Tuesday, 2 August 2016

More Musings on Sex

I find it really interesting that I have been mostly thinking of myself as "monogamous" for the last year or so, despite having a few other sexual partners. Most of the time, Henry and I have been together for those experiences and so I feel like they've more been about us doing things together, which for some odd reason classifies in my head as monogamous. Even with the few partners I have had on my own there hasn't been anything romantic. They all have been pretty much friends with benefits, which is still awesome and connected, but not in a polyamorous sense. Which at this point in time, is perfectly fine with me. I'm still dealing with a lot of stress in my life and I am not sure I have the energy to devote to an additional romantic relationship. I suspect that is partly why my relationship with Jennifer morphed more into a friendship- I wasn't holding up my end the way I think is important. I'm perfectly happy with more sex though!

My natural sex drive is much higher than Henry's, as a general rule. In addition to that, when his health conditions flare up, there are often larger blocks of time where we can't have sex at all. And yeah, I have lots of vibrators and sex toys, but nothing really is quite as satisfying as a good round of sex. I've never been able to make myself squirt solo, for example, since I find that a large portion of that is in my head in addition to playing with the right spot. And I do crave the cuddles and kisses and sensual touch in addition to the orgasms. Masturbation is fine when I need mechanical release, but it's just not the same. I normally find that I'll masturbate for 2-3 hours at a time, with little breaks in between to find a new piece of erotica or a porn video. For the first half hour or so, I usually can't orgasm at all- and if you've fucked me, you know that when I'm turned on I can orgasm easily within minutes. Then for an hour or so, I have some, and they're generally pretty good, but it feels like something is missing, so I keep going. Then I start to desensitize from the vibrator and start losing the ability to cum this way, and I get frustrated. So you can see how a masturbatory session isn't all that thrilling to me! I much prefer to use my toys with a partner.

So lately, I've been finding that I really do want to have more sex while understanding that Henry really can't up his frequency at times. I am finding myself remarkably hesitant to do so, though. Partly I think it's because we aren't married; we've been together for two years, but there isn't the depth and commitment that there is in a marriage. Which makes absolutely no sense since my marriage to Mark didn't stop things from ending, and Henry wholeheartedly encourages me to take new partners when I feel the desire to.

Part of it is also the reminder that no matter how much sex I have outside my relationship with Henry, that it will never replace sex with Henry. You can't use intimacy with one person as a crutch for a lack with another. And so I'm a little pensive about seeking another regular partner because I know it won't make me desire Henry any less. It might make me a little happier if it's good, connected sex though, and so I'm still seriously considering it.

In the meantime, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone(s) to join us in bed once Henry was feeling up to it. I like having threesomes and groups with him- it still fuels the intimacy between us. And frankly, it is hot watching him fuck someone! My own personal sex show ;)

But, I digress! So I got the usual garbage replies, and then one from a married couple in the BDSM community, who it turns out we sort of know on sight but don't really know. We've been chatting with them and so far are hitting it off, so we'll see how it goes! I think we could have a lot of fun with these guys if we all feel chemistry. And if not- there'll be someone else :)

3 comments:

  1. Interesting post on many counts. Firstly hope the BDSM couple turn out to be compatible and fun. Secondly interesting about masturbation, I am the reverse, I come quickly and then cannot play and I can only dream of squirting. I also now have a new opinion of Craigslist. Off to have a look at the British site! Thank you for your wonderful post

    ReplyDelete
  2. Today I am just thinking about sex. I miss my lover and his touch

    ReplyDelete
  3. You always seem to post on subjects I am able to relate too. While I enjoy masturbating , there is a definite emotional void. If I masturbate while we are together I feel connected and its intimate but o just jerk off, I find it so lacking. I rarely if ever cum from my masturbation, and funny I rarely ever want to do so.

    ReplyDelete