Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Hopes & Dreams

It's really amazing sometimes how the path we walk takes us places we never would have dreamed. And perhaps it's part of the wonderful moments in life, that not everything can be predicted. When my marriage ended, my counsellor told me that I was mourning the loss of the future I had planned, and in a lot of ways she was right. Uncertainty is scary. But it can also bring us to exciting places, too.

Some doors open solely because others have closed. There are so many ways I could have not met Henry, or that our relationship would have ended because of circumstances beyond our control. Instead, we would up making it work with a leap of faith, and we've been together for 2 1/2 years now. Sometimes I look back and think about all the things I learned- I am definitely not the same person I was even a year or two or five years ago. Like in Alice in Wonderland, I can't go back to yesterday because I'm not the same person I was then. And while I do miss some of those characteristics I used to have, I've also learned some things about myself and about relationships.

I could never have imagined I'd be here on this precipice, looking over the edge and still preparing to step off. I thought my life was all planned out, and now I know that it's not. But it's going to be what I choose to make of it, and not following a plan anymore. And I feel so lucky that I've found someone to walk this road with me.

On Christmas Eve, I asked Henry to marry me, and he said yes.

Thursday, 8 December 2016

Tis the Season

So, I haven't written much lately because life has been crazy, and that means that sex and kink have taken a bit of a backseat. Henry and I haven't been going to parties, nor have we been having wild and crazy sex with anyone but each other. Not that there's anything wrong with that :) He and I actually just sat down and recommitted to our D/s relationship because we've been finding that we both miss it. It's not just play; it's part of who we are. I miss connecting on that level. A few months ago, the pendant I gave him as a sign of our D/s relationship broke. He never took it off so it took some heavy wear- we had to replace the chain twice! But this time it was unrepairable. Given our new commitment, I ordered him this for Christmas:

Can't wait to give it to him!

I've noticed (and we've discussed) that over the past year or so, Henry and I have been mostly emotionally monogamous. We have had our flings and sexual friends, separately and together, but neither of us has had any interest in dating someone else. Part of that I think is because our relationship is relatively new, part of it because things have been tumultuous, and part of it simply because we haven't met anyone we're interested in dating. Personally, I've been carrying so much baggage that I don't want to burden a new person with it. But the door is still open- we don't have a closed relationship and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

In the meantime, I've been indulging a crush on a friend of mine, *George, who recently popped back into my life. We met and became friends in the local BDSM community, and then he dropped off the page for a few years. We just reconnected again, and I've been enjoying the energy and interplay between us. No need for it to go anywhere specifically, but fantasies are fun!

I'm also finding that NRE isn't necessarily related to romantic relationships. I notice myself having similar responses when I make a new connection that excites me regardless of the form that connection takes. I have gotten similar effects from a new friendship as well. Brain chemicals can be good times LOL!

So, we're still here and chugging along... if you'll excuse me I'm back to daydreaming about the sexy times Henry and I had last night... and thinking about what we'll do tonight!

Monday, 12 September 2016


It's always interesting when people use labels, and then have different definitions for that same label. It can certainly cause some communication issues! I think labels provide a good starting point, but if you don't know what that definition means to that person it still doesn't give you all that much information. Certainly I've run into this a few times- people calling themselves "submissive" when what they really mean is "wanting someone to do the stuff that they fantasize about to them", when my definition is "someone who wants to please their partner and follow their lead". That's a pretty wide gap there!

I seem to have run into another one, but it led to a very interesting night. I had wanted to hook up with Rob again, since I enjoyed his magic tongue so much, but Donna was coming over for a visit. I had told her all about him since we have pretty open discussions about our sex lives. She's got a boyfriend now (the guy I hooked her up with!), but she still enjoys hearing my stories. She and I have become pretty close. Ah, but alas for being straight and monogamous!

Anyway, I mentioned to her that Rob had asked if I would use my urethral sounds on him next time he came by, and I said sure. I haven't used them in a while and it's always fun to pop someone's cherry with a new activity. Donna said she had never seen sounding being done, so I said if she wanted to that I'd be happy to teach her. Rob was texting me and suggesting he come by, so we took him up on it. She had also asked me about how to find a man's prostate and I said we could do that too if she wanted.

Ah, but the definitions! I know she does BDSM play with other people but she's sexually monogamous. It's interesting to see how she defined this, because I sure think that inserting metal rods into a man's cock while masturbating him and sliding your finger into his ass is sexual, but we all do things differently. Wonder if that means there's still a chance for a threesome with her? Just kidding!

It was fun to watch them and direct, though. I had to stay close and supervise since this is medical play and pretty edgy. Rob certainly enjoyed the attentions of two beautiful women while he was getting his prostate stroked from two angles! Donna had never been inside a partner before, and she said it was a pretty cool sensation even through the latex glove. It wasn't long before Rob was cumming all over himself.

I was kind of curious to see if she was going to enjoy his mouth, too. After all, we called him her science experiment while she was learning to sound, so maybe that would be, too? But she did decide to head out. Poor Rob didn't get to bury his face in two wet cunts, but I can last long enough and have more orgasms than two average women I think :) It was a good night.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Still A Slut at Heart

Well, you can take the slut out of the girl... oh wait, no you can't- whatever way you want to interpret that! :)

Henry's been away for a little while, and I've found myself needing some satiation! It's funny, apparently with a hormonal IUD it's supposed to entirely suppress ovulation, but I'm positive that mine does not. I track my cycle and for 3-4 days a month I notice that I go a little crazier than usual. That's when I start watching more extreme porn or thinking about fantasies that might be a bit more outside my usual comfort zone. At any rate, it is a bad time for me to be left without a partner to satisfy me!

I wound up back on Craigslist, and this time I decided to pull the trigger on finding someone and not just fool around. Surprisingly, I got a number of really good quality responses, which isn't always the case. I employ pretty good screening mechanisms to weed out the wankers who just want to get their dicks wet and will lie about anything to get there. So far it hasn't been perfect, but I definitely get the guys who like giving pleasure as opposed to the ones who just want their own. That doesn't necessarily mean they will be talented, but I've found there is definitely some correlation. After all, people who like what they're doing have a more vested interest in doing it well :)

So I was narrowing it down, which was actually more difficult than usual. I picked a guy in his late 40s because I've found that age sometimes (but not always) correlates with skill, so I was playing the odds. But I had another guy, *Rob, who interested me, and I told him to save my email address. When I told him I was saving him for another day because I had someone on the way, he told me that if I wasn't perfectly satisfied after the first guy, to send him a text and he'd come over. Part of me has never gotten over the delight of being a dirty slut, and the idea of having two complete strangers come over and lick my pussy sounded lovely, so I told him he'd probably hear from me- after all, I'm difficult to tap out!

So guy #1 came over... I had made it very clear in my ad that I was looking for someone to come over, lick and finger my pussy until I was done, and then leave. No reciprocation, no awkward small talk. Just a human fuck toy :) I brought him to my bedroom, turned on the porn (I enjoy watching and listening to porn while I'm having sex, a lot of the time), and took off my dress. It felt like seconds before he had his face buried in my wet cunt and it was SO good. I love Henry and he's a fantastic lover, but he's much more comfortable using his hands than his tongue and I found myself really missing the sensation. This guy was certainly above average, but couldn't quite get together the rhythm of working his fingers and tongue at the same time. I certainly enjoyed using him, especially listening to his dirty talk as he watched me cum, and listening to him say he was going to go jack off in his car thinking about me :)

But... I felt like I could use some more orgasms, so I texted for Rob to come over. I'm giving him a nickname since I think he'll be getting an encore! He was very good, both with his fingers and his tongue, and I squirted all over him a few times. I really, really needed that. I even offered to give him a blowjob afterwards since I was feeling so satiated- I'm very talented with my mouth, too ;)

I fucked two complete strangers in one night, back to back (at least for my definition of fucking; cocks aren't required!), and felt pretty awesome afterwards. It's nice to be slutty sometimes :)

Saturday, 20 August 2016

Bad Dragon

It's really amazing where the time goes. Henry and I have been dating for two years now, and I told him that at times it feels like much longer but at times I wonder how it's been so long. We've developed our own rhythm in the relationship and it's been different. I've learned that you just can't compare relationships, though; I was a different person too at the other point, so it's not fair to do so. With time being linear, nothing is ever a truly equal comparison. Most of the time though, I am happy with what we have, and that is what matters. We lost our NRE early because of all the upheaval in my life, but the place that it has come to still has a lot of that spark as well as companionate love and smoking hot sex. I could see myself staying here for a while :)

So, the hunt was on to find a suitable anniversary gift for Henry. We'd been looking at some really cool sex toys lately, and I thought that might be a gift for both of us ;)

Henry loves toys with lots of ridges and ribs, so I started looking at the specialty dildos at Bad Dragon. They have some really neat shapes and they all come with their own backstory, if you enjoy that kind of fantasy. Plus, you can customize your toy any way you want! While I like Tantus' silicone dildos, for example, I always felt that they were a little too hard for comfortable use. At Bad Dragon you can get your toy in anything from very soft if you want a packer, to firm if you want to feel every ridge. You can also have a suction cup or a cum tube installed. I admit that I thought the cum tube was a little weird until I realized it would be very useful for getting the lube all the way inside your ass or pussy, where it's probably needed the most. I didn't get this feature but I might consider it in the future. And you can even pick your own colouring, either a solid colour or a marbling of two colours you like or one colour fading to another. While I don't really care what colour a toy is when it's inside me, I do think that some of their toys are really gorgeous looking.

So I decided to pick out a ridgy toy for Henry. I wound up choosing the Apollo, in light blue, very firm (since Henry likes to feel all the ridges).

Isn't it pretty?

I also figured I'd get a toy for me, since sometimes I wear out Henry's hand while he's fisting me quite before I'm done having orgasms, and so I thought a nice big thick dildo would be perfect for that. So I ordered a Stan in Frankenpour (you can let them choose some random colouring and I thought that was cool).

Now the other cool option is that they come in a variety of sizes from mini to XL. They even have little size charts on their website that give you the stats for the length, circumference of various points, etc. Now the problem is that I don't really have a great head for numbers, and I have no idea how big my usual toys are- or Sam's fist for that matter. This was probably something I should have asked Henry about before buying the toys but I wanted to surprise him.

I ordered both toys in large. I figured that large on that scale should be suitable given how I like being fisted and he loves big toys and has even taken my hand once. Now, I didn't realize how many people love large specialty toys, so I may have made a teensy bit of a mistake. Or rather I should say a colossal mistake! When I opened the package, the Stan toy was larger than my forearm! It was absolutely huge. The Apollo was a bit smaller but not too much. Whoops!

I did decide to give them to Henry, and when he saw them he laughed when he saw what I'd done and said it was worth the money just to see it. We made all kinds of jokes about what we could use the Stan for- like taking it to the swinger's club and next time we run into a mouthy guy, pull it out and say that I like to fuck men with it ;)

We decided to give Apollo a try, though. Henry loved the ribbing on it, even though all he could really use was the head. We tried it on me (don't forget to wash it between uses!) and I couldn't get it past the knot either, but I loved the really full sensation in my pussy. This one is definitely going to be in our useful toy box!

I wound up selling the Stan to someone else, and we have already ordered a couple more toys in much more reasonable sizes that might actually fit inside us :) We ordered a Flint in small, firm, for Henry, another Stan for me but in small, and a basilisk sheath. I thought that was pretty cool- it's like a cover that goes over a cock but leaves the head exposed so that the man can still have sensation, but the woman gets a thicker and ridgier cock to enjoy. I'm definitely looking forward to trying it out, and I will write about our experiences when I get it. I think we're going to enjoy this site! Oh, and before you ask, I paid for my order, and Bad Dragon didn't ask me to write about the toys- I just wanted to share my experiences with you.

Saturday, 6 August 2016

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Ok, so I like the Everly Brothers. Sue me :)

I find it interesting that when I was younger I read about women who had orgasms in their sleep and kind of scoffed at it. I mean, I know it happens to men, but I didn't ever have anything like that happen to me, nor did I know any women who would admit to it whether they experienced it or not. Now that I'm in my thirties, though, I find to my delight that it is something that does happen every once in a while.

So what's it like for a man? Do you remember the dream in the morning, or do you just wake up wet and sticky? I've had lots of sexy dreams in my life, but none like what I've been experiencing the last year or so until recently. More so than the details of the dream, I remember overwhelming pleasure that pulses through my whole vagina. It's intense and incredible and I wake up feeling good but also hungry for more. I'm actually unsure if they're better than what I get when I'm awake, if I was mentally present and relaxed and ready for it. And I have some pretty amazing orgasms when I'm awake, that's for sure!

The other thing I find interesting is that while my primary way to orgasm is via my clit, and secondarily via my A spot (if you haven't read about the anterior fornix, get your ass over to Google and learn how to deliver a new level of pleasure to your female partners. Just wait until they're all warmed up and ready before you go for it!). But these sleepgasms are vaginal, as far as I can tell, since that's where the pleasure radiates from so intensely. It's exceptionally rare for me to have a vaginal orgasm during sex. I can pretty much count the number of orgasms I've had during PIV sex, unless I happen to be fucking a man with a cock that curves upwards in just the right way. So it makes me curious why this happens the way it does. I'm certainly happy to have the opportunity to experience these, though! Generally they happen when I am craving sex- the female equivalent of deadly sperm buildup? :) But they're relatively infrequent, even if I haven't been having sex for a while.

Last night Henry and I were cuddled up in bed and I mentioned the lovely sleepgasms I had the night before. I couldn't recall much of what was happening, but the vivid memory of the pleasure I experienced was still burned in my head. It wasn't long before Henry's fingers were slipping into my pussy and giving me something fresh to think about! He has never given me vaginal orgasms like these, but I can't complain about the times he makes me cum until I can't speak and squirt all over the bed! I climbed on his cock and he played with my clit until I was having orgasm after orgasm clenched around his cock before he filled me with cum. We snuggled together afterwards, full of contentment. I've always said I'm not as much for PIV sex, but there is something to be said for the connection it can build with someone you love. That, and orgasms!

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

More Musings on Sex

I find it really interesting that I have been mostly thinking of myself as "monogamous" for the last year or so, despite having a few other sexual partners. Most of the time, Henry and I have been together for those experiences and so I feel like they've more been about us doing things together, which for some odd reason classifies in my head as monogamous. Even with the few partners I have had on my own there hasn't been anything romantic. They all have been pretty much friends with benefits, which is still awesome and connected, but not in a polyamorous sense. Which at this point in time, is perfectly fine with me. I'm still dealing with a lot of stress in my life and I am not sure I have the energy to devote to an additional romantic relationship. I suspect that is partly why my relationship with Jennifer morphed more into a friendship- I wasn't holding up my end the way I think is important. I'm perfectly happy with more sex though!

My natural sex drive is much higher than Henry's, as a general rule. In addition to that, when his health conditions flare up, there are often larger blocks of time where we can't have sex at all. And yeah, I have lots of vibrators and sex toys, but nothing really is quite as satisfying as a good round of sex. I've never been able to make myself squirt solo, for example, since I find that a large portion of that is in my head in addition to playing with the right spot. And I do crave the cuddles and kisses and sensual touch in addition to the orgasms. Masturbation is fine when I need mechanical release, but it's just not the same. I normally find that I'll masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, with little breaks in between to find a new piece of erotica or a porn video. For the first half hour or so, I usually can't orgasm at all- and if you've fucked me, you know that when I'm turned on I can orgasm easily within minutes. Then for an hour or so, I have some, and they're generally pretty good, but it feels like something is missing, so I keep going. Then I start to desensitize from the vibrator and start losing the ability to cum this way, and I get frustrated. So you can see how a masturbatory session isn't all that thrilling to me! I much prefer to use my toys with a partner.

So lately, I've been finding that I really do want to have more sex while understanding that Henry really can't up his frequency at times. I am finding myself remarkably hesitant to do so, though. Partly I think it's because we aren't married; we've been together for two years, but there isn't the depth and commitment that there is in a marriage. Which makes absolutely no sense since my marriage to Mark didn't stop things from ending, and Henry wholeheartedly encourages me to take new partners when I feel the desire to.

Part of it is also the reminder that no matter how much sex I have outside my relationship with Henry, that it will never replace sex with Henry. You can't use intimacy with one person as a crutch for a lack with another. And so I'm a little pensive about seeking another regular partner because I know it won't make me desire Henry any less. It might make me a little happier if it's good, connected sex though, and so I'm still seriously considering it.

In the meantime, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone(s) to join us in bed once Henry was feeling up to it. I like having threesomes and groups with him- it still fuels the intimacy between us. And frankly, it is hot watching him fuck someone! My own personal sex show ;)

But, I digress! So I got the usual garbage replies, and then one from a married couple in the BDSM community, who it turns out we sort of know on sight but don't really know. We've been chatting with them and so far are hitting it off, so we'll see how it goes! I think we could have a lot of fun with these guys if we all feel chemistry. And if not- there'll be someone else :)