Why Be Poly?

I haven't written much this year because I really haven't been feeling well. Chronic health problems, unfortunately, aren't all that sexy.

Henry has been feeling pretty run down, too, so we haven't had a lot of quality time beyond cuddling up in the evening with a (non-pornographic!) movie. I'm looking forward to this weekend, when Kiddo won't be here and we can have some quality time together with no responsibilities!

Looking forward to tonight, too- Charles is staying over tonight and tomorrow. It's midweek, so it's not like we can play hooky and relax, but it's nice spending the evenings with him and snuggling up at night. And hopefully a little bit more than that, if we're not both too tired!

Someone posed an interesting question today, and I thought I would write about it. I've already written why be married, so how about why be poly? This person was coming at it from the angle that open and poly relationships are primarily for sexual variety only, which I think is a fairly common perspective. People "understand" swinging, even if the idea doesn't appeal to them on a personal level. But the idea of your romantic partner wanting to share love and dates etc with someone else? I can see that being confusing and scary for a lot of people. For that matter, it was scary for me at first, too!

Society conditions us to believe in The One. A soulmate. Your other half. And if your spouse doesn't fulfill all of your romantic needs, that means that something is wrong with your relationship, doesn't it?

But it really doesn't have to mean that. So why am I poly (and open)? Well yes, sexual variety certainly is a thing for me, if that's not obvious. Sex is different with every single partner, and I like experiencing all those differences. Even if we do exactly the same acts, there's different chemistry and energy, and it's always unique. Also, given that I have such a high sex drive, my partners tend to like that there is someone else to tag in, to take care of my needs!

That doesn't really hit the core of why I prefer to be poly, though. At the end of the day, I find that I have had the most richly rewarding experiences seeing the world through someone else's eyes. When you connect with someone intimately enough to learn about them, and what excites them (get your mind out of the gutter just briefly!), and get perhaps a totally different view on something. People are so interesting, and finding out what lights them up makes me happy, too. It gives me a new perspective, and then I can take that back and maybe learn something about myself, too.

Since I've been poly, I've been able to leave myself open to some pretty fantastic experiences. I've dated people that I would never have dated if I was on the Relationship Escalator, because they weren't who I was looking for as a life partner. And if I had done that? I would have denied myself some connections that are so intensely meaningful to me. For that matter, I might not even have dated Henry, and look where that turned out!

Taking the pressure off relationships by allowing each connection to find its own depth, and not insisting that everyone you date has to be a possible long term partner, means that you can have those colourful relationships without worrying where things are going but instead simply enjoying them for what they are.

I feel so lucky that I've had so many wonderful people in my life. Even when the romantic part petered out in two of my previous relationships, we are still very close friends because we built that connection. Letting the relationship find its own level meant that we can still enjoy each other without worrying about labels.

So ultimately, I'm poly because I want to be able to connect deeply and intimately with many people, in a variety of different ways, without artificial constraints. If that leads to kink or sex, then awesome. If not, it can still be pretty fantastic. And I'm okay with that either way. I'm not incomplete if I only have one partner. I am not unsatisfied with one partner, or alone for that matter. I just want to be open to whatever possibilities there are out there to experience, because for me, the most meaningful part of life is exploring the depths of the human heart.