Oxytocin Hits

I had another date with John last night. Unfortunately, Mark was out of town so hot tubbing wasn't a possibility since I had the little one at home. I had John arrive after kiddo was asleep, and we watched an old movie that we both like. I absolutely love that he is so big on physical contact like I am. Lots of touching and caressing and cuddling, even though we were still dressed and lying on the couch. It wasn't the kind of urgency that leads to anything- just relaxing and sensual and oxytocin-releasing!

My friends know that I have some body image issues. I'm married to a man who I know is primarily attracted to Barbie doll types, which I definitely am not, and never will be even if I get to my ideal body weight. I know men are visual, and I'm more on the curvy side than I'd like to be. Working on it is such a slow process! At any rate, I'd been having some hidden fears over the past few months that I wouldn't find anyone who would be attracted to me because of the extra weight.

John is making me feel surprisingly comfortable about my body without it ever coming up into words. I can see from the way he behaves around me that he loves to touch my body. He nearly always has his hands on me, and not in a sexual way- just because it's clear that he likes to touch. The first time his hands ran over my stomach, I felt uncomfortable but decided to go with it and not feed my issue. It's happened a few times since then, but I'm starting to get the impression that it doesn't matter to him, that he thinks I'm sexy the way I am. Of course, the things he says to me are pretty awesome, too. He tells me that I have a body made for worshipping. Oh, flattery will get you everywhere! :)

He had never played with a violet wand before, so we decided to rectify that :) We did more of an experimental sort of thing than an actual scene. I didn't put him into bondage or blindfold him, but it was a lot of fun. I think we both really enjoyed it. I love how responsive he is as a bottom. It's so fantastic to see them reacting to the horrible, awful things you do!

I've done some re-evaluation about how I feel about secondary-type relationships. Instead of focusing on it only being successful if it "goes somewhere", I'm redirecting my focus to enjoying it for what it is. Perhaps one day I'll collar John, and perhaps we'll just have some fun in the meantime and wind up as friends. It doesn't matter. In the meantime, I am getting to date an interesting person and have some good times, and that's about as good as it gets since I've got a fantastic husband waiting for me at home.

But yeah... I'll admit the NRE is starting to flow...