Sunday, 3 April 2016


Would you believe that after all this time, that I can still be surprised by the dating/sexual culture out there? Sometimes I think I am unshockable, but apparently not!

I apparently no longer know what life is like in the vanilla world. Perhaps I'm glad that I live on the dark side now! So last week, our Xbox 360 finally gave up the ghost, and kiddo was heartbroken. I found one listed near to us online, so we walked over to pick it up. Much to our surprise, the seller was the dad of a child in kiddo's classroom. The kids chatted briefly and I suggested to the dad (*Pierce) that they might like to have a playdate sometime. Kiddo is always thrilled to have kids over or to go to their homes.

So we get home, and I have a message from Pierce saying to let him know if there are any problems with the Xbox because it hasn't been played for a while but should be fine. I tell him we've already got it up and running and kiddo is glued to it. He says that he thinks the playdate would be a great idea, since he has four kids and it's good for them to get some time when they aren't all a big group, and I say sure. When he tells me that he has his child every other week because of divorce, I commiserate and say that my ex spouse has moved to another country and kiddo lives with me full time.

I don't know- was that not something I was supposed to do? Apparently mentioning my marital status was taken as an invitation, because he immediately asked me if I was dating. Thank goodness for online messages because I was flummoxed and had absolutely nothing to say! I mean, how do I answer that? I hadn't really planned on being "out" as poly outside of the BDSM community, and this guy has a child in kiddo's class, so that's a little close for comfort. On the other hand, I don't really know many of the parents in the area and I do enjoy first dates- maybe I'm crazy. I asked Henry what I should say and he said to go for it if I liked. So I told Pierce that I have a boyfriend but I'm in an open relationship- I thought that was the easiest way to explain things. I still don't know if he has quite the right impression, but I guess we'll see since we have a date next week.

I still feel kind of funny about all this. I am not really looking for a relationship right now, but I'm not averse to say, a casual FWB type thing. I at least made it clear that I'm not open to a monogamous relationship, so I don't think we're going out under false pretenses. Which kind of makes me wonder why he still wants the date, but maybe he's hoping to get laid LOL.

What is making me feel weird is that first off, he doesn't even know me. We chatted for less than five minutes while I was picking up the Xbox. Is it normal for vanilla people to ask someone out on that basis? I don't really get attracted to people that I don't know- looks is only one ingredient in my cocktail of attraction. I'm not sure I want to go out with someone who is going solely off looks either- that makes me feel like a commodity and not a person.

I'm also kind of feeling funny about going out on dates at this point in my relationship with Henry. Yes, we're poly, and yes we've discussed other partners, both sexual and romantic, but neither of us has been actively dating outside of our relationship with the exception of me with Jennifer, who was existing before I met Henry (that relationship has morphed into more of a friendship than anything romantic, but she's still a very important person to me. It's more of a change than a breakup). I'm not feeling like I am at a point to actively be seeking new relationships; I want to stay focused on Henry. Honestly, I'd love another fuck buddy or two because I've been feeling almost mono by default lately, but the fact that I feel slightly uncomfortable looking makes me think that I am not ready yet. If something comes up when I'm playing at a BDSM party, I'm OK with that. I am less OK with actively seeking a new partner. I know I'd have feelings to deal with if he was pursuing a new relationship, too (although I would deal with them). Sex, though- sex is just sex :) It's fun. I think things will be different when (if?) we've been together longer, but for now, this is how I am feeling.

But, I'm still going out on Thursday because why not. I don't think Pierce will get lucky on the first date, but I guess you never know!


  1. Good luck, you never know maybe he has a secret life as well and behind the scenes is a real Casanova.

    You never really know if someone is Vanilla or really Coconut in disguise! :)

    1. Very true... and I like coconut ;)

      I'm not planning to reveal my interest in BDSM just because people talk and I am not sure I want that kind of word getting around, but some fun sex would be good if we hit it off.

  2. I wonder if we do give of vibes, I started as straight as anything but now like adventure

  3. I enjoy expanding horizons, incredible my journey only started a year ago