People's Hearts are Not Toys

 I didn't realize that it's been so long since I posted last, but then again, a happy life sometimes doesn't have a lot of excitement to share. That doesn't mean it can't have its moments, though! :)

I'm still with both Henry and Charles, and things are going well. This summer will be my ninth year together with Henry and my fifth with Charles. Living together is still smooth sailing, which surprised me a little at how easy it's been. It's nice when we can all get along!

Last summer, Henry decided to start looking for a new partner, with my encouragement. After all, variety is always fun! He met a very nice woman who had only recently started to identify as poly after a decade of swinging/hotwifing/cuckolding with her husband. She said that she was looking for a relationship that was more than just sex, and the two of them clicked really well both in and out of bed.

They dated for six months, and had lots of fun dates. Henry met her husband a few times when he was over at their house, she came out for his birthday celebration, they stayed up late chatting with each other... sounds like things were going really well, right?

Until the shoe dropped. Her husband decided to veto Henry because he was uncomfortable that their relationship was more than just sex.

She never mentioned anything to Henry about her husband having issues with their relationship or anything like that. They hadn't even said ILY- they were just having fun and going out on dates that were more than just sex. 

It's not okay to string someone along and then veto them out of the blue like this. Henry was crushed, because of course he has some kind of feelings for her. I understand why people have vetos; but that doesn't mean I think they're ethical ways to treat people. And I hate that when people don't do their own emotional management that they're not the ones who get hurt- someone else is collateral damage. 

So here is my thought for the day while I watch Henry in pain; remember that the people with whom we have relationships (sexual or otherwise), are human beings with their own feelings, wants, and needs. They are not toys to be used in a marital relationship and then discarded. They aren't disposable because someone is feeling insecure. If you aren't adult enough to work on your own feelings of jealousy and insecurity, any kind of open relationship is a bad idea.