Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Changes

So I've been alluding to some upcoming changes, and the most perceptive of my readers may have noticed that I didn't mention Mark in my 2014 recap post.

Basically, you all know Mark is on the road about half the time anyway. When he's gone, he gets to live the high life- fancy hotels, five star restaurants, and no responsibilities once the workday is over beyond having a beer with his coworkers and relaxing and having fun. When he comes home, he said it was like getting hit by a 2x4. He doesn't want responsibility. He doesn't want a little boy asking him to play. He wants to be the big man who can go out and pick up a random woman at a coffee shop and take her home without having to deal with a wife and son at home. Hell, I even suggested that he just get a hotel room when he picks someone up so he can get his needs met, but it wasn't good enough- apparently he thinks it's too hard to pick up random women when he's married. He doesn't want to explain poly, and he's polysexual and not polyamorous anyway- he doesn't want relationships, he wants sex. Relationships are too much work, he says, and he has plenty of friends. So if he can't fuck them, he's not interested.

Our son is too much work for him. He says it was all a mistake, and he just wants to go back to his fun life and forget that he was ever a husband or father. I could forgive him for walking out on me even though I don't really understand it since he could have pretty much everything he wants and still live here, and we'd have a comfortable lifestyle instead of money being tight for both of us, but I could never forgive him for saying he regrets having our son.

I'm not really sure what happened, because this definitely isn't the man I married. The one who told me that kiddo was the best thing that ever happened to him. The one who told me he'd love me forever. The one who told me that my happiness made him happy. This new version has become a lot more self absorbed and hedonistic, and doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself. We've been together for almost 14 years.

So, we're going to be getting a divorce. I keep kiddo, and he rides off into the sunset. I can't imagine leaving your child, not for anything. We want and need different things to be happy, and he no longer wants an active parenting role. And that I can't really understand, since kiddo is the most important thing in the world to me, but it is what it is.

I really have never lived on my own as an adult, and I have a feeling it's going to be a big adjustment. I like cooking a nice meal for a partner, or cuddling up to watch a movie together, or even just having someone to bounce your thoughts off of. Not to mention that it's nice to be able to share childcare and chores.

I'm not sure how long it's actually going to take to get a divorce, and we're still in the process of sorting out all the legal niceties. But, either way, at some point soon I will no longer be a hotwife. That doesn't mean I won't write about my relationships and my BDSM activities here, though. I plan to keep this blog going. Jennifer and Henry both know what's going on, and they've been here giving me support. I am really lucky to have two such wonderful people in my life.

I am not sure yet how my life will change, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. Deep breaths.

19 comments:

  1. Good luck through this difficult time.
    xox

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  2. Based on your lifestyle, that seems too simplistic a reason. There has to be more.

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    1. @Anonymous 9:04, no kidding. Because I don't understand it, his friends don't understand it... they all think he's crazy. If he wanted to be able to go womanize, no problem, as long as he continued treating me with respect, was reasonably discreet, and was safe sexually.

      But, that's what he told me. And since I feel like I don't even know him anymore, I've got no basis to make assumptions about who he is or what he wants.

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  3. Sorry to hear. That is strange and makes no sense. Do you think he has had a health scare recently? I did and I certainly thought about leaving the wife, but never the kids. Those were just what if thoughts though. even if he fell in love with another woman most would think poorly of him leaving his son.

    Sounds crazy.

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  4. Sad. Sorry to hear. Shame that yet another open marriage scenario has tanked. I can relate to him at time. Yes married men are avoided by women who need emotional connection and fear hurt to themselves and other women and children. How men came to have the bad wrap as marital cheats is beyond me as most are hopelessly out of shape and exhausted in mind, money, body, soul and spirit. Also relate to how overbearing returning home can be after a period of solace enjoying calm mentally ordered living. The moment any noisy child walks into any British restaurant dozen of diners get migraines, palpitations and hyper tension.
    Idea -hubby ticks boxes as in the autistic spectrum - overwhelmed by commotion, lack of empathy, lack of emotional connection, poor skills at receiving and processing verbal & aural information. It maybe that talking to an expert in the autistic side could help you make domestic adaptations that would enable hubby to fit in and enjoy more. I've got an autistic kid at home who could pass as highly functional...he might be a fantastic lover to a sexually seasoned woman as he could totally objectively sex and lust and go for it without pussy footing around his/her feelings. I imagine he would be very adventurous. I imagine his socio-communication skills will always be crap.

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  5. Hard to imagine how someone could just say good-bye to their own child.

    It sounds like you are doing the right thing in a situation where you don't have much in the way of choice or control. Best wishes. There will be brighter days down the road.

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  6. So sorry to hear this, but glad you're sharing and can get support from the blog folk. I too wonder what "the rest of the story is." You have grown and changed, and built up the friends and self-confidence that will get you through this!

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  7. Sorry to hear. It sounds like he just needs a break and doesn't understand himself. I think that once his mind clears he'll see things in a different light.

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  8. sounds like a cowardly asshole. pure and simple.

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  9. WOW. I'm so very sorry to read this; #@)(#)(#) :( :( . I can sort of understand walking away from a marriage, but from a Child?!? Has he thought about the decades-long consequences of this, starting from when you have to answer the dreadful question, "Doesn't Dad love me anymore?...". Surely he MUST know how devastating this will be?..

    I can't offer more support than the following, but I did some searches for "walk away father" in the hopes that other folks in your same situation can give you support in the short and long-term times ahead for your family:

    http://www.separatedfamilies.info/home/about-your-children/when-parent-walks-away/
    http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/how-could-my-father-leave/
    http://ehealthforum.com/health/walk-away-father-t138727.html
    http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?156978-How-does-a-father-just-turn-his-back-on-his-kids

    I wish you both the best than can come from this horrid situation :(

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    1. @ Anonymous 18:52, that's the worry that makes me cry at night. Because kiddo deserves much better than this. But I can't control it, so all I can do is love him and try to do the best I can.

      Thanks for the links.

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    2. Have you asked Mark that question, or something similar? What could he say, except look down ashamedly? I'm still flabbergasted.

      You're very welcome, I hope they'll help.

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  10. You make Mark sound so horrible, and call him self absorbed and hedonistic. I challenge you to review your own blog and see if those terms dont apply just a wee bit to your ownself.

    Did you use him to just babysit when he came home? while you were out BDSM'ing and seeing H and J and whoever else? Did you take the time to make him feel special as the husband and leader of your family? Men dont blow things up, and spend the kinda money he is going to spend on this divorce, because everythign is all hunky dory at home.

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    1. Well, apparently they do when they have midlife crises. I have no idea why he made this decision, and it blows my mind since he could basically have everything he wants and stay here.

      I obviously can't write about every detail of my life here. This is a poly/hotwife blog, which means those are the aspects of my life I'm focusing on. Understandably, that means you don't get a clear picture of how my life or my marriage works.
      There's been plenty of self examination, and we've done marriage counselling. So I am quite confident when I say that I don't believe this was about me or my actions. He literally woke up as a different person one day, with different wants and desires. It's to the point where his friends have asked me if he had a head injury, the change was that profound.

      Feel free to believe whatever you wish. I don't particularly care, to be honest. This is my blog and I'll share what I like. Read it or don't.

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    2. Oh, and fuck that "leader of the family" bullshit. Last time I checked, marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

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    3. I'm confused...do you have a son or a daughter?

      Because here is what you said before:

      Thursday, 22 August 2013
      Keeping Myself Busy!
      Mark is camping with our daughter, and I've had the house to myself for the past few days.

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    4. @Anonymous 13:47, why does it matter? I prefer to keep some details to myself so I used them interchangeably.

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  11. Or the majority of your blog is fantasy...

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    1. @Anonymous 20:03, you're welcome to believe whatever you like. I don't particularly care. But if that's the case, why are you here wasting your time?

      Frankly, with all the crap I have to deal with in my life lately, this isn't something I have energy to spend my time on. I write this blog for me, so that I can see how my life has progressed and my way of thinking has changed over time. I also write it so that I can go back and reread the posts I made about some of the wonderful moments in my relationships, and relive them in my mind. If people want to read my blog, awesome. But I wouldn't stop writing if no one ever read another sentence. So, if you do enjoy, then I'm glad that you do. And if not, well, the internet is a big place. I'm sure you can find blogs which are more to your liking.

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