Shaving My Legs

It's funny, as I read back through my blog it seems that I tend to focus on one partner for a while and then switch off to the other. I don't feel like this is happening in my everyday life, though, but it's interesting to see the swirls and eddies in my posts here.

Basically, my everyday life is with Henry. We talk about our short term and long term goals and plans, we have family time, and we have kink and romantic time together. Sometimes the life stuff crowds out the fun stuff for a while and we recognize that a shift needs to be made, and we reprioritize our couple time. I think that happens in every long term relationship, and it's how you respond to it that matters. Henry and I are building a life together; knowing this gives me a comfort and safety and security that means so much to me. I know that things can change (oh, do I ever!) but I trust that we're going to continue working to be together, rather than working to be individuals.

I feel like I can always be myself with Henry. He loves me even if I haven't shaved my legs, or I'm wearing sweatpants and have greasy hair. He loves me when I'm sick. He even loves me when I'm upset and irritable and overwhelmed, although he might not like me very much in that moment! We always say that we like each other most of the time, and I think that's honest and about as good as it gets. I don't think you can genuinely like someone all of the time.

I was having a conversation with a friend and we talked about how most people feel uncomfortable when they see their partners getting all prettied up for a date with a new person. Maybe they lose weight, or wear makeup, or get some stylish new clothes, or they shave their legs in case they might have sex. So, why don't people do this as often with existing partners? It must mean that they are prioritizing the new shiny, right?

My friend had an interesting take on it that makes a lot of sense. We don't get all fancied up for our long term partners because we trust them to see us without all the shine and still love us and find us attractive. I don't shave my legs every day for Henry anymore, because I know he finds me sexy even if I have stubble. But Charles? I'm not sure that I really want him to see me "below average", as it were. I'm okay at this point having him see regular me and not going the extra mile to look better, but beyond that? I think I'd rather give that some more time! :)

Now, it's not that we never should take the time to look specially attractive for our partners, but that comfort and security, trust and love? I think we underestimate the value of that.

I know I've talked about NRE (new relationship energy) versus ERI (established relationship intimacy), and how there are definitely benefits to both. Charles and I had a really good conversation last night and I'm feeling more comfortable in our relationship. It's been seven months now, and I feel like we're finding our own rhythm a bit. It's different than any other relationship I've had before, but I'm starting to realize that every relationship is, I just didn't think of it that way before.

The NRE is still pretty heady with Charles but it's changed. There's less of the overwhelmingness except when we're together. I still have all the intense romantic feelings and desire, but it's dialed back a little. I think that explains why I am feeling less of the insecurity and anxiety. I know Charles loves me. I know he wants to be in this relationship with me. And I feel more comfortable talking about stuff with him. Those are all good things.

We had a really good date night yesterday. He made me a delicious dinner (even better, it was full of food that Henry is allergic to and so I don't get to eat very often!) and then we went upstairs for cuddles and conversation. It was really good connective conversation, too- we both know where we stand and what we want. And then that lovely flush of kink and sexual energy came over us and we spent the next three hours having sex. We got a little more intense and I had him fist me while he was playing with my clit, and when he begged to cum I had him blast all over my breasts and then lick off every drop. It was so hot! And his neck is all covered with bite marks and I love it. Mine :)

I only wish he had a bigger bed, though! I hate having to get a cab home late at night when I'm naked and cuddled up in his bed with him but I can't imagine sharing a double with someone would be all that comfortable for either of us. I hope I can talk him into a bigger bed at some point so I can sleep at his place!