Tuesday, 18 February 2020

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had a really lovely weekend with Henry. We don't normally celebrate Valentine's Day, but it fell on a Friday and since that's our relatively newly designated date night (well, last six months or so anyway), we decided to do something just a tad bit more special. Unfortunately, Henry's chronic health problems were flaring up, so instead of having all our special plans on one day, we spread them out over the whole weekend. Which actually might have been fortunate, except that I'd never want to call a partner's discomfort fortunate!

On Friday, we made delicious appetizers and had some family time with Kiddo watching his favourite show, and then watched Chasing Amy. Man, that movie has aged badly and I spent a bunch of time yelling at the TV. But I tend to do that anyway; it's like sports for me :P

Saturday, we took it easy. Spent family time with Kiddo and then I made a yummy fish chowder from a meal box. Like I've said before, I really enjoy those meal boxes. I find it's yet another way to make dinner an activity and a way to connect, rather than just being food. There are so many ways to make food social.

Sunday, we decided to eat the rest of the treats we had bought, so we made smoked salmon toasts, a shrimp ring, empanadas, and pumpernickel bread with spinach dip. It was delicious. Then we had dessert in bed- white chocolate raspberry cake and a bottle of very nice champagne. This weekend has been horrible for the diet but so worth it! Quality time is so important (and no it doesn't have to be food but I don't mind that we do it sometimes). I know we get so much functional time with nesting partners, but I want to make sure we get lots of special time too.

It's actually funny, Charles was saying the other day that we get the good times and the bad times but very little of the in-between times in our relationship, and he's right. Whereas my marriage gets a lot of the in between times. No real easy way to make that trade, though! I suggested that we do more just hanging out in each other's space in a low key sort of way, and I guess we'll see how that goes.

I miss Charles since I haven't seen him since last Wednesday, but looking forward to spending at least part of the next two days with him given that he still has work.

So nothing earthshattering has been going on- I'm not a fan of huge fancy gifts or extravagant gestures for events like Valentine's Day- but I have been enjoying the content reflection and love with my favourite people.

Wednesday, 5 February 2020

Sex as Barometer

I think that in normal, healthy relationships, that sex can be such a reliable indicator of how things are going. When sexual frequency slows down, it often means that something is going on- whether it's life stress, a partner feeling disconnected, health issues, or something else. Generally, it's a sign that you need to pay attention to whatever is going on so you can refocus on your relationship.

There are lots of times in our lives when things are stressful or busy. It's so easy to think that your relationship can take a back seat for a little while when you attend to what needs doing. But when someone is a priority to you, you need to show them that. You need to make that effort to stay connected, even when there is life stress. That's how people grow together instead of apart.

Henry and I both know that we feel better when we're having lots of sex. We are happier, more relaxed, and we feel closer to each other. And yet sometimes when things are going on, we let it slide, even knowing that. We've been making more of a point that when this happens, that we schedule sex in since it gives us both a boost. It sounds unsexy, but it's so worth it if it means we start getting out of whatever rut we're in!

Of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't pay attention to whatever was causing the rut. Sometimes there isn't anything to be done about it, like when there's health issues. But at least acknowledging the issue can be very helpful sometimes. And if there is something you need to talk about? You both will be in a better mindframe after some bedrocking sex!

I have to admit this is why I simply cannot understand cuckold type relationships where the hotwife and cuckold no longer have sex at all. I enjoy chastity play as much as the next Domme, but when I'm done my teasing, I want that device off so I can enjoy my partner's cock! And I never want to lose that intimate connection and bonding when I have sex with someone I love. Sport fucking is just fine, but it misses that wonderful connection and intimacy when you have sex in a relationship.

The past couple of days have been so wonderful and I am feeling much more energized and happy again. Yesterday, Charles came over for date night and we made a meal box together. I really enjoy that as a bonding activity, it's fun to cook something new and different together. Then we went to bed and had some really intimate conversation. Relationships will all hit their own level, like I said in my last post, and while I enjoy sex with Charles, that's not all I want from him. I want that level of trust and connection and emotional intimacy. We've been dating for over a year and a half now, and he means so much to me. And then we had amazing sex :)  It's so nice to get it in one package! After this long, it's still hard letting go of him at night so that we can go to sleep (I hate cuddling when I'm trying to sleep!). He had to leave early in the morning for work, but told me he'd come back again tonight.

Henry happened to be home this afternoon, so we decided to build in a little block of time for us! Nooners can be fun, just to shake things up a bit (although that means a lot of sheet changing between partners!). We put on some great porn, and I started off by kissing and touching Henry all over, but not near his cock. He was already so excitable, since he had cleaned out his ass and was wearing one of his favourite plugs. Just feeling my breath over his balls while I was kissing his inner thighs had his cock begging for my attention. But sometimes it's fun to keep him waiting! When he couldn't stand it any longer, I took him all the way in my mouth and played alternately with his nipples and balls while I was sucking his cock. I love listening to his moans and feeling him squirm in pleasure. He didn't want to cum just yet though, so when he got close, it was my turn.

My pussy was already dripping and was so senstive today. I've been having some issues orgasming, as I've mentioned before, but today, it was like it used to be. I came so many times with his hand in my cunt and his fingers on my clit... so good. And then we fucked every which way and I was cumming so hard that his cock was just covered in my pussy juices. When we collapsed in a sweaty, messy heap, we were both exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, and didn't want to let go of each other.

Sex is good. Love is better. Loving sex? That's the best, by far. I love my men, and they love me.

Tuesday, 4 February 2020

Why Be Poly?

I haven't written much this year because I really haven't been feeling well. Chronic health problems, unfortunately, aren't all that sexy.

Henry has been feeling pretty run down, too, so we haven't had a lot of quality time beyond cuddling up in the evening with a (non-pornographic!) movie. I'm looking forward to this weekend, when Kiddo won't be here and we can have some quality time together with no responsibilities!

Looking forward to tonight, too- Charles is staying over tonight and tomorrow. It's midweek, so it's not like we can play hooky and relax, but it's nice spending the evenings with him and snuggling up at night. And hopefully a little bit more than that, if we're not both too tired!

Someone posed an interesting question today, and I thought I would write about it. I've already written why be married, so how about why be poly? This person was coming at it from the angle that open and poly relationships are primarily for sexual variety only, which I think is a fairly common perspective. People "understand" swinging, even if the idea doesn't appeal to them on a personal level. But the idea of your romantic partner wanting to share love and dates etc with someone else? I can see that being confusing and scary for a lot of people. For that matter, it was scary for me at first, too!

Society conditions us to believe in The One. A soulmate. Your other half. And if your spouse doesn't fulfill all of your romantic needs, that means that something is wrong with your relationship, doesn't it?

But it really doesn't have to mean that. So why am I poly (and open)? Well yes, sexual variety certainly is a thing for me, if that's not obvious. Sex is different with every single partner, and I like experiencing all those differences. Even if we do exactly the same acts, there's different chemistry and energy, and it's always unique. Also, given that I have such a high sex drive, my partners tend to like that there is someone else to tag in, to take care of my needs!

That doesn't really hit the core of why I prefer to be poly, though. At the end of the day, I find that I have had the most richly rewarding experiences seeing the world through someone else's eyes. When you connect with someone intimately enough to learn about them, and what excites them (get your mind out of the gutter just briefly!), and get perhaps a totally different view on something. People are so interesting, and finding out what lights them up makes me happy, too. It gives me a new perspective, and then I can take that back and maybe learn something about myself, too.

Since I've been poly, I've been able to leave myself open to some pretty fantastic experiences. I've dated people that I would never have dated if I was on the Relationship Escalator, because they weren't who I was looking for as a life partner. And if I had done that? I would have denied myself some connections that are so intensely meaningful to me. For that matter, I might not even have dated Henry, and look where that turned out!

Taking the pressure off relationships by allowing each connection to find its own depth, and not insisting that everyone you date has to be a possible long term partner, means that you can have those colourful relationships without worrying where things are going but instead simply enjoying them for what they are.

I feel so lucky that I've had so many wonderful people in my life. Even when the romantic part petered out in two of my previous relationships, we are still very close friends because we built that connection. Letting the relationship find its own level meant that we can still enjoy each other without worrying about labels.

So ultimately, I'm poly because I want to be able to connect deeply and intimately with many people, in a variety of different ways, without artificial constraints. If that leads to kink or sex, then awesome. If not, it can still be pretty fantastic. And I'm okay with that either way. I'm not incomplete if I only have one partner. I am not unsatisfied with one partner, or alone for that matter. I just want to be open to whatever possibilities there are out there to experience, because for me, the most meaningful part of life is exploring the depths of the human heart.

Friday, 3 January 2020

Finding Love

It's amazing how much word selection can skew our perspectives. I guess it's why marketing people get paid the big bucks to help make us think that we need to buy things!

We always hear people talk about "finding love". When you think about it logically, it doesn't really make any sense, does it? Love is not hiding under a rock somewhere. Love is not the coins you find behind couch cushions or a lost puppy that has wandered away.

Thinking about it as "finding" love takes away our agency. It means that we are less likely to put the effort in when the chips are down because we think that love should be there all on its own, like magic. It means we think love is something that passively happens to us, and if we just keep waiting that it will appear on its own.

Love doesn't just happen. Infatuation happens. Lust happens. But not love; love has to be built by the people involved.

Love is an emotion, but it's also an action. The feelings of love and being in love will drift in and out like the tides. Sometimes they will be stronger, sometimes they will recede.

People say that love shouldn't be hard work, and in a lot of ways, they are right. If you are constantly struggling in your relationship, and it brings you more tears than happiness, then it's probably not the right relationship for you. But if you think that love doesn't take work at all, then you're going to wind up walking away from relationships that could be wonderful. It's finding that balance that matters.

So what do I mean when I talk about building love? Find a partner who is willing to build it with you. Someone who listens to you when you talk about your hopes and dreams, your wants and needs. Someone who shares back with you to develop that emotional intimacy. A partner who shows you that you are a priority, not an option. Someone who is there meeting you halfway to work as a team together.

I've shared this comic before, but I still feel that it captures the difference between NRE and love. Love is so much more than just an emotion- it's a choice that you make every day.

Lately, I've just found myself so overwhelmed with feelings of love for Henry. I feel so lucky yo have him in my life, and I feel like I appreciate him a little bit more every single day. Not only is he a wonderful father, but he's a fabulous partner in life, my best friend, and pretty awesome in the sack, too. Every day, he chooses to build love with me. And every day, I tell him that sharing this journey with him is the best decision I've ever made.

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

Happy New Year!

The past couple of days has been another overflow of poly happiness :)

Charles and Henry both had to work New Year's Eve, so I got stuff ready for our annual house party. It's super low key but we always have a massive spread of cheese and charcuterie, and people are invited to drop in whenever. It's a splurge but it's only once a year.

Charles got there fairly early on, but Henry didn't get home until nearly ten. Still lots of time to relax with our friends and enjoy the food though. We watched the ball drop, and I got two kisses at midnight :)

Henry was really tired though and he went to bed not long after that. We had already planned that I would be spending the night with Charles, anyway. He had been a very good boy and worked so hard to make sure I was happy. He knows how much I enjoy receiving service and he made it a point to take care of my every need at the party and do the cleanup while I was still chatting so that I could go right upstairs when I wanted without lifting a finger.

Then we had to christen 2020 of course! I don't think we got to sleep before 3am. Henry was my last sexual encounter of 2019- we had a quickie (for us- it was about 45 minutes) before he had to go in to work. And then Charles was my first of 2020- pretty amazing drunk sex with lots of orgasms and kisses and snuggles afterwards as we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Today was just perfect though in terms of kitchen table poly. We slept in, and then Henry made gourmet omelettes like he does every January 1 with the leftover fancy cheese and meat. Then we all went out and hung out in the hot tub for an hour or so. Nothing too exciting- just hanging out like regular people. At one point Charles was holding my hand and Henry was rubbing my feet, but it was all just relaxing and affectionate. When we went back inside, Henry had some things to do so Charles and I had a shower and then decided to go spend some more quality time in the bedroom ;) It's been a pretty amazing day and an awesome start to the new year.

Here's to an awesome 2020 with the men I love.

Tuesday, 31 December 2019

Sex in Numbers

Well, it's been an interesting year, plotting my sex life in numbers. I have really enjoyed using xTracker, since it keeps a lot of meaningful stats. I do wish that it had a separate function for both giving and receiving oral sex though, so I just track blowjobs as handjobs lol since I don't really do that to completion. It's been very interesting going over the raw statistics! I look forward to comparing this coming year's data. I can track sexual encounters by partner (and can pick more than 1!), store pics, and keep track of everything from number of orgasms to what activities we did in what positions to where my partner ejaculates. Definitely an app I'd recommend for hotwife couples!

At the beginning of the year, I had said that I wanted to have sex on average 4 times per week. Well, everyone told me that target was a bit too ambitious for reality, and I suppose it was. It looks like I am going to finish the year at 133 times, or just over 2.5 times per week. I think there is still a lot of room for improvement!

I've still only had the same two sex partners this year, which I find sort of interesting. I don't consider myself a polyfidelitous sort of person, because I like leaving myself available for opportunities. I've had a few so far but they just didn't seem appealing enough. Life's been busy, my two men are both wonderful in the sack, and nothing has caught my attention hard enough to make me want to change it up. I'm sure it'll happen in the future, especially if I meet another woman I'm attracted to. I do miss playing with women!

I read an interesting article about how sex and sexuality is changing in recent times- even over the last twenty years. Apparently the amount of sex people having is on the decline, and the average person had sex 62 times a year in the 1990s, and the most recent measurement had declined to 54 times by 2014. I guess even this year of mine where I had less was still more than double average! But then again, I do have a very high sex drive ;)   I wish they had tracked duration, as well. I suspect that my average encounter is far longer than the societal average (although then I suppose we'd have to specify what they are counting as sex?). One company has it marked pretty low:

I do think it's sad to read that people are struggling to build the kinds of connections that will let them develop intimacy. It's certainly made me consider what kinds of things I want to teach Kiddo so that he can learn to build healthy relationships when he matures. Being able to make intimate connections is so important to emotional health and happiness.

I'm so lucky to have Charles and Henry in my life. I agree that the best sex comes with partners who have been around enough to learn what you like. Having encounters with new people is fun, but nothing beats a lover touching you exactly the way you like to be touched.

Looking forward to 2020 and lots of sex and happiness!

Thursday, 26 December 2019

Merry Poly Christmas!

It truly has been a wonderful holiday season.

And I'll drop yet another plug for living life authentically; when you are open about who you are, not only do you not feel ashamed of your choices but you can make the choices that give you the most happiness without worrying about what other people think.

So instead of wishing and wanting, I had exactly who I wanted over for the holidays. Henry and I host Christmas, as always. We invited my family over. His family is never around for Christmas since they are snowbirds, but they were here for Thanksgiving, which apparently I didn't remember to write about. Sometimes just living life keeps me busy :)

Anyway, so my parents came, as well as a few friends we invited, and then me, Henry, Kiddo, and Charles. My parents had met Charles at Thanksgiving, and although they don't understand poly, they like to see me happy and they were still polite. My mom was a little embarrassing at Christmas with stories about me but we were all enjoying the wine and food and company, so I can live with that. I got to enjoy the holiday with my nearest and dearest without any drama and it felt so good.

We have our dinner on Christmas Eve, so once Kiddo went to bed, everyone cleared out and we stuffed the stockings and put all the presents under the Christmas tree. Charles was staying over to be part of our festivities on Christmas morning which means a lot to me. We don't mind hosting lots of people for Christmas dinner on the 24th but we generally keep Christmas morning to be just our family. I don't think of Charles as family yet, we've only been dating for 18 months, but he is important to me, so I wanted to have him here this year to celebrate with us.

So once all the preparations were made, we were all pretty tired and the boys collapsed onto either end of the couch. I lay down with them, with my upper body lying across Henry and my legs and bare feet in Charles' lap. If we weren't all so tired this could have gone fun places, since I was wearing a sundress (yup, in December!) and no panties. But we were tired, so instead it just wound up being cuddly and loving and wonderful. Henry was still rubbing my neck and upper chest and Charles was stroking my feet and legs but I was just exhausted from all the holiday stress so I just enjoyed being close to both of them. And we all just hung out and talked about normal stuff, nothing sexual or relationshippy or anything like that. I love that my boys can get along with each other and they are actually friends!

Since it had come up before, we planned in advance who I would be sleeping with. One of life's poly problems is that I can only be in one place at a time, and I don't like sleeping in a bed with three people since I like having a lot of space to move around and hate being touched at night. In our first year together, it made sense that whenever Charles was here, that I slept with him. After all, Henry gets by far the majority of my nights. But since this has become an ongoing thing, it doesn't feel right that Henry never gets any of the special occasions, and I wanted to make sure that he was happy and feeling good too. So we agreed for this year that Charles got my birthday party weekend and New Year's Eve, and Henry got my actual birthday and Christmas. So I joked that I was reverse cuckolding Charles as we tucked him into the guest room while I went to bed in my bedroom with Henry!

Christmas morning was pretty fantastic, too, although I was very tired again. Henry made our traditional Christmas breakfast, which is snowman pancakes decorated with chocolate chips, and double smoked bacon scarves. My parents had returned to open gifts in the morning, and it was nice being with everyone for our low key celebration. They don't know Charles well but made sure there was a gift for him under the tree as well. Being authentic can be so rewarding!

Once the gifts were open and the wrapping paper was thrown out, Charles came over to give me a Christmas hug, and since Henry was within arm's length I reached out to him too. I wound up in the centre of a giant squishy hug from the two of them and got my Christmas kiss from Henry and then leaned over and got my Christmas kiss from Charles, too. That was a pretty awesome feeling!

And when we had a little privacy, Charles gave me my last Christmas gift- the key to his new chastity device. I think we are going to have some fun with that! I know it's not typical hotwifing since it seems I do a lot of the cuckolding type activities with my boyfriend, but labels are sticky and no fun- we do what works for us all!

So the holidays have been pretty wonderful, and I've even gotten some good quality time with Henry in, too. Asking for a friend... how many sex sessions would you count four hours of amazing, bedrocking sex as, and why? (if you base it on male ejaculations, you're fired from commenting here again!)  I did count it as one but it's fun to think about. I'll have some interesting comments on statistics for the end of the year.

Happy holidays, everyone!