Continuing on the alley cat theme from my last post... no one said that I was going to be all cuddles and purring! The more I fall for someone romantically, the more I want to hurt them and Dominate them if there is that energy between us. It's like I can smell my prey :)
It was date night with Charles again, and he was tired so we hadn't planned to have sex, but decided to go and cuddle in bed and chat. Skin on skin is always a lovely thing. So we started off just being in each others' arms and chatting. Relaxing and enjoyable but not particularly sexy.
Then the conversation started to shift... I had asked him to finish going over his BDSM checklist and pick three activities on it that he would like to try. I've been taking things really slowly because I don't want to be That Dom who grooms their partner into thinking things need to be a certain way, or that they have to try stuff before they're ready, or if they can't give informed consent because they don't know the potential risks. Also, Charles in particular tends to get spacey really easily, so I don't want to manipulate him into doing things when he's in that cloud.
He said he was feeling clearheaded, and did I have some things to show him? I took out some claws and sensory toys, and a low temp wax candle and did just a little taste test of both. He definitely liked both of them, so that was a good start. He also mentioned some things he had been wanting to try and we talked about that a little.
But, it kicked up the temperature in the room just a little. The more feelings I'm developing for him, the harder it is to keep the intensity of my D/s and kink desires on a leash (no pun intended!). While I can do kink stuff just fine on its own, when I have romantic feelings for someone and there's this certain type of energy between us... it's so difficult to not want. I was struggling to figure out how to complete that sentence. The word that springs to mind is possession. I want all of them, in every way I can have them.
The talking slowed down and it transitioned to passionate kisses and sensual touch. I normally have trouble focusing on just one thing, normally I'm thinking about at least 2-3 different things at once so I really prize being wholly in the moment. I really, really wanted to tell him that I love him. It was almost pounding in my head when we were looking in each other's eyes. But I couldn't quite figure out how. Neither of us were speaking... just the kisses and touches and then the pauses to look into each other's eyes.
So I decided to distract him a little and just kinda slide it in. He loves biting, so I leaned over to whisper in his ear knowing he'd be focused on anticipating the bite. I told him that I'm falling for him, and I heard him suck in his breath sharply, and then I started to bite his neck and he was just gone, begging me to bite him more. He told me afterwards that in that moment he was wanting so badly to be mine, that he would have done anything for me. (hence the reason for my caution about the BDSM stuff!)
It just felt so intense in the moment and I think that I wanted to possess him as much as he wanted to be mine. I knew he wasn't up for sex, but I asked him how tired his tongue was! I needed to orgasm so badly. And it was so wonderful when he helped me out with that! I nearly came with the first touch of his tongue on my clit. I was so worked up from all the talk about BDSM activities... and all my desires for him. I told him that I wanted to tie him up and make him cry and we both sucked in a ragged breath at the image. I grabbed his hair and started to grind my pussy on his face while he licked me as though I was the most delicious treat he'd ever had... and then I squirted all over him. Such a good boy, he made sure to lick up every drop.
He had to leave not too long afterwards, but sadly, reality often tends to intrude on fun. But I'm still wrapped in that golden bubble right now and feeling pretty awesome about things. NRE got one hell of a kick today. I'm still not sure where I am on that spectrum of is this still NRE or is it love? But I told Henry I loved him at 6 weeks... sometimes I wonder if I just fall in love really easily. I don't do things by halves.
But for now, things are just really good, and I needed that. Golden days and silver nights...
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