Thoughts

I wonder what it is inside me that has made me miss kink so much. I saw someone's avatar on another website that had a big sign on it that said "Stop- do not call 911! Consensual BDSM going on!" and it made me wonder; what is it about that kind of treatment that turns me on? I'm not a masochist, although I enjoy spankings and am willing to experiment further. I don't enjoy pain for the sake of pain. I have a healthy self esteem and self respect; so why do I enjoy giving up control? I'm not really sure, but it doesn't particularly bother me, either. As long as everyone is consenting to and enjoying the activities, there's no need to overanalyze.

I've been craving bondage lately. I really miss being tied and held captive to a man's desire for me, knowing that he can do whatever he wishes with me. I think a big part of me gets off on the trust, too; knowing that whatever comes will be pleasurable for both of us. Unfortunately, while sex is easy to come by, trust is less so!

I recently put up an ad on a BDSM dating site in the hopes that I could find someone to experiment with. I'm always a little leery because in the kink community, people always recommend playing at a party first. Well, that doesn't necessarily work for me since I enjoy my kink in the context of sex, and some play parties are not sex friendly. While I know that some people enjoy kink for its own sake, I'm not really one of them. If I get turned on, then I want to fuck :) So parties don't really work, but it's always a little nerve wracking doing one on one.

I've been chatting with *Benjamin for a few days, and was very interested in meeting him. I love tall men, and I love feeling small next to them. I'm not particularly tiny at 5'4, but I certainly look that way next to a man who stands 6'6! I enjoyed teasing him and sending him some sexy pictures of me in lingerie until he told me that he couldn't resist and had to come meet me in person.

I was nervous- I haven't explored this side of my personality for months, and never really got too much into it in the past, either. But I've still always felt drawn to it even though I'm not sure how well it would work.

I loved the way that he handled me so easily... I wore heels and still felt little. We had some fabulously hot, sweaty sex, and I certainly enjoyed his oral talents! I'm still not sure where my comfort level is, but I did have fun, so I guess we'll see how things go.