So I'm still behind on my writing, but I think I have a pretty good excuse! I've been having some bad days, but chocolate cures all, right? Well, at least it's a help along the way to waiting for time to heal things. Speaking of which... friends bring chocolate, but amazing girlfriends bring donuts, cookies, and apple crumble, and then share them with you :) Jennifer is pretty fantastic. Not that I eat like that all the time, but a sugar binge or two has definitely been merited a few times lately.
I haven't been able to spend New Year's with friends for years. Mark has always been away for work, and before kiddo was born I'd go with him sometimes but then it was a work party we'd go to and it wasn't really all that fun. Since we had kiddo, I've been visiting family while Mark was away. This year, my mom offered to babysit and told me to go out and have some fun. So I went to see Henry, and we decided to keep things low key but still had fun. His city had a big celebration in the park, with balloon hats for the kids, fireworks, and a live band in front of a skating rink. We had fun, but it was crazy cold so we left around 10pm and we went back to his place to watch the ball drop in Times Square with a couple of bottles of Veuve Cliquot.
So it wasn't a fancy dress up party with lots of excitement. I got to spend the last night of the year with someone I love who I know loves me. And the thought crossed my mind again that there was nowhere I'd rather be but in that moment with him. I am so lucky that I have his support to help me get through this. I don't know how I'd make it alone. It's just so good to have it affirmed that yes, I am worth loving. That I am attractive and sexy. That I am fun and people do want to spend time with me. That I am accepted and wanted for exactly who I am. That I have value as a human being. After everything with Mark, I needed that so badly.
We started off 2015 with one of my favourite things; a wine and cheese picnic. Although unlike the one we had on the lake in October, we picnicked on his bed to stay warm! Two bottles of one of my favourite chardonnays, foccacia bread, coconut brie, smoked gouda, monterey jack, and dill havarti along with soppressata salami, smoked sausage, and black forest ham. It was a decadent way to ring in the new year together. Oh, and some really good German chocolate :)
2014 may have come to an end that I wasn't expecting, and right now it's not easy. I'm trying to take things one day at a time while I figure out where my life is going. But I am going to be able to pick myself up, and make sure I spend time in 2015 surrounding myself with people who care about me and pursuing things that make me happy, along with raising my amazing child. One door may have closed, but life is still full of possibilities.