Whew!

Well, it has been one hot August... and not just the outside temperature! I've been really happy lately and I'm glad that life has slowed down enough for me to get back to exploring my sexuality. It wasn't fun having to put it on the shelf for as long as I did, but I still think it was the right choice at the time. But now? The leash is off, baby!

I've really been enjoying my time with Charles, and he's making a point to show me how much he's been enjoying being with me. We've been seeing each other twice a week, which has been a good amount to build our connection and continue getting to know each other. It helps that Henry likes him, too, and he seems to like or at least get along with Henry. We've hung out as a group a couple of times, which I've enjoyed. It was awesome sitting at the dining room table and chatting, and the two of them each took one of my hands. Made me feel really good :)  I am more than okay being shared!

And visions of bareback threesomes dance through my head... because who am I kidding, I might be polyamorous, but in the end, it nearly always comes down to sex for me. I've never liked how a lot of poly people deemphasize sex so much. I'm pretty sure it's to differentiate themselves more from the swingers or other nonmonogamous practitioners, but I'm rather of the opinion that it's silly to shove another group out from under the umbrella just because you do things a little differently. Alternative relationships are all awesome, as long as everything is consensual and everyone is happy with how it's going. You do you, right? And you define those parameters yourself! It's why I consider myself to be both open and poly- I like to have the freedom to connect with people in any way happens to work for me/us, from a one night stand to a long term romantic relationship.

But, I digress! Sex for me is definitely an important part of how I connect with someone, although the way I do it varies depending on my energy with the person. Do I sport fuck? Absolutely. Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I love the occasional random hookup with a stranger because it's fun and pleasurable. Am I bonding with that person? Nope; I likely never want to see them again, unless they were really good and not weird/clingy. Do I fuck friends? Also absolutely. In that case, it's just a fun physical activity between people who like each other. I'd almost say it's not that much different from other BDSM play, at least to me. It is fun, but generally doesn't deepen our connection or enhance intimacy- it's just an enjoyable activity with someone whom I am already connected in at least some way to. Then, of course, there's sex in the context of a romantic relationship, where it does enhance intimacy and connection and bonding... all those delightful chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin which just don't come out otherwise. So in a romantic relationship, I absolutely need regular sex to keep my intimate connection with someone. Think of me like the quote typical man unquote who needs sex to feel love. So sex is a big part of my intimate connection, and I'm totally okay with needing it. It's one reason I would never be happy with a primary partner who wanted to be totally cuckolded or not allowed to fuck me- I need the fucking, and people are not interchangeable.

Charles hasn't seemed to be coming over just for fun times, which I appreciate (despite liking the fun times). I already wrote about how he had wanted to wait to have sex, and in hindsight I am glad that we did, although I wouldn't go out of my way to do that in the future. But every relationship is different, and I think this worked well for us. He's hung out with me on a night I was too tired to have sex and we still had fun, and then this past week he offered to help us move some new furniture that we got. Henry and I got a new bedroom set as a wedding gift, and it is gorgeous- a solid wood four poster bed (that he is going to adjust into a bondage bed, squee!), and matching nightstands and dressers. So really, really heavy! And Charles and Henry did the heavy lifting and worked together to make my bedroom an awesomely happy place for me.

And the best part? After everything was all put in place, of course I had to show Charles I was grateful to him for his help, right? ;)  So I took him upstairs and we christened that new bed for three hours. So glad to have a headboard now!