New Year, New Beginnings

It's been a hard month, but I know I am so lucky to have some amazing people in my life. When Mark decided to leave, I felt blindsided and kind of fell to pieces. Jennifer has been wonderful about being there for me whenever I want to talk, and Henry took time off work and stayed with me for two weeks while kiddo went to stay with my family so I could have some time to deal with the shock. I had a friend ask me the other day, how do you know if someone loves you? They show you. He was there for me when I needed him, for whatever I needed. It meant a lot to me. I have no expectations about my relationship with Henry having to "go somewhere", because I don't necessarily believe in the relationship escalator, but I can tell you that it's meaningful to me, and that I plan to enjoy it for what it is as long as that works for both of us. And I know I am important to him, too, since he took off a week of work with no notice to be there for me. Also, I'm not sure if I wrote about the chain I gave him a couple of months ago. It's a small circle made of black and gold resin with a symbol for a male submissive, on a box link chain. He hasn't taken it off since the day I gave it to him.

So I'm still behind on my writing, but I think I have a pretty good excuse! I've been having some bad days, but chocolate cures all, right? Well, at least it's a help along the way to waiting for time to heal things. Speaking of which... friends bring chocolate, but amazing girlfriends bring donuts, cookies, and apple crumble, and then share them with you :) Jennifer is pretty fantastic. Not that I eat like that all the time, but a sugar binge or two has definitely been merited a few times lately.

I haven't been able to spend New Year's with friends for years. Mark has always been away for work, and before kiddo was born I'd go with him sometimes but then it was a work party we'd go to and it wasn't really all that fun. Since we had kiddo, I've been visiting family while Mark was away. This year, my mom offered to babysit and told me to go out and have some fun. So I went to see Henry, and we decided to keep things low key but still had fun. His city had a big celebration in the park, with balloon hats for the kids, fireworks, and a live band in front of a skating rink. We had fun, but it was crazy cold so we left around 10pm and we went back to his place to watch the ball drop in Times Square with a couple of bottles of Veuve Cliquot.

So it wasn't a fancy dress up party with lots of excitement. I got to spend the last night of the year with someone I love who I know loves me. And the thought crossed my mind again that there was nowhere I'd rather be but in that moment with him. I am so lucky that I have his support to help me get through this. I don't know how I'd make it alone. It's just so good to have it affirmed that yes, I am worth loving. That I am attractive and sexy. That I am fun and people do want to spend time with me. That I am accepted and wanted for exactly who I am. That I have value as a human being. After everything with Mark, I needed that so badly.

We started off 2015 with one of my favourite things; a wine and cheese picnic. Although unlike the one we had on the lake in October, we picnicked on his bed to stay warm! Two bottles of one of my favourite chardonnays, foccacia bread, coconut brie, smoked gouda, monterey jack, and dill havarti along with soppressata salami, smoked sausage, and black forest ham. It was a decadent way to ring in the new year together. Oh, and some really good German chocolate :)

2014 may have come to an end that I wasn't expecting, and right now it's not easy. I'm trying to take things one day at a time while I figure out where my life is going. But I am going to be able to pick myself up, and make sure I spend time in 2015 surrounding myself with people who care about me and pursuing things that make me happy, along with raising my amazing child. One door may have closed, but life is still full of possibilities.