Saturday, 20 August 2016

Bad Dragon

It's really amazing where the time goes. Henry and I have been dating for two years now, and I told him that at times it feels like much longer but at times I wonder how it's been so long. We've developed our own rhythm in the relationship and it's been different. I've learned that you just can't compare relationships, though; I was a different person too at the other point, so it's not fair to do so. With time being linear, nothing is ever a truly equal comparison. Most of the time though, I am happy with what we have, and that is what matters. We lost our NRE early because of all the upheaval in my life, but the place that it has come to still has a lot of that spark as well as companionate love and smoking hot sex. I could see myself staying here for a while :)

So, the hunt was on to find a suitable anniversary gift for Henry. We'd been looking at some really cool sex toys lately, and I thought that might be a gift for both of us ;)

Henry loves toys with lots of ridges and ribs, so I started looking at the specialty dildos at Bad Dragon. They have some really neat shapes and they all come with their own backstory, if you enjoy that kind of fantasy. Plus, you can customize your toy any way you want! While I like Tantus' silicone dildos, for example, I always felt that they were a little too hard for comfortable use. At Bad Dragon you can get your toy in anything from very soft if you want a packer, to firm if you want to feel every ridge. You can also have a suction cup or a cum tube installed. I admit that I thought the cum tube was a little weird until I realized it would be very useful for getting the lube all the way inside your ass or pussy, where it's probably needed the most. I didn't get this feature but I might consider it in the future. And you can even pick your own colouring, either a solid colour or a marbling of two colours you like or one colour fading to another. While I don't really care what colour a toy is when it's inside me, I do think that some of their toys are really gorgeous looking.

So I decided to pick out a ridgy toy for Henry. I wound up choosing the Apollo, in light blue, very firm (since Henry likes to feel all the ridges).

Isn't it pretty?

I also figured I'd get a toy for me, since sometimes I wear out Henry's hand while he's fisting me quite before I'm done having orgasms, and so I thought a nice big thick dildo would be perfect for that. So I ordered a Stan in Frankenpour (you can let them choose some random colouring and I thought that was cool).

Now the other cool option is that they come in a variety of sizes from mini to XL. They even have little size charts on their website that give you the stats for the length, circumference of various points, etc. Now the problem is that I don't really have a great head for numbers, and I have no idea how big my usual toys are- or Sam's fist for that matter. This was probably something I should have asked Henry about before buying the toys but I wanted to surprise him.

I ordered both toys in large. I figured that large on that scale should be suitable given how I like being fisted and he loves big toys and has even taken my hand once. Now, I didn't realize how many people love large specialty toys, so I may have made a teensy bit of a mistake. Or rather I should say a colossal mistake! When I opened the package, the Stan toy was larger than my forearm! It was absolutely huge. The Apollo was a bit smaller but not too much. Whoops!

I did decide to give them to Henry, and when he saw them he laughed when he saw what I'd done and said it was worth the money just to see it. We made all kinds of jokes about what we could use the Stan for- like taking it to the swinger's club and next time we run into a mouthy guy, pull it out and say that I like to fuck men with it ;)

We decided to give Apollo a try, though. Henry loved the ribbing on it, even though all he could really use was the head. We tried it on me (don't forget to wash it between uses!) and I couldn't get it past the knot either, but I loved the really full sensation in my pussy. This one is definitely going to be in our useful toy box!

I wound up selling the Stan to someone else, and we have already ordered a couple more toys in much more reasonable sizes that might actually fit inside us :) We ordered a Flint in small, firm, for Henry, another Stan for me but in small, and a basilisk sheath. I thought that was pretty cool- it's like a cover that goes over a cock but leaves the head exposed so that the man can still have sensation, but the woman gets a thicker and ridgier cock to enjoy. I'm definitely looking forward to trying it out, and I will write about our experiences when I get it. I think we're going to enjoy this site! Oh, and before you ask, I paid for my order, and Bad Dragon didn't ask me to write about the toys- I just wanted to share my experiences with you.

Saturday, 6 August 2016

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Ok, so I like the Everly Brothers. Sue me :)

I find it interesting that when I was younger I read about women who had orgasms in their sleep and kind of scoffed at it. I mean, I know it happens to men, but I didn't ever have anything like that happen to me, nor did I know any women who would admit to it whether they experienced it or not. Now that I'm in my thirties, though, I find to my delight that it is something that does happen every once in a while.

So what's it like for a man? Do you remember the dream in the morning, or do you just wake up wet and sticky? I've had lots of sexy dreams in my life, but none like what I've been experiencing the last year or so until recently. More so than the details of the dream, I remember overwhelming pleasure that pulses through my whole vagina. It's intense and incredible and I wake up feeling good but also hungry for more. I'm actually unsure if they're better than what I get when I'm awake, if I was mentally present and relaxed and ready for it. And I have some pretty amazing orgasms when I'm awake, that's for sure!

The other thing I find interesting is that while my primary way to orgasm is via my clit, and secondarily via my A spot (if you haven't read about the anterior fornix, get your ass over to Google and learn how to deliver a new level of pleasure to your female partners. Just wait until they're all warmed up and ready before you go for it!). But these sleepgasms are vaginal, as far as I can tell, since that's where the pleasure radiates from so intensely. It's exceptionally rare for me to have a vaginal orgasm during sex. I can pretty much count the number of orgasms I've had during PIV sex, unless I happen to be fucking a man with a cock that curves upwards in just the right way. So it makes me curious why this happens the way it does. I'm certainly happy to have the opportunity to experience these, though! Generally they happen when I am craving sex- the female equivalent of deadly sperm buildup? :) But they're relatively infrequent, even if I haven't been having sex for a while.

Last night Henry and I were cuddled up in bed and I mentioned the lovely sleepgasms I had the night before. I couldn't recall much of what was happening, but the vivid memory of the pleasure I experienced was still burned in my head. It wasn't long before Henry's fingers were slipping into my pussy and giving me something fresh to think about! He has never given me vaginal orgasms like these, but I can't complain about the times he makes me cum until I can't speak and squirt all over the bed! I climbed on his cock and he played with my clit until I was having orgasm after orgasm clenched around his cock before he filled me with cum. We snuggled together afterwards, full of contentment. I've always said I'm not as much for PIV sex, but there is something to be said for the connection it can build with someone you love. That, and orgasms!

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

More Musings on Sex

I find it really interesting that I have been mostly thinking of myself as "monogamous" for the last year or so, despite having a few other sexual partners. Most of the time, Henry and I have been together for those experiences and so I feel like they've more been about us doing things together, which for some odd reason classifies in my head as monogamous. Even with the few partners I have had on my own there hasn't been anything romantic. They all have been pretty much friends with benefits, which is still awesome and connected, but not in a polyamorous sense. Which at this point in time, is perfectly fine with me. I'm still dealing with a lot of stress in my life and I am not sure I have the energy to devote to an additional romantic relationship. I suspect that is partly why my relationship with Jennifer morphed more into a friendship- I wasn't holding up my end the way I think is important. I'm perfectly happy with more sex though!

My natural sex drive is much higher than Henry's, as a general rule. In addition to that, when his health conditions flare up, there are often larger blocks of time where we can't have sex at all. And yeah, I have lots of vibrators and sex toys, but nothing really is quite as satisfying as a good round of sex. I've never been able to make myself squirt solo, for example, since I find that a large portion of that is in my head in addition to playing with the right spot. And I do crave the cuddles and kisses and sensual touch in addition to the orgasms. Masturbation is fine when I need mechanical release, but it's just not the same. I normally find that I'll masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, with little breaks in between to find a new piece of erotica or a porn video. For the first half hour or so, I usually can't orgasm at all- and if you've fucked me, you know that when I'm turned on I can orgasm easily within minutes. Then for an hour or so, I have some, and they're generally pretty good, but it feels like something is missing, so I keep going. Then I start to desensitize from the vibrator and start losing the ability to cum this way, and I get frustrated. So you can see how a masturbatory session isn't all that thrilling to me! I much prefer to use my toys with a partner.

So lately, I've been finding that I really do want to have more sex while understanding that Henry really can't up his frequency at times. I am finding myself remarkably hesitant to do so, though. Partly I think it's because we aren't married; we've been together for two years, but there isn't the depth and commitment that there is in a marriage. Which makes absolutely no sense since my marriage to Mark didn't stop things from ending, and Henry wholeheartedly encourages me to take new partners when I feel the desire to.

Part of it is also the reminder that no matter how much sex I have outside my relationship with Henry, that it will never replace sex with Henry. You can't use intimacy with one person as a crutch for a lack with another. And so I'm a little pensive about seeking another regular partner because I know it won't make me desire Henry any less. It might make me a little happier if it's good, connected sex though, and so I'm still seriously considering it.

In the meantime, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone(s) to join us in bed once Henry was feeling up to it. I like having threesomes and groups with him- it still fuels the intimacy between us. And frankly, it is hot watching him fuck someone! My own personal sex show ;)

But, I digress! So I got the usual garbage replies, and then one from a married couple in the BDSM community, who it turns out we sort of know on sight but don't really know. We've been chatting with them and so far are hitting it off, so we'll see how it goes! I think we could have a lot of fun with these guys if we all feel chemistry. And if not- there'll be someone else :)

Sunday, 31 July 2016

Needs & Wants

We all have lists of what is important to us in a relationship. What's on yours? The one that surprises me is how low many people rank sexual compatibility. I mean, especially if you're monogamous, you're pledging to spend the rest of your life having sex with only this person. Are you going to be content with that? I think that while certainly a lot of other factors are very important, having similar drives and sexual desires is equally important. Which, not to get off topic, is why I think that people who believe no sex before marriage are absolutely insane, because then it becomes a total lottery if you have the same interests. You may not even know yourself!

I think that sex is a need, and that it's critical in a healthy relationship (unless of course, you're in an asexual relationship that everyone is happy with). Cops say that most domestic violence is about love or money, and that makes sense that those are things people would fight about.

It surprises me at times exactly how important sex is to me, but it really is. It's part of how I connect to my partners, and build intimacy. It helps me destress in a way that masturbation doesn't. And the post sex cuddles are amazing. Of course, I'm quite capable of and I enjoy casual sex, but it won't take away the need I have to connect sexually with my primary partner.

Henry has been sick for a while, so we haven't had as much sex as I'd like. As my readers know, I generally have a pretty high sex drive, to say the least! And I happened to be ovulating this weekend (yes I'm on birth control, but I still keep track of my cycle), so I was pretty crazy horny. Watching porn, reading erotica, and chatting with some people on CL (ask me about that later!). My pussy was just dripping even though no one had touched me yet :) Henry noticed and he said he might be up to helping me out with my problem, and much to my delight, he was! We put on some porn and added our own sounds to the ones on the TV :) Nothing too long or intense since he was still pretty tired, but enough that I squirted all over him and the bed (thank goodness for plastic mattress protectors, ladies!).

The point of this post though was just to describe the amazing change in my mood after we had sex. I felt so happy and at peace. Not stressed. Just relaxed and lovey and cuddly and so much better. I really did need that sex- it wasn't just something I wanted. I'm really lucky to have a partner who understands that. It made me feel so close to Henry and that was good. Of course, now I want to jump his bones again today! ;)

Our second anniversary is coming up, and I've already ordered his present. I'm looking forward to writing about it here- I think you all will enjoy it and rush out to buy one for yourselves! Stay tuned...

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Plain But Filling

Sometimes I think sex is like food. We like to have the exotic dishes and interesting flavours (well, if you don't, I certainly do!) but sometimes we just need some comfort food.

Last night wasn't anything too exciting. No whips and chains or the like, no other people. My drive for BDSM has been a little low lately with all the stress in my life, but I am sure that it will come back. Twisted bastards like me need a little (or a lot) of that in our lives. Last night we just put on some awesome orgy clips from Pornhub and lay in bed together watching and commenting and talking about our desires and fantasies before having some really good and passionate sex. My pussy was so wet and open for his fingers while he played with my clit and I was aching to be filled. I squirted like crazy all over him and it felt SO good! When he finally slipped his cock slowly inside me, teasingly, I clenched my pussy around him so that he couldn't escape so easily ;)

It was really good, and I love the feeling of cum dripping out of my pussy. For some reason, bareback sex when we both cum together leaves me feeling so relaxed and connected and satisfied. It's more than if we just play and have orgasms without him ending in my pussy (which happens more often than not because of our individual preferences; it's easier for us both to cum in activities other than PIV sex). I just find sex like that to be really connective and we do it more for that than for anything else.

So last night wasn't noteworthy, but it was just what we needed. I don't usually write about my "ordinary" sex life, but just so you know, it's there :) I'm still sneaking looks at him today with a smile on my lips and looking forward to doing it again.

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

What is Love?

Funny how sometimes when I write here I find myself posting some delightfully erotic stories, and sometimes I find myself musing a little. This one was partly inspired by a comment a friend of mine posted on a board, and it resonated, so I decided to take a shot at it. Feel free to share your own thoughts, if you like!

So how do we define love? Either there are a whole bunch of different kinds, or there are different degrees, or else it's a really broad term. Do we love our children the same way we love a partner? I'm assuming most people would say no, but when you strip it all away, is it just another version of the same feeling?

I remember when I first started learning about my polyamorous orientation that I categorized some love as "real" and some as "not real". At the time, it made sense; it was my way of categorizing between relationships that had longevity and those that were just fun. But now it makes me wonder- does that mean that the requirement of real love is overcoming obstacles? Does it mean that a passionate but brief relationship that flames out isn't love? Does it mean that someone we share fun times but not problems with isn't love?

For me, I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's all love, in so many different ways. I have loved some of my secondary partners dearly, even though I would never want to build a life with them. We haven't conquered any specific adversities, nor have I had the mundane drudgery of daily life. I don't think that should be a requirement for love because that means that people who choose to live on their own but still be partnered (which is a growing percentage of relationships, surprisingly) and hence avoid most of that boring stuff don't experience true love. I think that as long as you know the person so that you love them and not an image of them you have created in your own mind, that it's real. So, as nonspecific as a definition it is, I've decided that I believe that if it feels like love to you (and it's past the lovely brain chemicals phase of NRE!), then it is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Enjoy your love, whether it's for a day or a lifetime, a friend or a spouse.

A few nights ago, I got to revisit some passionate intensity of love and desire with Henry. We've been together for almost two years now, and while that isn't really very long as relationships go, we've felt some changes in our feelings and how we relate to each other, things that are normal. Less of the fiery passion and more of the companionate love. I wanted to try and describe the feeling so that when I need the memory, I can come back and remember the way I felt in that moment.

It was so similar to how I feel during NRE. My mind is normally going with several trains of thought at once, but when we were holding each other, my brain was quiet and I was in a haze of contentment and only thinking of him and how right it felt to be with him. I felt so full of love, and so loved. I was relaxed and not worried about my problems and completely present in the moment. I think that was the critical part, actually. In so much of my life, I'm thinking about other things or focusing on what needs to be done or examining how I feel, rather than simply feeling. It was good to lose myself for a little while and know that he was feeling the same way about me. It's good to feel loved like that and not just as a functional partner.

It was about as perfect as it gets. And we need that, sometimes. Henry and I have had a lot going on in our lives and haven't felt that perfect connection in a while, and it helped bring us closer together. Sometimes, we have to forget the functional and enjoy the little moments that keep us happy and in love.

Friday, 1 July 2016

Reconnections

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I really do love the trust and freedom that go along with a poly relationship. I would say that I was/am wired to be jealous. I don't like to share. But when it really gets down to brass tacks for me, I know that if I start to feel jealous it's because my needs aren't being met. When I'm comfortable and trusting and happy in my relationship. it gives me the emotional self regulation to see that my partner enjoying times with others doesn't damage our relationship, and that my own experiences with other partners don't take anything away, either.

Yesterday I went over to John's house and hung out with him and his family. They've always been so welcoming to me, even after John and I broke up. There was never really any rancor about our breakup, either. We just realized that a romantic relationship wasn't going to work at that point in our lives. I still care about him deeply and we're close friends; we're just not dating anymore. Honestly, I wish all of my breakups could end this way but sometimes there's just too much damage. I can enjoy it when it's like this, though!

We spent the evening playing board games and hanging out with John's brother in law and his girlfriend, and then a nice relaxing hot tub. I really love their hot tub :) John invited me to spend the night since it was after 3am. I wasn't too sure since I hadn't planned on it and didn't bring anything with me, but I said I'd stay for a while at least.

It was really good to be with him again. Different but familiar all at once. I missed his kisses and his arms around me, and it didn't hurt how he kept telling me how hot and sexy I am and how much he loves my body. Since I've gained a few pounds I've been a little self conscious about my appearance and it was so good to feel attractive and be desired. We kissed and cuddled and enjoyed some BDSM together. I always love watching him go from his sassy self to a puddle when I trigger that core of submission inside him. It turns me on like nothing else to see a partner react to me like that.

It's just funny how relationships evolve. I was still learning about myself as a Domme (I consider that I still am, although now I know much more about who I am and what I want), and I was more hesitant playing with John when we were together because I was exploring my own limits and desires, and I didn't want to go further than my technical skill level. Now? Things would have been different. I don't plan to get back into a relationship with John, but we can still have fun together sometimes :) I still love him, although now I think it's a different kind of love. Either way, I'm glad that I can still have him in my life. I doubt many monogamous partners would be thrilled that we often text each other late at night and still have a special connection.

By the time we were done playing it was 6am and I decided to go home instead of sleeping there, since the rest of the household would be awake soon and I'm a light sleeper. Much as I love cuddles, the only partner I've enjoyed sleeping cuddled up with so far is Henry. He's still away at his camping festival having some fun of his own, and I'm not sure when he'll be back. I miss him and I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon.