Birth Control

Sometimes life just plain isn't sexy. But this is part of my life, so I'm going to talk about it here. You can skip this post and imagine me riding my Motorbunny instead, if you prefer. I'll wait ;)

Despite me generally being rather happy with who I am, some little issues have started to creep in. I don't know if it's me getting older (I'm only 37, after all!) or hormones shifting, or issues with my birth control, or something else altogether. I've noticed that I have started having more difficulty achieving orgasm compared to my adult baseline.

I used to be able to cum from just about anything, quickly. There were always various intensities of orgasm, but it didn't take much to get me off and I loved it. It has been a downward trend over the past 18 months, and it started to get steeper the last six months or so until it became very difficult even for me to get myself off, and I know exactly what I like! I went to see my family doctor, who told me that the amount of time and number of orgasms I was experiencing now was normal. I told her that I'm aware that it's within current range for most women but it definitely was NOT normal for me. So she agreed to send me to a specialist.

When I walked in and saw it was an older male doctor, I was pretty sure he was just going to write me off. But much to my surprise, he actually listened to me. I was a little surprised by the questions he asked me, like did my partner think it was a problem? I told him that they only thought of it as a problem because it is for me. He didn't even bat an eye when I told him I was polyamorous, although he did kind of clarify, did that mean I was only in casual relationships and I told him no- that I'm in two serious relationships.

He ran some tests on me, and we learned that it was not a testosterone issue. Mine is actually still just a little bit elevated (cue the surprise from the peanut gallery). But I don't have any symptoms of conditions that would reflect it, so apparently that's just my normal (again, shock, right?).

He asked me if I was still feeling desire, and I had to think about that. My first thought was, of course I am! I want to have sex all the time. And then I thought about it further. I had noticed that I've been less wet and need to use lube nearly every time unless I'm getting a very thorough pussy licking before PIV, but I figured that was normal over time. I find that I get wetter with Charles than I do with Henry, so I assumed it was just NRE levels. But when I really think about it, I realized that my libido has been mostly mental. When I've been getting aroused, it's by an idea or mental picture, and my body isn't necessarily getting turned on. It's been a weird disconnect to feel that! So I guess he was right and my level of desire has gone down, too.

We tried a sensitivity cream on my clit, but that hasn't had much success. In addition, it's kind of a pain because I can't use it if my partner is licking pussy because ewww. I didn't notice any appreciable difference.

At this point, I wasn't really sure what else there was to do. I considered having my Mirena IUD removed and just getting a tubal ligation, since I'm not planning on any more children. The doctor suggested that my husband get a vasectomy, and I reminded him that unfortunately that would not solve my problem since I can't ask my much younger boyfriend to do that as well. But I do like not really getting periods so unless we were sure it was the Mirena, I didn't want to do that.

Fortunately, a new medication has become available that has been a miracle worker for women with issues similar to mine. My doctor told me to give it a try for two months and see if I was in the 50% who are helped by it.

Wow. I have really missed that feeling of being horny! It's much more intense than just enjoying a mental picture or idea. Now when I'm aroused, I get to feel those lovely tingles in my pussy and wetness soaks into my panties again. I'm still not back to my old level of orgasming- some days are better than others, and some days it's still a struggle to cum, but it's a vast improvement. Charles joked that I'm becoming insatiable, and I laughed and told him that he should have met me a few years ago. Henry loves to see me so high on endorphins that he has to scrape me off the ceiling.

So if any of the women reading this have been having issues with desire, consider asking your doctors for a trial of Addyi. It's definitely made a difference for me and now I find myself wanting to go back on the prowl!