What is Love?

... baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Sorry, couldn't resist! But I wanted to write this post partly to allay the fears of some of the hotwife husbands who follow my blog.

When you experience NRE for the first time, after so many years of being in a monogamous relationship, it can be really intoxicating. It's still intoxicating for me, and I know that it's coming and about the pitfalls! So when I see men post about their concern when their wives experience NRE, that they want to put as many barriers up as they can to stop it or prevent it from occurring, it makes me wonder if they consider how destructive it can be to their marriages to behave that way.

NRE isn't real. It is, however, wonderful and passionate and overwhelming. And if you haven't felt that way in so long, it can be really hard to detach yourself from it. Established relationships just don't generally have that intensity (although they can still be pretty freaking awesome- see my last post!).

I truly believe that by putting so many obstacles in the way, then you're only hurting both yourself and your wife. Personally, if I knew that if I ever caught feels that I would have to end things with the person I was fucking, I would never do it again. Why risk heartbreak after heartbreak just for a little sex? I've got a Motorbunny- I can manage on my own just fine, thanks!

Also- what happens the time she catches feelings and doesn't want to let go? Think of the choices that she has. Either another heartbreak, or she starts lying. She has no good option to be happy. Remember that most hotwifing couples started out by the husband trying to talk the wife into it. Not all women just like to sport fuck, and even the ones who do (like me!) can also want more of a connection, too.

I also honestly don't believe that marriages are any less safe when you're monogamous than they are when you're hotwifing. It's all in your mindset. If your wife is leaving you because of NRE or a better fucking, then your marriage was already in trouble. People can form connections with coworkers or someone they meet in a coffee shop or who they sit next to on the bus. Nothing can stop someone from catching your partner's eye- that's the way the world works. What matters is how you both handle it.

Communication is so important in life. I can tell you that in my first marriage, I thought that I was communicating with my ex husband- but we really didn't. We didn't share all our thoughts and feelings. I loved him, but we didn't share that level of connection. I think that especially in alternative relationships where absolutely everything is on the table and negotiable, that people have to be ready to express their needs and wants and boundaries, and be ready to sit with difficult feelings and be able to practice emotional management. You need to be willing to be open and vulnerable with your spouse, and she needs to be willing to do the same with you. The grass grows greenest where you water it; where is most of your emotional energy going?

So, that very long digression brings me back to my title- what is love? Is it the wild passion that we feel during NRE (which can last from 6 months to 2 years depending on a lot of factors)? Is it kissing in the rain and whispering breathless sweet nothings?

It really IS possible to feel NRE with reckless abandon and keep both feet on the ground. Like I've said before, I like to throw myself into all the feels, and experience those passionate highs and amazing rushes. It's wonderful and amazing and I love every single minute of it.

But what is love? Yup- it's the mundane stuff. It's my husband bringing me a new soda when he sees me finish mine. It's him getting up on a Saturday morning to feed kiddo breakfast so I can sleep in a few minutes longer. It's us snuggled in bed watching cheesy TV shows together like we did when we were dating. It's him knowing exactly how I liked to be touched and kissed in bed. It's us staying up far too late talking at night when we should be sleeping because we are enjoying the conversation and our time together.

And I wouldn't trade it for all the passionate highs in the world. Because if you read back in my blog, you'll see I felt the same thing for Henry when we started dating. NRE doesn't last forever. You just have to be lucky enough that there is real love there when it passe- and when it does, don't let it go.

ORE Bliss

Mmm... last night was also blissful, in a different way!

I really hate the term ORE, because I don't like thinking of a relationship being old. I also don't think that my four plus years with Henry really qualifies as old. I think I prefer "established relationship energy" but it doesn't flow quite the same way, does it?

Henry and I haven't had some really good quality BDSM playtime in a while, because of health reasons. Last night we decided to go for it and have some fun, and I'm so glad that we did.

We started off with a shower together, which is a ritual of ours that I wholeheartedly enjoy. He always washes my hair for me and I enjoy the touch and intimacy. Then he went to get the toys out while I finished up- I love scalding water and he isn't quite as much of a fan as I am :)

He was waiting for me in the bedroom, kneeling naked with his collar in his outstretched hands. I buckled it around his neck and listened to the tags jingle. I told him to lie down on the bed. I locked on his wrist and ankle cuffs and put a spreader bar between his legs, and hooked the wrist cuffs to the bedposts. I love having a four poster bed! So many more options to leave him helpless at my disposal.

I have been really missing hurting him. It's part of how I show him how much I love him- the energy feeds out connection and it's so good. So we started off slowly... I clipped eighteen wooden clothespins to his balls and then smiled at him and asked how many that was. He knows me very well though, and anticipated this question. He was so close... off by just one. That meant one lovely red line across his thigh with my leather strap. Then, while I left the pins on, I played with his senses. I ran claws all over his body, and smacked him with a rabbit fur flogger that only tantalizes and teases, used a deerskin thumper, and a bear paw toy with big claws of its own. Everything to make his skin so sensitive and craving more. His cock was certainly enjoying what was going on, even when I hit it with the deerskin thumper. I added in a few smacks with the strap just to keep him on his toes and I could see his eyes glassing over.

I love watching him sink into subspace. I love listening to all the little sounds he makes when I get him really worked up and enjoying himself. I love hurting him and knowing that he is taking that pain for me, enjoying it for me. It makes me so happy and turns me on so much.

Then, I slowly started removing the pins. The safety conscious me needs to point out that if you aren't familiar with using them, to keep it to very short duration to prevent any damage. He hissed when the first one came off. Fortunately, I have two hands, so I kept up the sensory overload with the other toys while I slowly took the clothespins off.

While he moaned in pain and ecstasy, he begged me to suck his cock. Since he had been such a good boy, I decided to accommodate him- but I warned him not to even think of cumming. He was so hard that his cock must have been aching, and leaking precum all over himself. I took him all the way into my throat and he made such wonderful sounds while I dragged my tongue across the head of his cock.

But, I was only giving him a little taste :)  Time to make use of those spread legs! I put on a glove and lubed up, and slid two fingers into his tight little asshole. Henry loves prostate play and he's such a good little fucktoy for me. When I had him well lubed and warmed up, I brought out one of our new toys- a lovely, thick 11" veined cock. He loves big toys, and I love taking him as far as he can go. I strapped it on, and slowly worked it into his ass. I knew he wasn't going to last long, so I squirted some more lube onto his cock and jerked him off while I was fucking him, and soon he was begging for permission to cum. I thought about dragging it out a little, but decided to let him go and told him to cum for me. Mmm... the look on his face was wonderful!

After we were all cleaned up, it was his turn to thank me for all that wonderful attention. He could tell from the juices leaking down my thighs that I had enjoyed playing with him very much. He played with my clit and fisted my pussy and it was SO good. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm... Then he put on a cock sheath for me and fucked my sloppy wet pussy until I exploded and squirted all over him.

Oh... it was a good night. Three amazing hours together. I'm so, so in love with my husband.

NRE Bliss

I saw Charles again last night. The NRE is blissful and overwhelming. I love losing myself in it. I've never been the kind of person who does emotions by halves- I throw myself into things wholeheartedly to squeeze out every single drop of the feels. I am greedy- I want everything all at once. All the orgasms. All the talking and intellectual connection. All the passion and intensity of a new connection. And yet part of me still wants to leapfrog ahead and hope that there's real love and familiarity and security and connection there.

But this isn't my first rodeo. I know that NRE is just catching feels. While my brain is in the throes of chemical highs, it's screaming I love you. My heart knows that it needs time before that's really a thing. I know better than to let those words escape before I really mean them. I don't say that lightly. 

I keep reminding myself to slow down and enjoy one day at a time. This relationship might not last long. And even if it does, NRE certainly doesn't. There's no need to rush because there's nowhere to rush to- it'll be there if we get there- and then I'll be missing this stage. It's not always easy to remind myself to take it easy in the brain fog! 

I have such wonderful little images floating through my mind today... all the thoughts of what we did together last night. Slow, sensual sex with lots of kisses and cuddles and touches and sounds and sighs. I get so wet for him- another bonus of the NRE. And his cock fits in me so perfectly. I can't help but moan when he rubs his bare cock up and down my pussy and against my clit. And the feel of it when he first pushes it into me is amazing- and this is coming from someone who enjoys most of the other parts of sex much more than the penis in vagina part. I love listening to him cry out my name when I tell him to cum for me, and him holding me tight and pressing his lips on mine when he fills me with his semen. 

And now I'm texting him all these dirty little thoughts when he's at work and can't do a thing about it... but he still can't stop himself from reading them. I want to make him want me as much as I want him. I want him to be distracted and walk around with a massive erection just for me when he's supposed to be doing something else. 

And tonight I'm going to fuck Henry's brains out. I'm craving an intense connection with him and I want to do all the crazy fucked up things that we both enjoy so much. Plus, I'm horny as hell!

Just Floating Along

Nothing too exciting to report, but I like to write frequently at the beginning of a relationship because I enjoy going back and reading my old posts. All those crazy feelings at the start of a new relationship don't last very long, and I enjoy going back and basking in all the feels.

I really enjoy NRE. I know that it's just chemicals with a person I like for now, and I want to get to know him better so that it isn't solely that. But I also want to slow down and take it one day at a time and enjoy every minute. NRE doesn't last forever and I love the overwhelming bits of it. I enjoy intensity. I'm totally okay with it not being real love even though that's how my brain processes it right now. It's still pretty awesome. It's like being in a little bubble where it's just the two of us.

I know a lot of people don't like NRE; they don't enjoy the brain fog and the rose coloured glasses and prefer to get through it as quickly as possible to find "normal". Then I know some people who are NRE junkies, and they skip from relationship to relationship to keep feeling all the feelings. Honestly, if they don't let people know in advance that they're only in it for the short haul, I think it's a bit unethical to do that. I wouldn't want to fall into the NRE hole with someone who was planning to leave when the crazy passion starts to die down- that's a quick trip to heartache for me. But me? I won't chase NRE. I don't want to feel it unless I'm with someone I want to keep around. And then, I want to enjoy every minute of it.

Charles and I had a date the other day, and apparently we both independently considered cancelling it. He was exhausted, and I was irritable. We both decided to try and push through it because we wanted to see each other, and I'm glad we did. We were too tired for much hanging out, so we went straight to bed. We didn't have the energy or desire for one of our long and drawn out marathon sex sessions, but we definitely had desire for each other! We had a passionate quickie, and then snuggled in bed and talked a little while we kissed and touched and held each other. I love skin on skin, and spending time cuddling with a partner is wonderful to me.

Short and simple, but perfect.

Possibilities...

Mmm... sometimes it's fun to have things a bit up in the air- so many potential fun ideas!

I am really, really going to enjoy Charles. The NRE is hitting pretty hard. While we're in bed together I hear my hormones yelling "I love you!" but the head is still firmly enough in charge to recognize that after six weeks, it's infatuation. But it is very enjoyable infatuation indeed! Those words won't be coming out of my mouth for quite some time though, and I'd have to be feeling something I consider more real than oxytocin to say them. But I figure it's always good to acknowledge how crazy NRE can make us! Any time that you have a new connection that you hit it off well with, it's important to realize that the rose coloured glasses are solidly on!

Charles filled out my personal BDSM questionnaire, where I ask for detailed information on interests not only in terms of play activities, but D/s desires, thoughts about relationships, and quite a bit more. It's long, but it's a very useful tool. And really, it's pretty sexy to share this kind of information; I find it always makes my partners feel a bit on the vulnerable side, to tell me so much about what turns them on.

And of course, it helps to have stuff in writing so that people can clarify their wants and needs, and current potential interests. It's also fun to go back to it after time has passed to see how much has changed! Of course, discussions always remain open, but this is a good place to start.

Several of the things he wrote on the questionnaire seem like they are going to be delicious fun. I told him that I knew he was waiting for me to take the lead, and that I wasn't going to until we negotiated more explicitly. So this has been a good way to step up our activities a little!

We had such amazing sex the other night. Henry had asked if we wanted to hang out afterwards and I had said sure, about an hour? Apparently my sense of time is off a bit- we've been more like 2-3 hours every instance! I'm okay losing time like that :) 

Charles genuinely enjoys giving pleasure, and that's what makes me feel so positive about our relationship. He is coming from a place of wanting to serve- not that he doesn't want to get his own, but he definitely seems happy to give me what I want first. I sucked his big beautiful cock until he was almost painfully hard, and then gave him a naughty grin and told him to make me happy. He was leaking cum all over my thigh while he licked and fingered my wet cunt, and then used my favourite Bad Dragon dildo on me. No rush, no urgency... just so much slow pleasure and enjoying each other.

When I finally told him to slide his cock into my pussy, I was aching for him. He loves kissing me passionately while his cock is inside me, and I love how it keeps me focused in the moment, all the delicious sensations I'm feeling. We fucked for a while and stopped after I had a few orgasms, and went back to teasing and stroking and licking each other- just to keep him on the edge that much longer.

Soon he was begging to cum, and I told him to fuck me hard, while I grabbed him by the hair and pulled his mouth to mine. His cock always feels so amazing and my pussy feels so full around him when he's pounding me hard! It was so sexy to hear him cry out my name when he filled me with his cum. Some things will never stop being hot.

Can't wait to see him again soon :)

Corrupting the Innocent

So last night Charles and I made it official, that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. It's a little thing and labels don't change anything- but it feels good. I like knowing that we are both on the same page with how we're feeling about each other. I'm feeling pretty darn good about the whole thing :)

I took him to a local BDSM get together yesterday, and we had a lot of fun. I showed off my new boy toy to all my friends. Did my best to embarrass him a little, too, by calling him my sex toy. Henry doesn't embarrass at all, so this was delightful!

It was really hot at the bar last night, and one of my friends had handheld fans. She loaned me one so I wouldn't swelter and she was about to hand it to me and then she laughed and handed it to Charles. He was a good sport too- kept a nice breeze going for most of the evening. I did warn him that people were going to make assumptions if he was there with me :)  Our friends know that I don't switch.

Charles and I haven't been engaging in BDSM yet, but he's been interested in dipping his toes in. We just haven't done any kind of formal negotiation yet. Sometimes I think that surprises people about me; I don't just immediately take charge because I believe that has to be something consensually negotiated. But when people see I'm Dominant, they think that means I'm going to make all the decisions right off the bat. But how can I know that I'm making the right decisions for both of us, until I get to know my partner and their likes, dislikes, and boundaries? I prefer to do things this way.

After the get together, we went back to his place and met his roommates. That was a bit of a change! It's been a while since I had to deal with anyone's roommates unless you count a spouse. But I guess that's what happens when I cougar it up a little, LOL. They seem nice enough, although they were teasing him about having to give him some space so he could "bang his girlfriend". I told them not to worry, they'll be able to hear me no matter how much space they give him! I'm not shy and figured I might as well set a precedent!

It was a good night. Hot sweaty sex in his bed, followed by the walk of pride past the roommates' doors, for Henry to be waiting outside to bring me home. He had been enjoying some personal time himself and texted me dirty pictures of him playing, and when we got home my hand might have wandered a little and got him hard for the third time that day. It didn't take much to get him to fuck my dripping pussy hard and fill me with yet another load.

I love being a dirty little slut :)  A very happy, well satisfied slut.