Thursday 5 November 2020

Brief Update

 Wow, I do not like this new interface! It's definitely distracting and I miss the old Blogger. I had been considering moving my blog to its own site before COVID-19 hit but it's just not been a priority since then. But I don't want to lose this blog- it's my life and my memories.

I appreciate the comments and messages I've been getting. We are all okay but still under a great deal of stress. We've been mostly in isolation since March 13, and that's a little crazy-making for anyone. But given Henry's health conditions, surviving this pandemic is the most important thing for us to pay attention to.

A lot has happened over the past eight months. Hard to believe it's been so long! Time has been really squishy. It feels like it's been this way forever, but also that days can last forever. It hasn't been great, to say the least. I've been journaling in my private diary just because otherwise I won't remember things, but I haven't felt like writing much here because my life hasn't been all that sexy and glamourous lol. I mean, how can it be when we're in isolation, right? We are exhausted most of the time from pandemic stress and since we haven't had a night off from Kiddo in 8 months, we haven't been able to have lots of privacy for fun times. I miss BDSM. We can't really engage in that sort of thing. Normally we would (with a locked bedroom door) when Kiddo is asleep but we are tired by the end of the day so no energy for that sort of thing, sadly.

The spring and summer were really tough on my relationship with Charles. He came to stay with us during the early stages of lockdown, but as things eased up he had to go back to work. And he works with the public, so that was a level of risk that simply wasn't safe for Henry. 

So for the summer, we only saw each other socially distanced, and that was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in a relationship. Desperately wanting hugs and physical connection, having him be right there, and not being able to get closer than 2m. 

It just wasn't working for me. Physical intimacy is one of my primary love languages. Not just sex, but that's a big part of it, too. I can enjoy casual sex and sport fucking without romance, but I can't maintain a romantic relationship without sex and cuddles and physical intimacy. It causes me more pain than happiness.

So Henry and I had a long conversation, and tried to figure out how we could mitigate some of the risks so that Charles and I could be together in person. The biggest stumbling block was his work, and the fact that he lives with housemates. Way too many potential vectors of infection to be controlled. We came up with a few workable solutions and then sat down with Charles to go over the possibilities.

The last thing I wanted was to break up with Charles because he's become so very important to me. But my mental health has been suffering with the isolation and anxiety throughout the pandemic, so I didn't think I could handle not seeing Charles and still trying to maintain a connection. 

We have a spare room, so we suggested that Charles move in with us for the duration of the pandemic, as long as he was willing to distance socially from his other connections and wear an N95 mask at work instead of a cloth mask. That's a big ask though, and I knew it. It meant that he couldn't share a bubble with anyone else because it was too risky for Henry. So no more hanging out with his housemates and friends over a beer unless they were outside and socially distanced. No visiting anyone indoors unless he was wearing his N95 mask. And moving into a house with a kid when he doesn't have any of his own? That's quite a change, too.

He needed some time to think about it, and I can't blame him for that. COVID-19 has been so destructive on so many aspects of our lives. I didn't want it to take my boyfriend, too. But that is a lot of changes for him to make just to see me!

He decided to try. He told me that I was worth it, that our relationship was worth it. So he moved in with us in August on a temporary basis.

It hasn't always been easy. The room we have is pretty small and he hasn't moved all his things over since it's just temporary, so he's mostly using our furniture and there's still some junk in the closet. Getting used to Kiddo has been issues too, since he's home all the time as well because of distance learning. 

But it's been going surprisingly well! Kiddo loves having him here- one more adult to chat with and play games with. Henry and Charles have become friends, so they enjoy each other's company. There's one more adult to share chores and get things done, and you'd be surprised how much that helps! I was joking with some of my mono friends that I don't know why more people don't want a third adult in the house because it makes life so much easier!

And of course, it's much much better for me. The days where I can basically bounce back and forth between Charles and Henry are pretty wonderful. I get twice as many hugs and cuddles, more date nights, and lots of intimate connection. Plus sex! I have a much higher sex drive than either of them but having both of them helps a lot :)

While life has been pretty stressful, there are moments where I do feel unbelievably lucky in context. They both look at me with that same look in their eyes, the one that says I love you without words needed. They both show me that I matter to them- look what they have both given up for my happiness. They both go out of their way to make me happy and I really need that. When I see how some people have a hard time finding even one reasonable partner and I have two wonderful ones, it's hard to believe that I deserve it. Charles and I have been dating now for nearly 2 1/2 years, and he's a very big part of my life.

Balancing time hasn't been too much of an issue. Charles has online social connections with his friends about every other day, so I spend those evenings with Henry. We generally all eat meals together when everyone is home, so it's starting to feel like family. Not yet... but good enough. Both Henry and Charles are under pandemic stress too, but they say that I'm meeting their needs. After all, everyone needs some alone time too. We spend some time hanging out all together and some one on one time- every relationship needs its own space, too.

But life really comes down to the little moments, though. Henry and I have always had morning cuddles. Henry is an early riser, and I will sleep as late as I can. So when I wake up in the morning, I text him and he comes upstairs for snuggles. Some mornings if Charles isn't at work early, he comes in too and I get double cuddles which is pretty fantastic. Or the days where Charles takes Kiddo for a walk so that Henry and I can get a few brief moments of alone time during the day. Or getting two goodnight hugs. My life may have a lot of anxiety and stress at the moment, but it's also full of love and that's pretty amazing.

7 comments:

  1. Good to hear from you and glad you are working things out.

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  2. Thanks for the update. Glad to hear to you are safe and relatively happy. Hang in there.

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  3. Awesome to read your update and know you are doing so well! You are brilliant to have found a way to stay safe and have your fellows around. And yes, the new blogger makes each step new and harder...not what we needed right now! Thanks for working with it anyway.

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  4. Glad to hear your relationships are going well!

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  5. nice to see you posting again. Hope all is well

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  6. Everything still good? Been awhile since we heard from you.

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  7. I love your website and love your postings on Our hotwives forum. In a word: I am a great fan of yours. (I am male, by the way.)

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