Sunday 14 March 2021

A Year in the Ivory Tower

 Today was a year since we started our isolation, which is a pretty crazy thought. I remember all the fear and uncertainty, and those are still present but buried a bit more under the weight of emotional exhaustion over time. 

It's been a hard year. On the other hand, I think it's drawn us closer together. Henry and I realized we haven't fought even once, all this time. I mean, it's not like we fight much anyway because that's not the way we are- I believe we have worked out much better patterns to sort out disagreements. But zero fights in a year is pretty awesome. 


This was a tumultuous year with Charles, with him going back and forth about what he wanted and needed, and now he's been living with us for 7 months. He's still playing with the idea of staying longer term but we haven't made a decision yet. We're open to the idea but right now isn't the time for long-term planning. 

I'm very much in love with both of my wonderful men, and they're both very much in love with me. The world may be falling apart, but my love life is pretty amazing. Having two people love me like this... words can't even describe how incredible it is. And it's starting to have that feeling of stability. This summer will be seven years with Henry and three years with Charles. It's finally feeling like we have our footing a bit and that this really is a Thing. 

I've had another little flirtation as well, despite the fact that covid precautions means that I won't be meeting anyone in person until we're both vaccinated. I don't normally respond to people who flirt with me in the Poly discussion groups, but this one got my attention. 

I'm a member of some poly groups on Facebook and while I'm not super active there right now, things do come across my feed because I try to give advice when I can. Some relationships really are dumpster fire!. People not communicating, people making terrible unilateral decisions, people violating consent... sigh. It makes me feel sad for the people who stay in them for whatever reason. 

At any rate, sometimes people just post funny things. Someone posted a picture of a line from an old dating handbook that says "You may fascinate a woman by giving her cheese." Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE cheese. One of my favourite date nights with Henry is to get a bottle of prosecco and a nice cheese and charcuterie board. So I commented on the post, "please give me cheese!" And someone replied to my comment "... is a good boy and will do what he's told." umph.. be still my heart! I asked if I knew this guy and he said no. I figured maybe he had heard of me through Fetlife or one of the kink groups, but apparently not. Just made a lucky guess in a way that I found very appealing. I showed Henry and Charles and laughed, and Henry said I should send the guy a message because he was obviously flirting with me. Well, it sure did get my attention so why not? No harm in sending a few messages. 

So we've been chatting for a week or so and he's an interesting guy. Long term poly, so at least I can avoid all the newbie crap, and has a good sense of humour. It may not go anywhere but hey even a nice idle conversation is good times. And of course I can make the joke that my husband is the best wingman ever! I'm calling the new guy Mickey, because cheese, and because I feel like being silly today. He confessed today that's hes got a crush on me. I'm not entirely surprised, given that he's been messaging me every day and we've been bantering a little bit. I enjoy chatting with him but who knows what kind of chemistry we will have in person. He did ask me a while back where I was in terms of polysaturation and I explained that I probably did not have the time or emotional spoons for a serious romantic relationship, but that I was open to whatever the connection dictated given those constraints. I don't have interest in trying to have a third serious partner, but I'd be okay with anything from friends, to friends with benefits, to casual dating if we click in that direction. We haven't even met in person though so I have no plans whatsoever. We'll see what happens when we're both vaccinated and past the waiting period.

I have to admit though that it's nice being pursued. Normally I'm the pursuer and I do like it that way, but he's not doing it in that ridiculous "alpha male" nonsense kind of way with all the condescension and other nonsense- he's just learning about me and building a connection and occasionally one of us throws in a flirt. I like that. It's respectful and playful and fun without being pushy. And frankly, I could always use a little bit of fun.So it's been a weird year... it feels like we've just been sitting here and waiting. And waiting. I miss so many things and people right now. But at least I have my loves close, and an idle flirtation to while away my time. I have good days and bad days, so I try to enjoy every moment that I can. I'll try to write more if I have the emotional energy for it. There have been lots of good times with my boys. I do miss dating women, but eh- people are not Pokemon. When things settle down, who knows what the world will be like?