I had been waiting for so long to do a scene I had planned with him. I know it won't be to a lot of people's tastes, but I know John's likes, dislikes, and limits, and I knew he'd enjoy it as much as I did. When he came over, I locked my pink collar around his throat. He looked so sexy in it. I have a very special pink chrome heart lock and he is the first man I've ever locked it on, so it had significance to me. I couldn't stop playing with it all weekend. But, I digress!
Some people will be bothered by the kind of play we did, so if you're one of them, I suggest skipping the rest of this post because I would like to share it. It's so hard for me to explain what BDSM does for me. I spent a long time wrestling with my self identity because I see myself as a nice and caring person, and then at the same time, I get sexually aroused from hurting people and controlling them. I talked with a newbie about her first play experience, and her observations helped clear things up for me. She told me that what she liked the most about watching was seeing the connection and genuine caring and affection between the partners. Yes, there were some very sadistic torture scenes at the party she saw. But she also saw the aftercare; the cuddles and gentle words and even love between the partners. And that really rings true for me. I have no desire to hurt or control people that I don't genuinely care about at least as friends, and they have to want to be hurt or controlled for me to get off on it. So keep that in mind when you read about how John and I played this weekend.
We went to my room and I lay down naked on my bed and completely ignored John while he worshipped my body from head to toes. I was "busy" playing games on my iPad and trying not to make noises to let John know how good he was making me feel. Kisses and massaging and gentle touches all over my body. It was fantastic. Then I ordered him to clean my bathroom. I enjoy service submission as part of a D/s relationship because it shows me that my partner is really committed to making my life easier and not just trying to get his fantasies fulfilled. There's more to it than that; it makes me feel loved and valued and cared for.
When he came out and asked me to inspect his work, I told him to lie down on the floor, where I pissed on him and told him that he missed a spot and that I was disgusted that he could not complete a simple task like cleaning a bathroom. I spat on his face and told him to clean it again and clean himself up because he was filthy. He whimpered and moaned but I could see that look come over his face where he's slipping into subspace. His eyes go out of focus and he gets this dreamy look on his face and I can see he's so into what we're doing. It's in that moment where my control is absolute and that's what really turns me on the most.
After he had a quick shower and finished cleaning up, I put leather cuffs around his wrists and ankles and tied him to the bed. It's a steel frame and the cuffs were padlocked, so he wasn't going anywhere until I was ready to let him out! I also put a locking stainless steel cock ring on him- it was very sexy to see his cock and balls encircled by it. So of course I had to make him more visually appealing by adding ten clothespins to his balls. With the skin pulled taut by the cock ring, they had more intensity than usual! I brought out my violet wand and tried various electrodes, probes, and metal toys on him while he wiggled and moaned. Being the reaction junkie that I am, watching him beg and plead for me to remove the nipple clamps was intensely erotic. But the words "red" and "yellow" never crossed his lips, so I could sit back and be the cruel Domme enjoying his suffering.
I sat on his face and had him lick me to a few satisfying orgasms, and then put a double ended penis gag into his mouth, so he could suck on a cock while I rode the cock on the other end, grinding it into his face. It was so intense that I orgasmed almost immediately. Good times :) I was ready for cuddles and aftercare when we were done, but he begged me to put on my strap on so he could suck it. I got an awesome new harness from Aslan Leather, so I didn't need much encouragement to put it on with my Realdoe. I motioned for him to get on his knees in front of me and told him to worship my cock. It was so sexy, and I wished I could feel everything he was doing but watching it was pretty great too. Slapping his face with my cock and rubbing his saliva all over himself... the only thing better would be if I could actually produce cum :) It was a lot of fun.
Then of course, we were both tired and snuggled up together. I told him that I love him and he cuddled up close. I might hurt him and degrade him and humiliate him, but he knows that's just a game for our mutual pleasure, and that he's safe with me and that I care about him. You know, just as an aside... people insult "beta" males (don't get me started on how much I hate the terms alpha and beta!) and call them wimpy and other derogatory names. But I wonder if they consider how much strength it takes for a man to admit his private thoughts and fantasies? Going against typical societal expectations isn't easy.
I was going to write about the BDSM party I attended on Sunday as well but this post is running long, so check back in a day or two for the rest. I'll leave the title as a teaser ;)
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