his face in my cunt until I thought he must have needed a snorkel to breathe! I was riding so high on endorphins that I told him he'd have to scrape me off the ceiling. And when he finally slipped his hard cock inside me, I just got overwhelmed with all the feelings. He told me how much he loves me while he fucked me slowly and it was beyond incredible. Afterwards, we just snuggled and talked until we fell asleep.
I might not know where this relationship is going, and that's ok because I don't have to. But at least I know that wherever it is, we're going together :)
Simultaneously things picked up at work for him, and our communication slowed as well. I wasn't too happy about that, and the next time I saw him, we had a conversation about it. Certainly, of all people, I get chronic health issues flaring, but I don't find that it makes me want to stop talking to people where apparently he tends to withdraw when he isn't feeling well. But it wasn't something we had discussed so I only saw the outcome, right?
So basically we had to sit down and just do a temperature check on our relationship. I told him that if he was happier without all the messy stuff/emotional investment, that I'd be okay with that, but he just needed to clarify for me. I said I'd be OK being FWB if he just wanted to hang out once a week and hang out a little and fuck, but I would need to adjust my expectations. I didn't mean to hurt him by that- I was just trying to make it easy for him if I'm too high maintenance for him. I know that I'm never going to be the "cool girlfriend" lol; that's not who I am. But he got pretty upset because he said that felt like I could just blow off my feelings like it was nothing. I told him that's not what I meant at all. Just that I couldn't keep my heart out if that wasn't what this is. He and I have different communication styles so we definitely have to work at this harder to make sure we understand each other!
He told me that when we started dating, he hadn't been looking for anything serious. He had been single for a while and just wanted to have some fun times together. That doesn't mean NSA for him but more of a casual type relationship. But he told me that I wound up being a much more potent cocktail than he expected and that he fell in love with me and he doesn't want to lose that. It was a tough night together, but I think it was a positive thing that we were able to have a good conversation without histrionics on either side, and talk about our wants, needs, and expectations. That night after we talked, we went to bed and just cuddled together and didn't want to let go.
Since then, he's made a real point of being more intentional and prioritizing our connection, too- not just when we're together. He's called me just to chat, and at least checked in by text daily. Plus he shifted things around so we could have our second date night on the weekend which we hadn't had in weeks. And then he went out of his way to make sure we had a wonderful night then. He came over and we made dinner together, and ate with Henry and Kiddo and played board games as a group before Henry went out with friends. Then we went upstairs and he gave me a wonderful massage (yup, both my boys cook AND have at least a little massage training!), and I was just melting. We went to bed and he pulled out all the stops to give me as much pleasure as possible. He buried his face in my cunt until I thought he must have needed a snorkel to breathe! I was riding so high on endorphins that I told him he'd have to scrape me off the ceiling. And when he finally slipped his hard cock inside me, I just got overwhelmed with all the feelings. He told me how much he loves me while he fucked me slowly and it was beyond incredible. Afterwards, we just snuggled and talked until we fell asleep.
I might not know where this relationship is going, and that's ok because I don't have to. But at least I know that wherever it is, we're going together :)
Saturday 21 September 2019
Time Flies!
Life has just been crazy lately, and I didn't realize it had been so long since I made a post here! I meant to update after my fabulous date night with Henry but didn't get around to it.
Like I said before, I love doing the big, movie style gestures that go way over the top. I teased Henry all week, since this was our first official weekly date night and I told him I was doing something big. I love creating that excitement and tension!
In the early evening, I sent him out and told him not to come home for an hour while I got the house ready. And then I set up a romantic scavenger hunt for him. I stuck the first card on our front door, so he'd see it when he came home. Then every single clue had a little present attached (a craft beer, a gift card, a lottery ticket, or some candy) and a limerick that led to the next clue. I also wrote out a love note about one of our memories and left it with each clue. When he got to the end, I was waiting in bed in lingerie with a bottle of champagne and some appetizers, and a romantic movie ready to go.
We had a wonderful evening together! I really wanted to make Henry feel so loved and appreciated, and I think I succeeded at that. It's so easy to fall into taking your partner for granted, and neither of us wants to do that. We want to keep the romance and emotional intimacy flourishing.
There have been a couple of date nights since then- Henry lit candles, baked me treats, and gave me a full body massage last week, and this past week, we made an at-home version of one of our favorite restaurant meals together and cuddled up to watch a movie. We're not always going to do something big and exciting, but the point is that we want that little bit of time carved out to spend quality time together. I can see how it's helping keep our connection strong.
Tonight, Henry and I are going to a BDSM party. It's been a while, and I'm really looking forward to it. Chris is supposed to be there too, so I think it's going to be a great night- I haven't seen him in ages!
I haven't seen as much of Charles lately because he's been sick and then got slammed at work, but he's been making a real effort to show me that I am important to him even if he hasn't been able to give me the time we both want. We did get our usual date night this week and he stayed over, and he arranged to take Sunday off so that we can have some more time together. Words matter... but actions are how you find out what you mean to someone.
Like I said before, I love doing the big, movie style gestures that go way over the top. I teased Henry all week, since this was our first official weekly date night and I told him I was doing something big. I love creating that excitement and tension!
In the early evening, I sent him out and told him not to come home for an hour while I got the house ready. And then I set up a romantic scavenger hunt for him. I stuck the first card on our front door, so he'd see it when he came home. Then every single clue had a little present attached (a craft beer, a gift card, a lottery ticket, or some candy) and a limerick that led to the next clue. I also wrote out a love note about one of our memories and left it with each clue. When he got to the end, I was waiting in bed in lingerie with a bottle of champagne and some appetizers, and a romantic movie ready to go.
We had a wonderful evening together! I really wanted to make Henry feel so loved and appreciated, and I think I succeeded at that. It's so easy to fall into taking your partner for granted, and neither of us wants to do that. We want to keep the romance and emotional intimacy flourishing.
There have been a couple of date nights since then- Henry lit candles, baked me treats, and gave me a full body massage last week, and this past week, we made an at-home version of one of our favorite restaurant meals together and cuddled up to watch a movie. We're not always going to do something big and exciting, but the point is that we want that little bit of time carved out to spend quality time together. I can see how it's helping keep our connection strong.
Tonight, Henry and I are going to a BDSM party. It's been a while, and I'm really looking forward to it. Chris is supposed to be there too, so I think it's going to be a great night- I haven't seen him in ages!
I haven't seen as much of Charles lately because he's been sick and then got slammed at work, but he's been making a real effort to show me that I am important to him even if he hasn't been able to give me the time we both want. We did get our usual date night this week and he stayed over, and he arranged to take Sunday off so that we can have some more time together. Words matter... but actions are how you find out what you mean to someone.
Sunday 1 September 2019
Date Night
Since we've been talking about quality time and connection, I thought I'd continue on with that in this post.
We will all have times in our relationships where we're feeling run down, or when we take our partner for granted, or when it just feels like we don't have enough romance in our lives. At that point, you have two choices. You can go with "I'm feeling disconnected so I'm not really feeling like making an effort," and continue the way you're going and drift further apart. Or, you can acknowledge there's been some drift already, and work to close the gap.
It's not always fun to pour effort into a relationship, especially when you might not be feeling especially loving towards your partner, for whatever reason. But ultimately, you can choose to take actions that will bring you closer together, or that will bring you further apart. If there's a real issue to discuss, definitely do that! I don't mean to gloss over relationship problems with romance. But if it's just the day to day grind wearing you down- think about what you can do to bring the focus back on you and your partner.
I've always been a hopeless romantic- the kind of woman who dreamt of the big, showy gestures. But realistically, the partners I've dated aren't the kind of people who went for that sort of thing, and that's okay. Henry, for example, consistently goes for the little things and those are pretty awesome. I've read that little gestures more frequently can boost relationship satisfaction higher than the big gestures, and I'm sure that's right. It only makes sense that the more frequently you put energy into your relationship, the happier it will be.
But... I happen to like the big, showy, romantic gestures sometimes. And I've learned that it's almost as much fun being the person who plans them, as it is the person who receives them. I can't remember how much I shared here, but my proposal to Henry was a big, showy, romantic gesture, and he loved it so much that it brought tears to his eyes. Fortunately, I had a photographer standing by to capture it!
And so I have another special plan for Henry. I am not going to write about it yet, in case he happens to choose this time to randomly read my blog (Hi, sweetie!). But we have decided that we want a dedicated date night for our marriage, and the first night is my turn, and I want it to be something really over the top.
What do you do to keep the romance going in your relationship(s)?
We will all have times in our relationships where we're feeling run down, or when we take our partner for granted, or when it just feels like we don't have enough romance in our lives. At that point, you have two choices. You can go with "I'm feeling disconnected so I'm not really feeling like making an effort," and continue the way you're going and drift further apart. Or, you can acknowledge there's been some drift already, and work to close the gap.
It's not always fun to pour effort into a relationship, especially when you might not be feeling especially loving towards your partner, for whatever reason. But ultimately, you can choose to take actions that will bring you closer together, or that will bring you further apart. If there's a real issue to discuss, definitely do that! I don't mean to gloss over relationship problems with romance. But if it's just the day to day grind wearing you down- think about what you can do to bring the focus back on you and your partner.
I've always been a hopeless romantic- the kind of woman who dreamt of the big, showy gestures. But realistically, the partners I've dated aren't the kind of people who went for that sort of thing, and that's okay. Henry, for example, consistently goes for the little things and those are pretty awesome. I've read that little gestures more frequently can boost relationship satisfaction higher than the big gestures, and I'm sure that's right. It only makes sense that the more frequently you put energy into your relationship, the happier it will be.
But... I happen to like the big, showy, romantic gestures sometimes. And I've learned that it's almost as much fun being the person who plans them, as it is the person who receives them. I can't remember how much I shared here, but my proposal to Henry was a big, showy, romantic gesture, and he loved it so much that it brought tears to his eyes. Fortunately, I had a photographer standing by to capture it!
And so I have another special plan for Henry. I am not going to write about it yet, in case he happens to choose this time to randomly read my blog (Hi, sweetie!). But we have decided that we want a dedicated date night for our marriage, and the first night is my turn, and I want it to be something really over the top.
What do you do to keep the romance going in your relationship(s)?
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