Sunday, 3 February 2019


This is following a question I read on a message board, where people were asking how to "safeguard" their marriages after opening up.

Personally, I don't think you can ever safeguard your marriage, whether it's open or closed. Even monogamous people cheat and have affairs and fall in love. It could be someone they work with or a stranger they pass on the street- it's not about the act of looking for a new partner that could make lightning strike.

To me, the only way to truly safeguard your marriage is to make it so wonderful that it's a place that both of you want to stay. Are you communicating openly and honestly? Are you fulfilling each other's Love Languages? Having some kind of physical connection that is satisfying to you both? Spending quality time of some sort with each other? I think that's really the best you can do. We're all different, and we need different things. Think of what brought you together and what made you happy, and try to recapture that. Love changes and evolves as relationships do, and intensity waxes and wanes, but if you focus on what made you both happy then I think you have a great shot at making things work regardless of what comes.

What makes you feel connected in a relationship? Please, comment away! I'd love to hear from different points of view.

I was having an interesting conversation with Henry yesterday while we were lying in bed. I told him that sometimes I think that Charles just doesn't "get" me the way that Henry does. And then Henry blew my mind by saying that he didn't know how much he "got" me either back when we first started dating. I know that the NRE between the two of us was extremely intense because we jumped into the BDSM pretty hard and both of us experience Domspace/subspace (from our respective sides of the slash of course). It made our connection almost overwhelming at times.

So I jokingly asked Henry, so when I feel anxious emotionally about my budding relationship, that I should just fuck Charles or play with him? And he was 100% serious when he said yes. He said that it will hopefully carry us through the stage where the anxiety and insecurity is higher and into a more relaxed and comfortable spot. I thought it was hilarious when Henry said that he thinks that he and Charles are a lot alike.

I find myself thinking that my previous aversion to kitchen table poly might have a lot to do with my ex husband Mark. Because now it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world to be hanging out or to go to a party with my two favourite men. I thought it was so wonderful on NYE to get two kisses at midnight, and that I can show affection to both of them at the same time and have them be silly and loving with me together (like when they make a Me sandwich and tickle me like kids used to do in school). I still definitely want my alone time with both of them but it's nice when we can do an activity together too.

Yesterday's date night with Charles was really good. We had dinner and conversation over a nice bottle of wine, and then spent the night alternating between cuddling together in his bed, having great sex, and snuggling back up together again. It was such an amazing night and I'm feeling so in love. He texted me today and told me how wonderful it was to have me next to him in his bed and it just made me smile.

I'm so lucky to have two wonderful men in my life.

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