Well, I've been feeling pretty thinky again, so looks like this blog is back to being active again, at least for now!
I was chatting with a friend, and she asked me how I define a relationship. So I'm going to open this one to the gallery before I share my thoughts- how do you define a romantic relationship? What makes it different than a friends with benefits type connection? And before you say love, let's assume this is before love develops, so in the early stages.
For that matter, how do you define love? Here I definitely have had some arguments with people who have differing definitions! I know someone who wants to expand love to just about anything- including how she feels if she has a one time fling on vacation! To me, if I want lasagna, I don't order "pasta"; I tell someone exactly what I want. If you broaden words to make the definition too wide, they cease to be useful in communication. I also feel that it's almost disrespectful to serious romantic relationships to use the same word for lust or NRE or any other short lived form of excitement. What do you think?
Charles came over again the other night, making this date #4. We hung out for a while and did other activities that we mutually enjoy, before the sexual tension started to build and this time he was ready to come upstairs with me. I don't know how long we were in the bedroom... it didn't feel like very long but I get the impression a lot of time passed! It was so good.
And of course, I adore partners who love licking cunt! He told me that he loves the way my pussy tastes, and no woman ever dislikes hearing that. I think it's probably something that most of us are sensitive about, and since Henry is much more a fan of using his fingers than his mouth, I suppose a little part of me was anxious about how Charles would enjoy me. But oh, enjoy me he did! His face was coated with pussy juice when he finally came up for air. I had some lovely, almost relaxing orgasms.
The first time with someone new is always a bit about feeling them out, seeing what they like and how you fit together. Sex with everyone is a little different, and it's fun exploring their body and all the nuances.
I'm looking forward to seeing Charles again soon :) He's been on my mind a lot lately- NRE in full force I think! It's funny how early it hits- I didn't realize it would be so soon. I thought you kinda had to get hooked on someone before it started crazymaking. But, I'm going to enjoy the ride while it lasts...
A very interesting question and I hope you get some replies. That is something I am trying to sort out in my own life. I am an 83 year old widower. We were married 59 years when my wife died just over three years ago and I am just starting to get back in the "dating" thing. I know more about what I don't want than what I want. I am not looking to get married again, I am not looking to live in with anyone and I am not looking for a long term committed relationship. I would like to meet a person with a little chemistry flowing, has some similar interest, similar values, etc. I enjoy movies, dinner out, dancing,music concerts (all types Country to opera). I also enjoy a stay home evening watching a TV movie, a little kissing, cuddling and I would not object to getting naked a screwing. But I am rusty at reading those signals. We were swingers for about 30 years and I was aware of how the game was played. But now nor so much. And that brings me to your relationship question. If we have sex, what does that say about the relationship. For me non swinging sex signals some kind of relationship commitment. What do you and your readers think? Interesting
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose a life partner after having so much life entanglement!
DeleteHonestly though? I hope that if I live so long, that I still have your desire to get back out there and meet new people and get naked. I think that is pretty amazing! I am sure you will find your feet again :)
I am not sure I feel that sex defines a relationship, for me; I am sure others feel otherwise. I have sex with friends sometimes purely for the pleasure of doing so, and it doesn't change the relationship from a friendship for me. So I find it interesting to try and pinpoint what is the thing that does it? I think it's good to be thinky sometimes.
Thanks for participating and I hope you stick around!
From your writing, I can tell you will have some wonderful times. I wish you every success! One of the pivotal moments of my life was realizing I could have sex without loving someone. Prior to that, it had been about showing a man my love for him by pleasing him. When my old flame set me on fire and moved far away, I was left to find an outlet for my sexual energy and experimented and it freed me to please the man and myself and is SO MUCH BETTER. I'm rather averse to the L-word for a number of reasons, so I am lucky to be able to have sex and not get mixed up in all that!
DeleteMost all of our swinging partners were friends and some are friends to this day although distance and age, etc we are not having sex. When we met these friends to have sex everyone knew this was recreational. But when you go out with a single woman several times it is difficult to know exactly what she is thinking.
ReplyDeleteMy best advice there is to ask what she's thinking, then. It's so easy to make assumptions that just don't line up. I'm a big fan of straightforward communication. Usually my partners appreciate it :)
DeleteI agree that if you include lust or NRE in your love definition it is stepping on the long-term romantic love. I would think in most relationships with hot wives or cuckolds that using the love term with a date or boyfriend would crank up the Angst to potentially unbearable levels. Would your husband be okay with you saying you are in love with a boyfriend? Even if the love was a small l instead of a capital l?
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous 4:53, thanks for sharing your opinion. I think that, if anything, we need to create new words so that definitions can be narrower and more descriptive.
DeleteI agree that most hotwife/cuckold relationships would probably get a charge out of using the word "love" but admit that it irks me a little bit. But then again, I don't like playing with feelings the same way.
Yes, my husband would be okay with me saying I was in love with a boyfriend, whether small or capital L. Although I personally differentiate further by saying I love someone versus I am in love with someone. I love lots of friends. I love lasagna. I am in love with people I have romantic relationships with.
Henry and I do not believe that feelings for other people diminish what is between the two of us. People are not interchangeable. We also agree that making rules about feelings can put people in impossible situations. You can't set rules for the human heart, and when someone does develop feelings, you're asking them to shut down what is likely a meaningful connection out of fear of losing that person. (Also, it's not very kind to the third person who is not considered at all!) And it definitely encourages dishonesty, which is not the way you want to build a relationship. It's very easy to say, oh, if I develop feelings I'll stop, and MEAN it... but then you get there and you're so caught up with the new person and happy and overflowing with NRE and you don't want it to stop. And even the most honest person in the world would think twice, I think. We just don't think it's even fair, that you get to go and explore new exciting things and as soon as something out of your control happens- it's over. That doesn't sound like much fun to me and I wouldn't have a relationship under those parameters because I think I would just keep getting hurt.
While we do believe in hierarchy, and have chosen to build a life together and to put our family first, we both genuinely want the other person to be happy. When you look back on your life (or at least we perceive it so), you won't remember your stuff or your fancy cars; you'll remember the connections that are meaningful to you. So we don't believe in limiting the intensity of the connections we make in that regard.
What we do have is personal boundaries, which we've discussed and codified into a written document so that there are no miscommunications. We stay checked in and talk about our feelings. Honestly, I think that's one of the benefits of alternative lifestyles- is the need to actually communicate about wants and needs rather than just assuming the societal standard. You get to construct the type of relationship that meets your needs.
Sorry for the long reply- but I really felt the need to clarify because I think especially in hotwifing, people seem to fear feelings. I don't think it is nearly as awful a thing as some seem to think. If people are going to cheat or fall out of love, they will do that regardless- it happens every day. There is no way to affair proof your marriage short of shoving your spouse in a locked box, and I doubt they would love you very much then if you did.
So, in short- I am fairly certain my husband is expecting me to fall in love with someone else at some point. He knows I am pretty heavily into NRE with Charles, and so far Charles seems pretty taken with me. But it's only been a month, so we'll see how it goes!