Sunday, 19 May 2013

Hurts so Good...

Like I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been interested in exploring my Domme side lately. I was very anxious at first that maybe this isn't right for me since I do enjoy being a bottom at times, but I'm learning that different people bring out different elements in my personality. I've realized that I'm more comfortable giving up the reins when I'm in a relationship that's solid and with lots of trust, but not casually. I'm also discovering that while I still crave the connection and chemistry in a submissive, I feel safer exploring my desires since I'm the one in control.

So, I made a profile on a BDSM dating site, and started the sifting. My inbox immediately filled up with responses from a wide variety of men, but nothing that really interested me too much. They all felt so cookie cutter... I'm not sure how else to explain it except that I felt like I was a Fill-in-the-Domme in their fantasy. It wasn't ME they were interested in, if that makes any sense. And like I said, I still want that connection in a relationship. I don't want a casual play partner or just to dominate any man. I think a big element of what I enjoy in a D/s relationship is mental, and that just doesn't work with someone you don't know.

I did find someone that I felt that click with, Joe*, and we've been getting to know each other and doing some exploring. It's annoying that because of his travel schedule and mine, that we haven't been able to meet yet, but we have talked on the phone and spent a lot of time together online. I've had time wasters before who had no intention of meeting, but I don't think he is one. And either way, if he is, I've enjoyed what we've had so far very much!

We just started off casually, chatting, talking about ourselves and desires. We've also done a little roleplay, talking through fantasies, and it's gotten very intense. I didn't really understand Domspace until after one of our conversations, when yes there was a definite similarity to the way I felt in subspace, but different. I don't think that explained it very well! I just felt this intense rush of pleasure and power and it was incredible. I can't wait to experience it when I'm actually in a scene and not just exploring it mentally.

What I've been getting off the most on is watching the changes in his reactions... like he'll tell me that he isn't interested in such and such an activity, but if that activity happens to work its way into one of our roleplays, I'll see that his desire to please me has overtaken his lack of desire to engage in that activity, and that gives me a rush like nobody's business. And it fulfills my need to be wanted for myself, and not just as a role in someone else's fantasy. So far, I am really enjoying this relationship and can't wait to meet him in person to see if the chemistry is as strong then.

Well, that was a long prelude to what I was getting at! I've been very horny lately and really just needed to cum so badly, but I haven't had a lot of private time with Mark lately since my family is visiting for the long weekend. They went to bed early last night though, so I spent my evening reading some lovely FemDom stories on Literotica and getting very worked up. I played with my rabbit vibrator while I waited for Mark to finish up his work and come to bed. I was dripping wet and orgasming so intensely... but I needed to be stuffed with cock. Mark finally came up and I told him I just needed him to take me now and fuck me so hard, and he did. I was so wet I could hear the juicy sounds when he pushed his cock into my tight pussy, and he gave me just what I needed. I'm sore today but it was worth it :)

I can't wait to do some more roleplay with Joe about some of the stories I read last night... or better yet, to try them in person.

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