Friday 28 September 2018

What is Love?

... baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Sorry, couldn't resist! But I wanted to write this post partly to allay the fears of some of the hotwife husbands who follow my blog.

When you experience NRE for the first time, after so many years of being in a monogamous relationship, it can be really intoxicating. It's still intoxicating for me, and I know that it's coming and about the pitfalls! So when I see men post about their concern when their wives experience NRE, that they want to put as many barriers up as they can to stop it or prevent it from occurring, it makes me wonder if they consider how destructive it can be to their marriages to behave that way.

NRE isn't real. It is, however, wonderful and passionate and overwhelming. And if you haven't felt that way in so long, it can be really hard to detach yourself from it. Established relationships just don't generally have that intensity (although they can still be pretty freaking awesome- see my last post!).

I truly believe that by putting so many obstacles in the way, then you're only hurting both yourself and your wife. Personally, if I knew that if I ever caught feels that I would have to end things with the person I was fucking, I would never do it again. Why risk heartbreak after heartbreak just for a little sex? I've got a Motorbunny- I can manage on my own just fine, thanks!

Also- what happens the time she catches feelings and doesn't want to let go? Think of the choices that she has. Either another heartbreak, or she starts lying. She has no good option to be happy. Remember that most hotwifing couples started out by the husband trying to talk the wife into it. Not all women just like to sport fuck, and even the ones who do (like me!) can also want more of a connection, too.

I also honestly don't believe that marriages are any less safe when you're monogamous than they are when you're hotwifing. It's all in your mindset. If your wife is leaving you because of NRE or a better fucking, then your marriage was already in trouble. People can form connections with coworkers or someone they meet in a coffee shop or who they sit next to on the bus. Nothing can stop someone from catching your partner's eye- that's the way the world works. What matters is how you both handle it.

Communication is so important in life. I can tell you that in my first marriage, I thought that I was communicating with my ex husband- but we really didn't. We didn't share all our thoughts and feelings. I loved him, but we didn't share that level of connection. I think that especially in alternative relationships where absolutely everything is on the table and negotiable, that people have to be ready to express their needs and wants and boundaries, and be ready to sit with difficult feelings and be able to practice emotional management. You need to be willing to be open and vulnerable with your spouse, and she needs to be willing to do the same with you. The grass grows greenest where you water it; where is most of your emotional energy going?

So, that very long digression brings me back to my title- what is love? Is it the wild passion that we feel during NRE (which can last from 6 months to 2 years depending on a lot of factors)? Is it kissing in the rain and whispering breathless sweet nothings?


It really IS possible to feel NRE with reckless abandon and keep both feet on the ground. Like I've said before, I like to throw myself into all the feels, and experience those passionate highs and amazing rushes. It's wonderful and amazing and I love every single minute of it.

But what is love? Yup- it's the mundane stuff. It's my husband bringing me a new soda when he sees me finish mine. It's him getting up on a Saturday morning to feed kiddo breakfast so I can sleep in a few minutes longer. It's us snuggled in bed watching cheesy TV shows together like we did when we were dating. It's him knowing exactly how I liked to be touched and kissed in bed. It's us staying up far too late talking at night when we should be sleeping because we are enjoying the conversation and our time together.

And I wouldn't trade it for all the passionate highs in the world. Because if you read back in my blog, you'll see I felt the same thing for Henry when we started dating. NRE doesn't last forever. You just have to be lucky enough that there is real love there when it passe- and when it does, don't let it go.

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