Reconnections

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I really do love the trust and freedom that go along with a poly relationship. I would say that I was/am wired to be jealous. I don't like to share. But when it really gets down to brass tacks for me, I know that if I start to feel jealous it's because my needs aren't being met. When I'm comfortable and trusting and happy in my relationship. it gives me the emotional self regulation to see that my partner enjoying times with others doesn't damage our relationship, and that my own experiences with other partners don't take anything away, either.

Yesterday I went over to John's house and hung out with him and his family. They've always been so welcoming to me, even after John and I broke up. There was never really any rancor about our breakup, either. We just realized that a romantic relationship wasn't going to work at that point in our lives. I still care about him deeply and we're close friends; we're just not dating anymore. Honestly, I wish all of my breakups could end this way but sometimes there's just too much damage. I can enjoy it when it's like this, though!

We spent the evening playing board games and hanging out with John's brother in law and his girlfriend, and then a nice relaxing hot tub. I really love their hot tub :) John invited me to spend the night since it was after 3am. I wasn't too sure since I hadn't planned on it and didn't bring anything with me, but I said I'd stay for a while at least.

It was really good to be with him again. Different but familiar all at once. I missed his kisses and his arms around me, and it didn't hurt how he kept telling me how hot and sexy I am and how much he loves my body. Since I've gained a few pounds I've been a little self conscious about my appearance and it was so good to feel attractive and be desired. We kissed and cuddled and enjoyed some BDSM together. I always love watching him go from his sassy self to a puddle when I trigger that core of submission inside him. It turns me on like nothing else to see a partner react to me like that.

It's just funny how relationships evolve. I was still learning about myself as a Domme (I consider that I still am, although now I know much more about who I am and what I want), and I was more hesitant playing with John when we were together because I was exploring my own limits and desires, and I didn't want to go further than my technical skill level. Now? Things would have been different. I don't plan to get back into a relationship with John, but we can still have fun together sometimes :) I still love him, although now I think it's a different kind of love. Either way, I'm glad that I can still have him in my life. I doubt many monogamous partners would be thrilled that we often text each other late at night and still have a special connection.

By the time we were done playing it was 6am and I decided to go home instead of sleeping there, since the rest of the household would be awake soon and I'm a light sleeper. Much as I love cuddles, the only partner I've enjoyed sleeping cuddled up with so far is Henry. He's still away at his camping festival having some fun of his own, and I'm not sure when he'll be back. I miss him and I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon.