Thoughts on NRE

It's interesting that there has been a lot of discussion about NRE (new relationship energy) on some of my message boards, and somewhat coincidentally, I'm getting hit with a second wave of it now. And this really is breaking new ground for me- while I've experienced spillover NRE many times in the past, where my crazy happy loving feelings for a new partner spill back into my marriage, this is the first time that I've felt solidly NRE feelings for both my husband and another partner at the same time.

It's not really NRE anymore. I've been with Henry for more than 5 years now, and Charles for over a year. Technically it still could be plain old NRE with Charles, but it's a little different this time. I suspect this wave was triggered by the relationship issues we experienced, and how both my loves supported me through it.

Henry helped me when I was upset and emotional about having trouble communicating with Charles, and he made sure to step up the love and cuddles and care. It's things like this that show me that Henry is someone I will want in my life forever. He had so many ways he could have handled that. He could have been upset that my feelings in a different relationship were affecting ours; I was unhappy and I tend to withdraw both physically and emotionally when I'm upset. He could have told me that he didn't want to be my sounding board for my other relationship. He could have tried to encourage me to break up with Charles because he hates seeing me upset. He could have attempted to compare himself favorably to Charles, or pointed out that secondary relationships don't last, etc. Instead? He held me and told me how much he loves me, and just listened to me. He didn't try to fix anything unless I specifically asked for his opinion. And he gave me a massage and helped me relax and calm down. That truly is love.

And I think things kicked back up with Charles because of how our discussion shook out. It wasn't easy for either of us, and it would have been easy to get overwrought and not actually communicate what we needed to say. But we took steps to work on our communication, and we reconfirmed how much we mean to each other. I know he loves me, and I know this is real. The other night when he slept over, I was overwhelmed with the intensity of my feelings for him while we were holding each other.

Adjectives fail to describe how intense and incredible it is to experience that high of the brain chemicals that occur in NRE, but with the trust and security and experience that I've gotten in my relationships with these two men. I've had ERI (established relationship intimacy) before, but it's normally in conjunction with a pure NRE experience. This time... to have the ERI with both of them... to know that I am truly in love with both Henry and Charles and they are both in love with me... it's a height I've never explored before. I know that the intensity of the high isn't going to last very long, but I want to squeeze every drop of pleasure out of this because it's one of the most wonderful experiences I've ever had in my life.

And since I've been posting before about NRE management, I figure I'll say a few words about that here even though right now I want to keep the starry eyes and sunshine and rainbows. I made a point of it to let both of them know how I'm feeling right now, because I'm very likely going to be a bit out of character for a while. As an example, I literally called Henry out of his workshop to come back in the house because I wanted to play with his hair and smell him and tell him how much I love him. NRE lights up the human brain in the same centres as cocaine- it's literally like being on drugs. I've been sending Henry romantic texts and loving emails and telling him that I want to love him and fuck him and cuddle him and beat him and bite him and all those lovely things, all at the same time. He just laughs and tells me to go ahead any time I like. I know that I can let all my crazy out with Henry.

I told Charles what was happening because I know what I'm like during NRE. Too much is never enough. When he was here, I held him against me and left bite marks on his neck and growled in his ear that he was all mine, and all the things that I want to do to him. And he's been getting some of those kinds of texts from me, too. I got all giggly when he told me that he was going to be thinking about me all shift and that I had better be careful since he has a reputation at work to uphold!

But the best part of all this? Think of how you'd feel if your partner was like this with you. If you were getting lots of little reminders of how much they love you and how into you they are. Charles told me that he doesn't normally get giddy... but he's feeding off my NRE energy and that's kicking his back up again- and that's going to feed mine :) Sounds like a wonderful circle of happy, doesn't it? And Henry is getting all the love and cuddles and sex and connection that he wants, and I am seeing that sparkle in his eyes too. Everything goes in cycles, but I am going to enjoy every moment of this. I am so happy and in love that I can literally barely think of anything else.